M.D.
Reflux is so hard. One of mine had it pretty severely. Here are the lessons I learned, maybe some of them will help you.
- reflux and milk protein intolerance often go hand-in-hand. Is your wife breastfeeding at all, or is he 100% on formula? If she's breastfeeding at all, she needs to remove dairy from her diet also. When he turns 1, be very careful in introducing milk. My son outgrew the reflux before he outgrew the milk protein intolerance - he drank rice milk until he was about 2.
- there aren't many meds for infant reflux and those that exist don't help much. For me, they basically didn't help at all and we tried them all. You should talk to your doc if the zantac isn't working and try something else, but if none of them help, don't be surprised because that is common.
- make sure you aren't feeding him in a cradle position. He should be as vertical as possible while he's eating. Be creative in how you position him to make this happen.
- The more time he spends in a vertical position the better. 20 minutes after eating might not be long enough. Which leads me to my next tip...
- a hands-free baby carrier is your best friend. They hold the baby against your chest in a completely vertical position. The was pretty much the only way my baby was happy. Baby Bjorn, Snugli, Moby Wrap - take you pick of what you want to use, but get something. Put him in there after he eats and just wear him around the house as much as possible while you do everything you are doing for the day/evening. I even gave up putting him down for naps - pretty much the only way my little one would nap was in the moby wrap while I was wearing him. He would sleep for hours that way because he was actually comfortable.
- Feeding rule of thumb - feed half as much, twice as often. So if he's currently taking 4 ounces every 4 hours, try feeding 2 ounces every 2 hours. Smaller amounts in his tummy at one time means that there is less to spit up, and also that it takes a shorter time to digest.
- Keep reminding yourself that this is a phase. It was frustrating (sometimes to the point of tears for me) and hard and so exhausting, but all babies do grow out of this. It will end eventually. I knew the very day he grew out of it, because he instantaneously turned from a fussy unhappy baby would did not sleep into the happiest little guy I've ever seen who immediately slept through the night. It may take a while, but you WILL get there!
I wish you the best of luck.
ETA: I agree with Tadpole too, and forgot that one. Never lay him down flat. My daycare was a "no bouncy seat/no swing" in the infant room facility (NAEYC accreditation rules), but they got special permission to get a bouncy seat just for my son so he did not have to lay flat on his back for naptime at their facility.