I mentioned that my husband surprised me with a beach house rental, starting tomorrow until Sunday. My first reaction was not too pretty. Money has been supertight and he rented a four-bedroom house that ended up costing the same as a flight for the three of us.
I would have rather left the state and visited my sister across the country. Same price. No hotels. We'd stay there.
I am appreciative of his "surprise" but I know that amusements aren't open anymore and it's now too cold to go in the water.
I know I sound ungrateful and have shut my piehole to him.
My inlaws are coming down for a night and were kind enough to have contributed money--though we did not and would not ask. My husband's friends and their kids are also coming down.
I know he was trying to get together and find a middle ground for the to meet so I kind of feel like he rented this house for him/them. They never come up to visit us and he always is going to visit them.
I feel like he wanted to impress them and we can't afford to rent lavish houses to entertain.
I'm going to try and make the best of this but having not been out of the state for 3 years and pinching every penny, I would have loved to gone cross country.
How do I work through this anger? I think it runs deeper :-(
Oh, we are going to LBI! Nearest boardwalk is Point Pleasant, about an hour or Ocean City.
Been there. The only thing you can do is move past it. The money is spent, it can't be refunded. As for the weekend with family, plan out meals, buy groceries, etc. to try and keep additional costs down.
You don't mention which beach you are visiting, but there are other activities available. Zoo; Aquarium; Go Cart Track; Ripley's Museum; Mini Golf; Trips to Dairy Queen ... Sandcastle competition; Fishing off a pier (?) ...
It sounds to me like this is a money issue, plain and simple.
Have you guys sat down together and done a budget? Do you live on/by a budget or do you just pay the bills as they come in and live off the rest, without a real plan?
If you sit down together and work out an honest to goodness budget, a REAL budget, then you might find that you can avoid feeling like this in the future. With a budget, you will have a "plan" in place in advance (that is why it is a plan) that dictates what you can or can't spend for things like "surprise weekends". If it isn't in the budget, it doesn't happen.
Having to plan the budget forces you to prioritize. Obviously, for you, going across country to visit your sister was a higher priority than a beach week with your husband's bunch. And again, obviously, his priorities were the opposite. It isn't wrong to have different priorities. But you have to talk about them and figure out what you actually plan to DO about them.
Put it down on paper.
We have a birthday budget and an anniversary budget, too. So no lavish surprises on our anniversary for me from hubby, b/c we have agreed to ONLY SPEND "x" amount of $. I don't want an extravagant trip or diamond stud earrings as much as I want to have my kids' braces paid for. So, the amount of $ we budgeted for our anniversary reflects that. That is what having a budget can do for you, too.
So, maybe instead of letting your anger ruin the trip you have set before you, use it as incentive to sit down and work out a budget and a real plan with your husband for the future.
:)
ETA: It may also be a little bit of "you got to go, and you seemed to enjoy it, so let's ALL go..." (I just reread your post from late August about going overnight with your old girl friend.) He felt left out. He wants his turn, too. You had fun a few weeks ago. The whole package rolled into one. He's a guy.... he probably cannot see any difference in THIS trip vs. the one you went on without him. So, maybe cut him a little slack from that perspective? It might help a little with the anger, too. :/
What was the purpose of this? Just for him to see his family and friends? If so, that is pretty crappy. He probably "surprised" you because he knew you wouldn't want to do it. I think all you can really do is say your peace...that you would have preferred to go see your sister but that you understand his wanting to see his family but maybe you can both agree to discuss future trips before they are planned and the money is spent. Try to let it go so it doesn't eat at you. As you know, that is a recipe for marriage disaster! I hope you still have a good trip. =)
If it were me, I'd have to put myself on auto pilot. Just move through the days without a lot of thought because I too would be upset.
I agree that he did this because it's the vacation he wants; he did not consider what you wanted or even think to have a conversation with you about it.
At some point, you need to have a discussion about the fact that he didn't even talk to you about it, but I'd try to wait until I had gotten over the anger a bit so the conversation has a chance of being productive instead of just mean!
I don't blame you for being upset, Mom. Have you told him why you think he did this?
I would tell him that he needs to cut back on his own expenses in a big way in order to make this right to you as a married couple. He needs to take his lunch to work, not buy any Starbuck coffee, stop buying sodas, drop any extra cable, etc. It needs to be from HIM, not from you.
Then you need to take a trip of your own.
Perhaps you should show him your post and these answers...
Dawn
