OK I Just Have to Ask If This Is Weird or Not, Question About Playdates

very weird and unhealthy.
what a pity.
that poor little girl.
i'm afraid jenny's friendship would be restricted to the few venues where it was okay to have mom clinging like a barnacle the whole time. that would never involve when i was trying to work.
:/ khairete
S.

So... is she this way at school? Does she stay with her daughter the entire time she is at school?

After all, bad things happen at school, also....

Yeah, it's weird......

Yep, this woman is nutso-bonkers. I see why everyone else is keeping their distance... she is out of this world!

Honestly, unless there was some medically-relevant reason, that's just strange. I can understand even a first-time visit, lingering for a while or getting to know you but this is beyond strange. It's weird for her daughter too-- she should be allowed to 'have a life' and if mom really needs to supervise every.little.thing then the mom should have offered to host.

This woman has issues.
I feel sorry for Jenny but this isn't a problem that you can fix.
(Where's Jenny's father in all this?)
Buying your daughter a dress - when she already had one - and after you said no - is an attempt to buy your daughters friendship / favor.
Jenny's Mom lacks a sense of boundaries.
She can't separate herself from her daughter and she over stepped when she bought that dress.
If they drop by unannounced, tell them at the door that now is not a good time - and shut the door.

I might be tempted to take the mother aside and explain what was bothering me.
(Jenny can come play for 1 or 2 hours (only if she calls first to make sure it's ok) but you can't come with her and stay the whole time. Jenny's 11 yrs old, not 4. She can call you to come get her anytime she wants to leave. And I said 'no' about the dress and you went ahead anyway, so my daughter will not be going with you shopping anymore. (Give her the dress back.) And if you are not comfortable with that then I'm sorry but Jenny will not be able to come over anymore. Please consider seeing a therapist because Jenny seems like a lovely girl but your sticking to her like glue is driving away her friends and you could use a few interests/friends of your own that don't center around your daughter.)
Either it will fall on deaf ears, or she'll get mad, or she'll cry and try to cling all the harder.
I don't think the Mom has a clue that her behavior is not normal.
I see (hopefully) a lot of therapy in their future for both Jenny AND her Mom.
Without some major help - at the rate they are going, if Jenny ever gets married the Mom will probably expect to come along on the honeymoon.

Yes, its weird. If I had room in my heart though, I would carry on having Jennie and her Mom over. Just spend a few minutes with pleasantries, and have a pot of coffee on in the kitchen, then get on with your day as she supervises the kids in your home. Positive spin on things, its like having a playdate and a babysitter all in one. Poor Jennie, she didn't choose to have a weird Mom.

Good luck to you and yours,
F. B.

Wellllll after reading BOTH of your posts I actually got chills (the dang things won't go away) I was sexually abused for YEARS by an uncle (my mom was flighty to say the least and this was her older sister's husband) I lived with them TOO much until age 10...anywayz I just want to say, 'if it doesn't feel right in your gut then leave it alone' this applies in ANY situation that comes up in my life...I AM sorry for the young girl! BUT...SOMETHING is NOT right! No, you are NOT over-reacting, GO WITH YOUR GUT! After everything that has happened to me in my life, my kidz & grankidz go & play with their friends, just like you and the zillion other parents allow.

OMG yes that's weird!! Her poor daugther! I mean at age 11 the girl is almost old enough to baby sit she hardly needs her mom to be there. I barely tolerate this kind of thing with 4 and 5 year olds and by first grade, a kid who can't just come over after school without a chaperone is not a child my kids play with on a regular basis. I don't have time to entertain overprotective parents while our kids play.

Sorry, but she's crazy.

No more house playdates--stick to neutral territory, like a park so you can leave when you've had your fill.

Yes, it is very weird. This woman really needs to learn how to trust people, especially people she's known for years.

Yep, really bizarre. Practice saying "I'm sorry, that won't work for me" over and over. :)

Would you consider letting your daughter play at her house? If you would, then next time she asks, tell her that you have to work and that if she wants the girls to play together, your daughter will have to go to her house. If she says no, then that's it and you have to decline.

I'm sorry. You're finding out what every other mom found out, and probably you'll be like them too... :(

Helicopter parenting taken to the extreme. Wonder if she's going to accompany her daughter to her senior prom, too. You know, because you never know and all the news you see on the TV...

Poor girl. She's going to be a very insecure adult. And this will drive a wedge between her and her mother someday.

Beyond weird. Geez we let our kids play at friends houses as toddlers without
Us hanging around. Some days we stayed but that was because we needed adult company, not because we did not trust each other. What has this world come to if you cannot trust a friend. Playing has become such an involved event.

It is odd. but then again i had emmys first grade class over and one parent didnt even wait for M. toopen the door before they pulled away...they never even met M.. id rather the other extreme then that

i would keep having them J. less frequent. Only because poor Jenny seems like a good girl and wont have any friends if not. It;'s sad

My dad who was an abusive alcoholic (i only state this fact for irony purposes) was insanely overprotective of M. and i coukldnt go on weekend vacations with any friends i had in school. eventually they stopped asking M. and their bonds with other girls in the class who could do these things got stronger. also i was very limited on where i could go and kids didnt make repeat trips to my house, probably after their parents met my dad....so it was hard to form strong bonds.

he worked nightwork and my mom worked day work and he didnt want us outside unless he was awake and didnt trust us so we layed on the floor in his bedroom while he slept quietly and J. bored...

anyway from my experience with a parent a little off their rocker I'd say find a way to have the girls stay friends for the sake of that kid who never gets to do anything

I say if you get a weird feeling from the mom then maybe it's better if the daughter doesn't come over anymore. If she insist on staying, which I think is weird at that age, then maybe you can just meet at the park for a little while so the girls can still play. And the thing about the dress is totally weird. I usually ask the parents when they drop off (and my kids are 6 & 9) if it's okay if I feed them so and so snack or let them have juice. I've never had a friend's parent hang out except for my kid's first birthday party when they were 5 years old, which I can totally understand.

My DD is 4 and if I know the parents well, we leave our kid at each other's houses.

I think you need to revisit the parameters of these afternoons. If you know you won't be able to work anyway, then perhaps invite Jenny to a specified event or say you'll meet them at a park and then YOU can leave whenever you are ready vs waiting for Jenny to leave. Or take your DD to Jenny's house instead.

We had a friend or two of the sks' that would stay a long time. We only allowed them to invite that child if the pick up time was really not important that day. And you will have to give Jenny and her mom a firm end time. "We are eating dinner at 6PM. The play date cannot go past that." And then firmly shoo them out the door by 6. Even my DD knows you say good bye and leave, even if you are having fun, if the play time is over.

The mom is rude and I feel sorry for her kid. It IS weird.

I just read your SWH and if you don't trust her in return, then maybe Jenny needs to be a school time only friend.

This is beyond weird. I don't think I would be OK with Jenny's mom hanging around the house while the girls play. I do feel very bad for Jenny. We've been doing drop off playdates and birthday parties since pre-school!

I don't know the answer about what to do... but yes, that is vey strange. My daughter is also 11 and I cannot imagine doing any of what you have posted this woman has done.
Not staying for a birthday party when all the other parents dropped off (in other words, it wasn't designed for the parents to be part of the party), not buying your daughter a dress for the school dance (I mean, if I felt like it was evident that there was a resources issue, that might prompt me to offer... but that doesn't sound at all like the case)--who does that?? I am picky about my child wearing things that are modest and it is not easy to find modest clothing sometimes for that age group, not wanting/asking/demanding(?) to sit on your sofa while you work in another room, not inviting myself into your business plan....
The whole thing is just very strange.
I feel badly for "Jenny". Her mother is going to (and is already) make things very socially awkward for her.

And as far as Gamma saying all her friends stay for all their play dates, I would be interested in the ages of those kids. Sounds like they are very young, if they are also having them at McD's playlands. By the time kids are 11, they aren't "play dates" anymore---and hanging out in a fast food play area is long since past any reasonable plan--usually the kids have been excluded by age/weight long before this age, when the kids will have long since lost interest anyway.
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Ok, see age 9 is what, 4th grade? The end of 3rd grade for some? This is an 11 year old-- that is middle school or about to be. My daughter is 11, turns 12 next month. She's about to go into 7th grade. There are a lot of differences in what I would allow for her in 4th grade versus now.

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ETA after your SWH edits:
Maybe it is a cultural thing...

Yes, that is weird and I would put an end to it. Just be blunt with her and tell her you have tried to be nice, but you don't like her hanging at your house and if she can't just drop off Jenny, then she can't come over. DONE! And don't let your daughter go over there either. Time to move on. Good luck!

Yes. Cuckoo for CoCoa Puffs! Feel so sorry for Jenny. This Mom is over the top and has issues. I don't think you have anything to lose by pointing out what B already said below. She will either acknowledge and explain or get the heck out of there. Follow your gut. It could be something like she was abused as a child at a friends house herself or maybe the husband is abusive in some way. That is the feeling I get from your description.

Yes, this is weird. Mom has anxiety issues and she's putting them on her daughter.

Personally, I would not encourage the play dates. The girls can hang out in school. If your daughter REALLY wants to see Jenny outside of school, meet at a park or at the movies, which are places where it wouldn't be overly weird for the moms to stay.

My son is 5 and we have had a couple of play dates. They are young, so the parents are always welcome to stay, but none have done so. We have dropped him off at one house where we know the family very well and he's fine for a few hours.

I think it's very weird too ( and I homeschool and am fairly protective of my kids).

I'd be distancing our family from that situation.

Weird odometer going off big time. What a shame she's making her child a social pariah when the kid is great child! I think you've been pretty clear with her. If you feel comfortable enough, you may have to have that conversation with her where you point blank tell her she's truly doing a disservice to her child. You'd be doing her kid a tremendous favor!! And you may find out that perhaps something bad has happened in her or her daughter's past that leads her to behave this way.

The buying your daughter a dress after you said NO would royally piss me off and she'd be hearing from me on that one. In fact, I'd give the dress back to her for her to return it.

Yes, that's weird. If I don't trust someone, my kid doesn't go play at their house. Otherwise, I have no problem dropping my 6, 8, and 9 year olds off at their friends house OR having the friends come to our house.

Some of my friends are great, and I enjoy when they come drop the kids off and we chat for 2 hours, but others - no thanks! A quick 5 minute chat is more than enough. Sometimes my friends and I don't even realize we have spent the whole time talking until their husbands call and ask where they are! Whoops!

So yea, if you don't want her talking and staying the whole time, and she tells you she doesn't trust you with her kid if she isn't there, then I'd say I'm sorry, but she is unable to come over. Stinks for your kid, but it is what it is.

You have so many posts already I know. But I have to say this is weird. Something is wrong here. It may be as simple as she said, that you don't know with all the strange things that happen - and so she has a need to protect. But even so she has to find a different and better way to handle and deal with her fears. Maybe something terrible happened to her or someone in her family. I'd ask her.

I know you don't have time to entertain her and I wouldn't if I were you. But if the friendship means that much to your daughter I would let her come over and just let the mom sit on the couch and tell her to bring a good book. I know you say she's strange, and so aren't we all. Have some heart.

Or you could meet up at the park or such but then that's taking your time.

I know she is imposing, I agree with what you say - but consider that this really isn't that big a thing unless you make it so. It's strange but not that much of a biggie considering the world at large. We live in a strange, strange world and it's caused a lot of fears in people real and/or imaginary. Have control over the situation with some compassion. See how it goes. Don't punish your child or her friend bc you can't put up with it.

Just another viewpoint that you may want to consider - or not.

They are 11, they are not little girls. It's one thing to go along on a playdate with your preschooler, but not your middle schooler. The mom doesn't trust anyone with her? Does she send her to school? I'm sure she doesn't go along with her there. No wonder the other moms avoid her. I think you may need to stop having this kid over. You do need to be firm with the mom that you do not have the time to entertain her.
But besides being a huge helicopter mom, she has other issues. She doesn't understand things like overstaying one's welcome. A party has an end time. Everyone leaves. She should know better than to assume they are welcome to stay. "I'm glad Emily had a great time and I hope she'll come again, but party time is over and we have other things to do now." Also, trying to push in on your business venture? Overstepping! Buying your daughter a dress that you said no to and that you won't pay for? Overriding your authority. She has serious boundary issues.
If this were me, I'd be avoiding her from now on, too.

I feel so, so sorry for both the daughter and the mom.

Clearly something is wrong here.

It sounds as if maybe either the mom, herself, was a victim of something at some point in her own life and is therefore wildly overprotective of her daughter. Or the girl has had trouble at some play date and told mom, who interpreted as the girl being threatened and who now hovers fearfully. Or possibly the mom has an ex who was abusive and stalkerish, and whom the mom fears can get at the child if mom so much as leaves her for five minutes outside the security of school. Or --the mom may simply be very lonely and awkward, and not good at making friends, so she hangs on when her daughter goes on play dates, in order to get some adult-mom company.

In other words -- you can't know what is making this mom so very, and so pathetically, overprotective. She also seems to lack the "social brakes" that most of us develop and which help us recognize when it's time to go home--those inner intutions that tell us when we're on the verge of overstaying our welcome. Some people do reach adulthood without those brakes ever developing, and they often don't read other people's social signals well (such as not "getting it" when a host parent says, "Well, we really need to get our dinner going soon...." as a cue to leave, etc.)

And buying your child clothing without your permission -- yep, that really was stepping over the line. I assume you had a strong talk with your child about accepting the dress, and I hope you returned it--? And told the mom that you had said no to your child and had returned the dress?

As someone already posted, you could frankly ask the mom, "Is there something wrong with Jenny?" Though....I might phrase it more gently as "Is there something going on with Jenny that makes you prefer to stay through play dates? Because I note that you do prefer to stay, and though you said you just don't trust leaving her, I wonder what I can do to put you at ease enough that the girls can have their time alone together and you can get some well-deserved free time for yourself."

Or alternatively, only meet this mom and daughter at the park or on other outings when you are free and willing to hang around yourself.

It seems a real pity for Jenny to suffer and go without play dates just because her mom is either socially clueless (which may not be mom's fault) or because mom has had some past incident that makes her irrationally protective. It would be a real kindness to the child to continue to have play dates if you can get them more on your terms.

Has the mom actually just sat in the house while you worked and the kids played? If that only happened a time or two, letting it happen every single time might get the message through to her: "I really do have to work and I am just a few feet from the girls. It's OK if you want to stay during the play date, but I'll be working, and if you wanted to go out and get your errands done and pick Jenny up at 5:00 that would be great."

You ARE giving her specific ending times on play dates so far, aren't you? It sounds as if they are rather open-ended if she and Jenny are still in the house at toddler bedtime. Be assertive with farewells and be sure to say "The girls can play until 4:00 but at 4 we need to get Child ready for dance class" or "we will be leaving just after you leave at 4 to go to X," or whatever. It sounds as if this woman might need very specific time frames and then you might need to, with your daughter, walk to the door and hold it open with a big smile and say, "I'm so glad the girls had a good time but we've got to say our farewells and get Child and Toddler ready for X now."

I think it's clear, though, not to let your daughter go anywhere alone with this mom and Jenny, after the mall incident.

Very weird and NO you are not overreacting. I kinda feel like you too nice!She doesn't have any boundaries and is completely socially clueless. You have to break the news to her more directly that she is imposing on your family time and it isn't ok to just drop by for an hour or two. Tell her the next time she wants a playdate, that you will have a start and a finish time and that she can just drop her off. Family time is precious and if anyone was staying longer after a party and I was putting my toddler to bed, I would have to kick them out. Time to be direct but firm with your boundaries.

Good luck!!!! It makes sense why all the other moms stay away-----they just don't want to deal with her obnoxious behavior! Hang in there and hope you can find a happy medium.

Very weird and very annoying. I'm dealing with this a bit with one mom and my daughter is only 8.5, friends are 9. I guess I'm premature to be annoyed! I would try to contain yourself and put on your patient/nice hat and ask her what's going on. Say "did someting happen to Jenny on a playdate once? The girls are old enough for years now that no other moms stay for playdates." See what she says. Likely she'll just say that she wants to stay. The mom I"m dealing with said "I'm very involved in my children's lives". So if she gives you that, I would say "that's fine but to be honest, as I've told you, I don't have time to chat and it makes me uncomfortable for you to be sitting here and I get the feeling other mothers feel the same way. Jenny is a sweetheart and I don't want to stop playdates but they have to be dropoff. I hope you're ok with that bc if you're not, i think you're really hurting Jenny." I totally get your frustration. I feel like I deal with women I never would have if I wasn't a mom. So sad for Jenny. If she can't deal with it, maybe be outright rude to her when she comes but let her still come for poor Jenny's sake.

She sounds overboard. I wonder why??

For the record, there is a little girl at our elementary school who is now in 2nd grade but her mom walks her in to class and STAYS in the class until after the announcements and class has started since Kindergarden. We HATE IT because it is an intrusion in the classroom.

Then, at lunch she is there DAILY throughout the entire lunch and stays for the entire recess.

I hate to see it because no one hangs out with this little girl because the helicopter is always there. You can see that she wants to interact with others and when she is in class and mom is gone, she is perfectly fine with other children

I don't understand it, I do know the counselor has mentioned it but the behavior hasn't stopped. Maybe it is because this little girl is her baby, I don't know.

It sounds like your daughter's friend's mom has some similar issues.

We started drop off play dates at 5. That is odd.

I'm at two minds on this. When my daughter was around 10 she was invited to a bday party. I went with her watched for a bit and everything seemed ok. I left and got a call a half hour later. I had to go back apparently two of the girls were bulling her. Throwing stickers in her hair etc. This is when I found out the PTA kids were the bullies of the school and got away with anything and the principle and school did absolutely nothing. Which is why I am so anti PTA now. After which any party she was invited to I stayed because I knew these girls would not start anything with me around. We finally pulled her out of that school and she started a nice montissorri. After such a bad experience I have to say I did hang around for a few playdates to make sure there was no repeat performances from other kids. Usually playdates are out of the house with friends to movies, arcade etc and her dad usually goes. I've now though started to let her go to playdates on her own with these kids because they do treat her right. She now can have sleep overs and even overnight trips with the school. Find out from your daughter if she was bullied by any of the kids in the school. Maybe her mom is afraid to leave her alone because of something that happened. Going forward if she wants a play date make it for out of the house like the movies that will last two hours then you can leave them and go home.

Too wierd! Maybe they are in a witness protection program, just a thought, I know I know too many police shows! :)

After reading a lot of the responses, it may be time to just point blank ask the mom, "Hey is something wrong with Jenny?" Say it in a somewhat offensive way to get a rise out of her. If yes, then you will know why she is always around maybe jenny almost died as a kid or was abducted by a family member??
If "No. Why would you even ask that." Be brutal, be blunt. "Because of the way you act." Tell her that she is alienating jenny's friends and unless she, the mom, can't chill out, Jenny can't come.
Or tell the mom that as much as you like Jenny, she (the mom) is no longer welcome in your home unless invited by you!
Harsh, but there is something going on and you need to get to the bottom of it.
some of these people just flit through life and think everyone else is the problem when they just drift away, but a wake up call may be needed.

It is very weird, but let's look at this from a different angle. maybe Jenny's mom has anxious depression or something? She just can't be apart from her daughter or she worries too much? And she bought your daughter a dress because it's so important to her that her daughter has a friend?

Maybe she is medicated, but maybe she is harmless and in need of a friend.

This doesn't mean you have to be this friend, I'm just saying that it might be something like this.....

Yes that's weird. This woman is being beyond paranoid and I feel really, really sorry for her daughter.
Next time she drops by unannounced don't invite her in. Let her know it's not a good time and to please call first before she comes over again. Then say goodbye and close the door.
Not only is she paranoid but she clearly has no social skills.

my kids are 8. i go with them. you may be the sweetest person ever, it doesn't matter.

That does sound weird. With what she said it does sound like she's hiding something. Or her daughter may have issues you don't know about and she feels like she needs to be close by just in case. But the Mall thing that's so not ok. If you said no she should not have done it.

If I were you, I'd stick to neutral territory like parks or parties. It's not fair to your daughter or Jenny that the mom is such a helicopter mom!

Either that or I'd just let her stay at your house while you work!

There was a little boy in our neighborhood and his mom was nutso protective of him. We were allowed to run around the neighborhood (it was the 80's!) but he had to be walked BY HIS MOTHER everywhere. She also called our houses frequently to make sure our parents knew how precious he was.

Eventually we stopped going over there to see if he wanted to play because no one wanted his mother around.

It took a year of him having no one to play with (the mom would call our houses asking if we wanted to come over and we always said "no." Also at that age, we were using the phones to call our friends ourselves) and the mom FINALLY let up.

So it may take Jenny having no friends or someone being very blunt in order for the mom to let up. I'm not a fan of letting your child just roam free, but I do drop mine off at the houses of people we do know.

I wouldn't have playdates at the house anymore. But, I'm feeling sorry for the little girl who doesn't have friends because her mom is strange. So, I would meet them for playdates at the park or some other neutral place every once in a while. That way you both stay there for an hour or so. Then, when it's time to go, you and your child can leave so there is no opportunity to hang around for hours inappropriately.

Yeah, definitely weird.

I haven't read the other answers, but after reading both your post and your SWH, I'm inclined to believe she might be abusive in some way to her own children and uses this tactic to prevent them from ever being alone with anyone long enough to tell them about it. In any case, she's psychologically harming these children by not allowing them the independence they crave and the privacy they deserve. Who wants their mom hanging about for hours at that age, while you play with your friends?

Yes, it's weird. But I also think it's weird that *you* have to know someone for 2 years before you let your daughter play there. Not worrisome-weird, just that I can't imagine listening to my child whine for two years about visiting someone's house while I waited for that time to elapse. I really don't have the time or inclination to personally vet every single friend they have in that manner.

And maybe it's me, but by the time my kids were 11, we no longer called it a "playdate". That's for toddlers. They go to each others' houses to play and visit, and they have sleepovers. I don't mean to pick on you, these things just jumped out at me from your post, but I wholeheartedly agree that this woman is weird and you have every right to be concerned.

Yes, it's really weird. Poor little girl.

Tell her no, she can't stay on the couch while you work. Promise her you will take really good care of her daughter, and force her to leave. It's good for her daughter to get a break from this neurotic helicopter.

Good for you for being blunt. The woman needs it. Good luck and please update us. Pretty unusual situation.

I have never dropped off my child for a play date either. It is babysitting otherwise. I pay people to baby sit the kids so if I leave them I should pay them for babysitting in my mind. That's how it works with my group of friends anyway.

We had play dates every week, sometimes twice a week, and each time all the moms stayed each and every time. I have truly never seen it done any other way.

I found it a good time to build relationships with this group of ladies and a great time for the kids to play together with much supervision.

When I have done play dates with strangers...kids from school we meet in neutral places like McDonald's so that if we want to leave it's not awkward. The kids have a certain time frame, there are not broken items in the home, and they can have fun playing on safe equipment.
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Well, my granddaughter is 9 and she hasn't gone to very many kids homes that I don't know their parents well. I am a social person so I love getting together to visit and get to know potential friends.....

We had kids from infants in carriers that we passed around when they were awake. We had kids that were in elementary school too. When they were in school they didn't come of course but we did have the under school agers every week about twice per week. We used a church building's gym and the kids rode their bikes, rode rocking toys and cars. then we had all sorts of other stuff we brought all the time too. It was a great deal of fun for all of us. The kids are still super close to this day.

My grandson is 6 and he's pretty wild so no, I would not let him go to a play date for several more years where I didn't stay.

All the parents we've had for birthday parties and things usually stay too. It's not that parents job to babysit my grandchild. It's my job to make sure they are using good manners and acting accordingly.

I do have a friend like this woman though. I had her stay one time past when everyone else was in bed. They were watching the end of a movie.

The next time I invited them over I gave a specific time that they had to leave because we had something planned that was for family only. They left promptly on time that time and future times too because I always said a specific time they'd need to be gone by.

My daughter had a VERY good neighbor friend whose parent (father) always stayed with every time she came over to play. I did NOT feel any need to "socialize" or entertain the parent. What is the big deal? Go about doing whatever you were going to do, and let the parent just sit there, or do whatever. When the girls were very young, he played, too. It was hilarious, and they really enjoyed him, and often used him as one of their "props". Eventually, he did phase out coming over with her, I guess when he felt she was "old enough". Parents have different levels of comfort as to age. I had no problem with my kid playing at a neighbor's house without me even at age 3, as long as the parent was willing to babysit the kid - FINE! Other parents may feel a need to hover until 13. Whatever. I don't care, nor do I judge.

But, like I said - if the parent comes over - it is not my responsibility to entertain the parent. I HAVE stayed at houses before when I did not know the people. I brought a book to read.

yeah I would say that is being over protective. Did something happen before that she feels she needs to keep a good eye on her (since she doesn't trust anyone?) That just doesn't seem normal to me. I started dropping off my daughter at playdates when she was 6. I still only stay if they invite me in and want to hang out, but I never just expect to stay the whole time. So it's usually just a quick drop off.

Definately weird. Just let her know if she just shows up that you are not available for a play date. Politely decline other advance requests. Go with your gut on this one and move one.

Do you happen to know how Jenny feels about it? My daughter has one friend who from a very early age insisted the mom leave for any party or event she was taken to. But my daughter has very high anxiety. She's finally growing out of it (she's 11), but up until last year, she would insist I stay for things. She didn't want anyone else to know about it, but she would insist with everyone except for her very best friends. I didn't need to be in the room, she just really wanted me nearby. She still does it sometimes, but not as much now. I've never told any parent it was because I don't trust them, though!

It is a bit odd but she does have a valid point. There are a lot of crazies in this world and it does only take once to become a victim. That said, she can't hover forever and she does presumably let the girl go to school without her.

My daughter is 5 and in kindergarten, and we have just started the whole "drop-off playdate" thing with classmates at school, rather than the moms hanging around and socializing with each other. There are still some that I do that with, but it's because we are really good friends ourselves and it's a chance for us to hang out and catch up while the kids play. I would agree that it all sounds very odd, but maybe Jenny's mother has severe anxiety issues, maybe it's Jenny with the anxiety issues, maybe something traumatic happened in the past, maybe she is just socially clueless, who knows. I try not to get all judgy in my head when stuff like this comes up, but I would let her know that while Jenny is welcome to come over for a play date, having another adult guest at the same time won't work for you because you just don't have the time to socialize - or Jenny's mother can choose to have the girls are her house if that makes her more comfortable.

I do think it's a little weird and overprotective, but I can understand her point. If her big concern really is that she's afraid of what could happen and not being able to trust someone, I can see why she wouldn't want to drop her off. Try telling her that you need to work, but she's welcome to read or watch TV in the family room while the girls play.

Otherwise, suggest that they have the play date at her house instead if she is comfortable watching your child without you being there. She may just not be ok with dropoff play dates in general.

My son is in kindergarten and this year we started doing drop off play dates with a few of his friends, but I am good friends with all of the moms and we have known each other for a few years.

Is it weird? Sure, but it's not beyond my imagination as more and more parents are turning into helicopter parents. I'm sure at some point 'playdates' (hate that term) will become a thing of the past, especially as more and more parents let their imagination run away from them. After all, this is a scary world we live in, scarier then when 'we' were kids.

If this is a problem for you, then back off of playdates in your house, make them in a mutual place like a park or something.

As for the mom buying your DD a dress. Did you specifically tell this mom that she couldn't buy your DD a dress, or did you just tell your DD that you wouldn't buy another dress since she already had one. There is a difference. If I had the money and was hanging at the mall with the kids I would buy them stuff. I HATE to take kids anywhere and only buy my kids things. So if I know we can't afford any extra's we don't invite others along, if I can then that's how I do it.

So mom is not nor/typical, and your gut is saying something is off. Just make sure it's not just that mom is over paranoid, it's really not this little girls fault.

I agree!
Weird to me also and I am a very protective mother even with my nearly 17 yr old! But yes, I wouldn't want her sitting on my couch, I would feel obligated to sit there with her. Then again, our neighbor was telling us a few years back the former renters of the house we are in had a swing set in there living room because their kids weren't allowed to go out and play! Takes all kinds I suppose.....