our son is not around violence yelling or hitting what so ever. however he started hitting and kicking me and his dad. and i was told today at daycare he started pushing and hitting some kids. i was also told there are other kids in daycare that behave that way and are "shadowed". i know he is picking this up from daycare unless there is something more going on in his head? he is a well developed child with no behavior issues until right now. infact we never even have to punish him because he does nothing to get in trouble. so this is very upsetting to me. is this normal or something more???
i also dont know how to stop it. we tell him no thats not nice it hurts big boys dont act like this. and hes not stopping.
his is also on half tsp of claritin daily for allergies. otc
Children that age generally act out when they are feeling or thinking something they do not understand or know how to express. This is not unusual. You can help by giving him coping techniques.
tell him to hit a pillow, not a person. Talk about the feeling, what is it he thinking when he wants to hit. Or find the stimulus that starts the behavior and remove it, remove him, or teach him how to deal with it.
Welcome to three years old! My son was also really well behaved through the supposedly terrible two's and then right around turning three he got very difficult to manage. It was such a shock! I was like, "Who is this kid?" I honestly was searching my brain for what went wrong... Was it some kind of food allergy or something causing this sudden change? But it's really just him growing up and trying to figure out how to play with other kids... Now that my son is about 3 1/2, he's finally starting to calm back down again. One of the (quick and easy) books I read to help me with discipline was called 1, 2 ,3 Magic. I think the author's last name was Phelan? My pediatrician suggested it. It's basically just about the best ways to use time-outs. I'd check it out now, because things will probably get worse before they get better! The good news is that my son has also become much more independent and has figured lots of physical skills in the past six months too! Good luck!
Hitting is not a learned behavior - it is a natural response. What is learned is self-control. So he's not really "learning" this behavior at daycare but it is where he is exhibiting it because it's where he's getting frustrated. What he isn't learning is self-control and empathy.
I NEVER allow a child to hit me or anyone else. Not in play or any other time. The VERY FIRST time a child raises his/her hand to me or I see them raise their hand to someone else, I immediately grab the hand/arm in a good grip (not hard enough to leave marks, but strong enough that the child immediately knows I am not playing). Then I look the child directly in the eye with a very stern look on my face and in my most stern voice I tell them "You do not hit people EVER. Not playing not ever.." Then I walk away from the child. Interaction is over. They get the point the very first time that this is completely unacceptable.
You need to tell your son just like that. VERY STERNLY with direct, unwavering eye contact. Telling him nicely that big boys don't do that is not going to get the point across. Also, he probably sees big boys doing that so he doesn't believe you anyway or he just believes that you don't know what you're talking about.
Try to teach him empathy. Talk about how he would feel if he were kicked or hit by another person. It's NEVER too early to try to teach empathy. I just got an e-mail from Love and Logic the other day about teaching empathy. Google it.
He could be picking it up at daycare, seen something on TV or somewhere, or just be thinking he's in charge as they do that at this age. You need to be firm with whatever discipline you use and tell the teacher to do the same. IF he won't sit in time out at school then have them tell you and go up and observe, etc. Telling him it's not nice and hurts big boys just won't do it. Tell him he's not to do it again and if he does so and so will happen ( whatever you decide for discipline whether time out or whatever ).
First off, what kind of TV is he exposed to? Even kids shows these days have some violence in them, they call it slapstick, but it's violence. Second, is there a way you could observe him at daycare? See if something triggers it? And thirdly,I'd talk to his pedicatrician about the Claritin. Some meds can have adverse reactions. When my son started Keppra for his epilepsy it made him VERY mean. We made the switch to another medication and the change was instant.
Good luck.
3 is a big age for not knowing how to express when they are upset. They get mad so they hit. My DS was hitting at school so the teachers were talking about how he needs to make good choices and tell the teacher when he is mad and to not hit. He hits at home and he gets a time out. I also talk to him about using his words to say he is mad instead of hitting. Now he is at the stage where he says "mom I am mad" and then hits his sister LOL. Yes hun say you are mad, but we have to loose the hitting part. :) He has stopped hitting at school. He is 3.5 now.
It takes time and consistency to change any behavior. You say he won't stop. Give it months of follow through. Never give in.
You have to be in charge now. Everybody on the same page.
As others posted, this is a typical age for this behavior. Unfortunately. My son was the mellowest toddler (and usually on the receiving end of hits by older friends) until about 3 days before his 3rd bday, then turned into a 'terrorist', we were shocked (like others said) and not expecting it at all. Since he was a premie and regularly seen by a developmentalist, serious issues were ruled out and it was chalked up to the age and normal behavior. It was also around the same time that he was phasing out his one nap and as much as I tried to keep that consistent, it wasn't happening.
I would repeat to him, simply and matter-of-factly, "we don't hit you, so don't hit us" or "____ doesn't hit you, so don't hit ____" and redirect him. It usually took just one direction at that instant, but it went on for a while. I can't really remember when it stopped, he's 4-1/2 now, but I can't remember the last time he did it. Now it's more about hitting in defense, like at school, he spilled his milk, for whatever reason a girl kicked him hard, he punched her back. They both got warnings and separated. The teacher said he was very receptive, apologized immediately and understood the punishment. Then us moms had them hug it out after class. So there was that good part about it, haha. Now it's a challenge of how to teach him to stand up for himself, but not harm others, ask for help, but not tattle. It's always something!
