Not Staying in Bed.

Do you daughters share a room? I am thinking that if maybe you tell her that you need her to stay in her bed to 'help' teach her little sister that it is ok to stay in her own bed maybe she would feel like she is helping? I went through something like this with my oldest and I told her that it would really help me if she would stay in bed so that she didnt wake up her little sister. It seemed to help. She loves to 'help' with the baby.
Also, both of my girls have teddy bears that light up for 30 minutes when you squeese it's hand. this seems to help also. You can get them at Wal*Mart for $15.
Hope things get better and you get a good nights sleep soon!

Hi M.,
I think you are right about your daughter feeling "abandoned" or some other strong emotion. I think it is so hard for children to have lengthy separations from the primary parent. I think when they have to leave everything and everyone that is in their “normal” daily life it is very frightening. There are some behavior modification things you could do. Move her to a pallet on the floor and allow her to sleep there. You eventually move her closer and closer to the door and back into her room. Reward daily her for not getting in bed w/you by spending 30 minutes just you and her (paint nails read stories etc.) That way she get time during waking hours w/you. This is a slow procedure too, several months. My guess is that she really missed you and the comfort of her home. My kids crawled in bed w/me a lot and they were older. I miss that time now that they are grown!

M.
I had the same problems with my daughter when she shared a room with her older sister then the older one got a litle too old to share rooms with any longer that my daughter started coming to our bed. My husband and I would take her back and she would come back night after night. Around my house everyone sleeps with their doors cracked, my husband and I bought her a cute little night table candlestick type lamp so that way she could lie in her bed and read and turn her light off and on when she felt like it and she too started this once she started going to her dads for the weekend. He too worked night shift and nothing "bad" happened to her, its just the girlfriend did not like my daughter, she was very jealous of her and made her feel insecure by having to stay at her dads with her(meaning the gf here.) I had a talk with my ex husband and he started working on the weekends he didnt have her, so once she felt close to her dad she felt better about sleeping in her own room, it has nothing to do with you, shes having an insecurity issue with the dad and the girlfriend. Talk to your ex husband about it and then let her know that you and her daddy have talked and say something like this is what we feel is happening or however you want. To this day when my daughter goes to her dads, it takes me until the next visit to get her out the "spoiled" baby stage he puts her in because to him she is his baby to where as here, she has to share mommys time. She loves my husband now dearly and calls him dad as well. But when she would come to our bed and we did the running back and forth leaving our door open thing, it didnt work either. The pallet thingy didnt work well either because my husband ended up on the pallet, which became an issue between us. So my husband and I talked and we talked to her about every night that she slept in her own room we would reward her with something to make her room better for her, we went for pizza, the parks, new comforter sets, new paint the whole nine yards, took us about a 4-6 months and she finally started staying in her own bed, and she would sleep with her dad at his house and he put a stop to that as well and worked with us to help her. Now she knows she is not being left out of anyones home due to the other person not being mommy or daddy. Worked for me hope it does for you as well. Sorry this is long and kind of in circles, i seem to rattle on and on. Also let her know that you and your husband need your privacy and start closing your door a little more every now and now she knows if my door is shut she is to knock and wait for an answer upon entering, at first it was hard to ignore her but she figured we were sleeping and some nights she slept at my door, but finally my above suggestions helped and now, knock on wood she sleeps in her own bed and loves the thought of making her own bedtime. Well she thinks she is making her own bedtime, I just send her to her room an hour or 2 before actual lights out, so she knows she can go in there and read or even watch tv, she sleeps with her tv on for the security she isnt alone, but it works and she will grow out of it with a little tough love from you and your new husband and from dad and his girlfriend. Now we do mom and daughter days and sometimes nights where we send my husband out for a while at night, and her and i rent movies and hang out on the living room floor being junk food eaters and just enjoying each other. Good luck and Happy New Year

I don't know...I could be off a bit being that I don't know the entire situation from start to end, but my instincts would tell me that either she's looking for attention or something happened while she was at her father's. Talk to some people around there and see if you can find someone that has been to a child psychiatris (hint: if you can find an ADD/ADHD child, they've had to go to a psychiatrist so talk to that child's parent) and see if they can point you in the direction of a good one that can easily get in her head. Then maybe that child psychiatrist can fish around and find the source of the problem for you. I would recommend one, but you don't live in Lafayette and I don't know how far your town is away from here.

HI I have went through this with my two daughters, tried everything and didn't think I would ever find a solution, then one day I was looking through my daughters story books and realized they didn't have the book "The princess and the pea". I told my daughters that we were going to have a special day and I took them shopping. Our first item on our list was the book and then we went and picked out "princess" bedding. After that we went to the toy section and picked out two cheap tiara's. We went home and put the new bedding on their beds and then I read them the story. I explained to them that in order to be a princess, they had to sleep in their beds all night. They loved the whole deal that I made out of it and from that night on, they have slept in their beds (2 years later)and sometimes I still find them wearing their tiara's and sleeping like little angels. Good luck in finding something that works for you. Happy New Year!

It could be something they let her watch there. I know that my daughters have problems sleeping and having nightmares since they have been aloud to watch horror movies at their dad's house. He let's them watch anything(American Pie Band Camp, Remake of OMen,& so on). I would look into what they are letting your daughter watch.

Oh sweetheart i feel ya. I to have that problem. My son is 4 and he only sees his dad maybe 2 times a year. So when he comes home he don't even go to his bed he will plop into my bed. He sleeps with his dad when he sees him and his visit will last for a week, so a week of sleeping with someone makes him not want to sleep alone when he does come home. I was told to make him sleep in his bed and when he gets up to walk him back to his bed. Oh yes it will be hard but i am willing to give it a try. I know there will be a lot of crying but i feel like i am the mom i need to keep control. So if this helps you in any way good luck. I will be doing this when he comes home on the 1st. God bless us all. Have a great New Year. T.

I am one of those moms that give in to the child a lot. I am sure you have heard all of the advice about locking her in, or threatening her , etc. I would say, just make keep putting her back in her bed, teach her to knock on your door before entering, but make her a pallet on the floor, and tell her that if she gets too scared in the middle of the night, just come to this pallet. Maybe at least then you will get some more sleep, than you have been by going back and forth to her room all night. I feel like this, as long as you do not make it a big deal, and relax, she will relax. I have six kids, and tons and tons of nieces,and nephews and I have never seen a child still going to their mothers rooms at like an adult. lol lol she WILL OUT GROW IT. and as long as you are getting enough privacy, and she feels safe, I think it will be fine.I believe after a few months of this, she will evenually stop. I think her trip to her dad's left her feeling a bit uneasy, and she just needs that reasurance.

My first thought is have you spoken with her father and his girlfriend about this behavior? Because it obviously stems from when she was staying there so something must have changed from the time she went there til the time she came home to you. Maybe because she was there and her dad was her only real person she felt secure with, the girlfriend allowed her to sleep in her bed until her dad got home. Are there any other siblings in the household where she was? Just because you asked your daughter if something happened and she said no doesn't definately mean nothing happened. I know from personal experience. Sometimes you're too afraid to say anything or sometimes you don't know that it is wrong. Anyways, these are just some ideas for you. Good luck.

My question is the same as Aime's. Have you asked the dad & girlfriend about her sleeping habits while at their house? That may shed some light on her behavior now. I taught first grade... anywhere from age 6-8, so she's right in that age I'm familiar with. I think she's old enough to speak to you regarding any problems with her bed/bedroom. It sounds like you may be a little lenient (sp?) with her. Maybe try talking with her and tell her, "This is YOUR room. You have privacy to play, dress, etc. You also have YOUR bed that you have to sleep in. Mommy also has her own room for privacy. Mommy sleeps in her own bed." Simply lay it on the line. Let her know it is unacceptable and she needs to sleep in her own room. She is old enough to hear this from you and old enough to make this change (to adjust). Another idea, rearrange her room with her. Move the bed to a different part of the room, etc. Make it fun--make a change and maybe she will! Good luck.