So tonight 3 of our kids had karate. My husband is out tonight so it's just me and the 6 kids. I pick up the kids at karate and head to Little Ceaser's for pizza. Kids are in the van while I run in to get the pizzas. My boys are going to their dads tomorrow after school for the weekend and it's our last meal together until they get back. So I decide, let's splurge tonight and I pick up a 2 liter of Sierra Mist. I get in the van and my 6.5 year old son screams out "mom you are so awesome! You're the most awesomest mom ever". Great right? Well here's how the rest goes down. He then says "Well not as awesome as Kristi (his stepmom, whom he sees every other weekend), but sort of awesome. Well maybe you're as awesome as her, but she's REALLY awesome because she always makes really good desserts". Sorry, but no mom ever wants to hear that stepmom is "more awesome". I'm a stepmom myself and I still understand that! Sigh. He has no idea what he said felt like daggers in my heart and he will never know that. I just continued to drive and proceeded to talk about how cool the moon looked tonight. So, like they say "out of the mouths of babes", but tonight, it just kinda sucked.
Do I need to ask a question? Well, I'm not sure what to ask, I just wanted to vent. Any words of wisdom?
Thanks all. You guys are awesome! In all honesty, I am thankful she is good to the boys. I know their dad is often not home (or sleeps during the day while they are there) and she seems to be the active parent at their house. So I do respect her for that. In the end, I know he will always love me for me and I love him to the moon and back!
Well he is definitely a man in training!! LOL! I just wanted to say that I think in his brain this was all food and drink related. The Sierra Mist was awesome, but homemade dessert was more awesome :). It was not a comparison of motherhood but of junk food :). No one will ever replace you mama!!
Ouch.. I feel for you.. Kids take mom and dad for granted. :)
On the flip side, You know that step mom is good to them. Maybe suprise them when them come home with a desert? lol
Let it go. He's a kid who gets excited about food. When kids that age get excited and start chattering, their mouths have a mind of their own, and they say whatever pops into their head at the moment. At that moment, providers of junk food (pizza, soda, desserts) were on his mind.
When he's grown, his stepmom's desserts won't hold a candle to all you do.
I can see how that stung, but it should also warm your heart that she is someone who care's about him. Some of the step-mom stories I hear are truly sad, and break my heart.
I think you have to be thrilled that he was so excited by what you did, and comforted that he has a stepmother whom he enjoys. He also tried to qualify his remark with "Well, maybe you're as awesome as her" which means, on some level, he knew he didn't want to hurt you. And the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence, especially when the other side of the fence is only visited every other weekend when it's party time at Dad & Kristi's.
I know how much it hurts to hear that someone else is even cooler, but look at what he's reacting to: Sierra Mist and dessert. And if the mom who gets them up for school every day and makes them do their homework and does their laundry and does the carpooling and the reminding and the lunch-making gets an occasional vote of "coolness" for a pizza night, that may put you ahead of the game in many moms' books.
I'm a stepmom and a mom, and I can tell you it's very hard to be either one. Stepmoms often have to deal with moms who are jealous or resentful of the weekend/party status, and stepmoms also have to try to reach kids who aren't happy that Mom and Dad aren't together. The stepmom (and dad) are also hearing stuff like, "Mom lets me do that" or "That's not how we do it at home" (making it clear that Dad's home is not really "home"). So they're probably being hurt by things "out of the mouths of babes" too.
And as a mom, we all worry that we're never going to measure up on the coolness scale to stepmoms or friends' moms or the babysitter or the scout leader or the baseball coach. The "ordinary", everyday, discipline-dispensing and routine-enforcing parent is often the one who gets no compliments, no credit for things that go well, and plenty of blame for things that go wrong. Eventually, these kids grow up and either miss you like crazy when they go away to camp or come back from college with a new appreciation of all you have done.
If you can get yourself to the point of being happy that your children have someone else to love them, that's good, and it comes from a place of confidence and self-assurance that you are strong with good values and a good head on your shoulders.
A lot of us can say we didn't appreciate our parents until we became parents and saw how hard it was. None of us thanked our parents as much as we should have or appreciated them at the time.
The less you can be hurt, and the more you can bounce back and say "Look at the awesome moon", the happier you will all be in the long wrong.
Hang in there.
((HUG)) That hurts, but I doubt he intended it the way it sounded.
I think Maureen has the right idea. You're Mom - the old reliable, the one who will always be there, and yes, taken for granted mainly because he already knows you love him fiercely no matter what. Step-mom is the every-two-weeks-makes-great-dessert novelty. Right now, based on when he declared you "awesome," which was when you allowed the soda, awesome in your son's vocabulary is directly correlated to permitted sugar intake. :-)
At least you know that he doesn't spend every other weekend trapped in a house with a step-mom he loathes.
I would have made him walk home.. JK!
Do not be upset.. He is just a child.. They say all sorts of crazy stuff.. I bet you are way better than she is in the long run. .
When they are gone for the weekend you deserve a nice cocktail and l a long soak in the tub..
Oh. I'm sorry. That sucks. :( Although I guess it's good to know that baking a batch of cookies could catapult you into "coolest mom ever" status. It might have been worse if he said, "Kristi takes us to Disneyland every other weekend," or something. If you ask me, you sound like a pretty cool mom.
So much better than a horrible step mom!
Repeat after me: this is a good thing, this is a good thing, this is a good thing.
Now go eat an awesome desert!
Just like a man, thinking with his stomach!
Hugs to you - her desserts might be awesome, but your his mama.
Keep in your heart that you and your ex have done a GREAT job co-parenting if your kids feel good about their steps!
I'm sorry, but I'm laughing.
My kids used to talk about their friends' mothers and how awesome they were. I would have hurt feelings - until I realized that we moms were not in competition with one another. Are you in competition with Kristi? Hope not.
What's the good part of all this? That your son knows a good dessert when he sees (and tastes) one. And that he knows you're a good mom, too. With a little more time and distance, I think you'll look at this post and laugh, or at least smile, and appreciate your own semi-awesomeness. It's more than many moms hear about.
It is just assurance she treats your boys like her own. Does that help?
He only has one mother, nobody can replace you or do it better than you. If he loves her desserts, then I'd make a beeline to her house and eat some yourself! Who passes up awesome dessert? :)
Sometimes they really know how to get us even if they don't do it intentionally.
This just goes to show you the maturity level of your son-- desserts and sweet stuff rule his world right now. Mine (6 too) has Daddy and Legos and you bet Daddy is better because they go do the amusement park stuff together and he gets ice cream. It's kinda universal at this age.
One day he'll be able to just appreciate you for all you do for him. For now, esp with this age, it's all about 'me me me' for the kids. Good on you for finding the moon-- I saw it too. Gorgeous. :)
Lol, yes, you just reminded me of my daughter saying what a great mother one of her friend's mothers was, at about the same age.
I've gotta admit, she was a pretty great mother. When her daughter was sick as a baby, she wore her in a sling night and day for like a week. She was always very sweet and soft-spoken. She never had a bad word to say about her kids or anyone else for that matter. She respected every word that came out of her kids' mouths.
Me, sweet and soft-spoken, wear them on a sling for hours, respect everything they say? Um, not so much. But I'm kind of funny, tough, a little iconoclastic, stuff that they appreciated more when they were teens (even while they struggled against my control).
Both the other mother's kids and my kids have so far turned out to be pretty amazing young adults. You're mom, don't worry.
He's just trying that one on for size, to see what you will say or do. Little boys love to get a rise out of mama (I know - I have two of them - well mine are now 19 and 16 LOL). Just show him that you always love him, no matter what he says or does.
You're his mom, you'll always be his mom - no one can EVER take your place. Take comfort in that.
Ouch is right! Well, 15 years from now, he will think you are more awesome than step mom if they are still together. He will grow and mature and learn to appreciate you so much more! You did the right thing by holding it in, even if it was a dagger to your heart. I think you are an awesome mom for reacting the way you did! Good job mama!
You are most def an awesome mom! Pizza and soda!!
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He's just a normal 6 1/2 yr old who says whatever comes into his head. Doesn't mean anything and you are reading too much into it. Personally I'd be happy that he thinks his step mom is awesome because thinking she sucks would lead to a ton of issues that would be difficult on everyone.
You'll always be his mom. You know more about him than anyone in the world. Kristi will always be his step mom playing second fiddle to you.
If you ever the chance to speak to the stepmom, tell her the story. And (I'm serious) tell her to send you a sample next time she bakes. Let her know that you appreciate her doing this for your baby.
Like some of the others said, be glad that she likes your boy enough to bake while he's there and not only when he's gone.
Yep, it would have hurt me too, but look on the side that your son is loved by her.
My DH once said (only half kidding, I think) - honey, if I ever leave you, it won't be for someone younger or hotter - it will be for a "old school" baker who makes awesome desserts. Swear. I can cook anything with little to no effort but don't ask me to bake.
Just remember that when push comes to shove, your little one will always want YOU over anyone else on the planet.
Oww. But dessert s yummy.How about make them dessert almost everyday?
Kind of falls into the category of 'too much information'.
Hear the first 2 sentences with all your heart.
Then try to be sort of deaf to the rest.
You might say "I'm glad you enjoy Kristi's desserts but you know I love you above and beyond desserts, right?".
It's ok that he likes dessert - what kid (or adult) doesn't?
Liking dessert shouldn't mean that he's somehow being disloyal to you
You're 'The Mama!'.
She's 'Not The Mama'.
Dessert doesn't change this.
I bet he tells the stepmom how awesome you are too! She probably feels the same way as you do now. Look at it another way, your kids have two awesome moms in their lives.
