Opinions Regarding Back to School Night

I hope you went. This isn't something you should punish her with for being upset that you didn't want to go.

One day she won't want you anywhere near her school. You should enjoy it while you can.

Dawn

My daughters are in grades 11 and 12, and I'll be going to parents night. Hubby is taking the night off work to attend.

You should go. It's extremely important for you to meet her teacher and be a present at all the school functions. Its a known fact that children who have parents who attend school functions do much better in school.

While I think that they are also a waste of time and can understand why you wouldn't want to go. However, I think she was trying to tell you it was important to her for you to go and probably felt unheard, hence the melt down. She is definitely communicating (although not in the best manner) that it is important to her that you go - and for the reason I would make the attempt.

Updated

While I think that they are also a waste of time and can understand why you wouldn't want to go. However, I think she was trying to tell you it was important to her for you to go and probably felt unheard, hence the melt down. She is definitely communicating (although not in the best manner) that it is important to her that you go - and for the reason I would make the attempt.

Well, DH & I are working parents & it means a lot to us to show that we're active & interested in DD's school career. We go to as many events as we're able to (which is most of them).

I am sure that DD will appreciate the gesture at some point, and it shows the teacher we care and gives us a chance to speak to her face to face & have a more personal interaction with her.

It's only 2 hours and if it means a lot to your kid for you to go, why wouldn't you go? Any chance I have to be encouraging & supportive, I will gladly take. That's just my take on it.

ETA after reading your follow up -Why did you even post this question in the first place? You clearly had made up your mind about not going already & even ignored your daughters feelings & clear disappointment. I think that is very sad. How exactly did it "work out"? Yeah, it worked out for YOU alright and apparently you were the only one that mattered in the first place.

I would go if only to show her and her teachers that she has interested, engaged parents. It is SO much easier to communicate with your child's teacher if you meet a greet a few times.

I know this is after the fact, but I hope you went. I can understand that there might be other things that you would rather be doing, or there might be a more productive way to use the time, but kids need to see that you care about what they are doing in school, that school matters to you too, and I am sure the teachers like to see parents there too.

A friend of mine's daughter just started kindergarten. When they went to their curriculum night last week, she said maybe half the parents showed up. The parents that came were asked to leave a special note for their child in their cubby for them to find the next day. And all my friend could think of was how crushed would those kids be who didn't have notes from their parents because the parents weren't there. She didn't have time but she was tempted to just write a bunch of notes for those kids just so they wouldn't feel left out.

If she doesn't typically throw a fit about stuff, I would reconsider going - I don't think this is about her throwing a fit and getting her way, I think it's about something being really important to her and feeling like she's not being heard or understood.

I hope you decided to go. I would have been crushed if my parents didn't go.

Someone mentioned not going to their child's because they already knew the teacher and had already had a child in that grade. I am the oldest, but my brother and sister would have been very hurt if my parents ever skipped their night just because I had already completed that grade. Each child is an individual and needs parents to get excited about them,

Back to school night isn't about you. It's about your daughter and showing her and her teachers that she and her education are important to you.

Please go.

Honestly, if it's important to her, it SHOULD be important to you. You should care enough, that she wants you there and involved. You need to go. This is not "giving in." This is acknowledging, that you need to be there for something that's important to her. Not only that, if you don't give into "fits" usually, why would she start thinking in 3rd grade, that she could work you?

For the record, my parents really never went to those. It was disappointing, embarrassing, and it made me feel unimportant in that moment. I DO remember all those "2 hours" that they missed, and it STILL doesn't feel good. I don't believe you would want to make your daughter feel that way. Please don't.

I, personally, never turn down an opportunity to get face time with my kids' teacher(s). I don't do PTO stuff anymore and don't feel any guilt about it. But I go to open house (2 different kids, so 2 different schools and 2 different nights, back to back during the dinner hour), just went to "Walk in My Shoes" at daughter's middle school, and would go to any event like it at my son's 9th grade center (HS).
The information we are given? Hardly worth the time, effort or gas to get there. The face time with the teacher? Priceless.

Also, I find it helps to meet some of the other parents.

I always go because it shows both your child and teacher that you value their education and are an involved parent. It allows you to connect w/ the teacher and possibly other staff and lets them associate you and your child.

Since you already said you weren't going and your daughter threw a fit, it is harder but I would still go. I would however, enforce some consequence for her behavior. If this was some "fun" event/optional event for her (not for you the parent and/or regarding education) I would not allow her to go.

Didn't read all your responses but in my opinion, it's important to go to as many school functions as possible. Even if it feels like a waste of two hours to you, it may be important to your daughter. And it appeared that it was.

I have 3 kids, 9th grade, 6th grade and 5th grade. In those combined 31 years of school (including 2 - 3 yrs each pre-k and 1yr each kinder), I've never once missed a back to school night. Not even one. It's such an easy thing to do, just one night per kid per year, a couple of hours to show them that we care and CHOOSE to participate in their school lives, however mundane it might be, regardless of "other things" we have to do that night. I guess my question would be: Why *wouldn't* you go?

To be honest, I think your daughter shouldn't have had to throw a fit in the first place (not that it's a good thing she did, of course). You should have just planned to go all along. In fact, I really hope you did go.

And that's my opinion regarding back to school nights.

Well, it's too late to matter at this point, but I think you should go. It is obviously important to your daughter and, since it's a school-related event, it seems like something worth supporting.

I agree that giving in to a fit is NOT generally ok and it's ok if you want to tell her that. But she wants you to attend an event at her school, so I think she should win this one.

I don't know what you should do about backing down, b

ut I do think that parents that don't got to openhouse night, are conveying a strong message that Number one their kid isn't important and number two their education isn't important.

I"m sure the district wouldn't hold this event if there wasn't a purpose for it.

My 9th grader still gets excited for me to go. She wants to know what I think of everyone of her teacher:).
I also think it sends a message to the teachers that you are an engaged parent and that education is important to you. I also think it shows your child that you are interested in a huge part of their life. I also like meeting the parents of the kids in my kid's class room.
My 4th grader had a note waiting for me and I had to reply back on BTS night. The next day she came home so happy with my note. Awww...the little things in life:)

You gotta go. I really think it shows the child you're interested in their education, excited, supportive etc. I have a 3rd grader too and she was really excited for me to go. My husband/their dad was out of town so I was going to skip my 1st grader's bc I know the teacher is excellent and I have had a first grader so have an idea what to expect. I also thought she'd prefer i was home with her . But she was SO disappointed. So I went. Maybe just go for part and skip out early and do an errand?... I also thnk it's nice to show the teachers some support. As well, I was glad I went to my 1st grader's. Seeing the teacher in action was worthwhile. I work full time so didn't really want to be out at night but like I said, it was impt to my kids and seems to be to yours.

If it were me I'd go because it's obviously important to your daughter. I would've said yes before it got to the fit stage but since it has just tell her that you've thought about it and since it's important to her you've decided to go.

I found with my daughter and my grandchildren that school events are important to them. For one reason they are talked up at school both before and after the event. They want to be a part of what's happening. They are also proud of their classroom and want to share everything with you. Going is one way to show your support for them and their classroom.

I met classmates and their parents at the Back to School Night. Many I would never have met otherwise.

I have 4 kids and the oldest are in 9th grade. We go every year. Some nights only one of us can go, but we rearrange our schedules if at all possible to make it. Tonight, my husband was in his class (he's a part-time student) so I had to cover both kids at the high school night and feel like because I only got to meet half of the teachers for each child that I don't have that connection yet to the ones I missed. Our back to school nights are a way for the teacher to present their curricula, classroom rules and expectations, etc. I feel that this information is very valuable and has helped greatly in reinforcing the school-home connection.

I don't know about your area, but back to school night around here isn't about showing off projects, but about learning what your child will be doing this year and what is expected of them and of you. This is different than a meet and greet. And as the years advance, what is required is more than what was typically expected in K-2nd grade. My kids would have been disappointed if I didn't attend. The teachers gave us folders with info in it and in my son's room, we had to leave a message for them to read the next day. I can expect a lot of disappointment from the kids' whose parents did not attend and didn't get that special note. And my husband doesn't usually go. He stays with the kids and I go alone.

I have one in ninth grade and one in seventh. Haven't missed a BTS night yet for either one.

It is important to know how the grades differer in curriculum, expectations, etc. And yes, it does show your child how much you care about their education and that it is a priority.

I hope you change your mind...

We have always gone, except last year because I had a procdure that day and couldnt. I think it is important to hear what the teachers have planned for the students for the year and what will be expected of the students and parents.

I hope you go. Sometimes the kids do special projects that you can see that night. Often there was a letter to us from our daughters, and once they each made a life-size cutout of themselves to put in their chair so we could find their seat.

I have a 24-year-old and a 14-year-old. I never missed a back to school night. Either one of them would have been so sad if we had missed. It does get more interesting as they get older.

I hope you went. Obviously it's important to her whether or not it is to you. Are the other things you plan to do really that much more important and can't be done a different evening? I am not trying to be mean. I just think that sometimes it is these small gestures that are so important to our kids. In 10 years, will it have been more meaningful to you and/or your daughter that you showed interest in her academics by going to the back to school night or that you did the other things you have to do?

You need to go.. Show your daughter you are involved and the teacher for that matter. I would never miss an opportunity to see whats going on in the school.

Please update us...it's the next day. Did you go or not? What happened?

I find that as kids get older you need to go to these nights MORE, not less! Older kids often don't tell you as much about what's going on, what the teacher has told them she expects, etc., so you may hear things at BTSNs and other events that you did not hear from you child (and maybe should have!). Last night was our BTSN and though there were no big surprises, it was important to go as it was our first time hearing about whole new grading system; the teachers went into detail about the curriculum including major upcoming testing that determines next year's math placements, and much more. Even if there weren't the grading change, we still would have learned a lot about the testing etc. My child is 11 and these things get more complex. So if you're thinking, as kids get older, we don't need to do these things any more, that's not true!

I would add that BTSN (as it gets called around here!) is a time to sign up for things like room parent, helping with/providing stuff for class parties, and more academically, signing up to help with things like reading groups or other classroom stuff. In other words, it's a time to get plugged in to what the teacher will be doing with the kids all year. I've always encountered parents who say, "oh, darn, I didn't get to sign up to help with book groups this fall and they're full" or "I wanted to help with the winter party and all the slots are taken." Increasingly of course teachers, room parents and PTAs use onliine sign-ups but nothing really beats being there in the school so you can "see and be seen" and sign up for things on the spot. Frankly, parents who attend things like BTSN, open house, etc. and who volunteer for at least something during the year are parents who are known to the teacher, and the relationship is that much stronger.

Your child also may be keeping a secret -- many teachers have kids do some special piece of art just for mom and dad to find, or a letter addressed to mom and dad, and you may have no idea that was going on. Your child may have been so adamant about your going because she knew she'd done something special and left it as a surprise for you. You write that "the students do not do any special projects to show off" but that won't be the case in every class every year.

I hope you went and will continue to go. Please let go of the idea that "If we go we're caving in to her having a fit." Maybe it'll seem that way, but choose your battles and just let this one go.

I hope you went. you get to meet the teacher. ask questions. show that your daughter comes from a family that supports her, is interested in her etc. 3rd grade is very young and still need us. my kids are in third grade, and i wouldn't miss it for the world.

Your daughter will probably be very upset again today, after hearing all about whose parents showed up, and she will again be hurt that you didn't go. I have three kids, I work full time and the only time I didn't go to one my husband went, sometimes we hired a sitter so we can both go.

Suggestion for parent of children in different schools.
Our school district holds back to school night for elementary, middle school, and high school, on different nights. This way you can attend all 3 back to school nights, if you have children of all ages.

Also our elementary school offers "baby sitting" for Back to School night, it is run by past parents and High school students.
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We never missed a back to school night.

Wanted to see the classroom set up since school had started, see where our daughter sat, wanted to hear about what they would be learning and what expectations for our child and our responsibilities.

They usually had the schedule of events for the year so parents could sign up for field trips, tutoring etc.. for the classroom.

They spoke about the testing, reports, Science Fair.. etc..and gave out the dates, so we would have a heads up. Also spoke about how best to communicate with the teacher and the teachers expectations.

mine is in kindergarten so everything is still "special" to me :) that being said, i don't anticipate being able to go to EVERYthing. AND their back to school "bash" that was supposed to be basically a carnival, was pretty lame, and our city festival is the weekend after - so next year we will skip the back to school thing in favor of a real carnival. i don't think it's the end of the world to skip some things. but i do think that if she had known more ahead of time what to expect it might be easier. i know, you said you told her this morning...but i can kind of see where it could be a big deal to her and she might be disappointed.

that being said - i don't think you should give in - simply because she's not acting appropriately. you don't get your way by throwing a fit. to me as soon as the fit starts the answer is a concrete no. hang in there mama. difficult moment, but it will pass.

there will be plenty of other things to attend. i think it's unrealistic and a bit silly to force yourself to attend every single thing - JUST to send a message that you are "involved" and "care". your child should know that from daily interactions. the teacher should know that as well, between emails, conferences, etc. as someone said our world does not COMPLETELY revolve around them - just mostly lol. (some of these "YOU SHOULD ABSOLUTELY GO TO EVERY THING!" responses are admittedly from people whose parents were not involved at all - i don't think that is your case. you are an involved caring parent. missing ONE thing will not ruin anyone's life. seriously.)

ugh. i so get what you're saying. unfortunately the schools tout it as being a big deal, and the kids whose parents DON'T go feel left out.
i also get what you're saying about the fit. just bear in mind that this has been presented to your kid in a way that does make it seem life and death to her.
i'd go, but have a serious talk with her about the tantrum thing.
khairete
S.

I know it's after the fact, but I just wanted to say that I HATE back to school night as well. It starts off with an hour long presentation in the multi-purpose room where it's over crowded and hot. You can't hear the speakers and even if you could, all they're doing is tooting each other's horns. Soooooo boring!

Then you go to the classroom where, last year, I had to sit through a Spanish presentation before the teacher did an English presentation! Let me tell you, I was NOT HAPPY!

This year, I arrived late enough to miss the presentation in the multi-purpose room and her teacher did a 15 minute presentation IN ENGLISH and I was out of there!

She'll get over it. My parents never went to back to school night. Honestly though, as a kid, I was embarrassed or felt like they didn't care about me, but I got over it. And those feelings I had were unfair to my parents. Somehow, the school put this expectation on my parents that they must go to certain events and those that didn't weren't "good" parents. Ultimately, I learned that my parents' world does not revolve around me, I learned that my education is primarily my responsibility, and I learned that my parents' expectations on me was so high that they felt comfortable not attending such events. As an adult, the relationship is not scarred as a result of their decision. :)

I went fairly regularly for the first few years with my older kids, but eventually stopped because it is not different then the meet and greet at the beginning of the year. I don't think I went with the younger ones, when they were in school (homeschooled now).

Honestly, I don't think they send any message to the teacher. If the teacher thinks your not attending means you don't value your childs education. Then she is the one with the problem. Many parents don't attend because they can't, it would be a little presumptuous to assume they are slacker parents.