I'm not sure why this makes me so crazy. Tickets to the annual dance recital at the school where my daughter takes classes will go on sale this morning. Some parents have been camped out in front of the studio since early evening yesterday. Some pitched gazebo-type tents because it was raining last night. This happens every year. We usually go to buy our tickets mid-day on the day they go on sale, not to have to stand on lines around the block. We always get decent seats in the local high school auditorium and are able to see her performance in the three-or-so minutes she twirls around the stage.
It's none of my business what the other parents are doing, but like I said, it makes me crazy. As a mental health professional, I feel like this is giving the wrong message to kids. They need us to make them feel loved and special, but not grow up with the sense that they are rock stars! Isn't this giving them unrealistic expectations for the future? I would love to hear others' opinions.
Thank you to so many moms who weighed in on this issue. We weren't able to buy our tickets until after the first sale day, and we'll be sitting in row 15 on the aisle of a very large auditorium, so we'll be able to see everything well. It was nice to hear about the dance schools that offer recitals free of charge or as part of the dance tuition. These tickets were $20/each; to purchase the DVD of the recital (if we decide to) will be $30; to put a 'good luck' message in the program will be another $25 or more; and we've already paid inflated prices for the costumes and photos.
This is the first time I posted a question for feedback and for the most part, this was a positive experience. I welcomed those opinions that differed from my own and it was helpful to hear some alternative interpretations of the situation. What was disheartening however, were the few unnecessary personal attacks. I openly acknowledged that I was confused by my strong reaction and that what others do is none of my business; I thought this would be a safe place to hear what others think and maybe change my point of view so as not to negatively judge the actions of these other parents. How ironic to have been judged myself for sharing my thoughts!
Thanks again for your input!
Actually it sounds like they need a few more hobbies or interests other than their children. What normal person has the time to camp out just to have bragging rights on I got the best seat or does the best seat equal I love my child more than the guy behind me?
No I don't think it would give an unrealistic point of view. It's silly, but maybe it's their way of doing fun things together and to do different things other than dinner and a movie, or their usual activities. I think it's a way to create memories.
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As a mental health professional, I'm sure you have seen worse. Like parents abusing their kids, or neglecting them, or not able to bond with them. What's the big deal about some parents that want to get the best seats? I wish my parents had been involved enough to even SHOW UP at my events.
Not to sound rude, but what can a parent do right these days? Not involved enough...bad parent. Too involved...bad parent. Geesh, give parents a break!
I have worked (in various capacities) with a number of dance companies. I will tell you that the dance companies with the best product, ie best quality dancers, didn't play up the hype nearly as much as those who wound up showing more "booty shaking" than quality dance. With your camping out situation, I would take a very hard look at the company (school) and ask myself if they are playing into the hype to perhaps disguise less-than-quality dancers.
I was a box office manager for a number of years and was closely involved with the rentals of our facility (a 1,000 seat auditorium that was the venue for at least five dance company recitals every year.) None of these companies ever tried to do reserved seating for their shows (and some of them were flat out bug nuts, but not so much so to attempt that without the proper system in place.)
IMO, there should be two tickets included with the cost of your child's tuition and additional tickets can be purchased for aunts, uncles, visiting dignitaries.... but to try to do so with reserved seating is insane. Additionally, as Front of House Manager, I always allowed parents an area at the back of the seating to set up their video cameras, but never from the seating where it would impede the view of those behind them.
Um, does this mean I don't love my kid enough if I think this is completely stupid? LOL!
It does sound a bit over indulgent but if they dont have anything better to do than make an over-statement about their kids recital lettem have their fun. More than anything it's probably an excuse for them to do something a little "crazy" rather than go on a REAL camping trip.
People do silly things to get front row seats I suppose. I'm sure it's for camera moments.
Oh girl, this brings back memories for me from just last weekend LOL While not as extreme, my daughter's middle school drama club put on a musical version of Beauty and the Beast and my daughter had the part of Belle so it was so important to me to be as close as possible to get good video of her performance. My husband went up to the school about a half hour before they opened the gates and there were already two other dads there too. When they did open the gates at 6:00 there were tons of people there waiting and it was really an all out mad dash to get to the ticket table...my husband came through for us and we had second row seats with a great view....no other time have we tried so hard to get close but this was special because my daughter had several solos and I don't know if she'll ever have this special opportunity again in her school days and I wanted REALLY good video :-)
Must be quite a recital!
I don't know what these parents' motives are, but I do remember when I was a kid (back when dinosaurs roamed the earth) and my parents sent my sister and me to Girl Scout camp. There was very limited space, and I was told that my dad would stand in line at the Post Office before it opened - but not all night - so that our applications would be postmarked with the right date and get on their way as soon as possible.
Maybe these parents are afraid that tickets might sell out...? Has that happened in the past? Or maybe they are having a tailgate party (of sorts) in that line! If my child were a dancer and mentioned the line of parents, I'm afraid I'd be impolite enough to laugh at them. :^)
if there aren't enough seats for all of the parents/families, they should move the event to a different location. having to camp out to see your own kid perform (and i assume you PAY for the classes!?!?) is so ridiculous it's almost funny. almost.
I personally think that's crazy, but I don't understand why it would make you crazy. What's wrong with kids knowing their parents consider them super-special??!!! I don't think it will give them unrealistic expectionations at all - in fact, give those kids a few years, and they'll probably be embarrassed if not mortified by the attention (as most teens are!). Let them have them fun, especially since it's not affecting your abilitiy to get tickets.
omg-now I have heard it all! LOL
The thing is so many parents today are really and truly living through their kids. Their children are a direct extension of themselves. Can you imagine OUR parents doing that? Hell to the no.
That's the weirdest thing I've heard all day. You don't see that in the mid west.
Why would it be okay for parents to spend the night or stand in line for a long period of time to see so-called "celebrities", but not okay to do it for their children?
If I were going to do that for anybody it would be my kids!
What area of mental health do you practice? I hope it's not family or child therapy.
Anyway, I was unaware that parents have pay to see their offspring perform. Sounds like the problem isn't the parents' actions, but the schools' process. And actually, camping out sounds like it would be fun. I'm picturing those parents drinking hot cocoa, taking pics, posting humorous updates on 'facebook', making new friends, laughing, joking and having a swell time. I'm picturing you as a buttoned-up, sour-faced, bitter woman with her hair pulled back in a severe bun (like a younger version the stepmother in Disney's 'Cinderella'), who goes around making sure everyone knows that she is a "mental health professional", yet, whose use of the word "crazy" is questionable. Perhaps their harmless actions were actually causing you to feel... jealous? P.S. To answer your question: No, I don't think it sets an unrealistic expectation. It's the kids' own parents, family and friends at the show. If their parents had hired seat fillers or fans then you might have been onto something with the "unrealistic expectations" bit.
I don't believe I would ever spend the night out for tickets to some event for my kid but then again I might. It is nice to be loved and doted on.
As for unrealistic expectations for the future, we all have to learn how to deal with life's disappointments for ourselves but it is all the more easier with a supportive family. Kudos to those parents that make those kinds of sacrifices for the sake of their kids as long as they are balancing out some of this kind of craziness with practical things too.
I agree that this is crazy! Why doesn't the school allow a certain amount of tickets to be sold per child and then if you need extras, you could just call or come to the ticket booth to purchase more. This setup seems crazy to me.
M
That's crazy! Maybe it's a NJ thing...do you think? I have never heard of this where I live. Anyway - I agree with you.
Plain old crazy.
I never liked the high price of recital tickets when my dds were in dance (seriously, I had already shelled out a fortune for lessons and costumes!), but at least they were handled civilly.
We paid for admission in advance, and sat wherever there were open seats. And the auditoriums we used were always larger than we'd ever need.
Personally, I'd find a new dance studio. One firmly grounded in reality!
Wow, my girls dance and we DO NOT do this! We pay a small fee to help offset the cost of the auditorium and we can invite as many people as we want. The doors open an hour beforehand and you get what you get (and don't throw a fit :-)). If your experience was happening at my studio, I think I'd have to reconsider them dancing . . . WAY too much pressure. But then, to each his own!
I think this is a crazy thing to do. No wonder kids today are so spoiled. I am 48 and raised in a different era so this probably is not the answer you were looking for. I came from the Babyboomer generation and was one of 4 children so we were not coddled. I was the oldest so after my dance recital bombed my Mom never enrolled my younger sisters in it. I remember being terrified and it is a bad memory I will never forget. Being dressed up and put on a stage in front of a bunch of strangers and expected to remember all those dance steps. I was a shy child and dance was not for me but something my mother wanted me to do. I suppose if I was an outgoing child that enjoyed dancing it may have been fun. Now the kids seem to be more into gymnastics and those don't have any high pressure recitals like dance does.
I've never heard of this, but I had SO MUCH FUN back before the internet when we'd camp out for tickets (to get general admission but on the floor), then leave school early and "camp" to get great spots in line, then RUN RUN RUN and jump off the little stair case to get front row, center stage. It was FUN, adventurous, something you were doing with your friends and meeting other people, having a laugh, plenty of time to talk, lol. Nowadays you can be lazy, wake up at your normal time, eat a doughnut at the computer and wait til the box office opens and make a few clicks and there, you've got your tickets. Just not the same. MAYBE these are just some parents that wanna relive the fun days? I dunno. But I grew up in a town that loved them some tail gating! We set up little tents for about anything, would cook some gumbo and have that warming up and walk over to someone else's tent and chat to them and get a little jambalaya, go visit some other people and come back with crawfish, just a social fun little time.....for nothing more than a school parade or something, lol. MAYBE that's what they're doing? All that said, I just don't have the time or energy so I probably wouldn't be doing that....unless it was a state or national competition and I had some friends to do it with. Leave the men at home with the kids and we have a girls night for tickets or something. (ha) Yeah, I'd be down for that, if that's what it was about.
Just a response to the "why do you have to pay to see kids' recitals" question. In some cases, yes, you do. For a piano recital involving one teacher's handful of private students, or a school orchestra concert, of course not. But larger shows require a larger space and that space must be paid for.
Our ballet school's recital is not just a recital for parents but a show, advertised in the newspapers etc. and open to the public. The dance school must pay to rent the theatre (in one theatre's case it is thousands of dollars to rent) and in some cases, theaters require renters also to pay for the time of a house manager and/or custodian who belong to the theatre and whom the renters must employ. So the schools do have to charge parents for tickets (just like the general public) if the kids are going to dance on a real stage and not just in the class studios. I do not begrude the studio selling tickets in any way.
As for the situation with the post here about waiting in line all night -- that's simply ridiculous and sounds like the actions of a few overly anxious stage parents. I would bet that the show doesn't fill every single seat in the auditorium and this overnight waiting is about getting THE specific seats they must have. The poster is right to buy the tickets on her time and in her way and not feel she must camp out for them. If her daughter keeps dancing and has increasingly larger parts she may want to turn up earlier but overnight? Probably not! I'd hope the dance school might say something to parents about it.
I agree with Christina.. The price of the Recital was always part of the Tuition.. It was always held in a huge auditorium so always a ton of seats, Everybody could invite as many people as you wanted.. They are just little kids, learning to dance..
Odd.. to wait out over night.
You have to buy tickets to your kids' recitals now? When my daughter was taking dance and piano, recitals were open affairs with a two-fold purpose - to let the kids show off what they could do, and to drum up new business for the teacher.
The only time I had to buy a ticket to see my daughter perform was school plays.
You, as a mental health professional, should know that golden rule: we can't control the actions of others, all we can do is control ourselves.
I personally don't know that these kids will grow up with the sense they are 'rock stars'. Think about it: when their favorite performer comes into town, is it a bunch of parents waiting on line and sleeping outdoors? Noooo... it's teens. Cool teens. Cool young adults. NOT Boring Old Parents. (Not to be insulting, but I work with kids and know what they think of us-- and most often Boring and Old fit the description.:) ) If their friends and The Cool Kids are not waiting on line, I don't think I'd worry about any youngster getting any big ideas of stardom.
Now, ask me if I don't think that there are 'stage parents' who will contribute to the same problem, regardless of sleeping outside overnight, and give their kids a big head? Tee hee...
If it were me, I'd just chalk it up to their silliness and let it go. Pat yourself on the back for not being so "gotta get the BEST seats", having the wisdom to sleep in your own bed, and keeping it real.... and then, keep it real and don't let it bug you so much. Instead of allowing it to "make you crazy", see if you can consider a different response. like throwing back your head and laughing at how damn silly the whole thing is.
Either they are overly competitive , or just overly involved. Either way,I would rather have them be involved in some way with their children, then not show up at all. That I think would damage a child even more.
My city does this. I don't know if they actually sleep over night but there are parents there four hours or so before the box opens and even going in with in a two hour range of when tickets go on sale you will wait for HOURS. I chose not to have my daughter dance again then next year after experiencing this.
We paid for classes, we paid through the nose for costumes, I had to pay extra because they didn't make tights in the color and size my daughter was supposed to have so i had to get them myself. If we chose to we could have paid $50 for a half page add in the program, we could have paid through the nose again for professional picts. we were given ONE ticket to the show but had to pay for the other parent and any siblings, grandparents etc, plus the venue was so large you really did need to have good seats to be able to pick out which kid in the gold lame tutu was yours. Then you had to sit for four hours while kids as young as 3, up through the college age arial teams performed. It was truely truely an awful extravaganza. If my daughter had been more interested i would have looked around for a smaller mom and pop studio that would have made us feel special not just one of a kajillion kids.
I think stuff like this does send the wrong sort of message, dance should be fun and cute and good exercise, not a circus.
Strange, very strange... They must be damn good dancers! ;)
I agree it sounds crazy but if they tend to sell out on the first day or something I can see doing it especially if you wouldn't be able to get them tomorrow afternoon. Shame on them for allowing this to happen. They could not allow it and have the police make people leave.
Im thinking about this, and have decided Id love an evening away from home and maybe these parents just need a night away..lol..Tell hubby to stay with the kids and get out and party with some friends on the sidewalk. geesh a bit overboard maybe...
I also had never heard of having to pay for a recital, but then, I did pay for tickets for my sons music programs in HS. As parents you paid for their costumes, uniforms, their musical instruments, their trips across the country, sometimes out of the country, and we have to do fund raisers to earn more money, and make cookies to sell at the show, (and buy back our own cookies at intermission)and then we have to buy a ticket to see what weve been paying for all along too. But it somehow all feels worth it when you see the outcome. I dont know if grade school, or younger is really enough talent to make it seem ok, but we love our kids so we do it. Ive been asked to go to the dance recital of a 4 yr old neighbor girl. I will be more than happy to go and show her how much I care but I was really shocked when I heard the tickets are $12. It turns out there are several other performances going on around town that same night and other places charge less for the space and this dance group got their requests in too late and are now stuck with the most expensive place in town that had room for them. What a shame. Id pay $12 to see HS kids because theyve put so many years in learning what they do, but a 4 year old? Not so sure, but Im going anyway.
Wow, that is strange. I know people do it for concert tickets, but I've never heard of this. Yes it is sending kids the wrong message and where are the kids while parents are sleeping in line for tickets lol? They could've just spent time with their kids instead of waiting for tickets. Some people really over do it. Hopefully those kids don't develop unrealistic expectations for the future because of it. Maybe it is their way of having fun which is cool but it's still odd to me. Makes me wonder how much pressure is on the kids, how competitive they are making the kids (like too competitive), and if their practices are too pushy... or if it's just the parents lol.
I agree it's ridiculous. They are children and have not developed enough sense of proportion - the parents are turning their fun dance program into a huge competition.
Suggest a lottery system or an on-line purchasing system.
You are right - from a mental health standpoint, it puts way too much pressure on the kids. The dance people ought to be ashamed of not nipping this in the bud.
Wow, I' m really speechless...this is news to me.
I had no idea that parents were behaving this way in front of and for their kids.
Are you saying that the motivation behind the camp out is to treat their kids as if they were rock stars? So this is what adults do when they really want tickets to a big event, is they camp out at the ticket office?
At first I thought that there were never enough seats for the dance recital so in order just to receive a ticket lines formed earlier and earlier. But that is clearly not the case if you receive tickets on the same day.
Honestly, this news has just solidified my mindset about the horrible types of parenting and role-modeling and it's subsequent message and long term consequences going on amongst us.
What will these children expect in the future from friends and family? We already know, these girls will become the Bridezillas and not just want but need to be spoiled and idolized in most events in their lives. And who will pay?
I am so thankful for our kids dance teachers. She just has each child pay a fee and then she rents the building the recital is in. It is free to the public. The fee is usually around $40 and includes recital invitations and envelopes. Costumes and everything else is another fee. All together our girl that is dancing has a recital cost, for 2 costumes/numbers and fees, of about $130.00.
I have invited half the town. We have maybe 20 that have said yes they plan on being there so far and about 10 that said maybe. The rest haven't responded yet. The place has a balcony and a huge seating area.
I can't imagine how weird this is for the parents in your dance studio.
That sound a bit crazy to me to be honest.
I didn't read the responses but that does sound completely ridiculous! Why wouldn't the dance school make other arrangements so that every parent has equal chance to see their child?
My daughter does competitive cheer & at most competitions, when its time for your child's performance they open the first few rows as a VIP section for the parents to watch their own child perform. Maybe suggest that to the dance school? Standing in line over night is crazy in my opinion.
When my daughter did ballet, they had a system to avoid this problem. The kids in class would pick numbers randomly out of an envelope and the parents had to purchase the seats according to what number they had. The parents still had to show up and wait around for their number to be called because if they weren't there they'd lose their place. It still kind of sucked, but a mom of an older student said when her daughter started parents would wait in line all night to be able to purchase the best seats and that it was a madhouse. Crazy. Luckily, my daughter lost interest in dance so I don't have to deal with this anymore.
That is insane!!!!! Not much more I can say on this issue. My goodness if
you get seats in the back of the auditorium, lets face it, when your child
is up there, you run up the aisle to watch and take pictures. Why would
you spend the night on the street?
One of at least a dozen reasons my daughter is not in dance...
yep. definitely would never do this.
Some people just NEED to sit up front.
I don't NEED to sit up front. I just need a seat somewhere in the auditorium.
YMMV
LBC
i agree these parents have nothing better to do you can see from all over and in some you can move up front for your kids proformance and can buy a video i never waited on line just took what was available
That is crazy. The last time I did that, I was 18 and it was for season hockey tickets.
