No Gift Please Birthdays

I think as long as you give guests something to bring in lieu of presents, they wouldn't mind at all. I went to a child's birthday a couple years ago and she requested "pet presents" instead. She took all of the items (food, toys, bedding, etc) to a local animal shelter. The look on her face to bring such needed items to animals awaiting adoption was just breath-taking. She got so much joy out of doing that, rather than getting more toys that she would grow out of soon anyway.

I guess I am old school. I feel awkward not bringing a gift. I end up bringing one anyway and then I feel awkard too! People like bringing gifts.

I had a friend in the same situation -her son had so many toys he didn't need any more. So instead, she asked guests to bring a new, unwrapped toy to donate to a local charity. As a parent with a child invited to that party, I really loved the idea!

We did a book exchange in lieu of gifts and it worked out great. Each child brought a wrapped book. After we had cake and ice cream, each child got to pick a book. It took care of my daughter getting a gift and all the other kids had something to open also.

I received lots of compliments from the other parents.

Oh, and I specified on the invitation that we encouraged "previously loved books". I had my daughter pick out one of her books she has already read to exchange.

Hi - I do this with both of my girls. If you just write no gifts people will still bring one. What we have done is suggested to bring various items for donation. I involve my kids in picking the items. My oldest (who just turned 5) wanted Art Supplies for "the kids". My youngest wanted Teddy Bears. We talk to them about how some kids do not have as much as we do. We also involve them in the drop off. Either at Childrens Hospital or United Way Gifts in Kind Program.
In the invite we say "Oliva is so blessed to have everything she could need. If you would like to bring a gift... please bring Art Supplies for a donation to the Seattle Children's Hospital".

I was invited to a party like that. The Mom just told us or noted down in the invitation no gifts and explained like how you explained here. And asked the attendees for a food item to donate to the local food bank.

BUT, the thing is, it was not discussed with her child. They just told their child it was a no gifts b-day party for her. The child, was a little sad. Not because she is a greedy child who just wants gifts. But because it was not special to her anymore. A child, by nature, equates Birthdays with gifts and that it is special for them. This child, seemed truly sad. Sure she had a fun time playing with her friends...but she would just repeat what the Parent told her.... I have no gifts for my Birthday because I have too many toys already. It was real sad....as an outsider looking at her. It broke my heart.
I did not, "enjoy" this Birthday party as a result. It was too uncomfortable. The child put up a real brave demeanor, trying to act mature about it. But still....
Her other friends meanwhile, for their Birthdays, got a traditional birthday with gifts. A child will remember that....

Lots of the parents, viewed the Birthday party as not being for their child, but for satisfying themselves and their philosophy of it all.

All the best,
Susan

We have twin boys and the amount of toys that we had at that age was silly. Two of everything! My husband's family is out of state and they mailed stuff, plus what we bought them and what my family bought them. It was too much! For their 7th bday I asked guests bring something for the local food pantry instead of gifts. A couple of guests brought presents, too, which was fine. We had several paper grocery bags to bring to the food pantry. The boys were okay with it,but the next year they didn't want to do it again. I was happy to not have all those extra toys in our house and we were happy to be able to help out our neighbors at the same time.

Does your child undersatand your making the decision for no gifts @ her Birthday Party.My son was invited to a classmates party the mom told me no gifts since my son didn"t know the sibling well that didn't stop me I gave a gift.I know gift giving can be overdone but what we received in the past & future we alway's use.I would think that the child would feel forgotten like it's my party why didn't anyone bring me a present

I think it's great and I love no gifts parties. You DO have to be really clear, so people understand you're serious and not just being polite. I like the idea of adding a sentence on the invitation that says, specifically, "we will not be opening presents at the party" or just personally communicating with parents and reiterating the point. Doing exchanges and things for charities all sounds great, but requires a lot of effort and defeats the purpose of simplifying, if that's what you're trying to do. Enough people do "no gifts" parties these days that they're legit - I don't think you need to worry about the people who say they love bringing gifts and feel awkward otherwise. Those people can throw their parties the way they want to. And if they want to bring your child a gift, they can do it independent of the party.

I think no gifts are fine but here's my problem with it: Somebody always brings a gift and then the non-gift givers feel bad thinking maybe they should have brought something. I wouldn't want anybody worrying over this. I like the other moms ideas of bringing something to donate to a charity. My daughter was invited to a party like that and we brought books for a children's charity.

I totally get what you're saying... instead of no gifts, you could always ask for books as gifts...? Then people don't feel awkward about no gift and your child still gets something she can use rather than stuff she doesn't really need. And you can pick up books for low cost in all sort of places.

I think it's a great idea!!! Talk with your daughter before hand and when you do your invites ask her if she could give a gift or help anyone thing or person who would that be. If it's your local humane society with a dog food donation, if it's a local food bank with a donation of food, if it's a local hospital or library with a donation of books for children.... it's all good. It also takes the pressure off her guests and their families, no one really knows what goes on behind the front doors of our friends' homes, they could be struggling, really struggling and their pride would keep them from sharing or asking for help. So this is a great idea. At the same time, don't be sending home treat bags loaded with candy and small gifts. Keep the party affordable for you as well, no need to go to some location or to bring in a clown, magician, etc. You can watch her favorite movie or a new movie. Make popcorn balls or decorate their own cupcakes.
Today is my youngest's birthday and his friends took him out yesterday for his birthday... they just spent time together... went to the park, played utlimate frisbee, ran a cross country course, then went to a late lunch/early dinner. Today we are watching the superbowl game together, spending time. Maybe it's different when your kids get a bit older, but time is the greatest gift you can give and get, time spent with family and friends. Take pictures, make scrap book pages, celebrate another year of living and loving!!!

How about saying in leu of gifts, please bring a couple items for the local food shelf??? Then both you and her could take the items there and donate them together!

Apparently, I'm in the minority here, lol...
My son just turned 6-yrs-old last month and I've done these "no gift" parties for 2 yrs now. The first year half the parents brought something. They were concerned that we'd open presents and their child wouldn't have something for my b-day child. Now, in addition to writing, "no presents please" I write "we will be too busy playing and will not be opening gifts during the party." We had 2 parents out of 9 bring something anyway and we just quickly stashed them away. No one even noticed because all the kids were busy playing. That evening my son was surprised by a couple of unanticipated gifts. He opened the presets and wrote his own thank you letters.

To deal with the "present monster", we open family gifts during his special "your choice" birthday dinner a few days before his party. We talk about how birthdays are a celebration of growing up and are a time to spend with people you enjoy being around. We talk about how present opening slows the fun of a party down and takes time away from playing with his friends. I explicitly state that he will not be receiving presents from his friends. This year he said that he was glad that presents weren't coming. His reason... he gets bored at friends parties when they are all forced to sit and watch the birthday child open his or her gifts and he didn't want to bore his friends.

For my son's party, we turn the kids lose to play as they arrive, reign them in for cake and ice cream, and turn them lose to play some more as they finish eating. For the record, not one child was upset about not bringing a gift or sitting to wait for my son to open presents. The kids were really relieved that they weren't forced to sit any longer. I even got a, "really? thanks!" from one boy when he was immediately released to play again :)

Good luck!

Honestly, I find it annoying! I like getting gifts, that is part of the fun of birthdays for me. It also makes people feel awkward, especially since inevitably someone didn't get the memo and shows up with a gift. I like the idea of book exchanges better if you really don't want to do gifts. Everybody brings a wrapped book (new or used) and everybody leaves with a book.

I know it is a little different, but for my father's 80th birthday party we put on the invitation, If you would like to get a gift for our dad, please make a donation to your favorite charity. In this case for your daughter, you can have it be a children's charity. It worked out great. He still got a few gifts, but overall most donated to a charity.

I've written "we request the gift of your presence" and that seemed to work well. You could also suggest that if people wanted to bring something, they could bring a gift for _______ organization. Something that your daughter feels passionate about.

"Presence not presents" always worked for us. And if someone called and asked, I emphasized the point. Most parents go for it. You're not the only one out there :)

I have a couple of friends that had no gift parties for their kids and for one asked that in leiu of gifts bring food for the food bank. The other requested home made gifts if they felt the need to bring one.

Oh, and food banks are low on supplies these days. Lots more families are in need with our economy in the tank.

I also like the book donation idea.

I also wonder about the whole gift bag for all participants. We didn't do that when little. When did that start? In the 80's?

D.

My son is super social, what he really WANTS for his birthday are a lot of kids and games and fun. 4 out of 7 bdays we have had no-gift parties... and they've been a blast. LOTS and lots of kids. The 3 that were standard invites we only had a handful of kids. Even when the economy isn't a mess, I know a lot of families who plain can't afford to buy gifts for their own kids, much less others.

For my daughter's 2nd birthday I asked parents to bring a photo of their little one or their family in lieu of a gift, as I was making her a birthday photo album of her friends and family. Some people like to bring a present, others like the reason not to have to. If you give them something specific to do instead, everyone is happy. I plan on using this idea again. She is now 4, her friends have grown and changed, new siblings have arrived, and there is plenty of space in the photo album. I think it will be a lovely memory for her to look back on - look this is you on your 2nd, 4th, 6th birthday etc and these are all the people who love you and celebrate your life with you.

I think the charity ideas can be a good idea, but some of the suggestions sounded as expensive and time consuming as gift buying as well as asking parents to get something very specific when they might want to choose something else. I liked the idea of the book exchange.

I have had two different experience with this based on how well we knew the people. For my daughter's 3rd b-day, in our old hometown, we said "Let your presence be the present" and no one brought a gift. My daughter opened all her presents from us and her grandparents so presents weren't missed at all. This year, for her 4th bday, we're in a new place with people we've just met. I put the same message on the invites and everyone except one brought a gift. So, you may want to consider how well you know the people you are inviting. I love the donation ideas others have had, that may really help people honor your choice since they get to bring "something."

I think you should have the kids bring a donation for a local charity. Have them bring dog food, or a dog bed, or dog biscuits for the ASPCA or local dog shelter ... they always need some help. It will make the parents feel good about not showing up for a birthday party empty handed and it will start to instill in the children the sense of helping the community at an early age. We have a wildlife sanctuary in our area that a lot of our local children do birthday party donations to assist. I volunteer there and the looks on the children's faces when they bring their "birthday" gifts to the sanctuary are great. They get to see what good it is going to be doing.

B. - San Juan Islands

I'm old school too and think gifts are part of the tradition. Every child looks forward to it as it adds to the excitement. Maybe you could put gift ideas..books or something that you wouldn't mind her getting. I understand having lots of things (I have 3 kids 6, 4, 2) but you don't want to take away from her day because we don't want to deal with having too much stuff.

I had a girlfriend who had the other kids bring school supplies to be donated to a program that gave them to other children that needed them. When I spoke to the parents of other invited kids, we all felt that it was great. We all felt like it taught a great lesson to all of our kids. You could talk to your daughter and see if she had a cause that she'd like to donate to and then on the invitation you could put something like "In lieu of a gift, please bring ____ for donation to ____"
We actually gave people the option of giving us a gift or a donation to a selected charity at our wedding and lots chose to donate. It was pretty cool.

Maybe you can ask for a specific kind of donation - monetary donations are not that meaningful to a child - either for the donation giver or the recipient who then gives the donation to whatever charity/non-profit. I like a previous poster's idea of "pet presents" - you can make that part of the birthday party fun. The guests bring presents, you make up a basket as part of the birthday party festivities, everyone signs a card or whatever te to the humane society or a transitional shelter for homeless families, or food for a food pantry. Then all the kids will get to share directly in giving to the community as a group.

Just a thought.

Have everyone bring a couple canned or boxed food items, then take the kids to a food shelf to donate them and then return home to celebrate with the party. You would have to explain to your daughter in advance and then maybe tell her that she will get a special birthday gift from mom and dad.

A really common thing I am seeing (with 4 school age kids I see a lot!), is kids handing out invites that say "please join me for a movie (roller skating, play land, etc. etc.) in lou of gifts". I think this is a great idea because you are celebrating with the child doing something fun, and it also takes away from the parent of that child having to shell out a lot of money for all their friends to do an activity.
I also send a card and if time, have my kid make their friend one so that it's something more from the heart for a keepsake, etc.

Have everyone bring their kids favorite book as a gift and then you donate all of them to SMART. That way your child's birthday helps a larger cause. And if there is a great book your daughter doesn't have, let her keep that one.

ask for donations to a charity of your daughter's choice (help her with some choices - but then let it be her decision)

Maybe if people want to bring a gift you can have a charity that they know that it will go to.