Niece Hitting My Child

Yes, but here's what I would do....
You see niece hit your daughter. You go up to niece, take her hand and say, "no no suzie, we don't hit. Please be gentle." Then tell your daughter, "good job Sarah for not hitting Suzie. Thank you for being a gentle friend"
It may take a while. If her mother doesn't step in when you are there, then you step in! No need to worry about offending anyone, if you do then it's not YOUR problem, it's the other mother's problem.

You need to sit the niece down and tell her the rules. And stick to them at your house. No hitting, etc and tell her the consequence. (time out) and if she does it she won't be allowed to play at your house. and tell you sister the same thing so she knows the rules. i have found that kids who are awful for their parents are not usually a problem for me. They know the rules and boundries and stick to them

Wow. I wouldn't say, as in the previous answer, that this child has severe anxiety who is hitting. There certainly may be more behind it, but generally, when verbal skills are lacking somewhat, kids tend to act out behaviorally. In other words they may be thinking "Hey, she has a toy I want and I really really want it." But can't express that adequately so figure if they hit the other kid, they'll get that they want the toy. It's not always malicious. I always try to ask myself "If this was a stranger's child, or someone's child who is not in my family, how would I handle this?". I would definitely have a gentle conversation with your SIL. Just let her know that you would prefer if she steps in when she sees her child hitting yours. I love the advice of Laura U. who advises you say gentle words to each child, and give positive attention towards your daughter who is being very patient. I agree sleepovers may be too much at this young age. Try to keep the visits short and if there are toys that the child tends to fight over, or things they find difficult to share, then just try to remove them prior to visits. In the end, the child is only 3.5, but even at 3.5 children can understand the behaviors their parents find unacceptable. You really need to enlist the help of your SIL to intervene. Good Luck!

I do not think you are unreasonable. It's just like an adult--most sound adults would not continue to relish in the company of another adult that does not demonstrate respectable behavior. If it's your sister in law may be have your husband partner-up with you on this one and be present during the confrontation if he's willing to do so. About in-laws: don't mind if the family 'blood' has something to say and if they do they do mind, they get over it quicker--even in-laws with great bonds get more annoyed if another in-law tells them what to do with 'their' 'family'--just universal 'code' of 'in laws' I've seen. Great to try to keep the peace too ;) Good luck.

As soon as she hits, (or attempts to), ask them both to leave. Explain softly "we don't hit at our house. You'll have to leave until you can come play nicely without hitting" You might try a whisper to try to keep the situation calm and non-confrontational. If SIL gets upset, pack her things up and put them on the porch, then take your daughter to a back bedroom to play or calm down.

Keep playdates very short, and sorry to say, but sleepovers might be a bit too much at this age. Good luck!

Unfortunately, we live in a controlling society that has a huge focus on punishment and corrections. We have to remember she is only 3 and is this the crime of the century? We should not judge a 3-year-old the same way we would judge a teenager or an adult. We live in a society that all too often makes use of shame and guilt to correct a person, whatever their age. SHAME = ABANDONMENT = ANXIETY. This little 3- year-old girl is showing signs of severe anxiety. Your niece needs to be communicated with to find out the root cause of her anxiety. Ask YOURSELF, are you a better listener than a talker? She needs to be asked is she feeling anxious and allowed to express her feelings and LISTENED to. Too many times children's feelings cannot be expressed because adults don't think of this or because they are too busy. The parents may not spend enough quality time with her - a symptom of the problem that I see everywhere these days. When my son was 2 years of age, he used to headbutt me or hit me in the face. I let him do it, because it is normal behavior. He was releasing anxiety. Telling him off and shaming him would just increase his anxiety and you get a snowball effect. His mother would tell him off if he did it, until I explained to her that it is a normal part of development. Then he grew out of it and as he got older, I found ways to address feelings of anxiety he might have.

i would make the consequences calm, loving, and immediate. if she hits your daughter, play time is over and she has to go home. very inconvenient for you and your SIL but i promise you that it won't have to happen very often before it is finished for good. kids are not stupid.
the biggest problem will be selling your SIL on the idea.
good luck!
khairete
S.

Oh boy!!! How this has it home..... And it was my son who was doing the "hitting". Yeah i don't talk to my sil any more because of this. She took things a little bit too far. I would repremend my son when he got home but if i wasn't there at their house or at school then repremending him hours later wouldn't help - for the obvious. Kids forget by that time. The school that my son was going to was the same school my sil kids were going to. Now her son is no angel so the hitting and biting or whatever was going both ways but because he was "older" he should have known better. Any how i told my sil if he was being a problem at her house she knew the limits to take the discipline. And she did. But because at school they would continue to hit "eachother" my son was often blamed for it. I even took him to a therapist thinking he had social behavior problems and he didn't. He was just being a kid. Now that they are no longer in the same class or hardly see eachother he gets a "green" for best behavior every day. I have not had a complaint since i moved him out of the class and since he hasnt been over there unless it's a family function.

How to take this - be courtious with your sil. Let her know that you want the kids to grow up - but being that the youngest one is doing the hitting it needs to be addressed at that moment. And let me tell you from a first hands experience - she's going through a stage. And because my son was always yelled at for everything by everyone i noticed it got worse. Your niece is picking up negative behavior from her parents and passing it down to your daughter. There's a level of unhappiness somewhere and she's grabbing attention by doing this. I would put her in time out and set the rules with her. At your house. And if you take your daughter over there then the rules need to continue to apply.

Yes, lay it out to your SIL and say that you would expect her to do the same thing if the situation were reversed. The problem with saying "she'll have to go home" is that, if your SIL or brother are not home when the problem occurs, you won't be able to follow through. The only other option is to stop the play dates - and why not? - they aren't so much fun at the moment, are they? The kids will see each other at family events but there's no point in scheduling extra time. If your SIL doesn't care, then you have a problem at that end. All you can control is your own home. Good luck.