One More Question, Because I Love Yall's Responses! Thanks!

Well, I've been a babysitter and nanny for over 20 years and now I'm a mom. The thing I've found that works best for this is to attend to them, but be boring. I would just sit on the floor when the child wanted up. I wouldn't pick up the child, but let he/she sit in my lap. You can talk sweet, give 'em love, whatever, just don't pick them up. I wouldn't talk to her or give her love for more than a minute or two. That way, you're giving her the attention she needs, but not giving in to her demands on being picked up. Don't play with her or read to her or anything- really try to be as boring as possible. She figure after a bit, that she'd rather go play with something (hopefully). You might want to practice this when you're not in the middle of dinner, of course- it could take a few minutes for her to get bored (don't want anything to burn). The last time I did this (and it worked) was with my son, who is a busy boy- so boring mommy wasn't needed for up after he figured out I was boring. He would rather go find something to play with. Now, your daughter may have an entirely different personality and may be content to sit in your lap for an hour- who knows? Let me know if this helps- I really hope it does.

Hello B.,
Well that is a tough age in that area. Mine did that and I was home with them. I would reassure her using the same phrase "mommy is right here" Or "mommy needs a minute" and do what you need to, but as soon as you can, pick her up. The first two years are so important for you to meet your kids needs and she may really 'need' you. Try to get something done when you can, but if you do leave the room, keep going (don't let her see hesitation) but verbally reassure her in a light hearted voice; and get to her as soon as you can. That is all you can do. Involve her in as much as possible as well.

Hang in there...you are one needed lady :-)

Well, I have to disagree with the sling thing, a 1 year old is just too big to be "wearing" while your trying to do things. I don't mean to sound so harsh but that's a bit much. I understand about the whole being away from her all day and feeling guilty but there are ways around it, like one mom said about the bowls and spoons, that way they are right there with you and you can talk with them and they see you. And you could wait to do dishes and clean up until she goes to bed, or your husband could do it, while you take her for a walk or just play together. Maybe when you get home from work you could start off by saying let's cook dinner together and you get your stuff going while she has "her stuff" make it fun and exciting for her so she won't feel your abandoning her! Good luck!

Hi B.,

I know it's soooo hard! My daughter did the same thing. (And my mom would reinforce the "it's because you work so much...she just needs more of your time" guilt). I got a hip-carrier to help me hold her more and get more done (which helps some - it at least frees up both your hands while you hold her). Also, I would ask her to "help mommy" as much as I could and give her little taks to do. For example, in the kitchen, I would ask her to "help mommy" by taking all the cans out of the bottom cabinet and put them on the floor... and, lo and behold, when she was done with that, mommy needed help putting them back *in* the cabinet! This works a few times and then you have to come up with a new task - but I would make up a bunch - like rearranging the magnets on the fridge (I got some letter magnets from the dollar store). In the bathroom, I ask her pick out her favorite pony-tail holder from my collection (also from the dollar store... ) or to stack up the dixie cups... you get the idea. Then, she feels a part of what you are doing and feels helpful. In fact, one of the first phrase she put together was "Help Mommy, Help mommy"... which I first mistook for her wanting help, but really she was saying she wanted to help mommy! lol it was too cute!

I hope that helps. It *does* get better!

B.,

I had the same problem with my daughter at that age! She wanted to be held, but hated a sling to help me hold her while cooking etc... So I gave her access to the bottom of my pantry, bought her some plastic play fruits and veges in a basket, and put some things down there for her to play with that could not hurt her(boxed foods etc.... I also gave her a bottom drawer in my kitchen. She still plays in the drawer to this day....she is now 18 months. I don't open the pantry door much anymore because she is getting too tall for her own good! But this seemed to help keep her occupied for a while, giving my back & arm a much needed break. Hope this helps, I know how it is to have a little one that wants to be held all the time. Mine pretty much did this from birth....and she just wanted Mommy to hold her(no one else would do) You could always get your husband to cook(ha) If yours is like mine...very willing to help....but you might not want to eat it!

Best of luck to you!

K.

My son was the same way. I would get a carrier or wrap so that you can wear her. That way she gets the time she wants with you and you can still have use of your hands.

This is very typical of your daughter's age. When I was working full time I too had the guilt, thinking that my daughter was acting this way because she either missed me or was mad at me for being gone all day. Well, I've stayed home since my second was born and guess what? Same thing! All the same behaviors, only now I get a full day of it instead of a few hours concentrated in the evenings. Ha! Anyway, I've found a couple different things that have worked in this situation. When I was working, I had to take a look at how I spent my time when I got home. What do you do when you pick her up from childcare? What happens when you get home? I found that I was hitting the door in a rush when I got home from work. I mean, I needed to get dinner started, clean off the table, load/unload the dishwasher, change a diaper, pee, change into comfortabel clothes.... All these things needed to happen right away. However, in the midst of it, I had this baby that was begging for my attention and my solution was to put a DVD in to get her out of my hair so I could do all these things. In my mind, I would take care of business, then sit and play with the baby for a few minutes before we ate. So I spent many nights doing just what you've described. Either cooking with a kid on my hip, or cooking while the kid was not on my hip, but following me around the house crying. Problem was that the kids couldn't wait for the attention.
Anyway, I decided to come in the door and spend 30 minutes with the baby before doing anything else. I did go to the bathroom and change into comfy clothes, but she tagged along for those things (ask me if I remember a time when I could pee alone...). It made a world of difference in the rest of the evening. We really didn't eat dinner that much later than when I was fighting a kid off while trying to cook, and the whole evening was much more peaceful.

The other method for this is room time or playpen time. I've found the both of my kids like to wind down with their own stuff after being gone all day. While I was working, I would have the time with my daughter first, then she'd play in a playpen (out of sight range) or in her crib for the next 15-20 min while I got dinner started. By then, daddy might be home and he'd go get his baby fix. Establishing playpen time isn't easy -- it was met with a lot of crying. But once it becomes a routine, it's expected and you'll have less fuss about it. It would never last more than about 20 min though, and we started it in increments -- 2 min, then 5, then 10...
With two kids, and with me staying home, the kids would still melt down as soon as I step foot in the kitchen. It was so bad that my husband said once "I don't even want to come home." Really, the 5:00 hour is just a bad one no matter what. Our solution to that was that I simply did not try to cook until my husband was home. I give the kids a light snack and play with them until my husband gets home -- legos, drawing, watercolors, and even sit and watch TV/DVD with them (They won't watch on their own and stay out of my business while I cook, but if I sit down with them, they happily interact, dance along, etc. -- go figure). Once he's in and settled, he does "Daddy time" with them and I can get a meal on the table. There are even plenty of nights where the kids and I are so involved in our fun time that Daddy fixes dinner.
Now that the little one is 2, I can actually get some "help" in the kitchen from both of them, so it's actually possible to begin the meal process before hubby is home. The 4 yr old can set the table while the 2 yr old stands in a chair at the sink and "washes dishes" (splashes and plays with plastic dishes in a bowl of soapy water). Before they could "help" I would often let them play in the tuppeware cabinet, let them "wash dishes" in a bowl of soapy water on the floor (on a towel!), etc. When my husband would cook, he would let my daughter help a lot, even from the time she was under a year old. She would pick things out of the spice cabinet, scoop and pour ingredients, transfer chopped veggies from cutting board to a bowl, shake salt on things, push numbers on the kitchen timer or microwave, wipe spills with a paper towel, etc.
This too shall pass. Hang in there!