Out of My League, NYC Cocktail Party

Black dress... Also, you seem so excited and chatty in this post...be like that and you'll probably even have a nice time.

This cocktail party will not be like the others you have attended. From what you said here, you have a full rich life with interesting family members and a simple connection to the deceased. Generally speaking people love to talk about themselves. Ask people about themselves. What they do, how long they've been doing it, their favorite vacation or piece of art. Their favorite book, favorite color, why they like a particular food or author or movie or museum. There are tons of topics to discuss.

What to wear? I will always vote for being comfortable and pretty. Since the person in question lived a vibrant rich life perhaps pick a piece of clothing that is rich and vibrant over a simple black dress. Like a scarf or hand bag or jewelry or shoes. Again I tend to go for comfortable over uncomfortable. Red is one of my favorite colors and I look very good in it so I might even throw on a bright red skirt and a black everything else. I'm not afraid to be bold in my clothes even though I'm an introvert. I'm a well adjusted introvert.

Definitely go and have a great time. Take in the sights, smells, sounds, and experience of it all. This seems like an honor to be a part of so be engaging. You have much to offer and you can also enjoy the experience by being very present in it. Let us know how it goes.

Go! Read your own post! You have a lot to talk about. Your uncle was this man's friend, you obviously know about art (knowing Van Gogh's style, and pointillism, etc).

Don't try to buy a high end cocktail dress. Wear something simple, black or navy blue, just a dress you'd wear to a church service or nice restaurant. Don't try to wear fake elaborate jewelry. Be yourself. Of course, you'll feel more confident if your fingernails don't look like you've been cleaning your kids' baseball gloves. Maybe get some fresh polish on them, and wear a simple pair of earrings and hold your head high.

At the event, don't make artificial small talk. Study a painting. If someone else is looking at the same painting, ask them a question. What do they like about it? Did they know the artist? Comment, if you can, like "this reminds me of an Andrew Wyeth style" or something, if it's actually a fact and not something you pulled out of thin air that makes no sense. Just observe people, and be honest if asked why you're there. Your uncle and this artist were good friends, and you were so honored to know that they shared such a love of art.

Don't worry about being out of your league. If we all stayed in our "league" 100% of the time, how dull life would be. Think of this as an amazing opportunity. Just don't try to be fake. Don't brag. Don't exaggerate. I can almost guarantee you'll find someone else who's a little intimidated or fearful.

I have been to these. You wear "the little black dress" but it's not short and doesn't have a plunging neckline. It's more respectful because it's not "a party".

You talk about the deceased instead of "small talk". You remember things about him, listen to people talk about him. There should be a toast to his life. There may be some tears. And that's okay.

The last one I went to was very special. It was for a former boss, with lots of lawyers in attendance. It was at a country club, so there wasn't anything "personal" there about him, (not a pastor, that is) but we were all thinking about him, regardless.

If there is anything written about him that you can read beforehand, do that. It will help you with your conversations. And remember that other people have just as much trouble figuring out how to talk about someone who died. It's okay.

Please don't be intimidated. Keep reminding yourself of the old but true cliche - they put on their pants one leg at a time too.

Each person at the party is a person, just like you. They are people with kids or grandkids who play baseball. They have pets. They have parents. And, probably everyone there loves art, and the great thing about art is that you don't have to make a ton of small talk to stand next to someone and admire the artwork with them.

As for what to wear, I would wear navy or other dark colored dress with a bright scarf to dress it up (and if everyone else is more sedate in their mode of dress, you can always just take off the scarf).

You were specifically invited, so I think it's perfectly OK to go.

Sure, go, why not. Life is short. Hang around as long as you feel comfortable and leave when you feel like it. You don't have to justify your presence to anyone. "My uncle painted that portrait" is good enough. When I don't have anything to say I just listen to everyone else, or I ask a lot of questions. There's nothing wrong with that.

Unique experiences are what make life fun. Do it.

I think you'll be just fine :) Wear something nice, preferably in dark, muted colors, something that is business casual (a pantsuit, a dress, a nice blouse with slacks). It is best to fit in than to stick out, so I'd recommend against bright colors or skimpy clothing. You don't want to stick out like a sore thumb if everyone else is dressed conservatively. Plus, it might give people a wrong impression of you as being a scene-stealer who must have all the attention on herself, and even make you a target for small talk, ha!

I think you sound pretty articulate, even if you claim to not be very social. You're probably like me and many of us -- introverted, until you feel comfortable with someone, and then you open up more. Like others have mentioned, you probably would feel more at ease asking people questions about the friend, and if they ask you about your connection to him, you can mention that it is through your great-uncle, who is Mr. XYZ, whose painting hangs in this man's home. You started talking to him about your great-uncle, sharing stories, and then the gentleman became ill and ultimately, passed away. You can even mention that you're an artist yourself, and talk about what type of art you're into, the art you see in the apartment and maybe some of the guests are also artists, and may have even met your great-uncle.

While there is no obligation to attend, I think it would provide you with a good opportunity to find out more about this man, maybe make some new friends in the process, and see the painting that your great-uncle gave him. I think it would be a culturally educating experience, and there is nothing to lose. If you feel uncomfortable or shunned for any reason, you could just leave and know you made an effort to learn more about this man. I feel that you have nothing to lose, and much to be gained, so why not? I would NOT bring a friend though, as they were not invited, only you were, and I find it rude when people bring others to parties, without having been invited, or asking if it's okay to bring them. Go and have fun!

Get a mom to help out and please take your husband. You'll feel so much better with him by your side. It's a memorial event or something like that. It's not "Hey, I'm going to go party in NY, someone take over my mom stuff for me", this is a one time thing so you should both go. Make the effort.

Do you have a nice dressy pantsuit? A little black dress? Something in navy or brown or another acceptable dark funeral style color?

If this was me I have a dark sage green pair of dress pants. They're rayon or something so not everyday wear. They have a coordinating tank style top in muted colors of dark green and a little bit of creamy colors in beige and rust. Then there's a sheer long blouse that goes over the tank top that is made of chiffon and it matches the pants exactly. It's a set. I'd wear it more if it had been a skirt instead of pants because I don't like pants that don't have at least a little bit of give in the weave.

Anyway.

I also have a navy skirt set, top and skirt that is of a similar style but the top has sheer sleeves and a jewel neckline instead of a sheer jacket over a tank.

You can dress up without it being a formal/after 5 style gown/dress. Your jewelry might be more sedate and your shoes solid matte color instead of sparkly dress shoes.

Wearing something flashy and attention getting is what I'm saying. There's a difference in how you'd wear an outfit if you're wearing it to a funeral or memorial verses an all out party. I'd go more sedate and muted rather than sparkling and drawing attention to myself over the deceased person.

You have been given an opprotunity to see an amazing artwork in NYC. Don't let fear, hold you back. You can't go wrong with a black dress, a smile, and asking people about themselves. You are there for the Art and experience. You might be pleasantly surprised.
Your passion and enthusiasm for the piece will make you shine in an art crowd. Good luck!

As a young adult, I was grightened at the idea of a cocktail party with all the questions you asked. I was sure I wouldn't fit in. All these years later, a cocktail party is no big deal.

The term cocktail party means they will serve cocktails. Fifty years ago, one wore fancy dresses. At least they did in the movies. Not true now. Wear a dress you'd wear to church or a concert.

My mother was too intimidated by her clothing expectations to go to a con certain in our small town. As an adult I went and discovered people.just wear nice clothes. I was at a concert last night. Saw all manner of dress including a few jeans.

It's usual to feel intimidated when invited to a party with a group of people you don't know. Take a friend with you if that helps. I've found I have a better time going alone. It keeps me involved. It's easy to just talk with friend and stay out of the group.

Sounds like this is a cultured group. They will be friendly, to may stick with their friends too. Consider that your great uncle was comfortable with these people. You will fit in because of your relationship with your great uncle and your knowledge of art.

This is just a party. YI suggest you're questioning yourself because you don't know other guests who likely live in a world different than yours. Still, they're people. Cocktail party is an outdated way to refer to a party. These are people much older than you. They will be kind. They'll have good manners. It's likely someone will help you navigate through the party.

When I was young with older people,.someone always helped me feel comfortable. Now, I look for anyone who seems uncomfortable and start a conversation. The deceased's friend with whom you had pleasant conversations is likely a representative of others in the group.

Go! You'll be anxious and also have a good time. You have art and your great uncles relationship with art to help carry on a conversation. As others have said, ask questions to get you started.

i am not sure what your actual question is... are you asking what to wear? how to handle small talk? or asking if you should go?
if you go, and i say if because you can certainly stay home and not go. i recommend wearing a black dress or pant suit with a color accent (red sweater, or blue shawl or any color you fancy)for small talk you can ask how they knew the deceased or inquire about their family. complimenting clothing or jewelry is another conversation starter in a formal even when you don't know anyone

I wouldn't go. I would get back in contact with the person you were talking to before and set something up.

I think it's okay to go. You aren't there to lurk and start making a list of things you want.

I also think it would be great to ask "how did you know my great-uncle?" People will love to share their favorite stories with a caring relative who is interested in him and his work. I'd focus on that.

When my husband and I first got together, he was very involved with the arts scene here. Guess what? They are all human, some of them are even boring, and I hate to break it to you, but here's a secret...unless you say something really untoward, no one is going to remember you at all. Just go, enjoy yourself, ask questions of them (that's a great tool when in a crowd of people you don't know, ask "how do you know XYZ?")-- people LOVE to talk about themselves. :)

ETA** If this is about the artwork, wait until it gets to the museum and then you can enjoy it. Also, even though this is a "celebration" of this person's life, it is held in his home and is meant for people who know it to get together and celebrate his accomplishments. Not check out the paintings and make small talk about someone you didn't know. Just because you received a mass email "inviting" you, doesn't make it ok to go. The mass emails are sent out to catch everyone that should go - the sender assumes that folks that wouldn't be appropriate to attend would simply ignore it. Send a sympathy card to the man's friend that you spoke to expressing your sympathy and leave it at that.
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I guess if I am reading this correctly, you have never spoken to this man - either in person or otherwise? You spoke to his friend/coordinator, but not this actual person that passed away? If that is the case, I wouldn't go. To me, the people who would attend would be people who met him/knew him OR people who are very close to someone else attending and supporting them through their grief. Honestly if you were approached, what would you even say your "relationship" was to this man? That he was a friend of your now dead uncle and you spoke to the deceased's friend on the phone a couple of times?

Even if you had spoken to the actual deceased on the phone once or twice, I still don't think that merits an appearance at the party.

I hope you don't think I am picking on you - I'm not. I just don't think that your attendance is the right thing. However, if you do decide to go, I'm sure you will do just fine :)

I would not go if I did not personally know him. I also wouldn't go by myself, not knowing anyone there. I'm shy but love parties and gatherings when I know a few people - but that would just make me feel ill at ease.

My husband was just invited to my BIL's work retirement party. Someone organizing it just went through his contact list - my husband had emailed him at work a couple of times. It would be totally weird for my husband to go to this work function. Sometimes the person dong the inviting doesn't really know who is who. (We're attending the family party for my BIL.)

*I should add, if you want to go then go and enjoy yourself for sure. But don't feel badly if you don't want to attend.

Go but bring your husband. (I live in NYC and certainly go to cocktail parties alone, it's 2017, but this situation seems like one to bring him since you are married and this is basically a family connection. It's just an appropriate way to represent your family.) Make a night of it, go to dinner.

Dress nicely but not flashy. Pantsuit and heels or conservatively elegant dress.

Go and take a well-cultured friend since hubby cannot go.

You can't go to a celebration of someone's life just to see what's in the apartment, unfortunately. If you didn't know him, and he was only a friend of your great-uncle, then you probably could easily decline. You were invited by a staff member, not a member of the family with whom you have a personal relationship, so you aren't going to comfort them either.

If you feel you need to go to "represent" your great-uncle, that's a different story. But this is the man's private home, not a museum, so you can't go just to see the artwork.

If you do feel you need to go to represent your family, then you get a friend to take the kids to baseball etc., and to sleep over. You take your husband with you to the city. You go in early, have a nice early dinner date, and then go to the celebration of life. You wear plain black pants and black shoes or sandals, and a decent top. No one is there to judge you, and you'll never see any of them again anyway. People like to talk about themselves, so you only have to say, "How did you know Mr. X?" and let them ramble. You can comment on the artwork since you are knowledgeable in that area, and let that be your conversation opener. Let others pick up the conversation after that point.

But I can't see any compelling reason in your post to say that you should go or that you will be disappointing anyone if you decline. You probably just got added to the email list with everyone else. Most of whom are in the same boat - they don't know anyone either.

ETA: I saw your SWH about wearing black. I didn't suggest it as a color of mourning, but as something that you probably have in your closet (black pants and shoes) and because it's easy to dress up with a nice blouse. You said you had nothing to wear, and I was suggesting a low-cost option!