I TOTALLY understand !! We have "too much stuff" courtesy partly of having moved from a 13 room house to a 3 BR ranch. Our girls also have "stuff" from their own gifts and from hand-me-down "stuff" from their bigger sisters who are grown and gone.
Start by picking up what you don't need around, and cleaning. Plan a "toybox" in the room the kids play in -- even if it's a cardboard box. You could paint it to match the room or just leave it cardboard. But that way, the kids can pick up and play Mary Poppins or something while they do it. You can tell them it's time for lunch, and everyone has to help picking the toys up before they get to eat. Same with an afternoon snacktime. Kind of like they'd have to do at a daycare if they were there.
Do your laundry daily, so it's not 5 loads to fold and put away at once. It's easier to manage that way. Dishwashers aren't all they are cracked up to be. You can wash the dishes and leave clean ones in the strainer in the sink without losing curb appeal. You can't leve the dirty ones stacked around if you want your kitchen to look nice and smell nice. You CAN burn cinnamon, or apple pie, or vanilla scented candles to make the people viewing your house find that it smells wonderful. Ahhhhhhhhh . . . help them to like your house. . .
It is more challenging with little ones, but you can do this, because most of the clutter in the house is probably not toys.
When I was working FT and had to host T-giving for 15, I couldn't possibly get the clutter cleaned and the food made. I stuffed all the clutter in the drier, cleaned the surfaces, and we all laughed later that evening, when we pulled the clutter back out of the drier.
You will need to clean your closets, because when people look at homes, they look at EVERYTHING. If it is stuff you want to keep, pack it while you do this. Leave your closets fairly empty, so they look BIGGER. An overstuffed closet tells the buyer that the closets are too small. One that has room for more stuff in it, tells them they are a good size.
If you are not good at tossing "stuff", then this is a great time for you. As you clean, you can decide whether this is worth moving or whether you want to get rid if it. You can take stuff to Salvation Army, or Good Will, and feel good about that, or you can pack it away and when you get to the "new" house, you will have a happy reunion with your treasures.
But less "stuff" makes a house look bigger and more attractive. And the less stuff you have around, the less you have to dust off, clean around, etc. Make your life easier, and pack it up.
I have been working 12 hour-days for the last 6 weeks, and my eldest has been home recovering from a workers' comp injury. She's cleaned my kitchen, re-organized it, made sure my counters are empty, and she hounds her younger sisters to make them pick up their stuff. I'm not good at that kind of thing, but she's made the place look much better. (Of course, she does leave HERS around, but she's leaving and going back to sea this week) . . . When I get home at 9:30 every night, I smile when I walk in the door. It's really nice to see the counters, and know the place isn't a wreck waiting for me to tackle it.
The more stuff you get out of the way, the less stress you will have in your daily life. It's a whole lot easier to pick up 10 toys than 20, and it's easier to do a quick vaccuum and dust job before a prospective buyer shows up, if there isn't a whole lot of stuff laying around in the way. Make it a family project, and don't get upset if your husband sees the grime in the corners, along the baseboard, whatever. It's his house, too, and his grime. And his comments about the dirt don't mean it's YOUR dirt. It's just dirt. OUR dirt, actually. And you are in this project together. He is out earning money, and you are running a 2 kid day-care all day. Don't feel the house is all your responsibility.
If you need "packing time" while he's home, let him watch the kids, and play with them, so you get some time without those responsibilities to do the cleaning out, sorting, packing. . . . Think team and talents. It doesn't matter who made the dirt, it's "our dirt", "our stuff", and our hoped for good sale price. So WE have to do this. And it's a big chore, but if you have fewer toys around, the kids will hardly notice, they will just play with what they see. If they ask about a specific toy, and want to know where it is, just tell them you don't know, or aren't sure. Don't feel they have to have it all. When they have a reunion with their old toys in the new house, it'll be GREAT FUN -- rather like Xmas again. And then you'll be able to sequester the toys they've had with them, so when you haul them out later, it feels like Xmas AGAIN ! wow.
The MUSTS? The laundry needs to stay in the drier or be folded and put away. The dishes should be washed. The floors should be vaccuumed often enough that a quick fly through will work before the realtor brings people in. When people have children, visitors expect to see toys around. I wouldn't worry so much about that, as long as it doesn't look like WW3 just hit the living or play room !!
What you want to project is a home that is welcoming. You want them to walk in the door and feel relaxed and that they wish they lived in that house. It is DEFINATELY not easy, but the more clutter you pack away, the easier it will be for you to live with the frequent showings -- and I think you'll find that you enjoy your home more when it's clean, too.
I know I hate the clutter, but it overwhelms me and I don't know what to do with it so I fail to get rid of it. But it is MUCH nicer to come home to and live in a house that doesn't overwhelm you with piles of stuff that doesn't belong where it is. If you work your buns off (and your husband's buns,too . . . make a list and share the chores), I think you'll find the showings much easier to live with.
But I'm with you. I'm thinking we might move in 5 years, and I'm trying to get rid of "Stuff" -- and I was doing a really good job until T-giving hit, and then Xmas and then I started pulling 12 hours days. . . . Now I'm back to 35 hours a week, and I have to get myself going again, so I like my house enough to want to live in it !! (I'm trying to sell it to myself, so after tax season is over, and I'm home again, I will be happy there !! )
Good luck. The biggest thing is not to think it's your fault your husband is finding guck. It's HIS guck, too. Let him clean it. Mine does floors, he vaccuums, he washes showers and bathrooms -- he's much slower than I am, but he's also much more thorough. I subscribe to the "good enough" job, because if I do a "good enough" job that isn't onerous more often, then the days I get to deep cleaning, it's easier to tackle. I also get rid of the most clutter when I get angry. I get so mad I don't care if I throw it all away. It works great !!! ha ha