I would love some book recommendations, particularly dealing with raising boys. My son's only 3 so just books dealing with general issues and things I should keep in mind as a parent while raising a boy.
I grew up mainly around girls. I have a sister and most of my cousins were girls so I feel I'm don't know much when it comes to how boys are or how they think. Of course, I had friends who were boys, but still.
I also have a 5.5 year old daughter so I also welcome book recommendations for raising a girl.
Thank you!
I guess I should've phrased it better. I already have books on general milestones and developmental stages, but wanted recommendations on books that can better help me understand what's going on in my son's head and why he does what he does. I guess I'm looking for insight? And I have and love the How to Talk books (I have both the regular kid version and the one for ages 2-7). I also have Everyone Poops, which both my daughter and son have read.
Yes, boys are human beings just like girls. And yes, a boy and a girl might be different, not because of their gender, but because they are two different children. I am very intentional about staying away from stereotypes, which I think is why my daughter prefers super heroes over Barbies, but there are definitely some gender differences and I want to embrace them as well.
ETA
I also already have and read the Love and Logic book. I’m not looking for books on discipline. I think JB understood exactly where I was coming from.
Raising Boys by Steven Bidduloh was one of my favorites... It really helped me better understand what was going on in my son's life.
I don't think you need separate books for boys - I think it helps to be aware of what our society teaches boys (and teaches us about boys) but I think the differences between two boys are just as likely to be major, rather than differences between girls and boys. I think you perceive there to be a huge difference when there really isn't nearly as much of a divide as commonly assumed. The more you steer away from stereotypes, the happier you will be and the more well-balanced your son will be, IMHO. We totally avoided those gender-based assumptions, and we raised a sports- and engineering-oriented son who has great gentleness, sensitivity and affection.
What I think would be very helpful is some good, age-appropriate books over the years to help you deal with anatomy and body-function questions specific to boys. But you can get great recommendations from a good children's librarian about what they have on site or can borrow from other libraries in the system) without having to purchase anything now.
If your 3 year old is not fully potty trained, "Everyone Poops" is a classic.
My biological children are all boys and I have a step-daughter as well. I've found several books to be particularly helpful in general and some for raising boys specifically. Some won't really be relevant until your kids are older.
Raising Cain: Protecting the Emotional Life of Boys by Michael Thompson and Dan Kindlon - this does a great job of talking about raising boys who are comfortable feeling and expressing emotion, etc.
Masterminds and Wingmen by Rosalind Wiseman - this is by the same author who wrote Queen Bees and Wannabees, which is also great. Both are excellent looks at the social hierarchy and lives of adolescent boys and girls, respectively. The author recently gave an excellent talk at a local school that was really insightful.
The Trouble with Boys: A Surprising Report Card on Our Sons, Their Problems at School, and What Parents and Educators Must Do by Peg Tyre - this was a very eye-opening look at how boys are struggling in many school settings and some suggestions for how to get boys moving in the same successful direction we've seen girls move over the past few decades.
While of course every child is different, I did find that reading about research about gender norms, things that are common struggles, stereotypes, etc. was helpful in understanding their world. At the end of the day, while I have brothers and men/boys in my life, I've never been part of the pack of boys running around the playground chasing and one-upping each other. I've never been in a boys' locker room. I've never found playing with cars or dinosaurs or trains or video games for hours on end to be entertaining. I've never been subjected to messages that it's not OK to cry or that succeeding in school is a bad thing. The reality is that the world treats boys and girls differently and there's nothing wrong with a mom deciding that she wants to understand the world of her sons more.
Youre a mom. We can easily nurture both sexes, that's what we are already equipped to do.
Not sure why you need a book. I never used one and I have two boys that are grown, successful men now.
Maternal instincts are our most powerful sense. Use it.
Is there no Dad in the house? Hopefully there is. If not, it will still be okay but it's much easier when there is a father in the home.
Most families are now missing that feature for the past few decades. As you can see our country is in decline because of the break down of the family.
But, I digress.
Boys like dirt and noisy stuff. That's all.
I found that the "how to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk" books (there is a kid version and a teen version) to be really useful. These are not gender-specific, but I'm not one who believe that girls are inherently different from boys. Will your 2nd child need to be parented slightly differently from your first? Probably - but that is because they are two different people with different personalities, not because they are of different genders.
The bus stop in my neighborhood is a perfect example. There is a group of kids who play touch football every morning. There is another group that draws with sidewalk chalk on the sidewalk every morning. Both groups are mixed gender because both boys and girls can like sports, and both boys and girls can like art. I encourage you to intentionally avoid making gender-based assumptions about your kids and to parent each of them for who they are.
Good luck, and I really do encourage you to read the books I mention above by Adele Faber. I found them to be excellent.
ETA: I will moderate my "no gender difference" stance just a little to conceded that as kids get older (tweens through teens), society sometimes expects different things from boys compared with girls, which can be difficult for both genders. But I encourage you not to jump on that bandwagon, and cross those bridges with love, compassion, and support for your kids as they are when they get to those challenges.
There was a series of books when my kids were younger that dealt with developmental ages and stages.
Your four year old, your six year old, etc.
Not sure if those are still around but I found them interesting and helpful. Especially regarding physical and emotional/social growth, regardless of gender.
From my own experience with a son I can tell you as a kid he was easy going, funny, smart, helpful, kind and liked comic books and video games. He loved running and playing outside but hated team sports, especially contact sports.
My daughters were goofy, sweet, creative, crafty and compassionate. They also fought with each other, a LOT, both verbally and physically. I was not prepared for that! They were naturally athletic, especially my older one, and liked team sports.
Of course there are general differences between the sexes, but really boys and girls are more alike than they are different. Your son has all the same hopes and dreams, fears and insecurities, that your daughter has. He needs the same love, reassurance and support that she does.
Socially there will probably be some marked differences. Girls tend to pair up, which often leads to exclusion, and boys tend to run in packs. Of all the generalizations out there this is the one I found most to be true, not only with my own kids but in scouts and in the classroom as well.
Two of my favourite parenting books are Free Range Kids by Lenore Skenazy and 123 Magic by Thomas Phelan. Neither are gender specific.
Love and Logic parenting classes.
