I've been in the peri-menopausal thing for about 5 years and it is not fun -but it's not awful either. Seems I have no brain anymore - words I know don't come to mind when I need them to, I can't sleep anymore, the hot flashes can be shockingly sudden and intense, etc.
What I've discovered is that when I am "off" sugar I do better, less hot flashes & less intensity, better sleep, etc. When I succumb to the desire for chocolate or a trip to the bakery I am worse off.
There are no supplements or diets that work one way or the other - except getting off sugar. I try to eat a big salad as either lunch or dinner aabout 5 days of the week and that seems to help too - having lots of veggies.
As I entered perimenopause I also began a sensitivity to gluten and my gut can get pretty large when I'm "enjoying" pasta, semolina bread, etc. And when I am disciplined to not eat the gluten my stomach gets flatter and I no longer look like I'm 6 months pregnant. (I had a washboard stomach before kids...I had my kids at age 37 & 40 and have never been the same since...)
My wardrobe has changed drastically to accomodate the hot flashes (or "power surges" as I prefer to call them). I wear a lot of collared cotten shirts as they breathe, they don't stick to my body like cotton jersey. I began buying pants & jeans at NYDJ (not your daughters jeans) since they fit the way my body is these days. And I wear layers. I've found myself in the midst of a rising power surge in a conference room with client executives. Since I cant' pour cold water over my head, but I can take my jacket off I wear short sleeved blouses under the suit jackets. In my office I use wraps - they are easier to slip on and off my shouldres to adjust to my heating / cooling cycle...
The night sweats and lack of sleep are another issue - I sleep in PJ pants and my husband's cotton T-shirts these days. I use a down comforter with a cotton duvet cover - not tucked in. That way I can stick my feet out as a temperature adjustment method. I will still wake up drenched occasionally - but wearing 100% cotton helps a lot. I also dry to drink a lot of water before bed - counterintuitive since I always need to pee - but I'm going to get up at 4 AM anyway - so I'm more comfortable having drunk a bottle of water.
The worst of it is that when you finally get this freedom from monthly cycles and bleeding, the drop in estrogen also affects your blood pressure, cholesterol and even wrinkles on your face!!!! It is so NOT fair. ;o)
While it's a pain in the butt I would still take this and the menstrual cycle as the trade off to be able to be pregnant and be the child-bearer. I look at it as the payment for the privilege. I wish I could have had a few more babies - but I got started too late.
Good luck mama. This stuff just is not easy!