Pacifier on Toddler in Public

Unfortunately, my son is 4.5 and Autistic. There are times in public when his binkie is the only thing that calms and relaxes him, especially in a crazy store or shopping mall environment. The alternative tantrum in public is not pleasant.

Sometimes there is another reason for the pacifier. Until I had a child with Autism and found the only thing that helps him decompress is this one thing, I didn't think it was right either.

It used to bother me before I had a DD who loved her pacis. Just like I was the best parent ever before I had kids.

Let me say this: Neither of my children were binky babies. BUT, they LOVED their blankies! I see no different other than possible side effects of sucking on something all day. My kids drug/drag their blankies everywhere! If my child needs that, then they do. I wish people weren't so quick to judge.

No doesn't bother me one bit. Why do you even care...not your kid?

Bothers me more to see an adult with a cigarette hanging out of their mouth.

It use to bother me until I met I mom whose three year old still had her binky. I found out mom has been trying to get rid of the darn thing for a while, but her DD has major anxiety issues. This made it extremely hard for mom to take away a security item. Finally, after she turned four she no longer has it.
This opened my eyes that there could be more to the story than a parent just not wanting to deal with taking it away.

Honestly, I could not care less. My son never used one so I haven't dealt with it, but who cares?

Now, toddler beauty pagents - making up your child like a 25 year old tart? THAT bothers me! LOL

Yes it drives me nutts. Also seeing a toddler with a nipple topped bottle instead of a sippy cup! Dirty babies are also on the list of ick. Or babies in diapers and only diapers (no shirt no pants no shoes). Or even girls with dresses on and there soggy diaper drooping out the bottom of the skirt.

You mention mullets i think of those big holes in ppls ears as the same as a mullet. They are not some tribe that does this for religioius reasons. What ? your doing it to set yourself apart from the rest ? um but then you only hang out with ppl who have large holes in there ears? do you know what your going to look like once you get old.

Nah, doesn't bother me at all, but then I am always jealous as I have not had one yet actually take to a paci. It seems so convenient to have on hand when they are restless but mine are not fans at all. Of course my mom told me I actually threw mine out against the wall when I was big enough to do so :D Now I did see and episode of nanny 911 where the mom was wiping her kid's butt at 8 yrs old and I did find that very disturbing...guess we all have our hot buttons!

I think making judgments about someone else's situation is unwise. Many moms below shared their own stories about why they are still using a paci at age 2 or 3. Personally we took my son's away at 18 months but my daughter had hers until right after her 2nd birthday. Then we went cold turkey on it. But I have a neighbor whose son just turned 3...he has leukemia. Not that you would know that by looking at him, he looks healthy as he is in remission currently. But one week a month he has to get bloodwork drawn and has to take steroids, which wreak havoc on his body and his energy. So they let him have the paci for now. Just try to keep in mind that there is usually a lot more to the story than the conclusion you come to based on your experience and opinion alone.

No it doesn't bother me. Every child is different. They all have different needs. My kids did not use a binky (not that I didn't TRY!). But I think whatever gives the child the comfort he/she needs is ok by me.

Mommyhood is rough sometimes. Whatever gets you through the day, is the thing to do.

:(

Is there some hard and fast rule that kids have to give up the things that give them comfort by the time they're 12 months?!?!? What happens once they turn one year old that they all of a sudden don't need something to soothe them and help them cope? My daughter never took to a pacifier but sucks her thumb. She's 20 months and still going strong. Why would I take that away from her? Show me evidence that having a pacifier past 18 months is detrimental to a child's health and well being. You can't because it doesn't exist. Let the kid have a pacifier and give the mom a break.

Under two, two and a half? No.
Check back in with us after you've had a few more kids. I imagine your tune will change, I know mine did ;)

Yep, it bothers me, but since I figure it bothered THEM to see me occaionally nurse my toddler in public we're all even and I shrug and let it go!

And better a nursing or paci-d toddler than a screaming one!

Because you KNOW the same people who REALLY judge you (as in saying something or shooting you dirty looks) for giving him a paci or nursing your toddler are ALSO the ones who complain the loudest about a screaming toddler....

It's a comfort thing. My child NEVER took a paci, ever. I sure wish she had. It would have been nice to have an easy way to sooth her when she was a colicky screaming newborn.

Adults do silly things to comfort themselves. They smoke, drink, and do all sorts of unhealthy things in an effort to seek a little self-soothing. Just as it's an adults choice to do these things, it's a parents choice to allow a paci at whatever age. I don't judge. There are so many other bigger things in life to get ruffled about. If you see a mother abusing her child, yes get hot and bothered. But a paci? Nah. Not a biggie at all. Good luck to you.

it bothers me to see kids that are over 3 with them.
BUT saying that , some kids are just big so they might not be as old as you or I think they are.

My son loved his but had his until around 14 months but by 12 months it was really limited to nap/bedtime. My daughter weaned herself at 8 months but she didn't take hers all that much anyway.

I don't care for it after about 12-15 months but what bothers me is when they are 2 or up. It looks ridiculous, hinders their teeth and speech. I know a lady who had a girl that was about to turn 5, still walking around ALL the time w/ one. Even if the pacifier was not in her mouth, she could not be understood at all. One day as her mom is unloading the car (at home) the little girl had left it in the car. Wasn't asking for it....instead of taking it in the house for later, she walked up and popped it in the little girls mouth...so it was clear that the little girl didn't need/want it as much as the mom indicated.

18 months? No. 4 - 6 years? Absolutely. But that's their problem, not mine.

My daughter had a pacifier as a baby and it was around 11 months that we started using it only for sleep (or super long car rides), rather than always automatically popping it into her mouth. So after a year, she was never out in public with it. Just before her 3rd birthday we got her off of it completely. I am also bothered by older kids wearing pajamas in public and toddlers in the store wearing nothing but a diaper. But again, that's none of my business. They may have their own reasons for doing what they are doing.

I think some parents just do what is easiest for them and their kid and as long as the kid isn't fussing, they don't want to rock the boat. Again, that is their problem, not mine. There's trying to keep your child happy in a store or a movie theater and not having them scream and disturb everyone else. And then there is just constantly caving to a child's demands instead of teaching them better. But I still just keep my thoughts to myself, I would never actually SAY anything. I am sure that there has probably been someone out there who had judgmental thoughts about me and my daughter for whatever reason, and I really don't care.

I really wish I could send a flower to B.P. Yes, it bothers me greatly and yes I am scared my child is going to be that child! She is 13 mo right now and usually only needs paci for bed time. However, since our lives are so crazy right now I do stick one in my purse for emergencies while running errands (b/c I also hate to be that parent who has a screaming child in the middle of the Target). However, I think my little sweetie has caught onto me and now is milking the situation so I am going to go back to leaving them at home. Thanks for the reinforcement!

And yes, mullets bother me too simply due to their existence. I was once in the snack line with a friend's husband at a ballgame. He had a mullet and some teenagers asked to take a photo because they were on a scavenger hunt and that was one of the items. He cut it off the next week!!!! It was so funny because he had had it for 15+ years and his wife was constantly trying to get him to cut it.

If you have a smll kid who likes to bite, lick, and chew things, the pacifier can be a major germ saver. I generally avoid letting my 22 mo old take it out of the car when we do errands and stuff... til I had a devil of a time keeping her from putting her mouth on the shopping cart.
Popped in the paci... problem solved. I'd rather have strangers' judgements than strangers' germs :)

It doesn't bother me. I think when they are 3 and older it just doesn't look right, but nope doesn't bother me one bit!

I would sooooooooo much rather see a child of any age sucking on a binky that a thumb or finger. That is so disgusting to me, that hand touched so many things and I am sure they did not wash it before putting it in.

I have no real opinion, but your what happened gave me a good chuckle!!

Personally, we chucked the thing at 12 months to avoid any future dependencies and battles.

Haha... ThAn I would really bother you, my son is 3 and 2 months and he still uses a binky! Not 1, but 3 or 4 ( one in each hand, his pocket, and one that he smells and rubs his nose with) not to mention that he also wears his spider man costume everywhere. He's a healthy, bright, happy, and confident child, so why should I not allow him to sooth himself? I mean what harm is it doing you to see a child who is a stranger to you with a pacifier? True your entitled to your opinion but how sad you would be bothered by a CHILD! Remember were not perfect, were parents!

* you also said that " we parents should learn Other coping mechanisms that dont impede our childrens vocabulary?" every child is different and not all children will have dental/speech problems. My little miracle has a very extensive vocabulary and speaks clearly ( since age 1) his teeth are gorgeous and like I said he's a healthy and happy child.

I just don't see how what someone else wears is cause for me or anyone else to be uncomfortable. I don't know them or why they're doing whatever it is and so who am I to say it's wrong.

I do not care for it either.

Interesting that no child in our neighborhood (meaning the 6 houses that had infants) ever used pacifiers.. We never could figure it out. Seems like at least one child would have needed one. Some children really do need it to help them sleep or to give them comfort.

I had a cousin who is now my age who still used a pacifier till she was 5.. I mean she threw a big old tantrum if they took it away.. It was really scary..

Then she had a child who once again kept the pacifier until she was also 5.. The only way either of them stopped was because the school had to tell them "no Pacifiers in kindergarten".. It was ridiculous.

I don't like to see older children with pacifiers either, but they are out there and I'm sure it's all about a screaming out of control child vs a calm child and that's why they still have the pacifier in their mouth.

I am with you. My daughter is 2 and she gets one once she is in bed but thats it and she doesnt fight me on it. We took it away from her any time other than bedtime at about 1 yr old and I wouldnt have changed it
PS. I HATE mullets too LOL

YES! It drives me nuts! I'm so glad my son never took one.

Love this question and reading all the answers! My son (2 years 4 months) takes a binky at nap and bedtime and occasionally in the car. He loves it and would take it all the time if I let him!!! I do not like seeing kids past the age of 2 with one either....and really do not like seeing the kids walking around, taking it out to TALK then putting it back in. I mean obviously they are not self soothing at that point and are just used to it. I (like you) would never say anything to the parents but often wonder in the emergency times I HAVE popped one into my son's mouth if parents are looking at me and criticizing me as well. I realize there are extenuating circumstances with parents/kids that warrant needing one (I have been in those circumstances!) but when the kid is happy and walking around and having a good time - I do not see the need for one!

Do you get sick over thumb sucking? My older daughter only quit at 7 years of age. In Europe you see lots of 5 year olds with a Nuk....that is their brand.
It just isn't a big deal. At least the kid is happy and not throwing a fit.

I am right there with you. It is one of the reasons we never let our boys get "hooked" on them. I think it is just wrong to give something to your child you know they will get hooked on and then you have to take it away from them. Children need to learn to self soothe and cope on their own and not be dependant on an object. our boys used them off and on for the first 2 to 3 months but never so much that they "needed" them. IMO, it is just ridiculous to see a toddler with a paci in their mouth. part of it is just the parents not wanting to deal with their child throwing a fit, most of the time it is for the parents benefit not the childs.

my daughter was addicted to her paci until 18 months or so and i threw em out when she started taking her nap without them. I would MUCH rather have a paci baby than a thumb sucker. I dont think a paci IS a big deal but when a kid looks older they still may be around 1 yr or so and you NEVER know if the kid has a delay or something. my daughter slept through the night at a week old i think mainly bc of the paci, she needed that sucking action but didnt need to eat she just wanted to suck

Really?? Who cares.....I had a 'binky' til I was nearly 3. My son had his until about 2 months before he was three. My daughters 2nd bday is today - she still has it.

Sorry if you are all 'frowning' on me = but really - who cares???????

If it's a preschool aged kid, then yes. By that age, I feel they shouldn't need this and it's just a bad habit. I am talking about the kids who are plugged all the time. I have known some of these children, and they would not be screaming all day if they didn't have their binkie so why have it? I had a friend whose third child was plugged constantly. I never heard him speak til he was 3 years old when he took it out to ask me for a cookie. I'm sorry if I get flamed for this, but even for special needs kids (who I work with), it is important for them to be socially acceptable, which means transitioning to an age-appropriate comfort item so that people are not pointing and whispering about the 5 year old with the pacifier. The parents of these children may not agree, and it is their choice, it is their child and they make the decisions for their kids just as I decided on no all access pacifier use and no pacifier use past infancy.

One of my daughters was that toddler. She is now 10, she needs braces, but so did my older two and they didnt use pacifiers. Her speech is fine and nothing wrong with her development. I dont think it is a big deal. She is a happy, healthy child. That should be what matters, right?

I am a parent now who use to be a preschool/infant teacher for 13 years. I didn't understand why I would see little kids older than a year old with a binky (pacifier). Their teeth will be ruined I thought! how could those parents let them have that! byways I say that to you now, as my almost 4 year old still uses hers. to sleep with anyways.
she wants to use it all day if I let her. or if she finds one, she will sneak it.I've been trying everything I can think of. my kids don't do well with cold turkey routines. so I do things a bit slower.I am having to raise 3 girls as a mostly single parent due to my husband being the boss at his work, and working every day. after working in preschool and being able to handle the kids pretty well. I am doing so many things wrong with my own kids.
I'm not saying Lauren should have the binky, or making up some excuse why she has it; I'm just saying it's very difficult to get it away from her completely. that's what I want. I never get a break because we have no family around for 3,000 miles, so I find myself giving in when she's constantly whining for it.

I do many things right, I try so hard but that damn thing is a thorn in my side. BTW any ideas on how to get this resolved??

I think it looks a bit silly to see a 4-year old with a binky, but I would never say anything to the parents. That being said, neither of mine really cared for the binky past a few months of age.

I agree. It looks really bad. It just does. Special Needs children are different. This part IS going to be judgmental - I just think it is parents being too lazy to put up with the fight that taking it away might cause for a few days and nights. It's just easier to leave them with it - never mind the damage they are doing to their teeth. My first one took a pacifier, and the moment she started chewing on it like a teether I took it away from her and she never had it again. It must also be noted that at some point they can actually become a choking hazard if they were to chew off the nipple and swallow it. She didn't do bad at all. We just didn't mention it, and when she asked about it we told her it was lost.

I agree with you, both your question AND your "So what happened." Wonderfully said.