Pacifier "Reduction" & Weaning

Hi M.,

Well I'm sorry to say I will not be much help to you as I am in the same boat. Except my son is now 2 in a half. My only advice for you is to get rid of it NOW because it doesn't get any easier, and they get louder and stronger. If you get any really good advice please forward it my way!!!!

T.

Hi M.,
Both of my children were highly addicted to their pacifiers. My son who is now 8 had his until he was 3 years old. He finaly just gave it up. I don't recommend letting this happen because he had an open bite for quite some time and I'm certain this is why he will need braces. My daughter on the other hand was a little more difficult. I would try the advice of others by cutting the tip off but she would just scream and cry and say it was broken and to get her another one out of the cupboard. (I always had a stash). ONe day when she was about 2, she was throwing a major tantrum about something and took a photo I had and ripped it and put it in the trash so I snatched her paci right out of her mouth and threw it in the trash (I then had to sit on the trash can so she wouldn't get it back out). It was rough for a couple of days but we got through it. Now this is just what worked for me and may not work for you. When my son quit I was pregnant with my daughter so that may have helped some for him because he didn't want to be a baby anymore he also potty trained at this same time. My daughter also had the open bite but hers went away shortly after she gave it up. It's also funny because every now and then we will find a paci in the house and she will pick it up and play with it she is now 5 years old. I always wondered where all of those missing pacis went to. Just remember You don't see any 10 year olds with pacifiers so it will get better. Hang in there and you will find what works for you.

M.,
My son is 21 months and still has his paci. We are limiting it to nap and bed time. He does not get it at all at daycare, but the second he comes home he wants it. I use to give in. Now, after a couple tough days, we enforce the bed time only rule.

I am waiting for the 2 year molars to come in and after that it is gone. I am thinking the paci fairy is coming to give it to babies that need them.

He knows that I will give in, so the biggest obsticale to overcome was me! They play us well, don't they.

You are going to have to be tough and stand your ground. It is going to be hard. The screaming is the worst. I distract my son with games or now that it is nice out, play outside. My son forgot all about having it the second he came home after two days of standing my ground.

I wish you luck, keep us posted.

This too shall pass.

Hi M.,
I'm a mom of five and have had lots of pacifier events to look back on and now smile at. One of my kids called the pacifier his P-I-C-I because we always spelled it out trying not to say it in his presence. I think your son is clear that he needs lots of support and reassurance from his blankets, pacifier and animal. The way to encourage his confidence is not to take away his support but to encourage his little self with all his supports. Maybe your presence reminds him of his maternal needs- hence the sucking on the pacifier when he sees you. If I could reassure you that I've never seen a little person in school with a pacifier would you be able to relax? He won't need this for long and it really is no big deal in the scheme of things. I would forget the battle- if you're not fighting it with the little time that you have with your little man, he will probably relax a bit himself and not need it so much. There are so many big things ahead for you and your son..... try and enjoy the last days of his babyhood!

M.,

I actually used to work at a daycare about 18 months ago before my daughter was born, now I stay home.

I was in the 2 year old class room and when they got moved up from the toddler room many of them had blankets and paci's that they were attached to and were allowed to have during the day in their old room.

The other teacher and I really didn't like it when the children would carry a blanket or have a paci in their mouth during the day, it was only allowed during nap time.

All we did is about 2-3 days after they moved up we simply put it in their cubbie and would do our best to distract them and simply just not let them have it any more.

The reason we let them have it for the first 2-3 days is because it was a new room with new teachers and mostly new kids with a new routine, everything was new and the only thing normal and constant was their paci or blanket.

After nap time when they work up we would grab the blanket real quick if they set it down to play with something and same with the paci and once they noticed it was gone, if they did they could cry but we would just say all done, you only get it at nap time.

The interesting thing was after some time they grew to learn and be used to the fact that they were not allowed to have it during the day and would voluntarily put them away after nap and in the morning when they got there. But with many of the kids the second they saw mom and dad the didn't run to them they ran to their box and wanted their item which mom or dad would let them have right away.

So, I think the only thing you can do is simply not let you son have a paci except at night time, it will take a while, probably longer with you since he knows he gets his way and how to manipulate you (not saying your easy, kids are just smart like that) Then once you want him to stop using it at night and naps it will be hard because he uses it to fall asleep but do the same thing, I think it has to be a cold turkey thing where you are VERY consistent, no giving in because it's easier or you just want him to be quiet because if you give in once it's pretty much over and will take forever to get him to realize you mean business.

The only reason I know that will work is because we did it with numerous children at the child care center where I worked.

B.

You have happily encouraged your son to attach to things in his world in order to feel safe, and now you are trying to take the things away from him that you encouraged him to attach to. It doesnt' matter at all if that wasn't your intention -- it has been the effect.

What has his age got to do with it? What has an increased need for it got to do with it? If it is what it takes for him to feel secure, in your presence or absence, how is it a problem for you? At least he's not hanging off your body, expecting you to soothe him and help him feel secure. Wasn't that more or less the point of the tool in the first place?

If it takes this for him to feel secure, taking it away from him, particularly in traumatic circumstances, certainly isn't going to add to his sense of security. You can replace it very gradually by helping him feel secure all the time with it and without it, but you can't 'manage' his sense of security by threatening it. That just makes him attach more firmly. If he's convinced he needs it to feel safe, you will only be able to convince him otherwise if he feels safe with you, whether it is there or not.

The less of an issue you make this into, the more readily he will drop it when he's developmentally capable of doing so. Rather than, say, when the earth has gone around the sun a certain number of times, or when your critics are 'sure' they know at what age it 'should' happen.

Advice #1 - Leave the paci only in his bed. When he wakes up, leave it on the pillow - never let it leave the bed.

Advice #2 - Let him have it as long as he needs it, even if it is until age 4, but only in bed. Tell him he can have it anytime he wants it, he just has to go to his bed to use it. This may also help with bedtimes.

Hi M.!

I had a child in my home daycare that was like that. My suggestion would be, ask the daycare provider to ask him if he would leave it there overnight. The mom I was doing daycare for left it here a few times and it seemed to help (a little). Another suggestion would be, slip it into your coat pocket instead of his bag or cubby. When you get there to pick him up, let him look for it. Be completely puzzled by the fact that it isn't there. Try telling him that he is a big boy now and it must have gone away, but maybe you will find it at bed time. Let him be the one to discover it is "missing" and "found" on his bed. Unless you really can't take the crying for it, I would let him cry for a few days in a row when you get him. He will eventually learn not to expect it when you pick him up.

Good Luck!!

K.

Ok... my first question is this... why is it time for him to give it up?

You gave him this item to soothe him and now you want to take it away when he apparently isn't ready for it. Alright.. he doesn't use it at daycare. Then why take it to daycare? If he doesn't need it there, then leave it at home. You could give the daycare one paci (without your son knowing) as a 'just in case'. But at home, tell your son, the paci stays at home.

Honestly, I do not, and will never, understand why so many moms get hung up on the paci. It won't harm their teeth if they get rid of it before their permanent teeth come in. (which is like 7 or 8 years old) We offer these items of comfort to our children and then get upset when they won't give them up.

We ALL have our little 'things' we use to get us through the day and tough situations. I'm sure this will get many gaffaws and hideous thoughts... but my sister (who is 12 years younger then I am) had her paci until she was 7. Of course after she was about 2 she only used it at bedtime. But, she still had it. She eventually gave it up herself. She just decided she was too big for it one day and put it away. She is not developmentally challenged. She does not have any tooth issues. She is a well adjusted, smart, loving young woman. She is currently finishing graduate school, while doing an intership, and working as a graduate student instructor. So, obviously, having her paci until she was 7 did no damage.

If we offer our children a safe and secure environment where they understand the boundaries and understand the expectations... they will grow into healthy adults.

If you seriously think your son needs to get rid of the paci you will have to 1) put up with some crying for awhile and 2) offer yourself to comfort and soothe him. Reassure him that everything is fine and you are there to help him.

I dont know if this is advice.. but this is my paci story..

My daughter loves her paci.. It was only in her bed and in the car if we wre going out..

When she was 18 months my son was born.. the first day I was alone with an infant and a toddler my daughter started screaming for the paci.. and after 1/2 hour I gave it to her...

So then she had her paci whenever she wanted it... Until 1 dya we were in the car and she was screaming for it and I didnt have one.. and I just couldnt take it any more..

So wehn she went down for a nap.. all the pacis disappeared.. except the one in her bed...

She went to look for them and they were gone..(from their usual storage place..) I asked her what happened to the paci.. and she said our dog ate it..

So.... From that day on.. all the pacis had to stay in her bed or the dog would eat it.. (the dog has been known to eat things..)

But ... she was over 2 years old and she had good language skills.. Your son might not be ready to understand the paci being in bed only..

I would either give it to him whenever... until he has more language skills.. or just lose all of them totally..

I have heard that it only takes a couple of days and then they stop crying for thepaci..

If the kids at daycare dont have pacis.. then I wouldjust take it home and have no more paci at school..

M.,

I feel for you. My daughter was very attached to her bottle and didn't give it up until she was 2 1/2 years old. The last year and a half she wouldn't take it when she was at daycare (wanted to be a big girl) but she demanded the bottle of water at bedtime.

It may take a while to completely get it away from him but remember he understands more than we as parents give them credit for. Our daughter was a perfect example as one night she was asking for her bottle. When I explained to her that she would have to go to bed in order to get it she ran screaming and crying to my husband. When I explained to him the offer I had made to her he told me she was too young to understand what I told her. So, I made the offer to her again in front of my husband and she again started to cry. He, then, came to understand she completely understood the offer.

What I'm trying to explain is children, even babies do understand who will let them have something i.e. paci or bottle and who will refuse to give it to them. Yes, it will be a fight but he will eventually quit fighting for it. I suggest just don't make it available to him - make him ask for it. Maybe it gets lost for a couple of hours at a time and then you can keep extending the time limit it's "lost". Our daughter just quit asking.

Good luck and hang in there!

Hi and I can totally relate! I went through this situation with my first 2 and am not looking forward to dealing with it with my last! What worked for me (FINALLY!) was to have 2 paci's (my sons called it a Bo-bo) - one stayed at daycare and the other stayed in bed. If he never used the one at daycare, that was fine it just stayed in his cubby with his change of clothes, etc. The other one stayed hooked to a strap that we attached to the bed post of his bed. It came off the strap for him to use only at nap and bed time. It took a while for him to adjust to the fact that the bo-bo wasn't leaving his room and couldn't come to the living room, kitchen, etc but it was a clear visual for him that it belonged in the bedroom at the bed and that was the ONLY place it was used. We talked to him about how we don't bring pots and pans from the kitchen into the bedroom so we aren't going to bring bedroom items like pajamas and bo-bos into other rooms of the house. That will help him associate the paci with only certain locations or activities. Granted, there was the initial battle of my son trying to remove the bo-bo from the strap or remove the strap from the bedpost but with determination and perseverance, we just showed him that we weren't caving in. It took about a week and I won't lie - it was a TOUGH week but totally worth it in the end. By age 2 my middle son voluntarily threw his bo-bo in the trash because he was a "big boy, not a baby" in his words. Good luck and don't give up. Keep with it and your son will realize you mean business. My thoughts and prayers are with you!

HI! I don't really have much to offer on the weaning... my son bounced his off my forehead after a nap and never took it again. <gggg>
But... I spent some time at Kindercare as a toddler room teacher, I had those pacifiers handed to me at the door to the room. I never let my toddlers have them, it was standard practice <at the time> by alot of other teachers too. The kids like to play "pass the paci" and get each other sick. When mom/dad would get there, I'd hand them the thing discretely in hopes to help them wean their child as well. Most parents just stuffed it in their kids mouth and left. I give you credit for trying.

Good luck in your endevour!

We ran into the same situation with our youngest daughter, we were giving it to her at nap time & bed time, and the two days she was at day care for nap time we thought she was getting it. Finally one day, our provider gave us the paci's back (we left two there) and said Trisana wasn't using them. At home she acted like she needed them. When we realized that she was "playing us", we took them away - cold turkey. They all disappeared. It was a rough couple of times going down to sleep, but surprisingly she only cried for a couple minutes and then settled down with her lovey. We told her that the binky fairy came and took them away because another baby needed them. It seemed like once it was out of sight - it was out of mind.

M.,
My son had that same issue as a toddler. We kind of did the same thing as the blanket. He has 1 at home and 1 at day care and the 2 did not travel. I kept one in my purse for emergencies but he didn't know that. Anyway, he was only allowed to get it out of the cubby at nap time and only out of its "box" at home at nap/bed time. It was hard at first but after about a week he finally accepted that he couldn't take it back and forth. And, after about 2-3 months of this he just sorta stopped going to get it at nap time and about 2-3 months after that quit going to get it at bed time. That is what we did, maybe it will work for you. Hang in there!
B.

Hi, I want to let you know the longer you give it to him the harder it will be to get rid of it. I gave it to my son until he was just over 3. I tried all kinds of advice from cut the tips off, to the paci fairy. The only thing that worked for me was just to get rid of it. It is just like any other addiction if you don't have it you can't use it. His teacher does not give in and he knows it. I think as parents we sometimes do what is easy and just give in, I know I did. At some point you will have to loose it my advice is the sooner the better. He will probably miss it for a couple weeks and then he will be over it. You should start on the weekend because he has to get used to not falling asleep with it. Good luck.

M.,
Try putting some of that Thumz stuff (the stuff to break kids of sucking their thumbs) on it. It'll taste so nasty he won't want it! It's at least worth a try. The cow and blanket might look better and better.
And just for the record, I have a near 25 year old who probably STILL has the satiny border to his old blanky and rubs it. There's a long standing thing. My daughter in law admits to absolutely needing that blanky. Even on her honeymoon. So it's the lesser of two evils.
Just for future reference.

M.,
Go cold turkey. You can do it. My son gave his up around 18 1/2 months. He was down to just bedtime and plane rides, but we just went for it. He was communicating about it all the time, so I knew he was old enough for us to handle it. Three nights were not much fun--I won't lie. We only said "no, no" when he brought it up, but never really talked about it with him. By the fourth day, the fifth for sure, it was over. There's never been a mention about it.

A girlfriend of mine did it cold turkey at 18 months. She had her son throw them away with her. Right in the garbage. She said the first nap and nightime was rough, and that was it.

You can do it, M.! Give your son the credit he deserves. We as humans all want comfort. And he obviously gets that from other sources, including his loving mommy. : )

This sounds exactly like my son! He also called his pacifier a mimi too and also didn't need it in daycare. My son is 21 months and I am a single mom, working and going to school full-time. Sadly to say it was just easier for me to give it to him. Well my sister, who is a pediatrician, she said I had to get rid of it because it was giving him buck teeth. I'm not really sure what all of the technical details of it was, something with his jaw and the sucking. Anyway, I thought she was crazy and looked at pictures and she was right. Well I took it away cold turkey over a weekend and for the first couple of days I just kept him very busy and he asked and whined about it for a week, but then kind of gave up on it because he knew I wasn't going to cave. I wouldn't go out in public for a couple days! Good Luck!!!

go cold turkey - he will scream and cry for a while but cold turkey is the only way.....

Yikes! It sounds like this has become a battle for you two. You know, 17 months is still kind of young, barely a toddler. If he is really fighting you for his paci time, maybe just let him have it until this phase has passed and you and he feel a little less conflict about it. Then ease him into adjusting without it (bed only, etc). When my daughter had her paci, she had that thing until she was 3 1/2 years old! She actually gave it up on her own. Good luck and don't worry, he'll come up with something new that will make this seem easy!
J.

M. - I don't have much advice to offer, just sympathy. I'm a 26 yr old single mom with a 13 month old. My son has tons of blankets and stuffed animals, but isn't attached to anything except his binky. In fact, it's pretty common to see him with one in his mouth and playing with another one. I try to keep it away from him when he's happy and playful. But there are some situations apart from naps and bedtime that *I* need him to have it, such as when we've been grocery shopping for 45 minutes and he's getting bored and whiny. And since he's in daycare full time, it's important to me that he feel secure, and if he doesn't, he has something to help him feel secure.

Here's a little perspective: if he was a thumb-sucker, would you be as concerned? You couldn't take his thumb away from him. Thumb-sucking seems to be more socially acceptable because it's cute, but is just as bad for teeth as a pacifier, maybe worse.

Hi M.!

I am in a similiar situation with my 16 month old son. My son only gets the "paci" at naps and bedtime but he also has two bear silkies he sleeps with. He is also attached to those. I am trying to wean my son from the "paci" all together.

As far as limiting it to only naps and bedtime, I have found that if it's out of sight, it's out of mind! If your son is hurt or wanting the "paci" at other times during the day, offer him an alternative comfort device (such as his blanket or a hug from you)

I was a director for a daycare for 2 1/2 years and it is not uncommon for children to associate different habits between home and daycare. He is relating his "paci" use to being home and to you (those are his most comforting places). But again if you keep it out of sight when you pick him up, he will start to disassociate the "paci" when he sees you. It's worth a try anyway!

As far as the screaming goes...he probably knows that will get to you and he will get his way. I would try to ignore it the best you can and don't give in to him. Once he realizes that "screaming" doesn't get what he wants, he will stop!

I did hear from one of my husband's coworkers that cutting the nipple off of the paci will make it less desirable for your child and then they will not want it anymore. You could still offer it at naps/bedtime but eventually they will just not be interested. Maybe worth a try!!

Keep me posted on how the "weaning" goes! I am heading towards that journey too.

I understand you want to limit his paci use but if you're gonna reduce it you may as well just get rid of it altogether instead of making it last longer than it has to. Thankfully my little one never used one so I cannot really advize you on how to get rid of i but if you see him at daycare not needing it then obviously he's fine without it. I think he just knows when you show up you'll give in to his demands for it. I believe that it is really frustrating to you especially when he throws the tantrum for it. Maybe just don't even take it with you guys to daycare or have him leave it in the car and see if out of sight out of mind works when you pick him up? I wish you the best of luck.