Nervous About Breastfeeding

Julie,

did your depression continue after breastfeeding stopped? I just wonder if you were suffering from post partum depression like I have with all 4 of my kids.

I think the one thing that is tough for women who get PPD, is that the lack of sleep tends to exacerbate your emotions, and I needed to be really relaxed for my milk to let down. Without medication, that just didnt seem possible (to relax). I would literally tremble for days. My PPD was pretty bad.

I had the desire for each of my babies too... I really hated failing as a mother and I put so much pressure on myself, which by the 3rd kid, didn't seem to be helping my breastfeeding efforts at all.

I don't think I needed a lactation specialist, I think I needed a therapist! now I can laugh at this time, but it was really rough having to answer people when they asked 'Oh, why aren't you breastfeeding... it's best for your baby'.

This is still a very personal choice, and sometimes I hated people for getting so personal and sticking their nose in.

My suggestion to you - and I'm not advocating one way or the other, please dont get me wrong, but since you asked...

This baby/post partum period could be totally different. If you feel like you would like to try again, do it right from the beginning, colostrum is still a very beneficial thing for your baby in those first couple days. All my children at least got that (which makes me feel better). If you find yourself in the same place as last time, don't consider yourself a failure... there are a lot of ways to bond with your baby and i dont believe the bond is diminished by putting a bottle in their mouth vs. a breast. you are still holding your baby, looking in their eyes, and snuggling. and FYI - i know the statistics say otherwise, but two babies of friends of mine were solely BF for the first year - each of them has had at least 2 courses of antibiotics for ear infections. My son has yet to need an antibiotic, or get an ear infection. I'm not saying this statistic is false, I'm jsut saying formula fed babies can be healthy too.

Be flexible and understand that there needss to be a balance... if you are an emotional wreck, you are missing out on the bonding experience anyway... and short changing your experience. And I'm sure the tension your baby will feel from you is bound to make them uncomfortable.

Just remember, if you start out with formula and then change your mind 3 weeks later, it's 3 times harder to go back to breast, which isn't easy in the first place...

Good luck to you with your decision, it's very personal and yours alone. Congrats on your pending arrival, and I hope you have a wonderful, rewarding birth! :)

~J.~

Julie:

find a lactation consultant now who will work with you... one that will also work with a therapist with you if that is needed. if you talk to someone now it will be easier than after as you will "know" them.

P., RLC, IBCLC, CST
Breastfeeding and Parenting Solutions
www.breastfeedingandparentingsolutions.com

Julie-
I went through the same thing. I was always really sad when I breast fed... it's normal. It's not because of the breast feeding... it's PPD. The breastfeeding is a bonding time between you and the baby and that alone is a very emotional time. PPD only makes it worse though, that's why it seems that it's because of the breast feeding. I'd suggest talking to your doc. about your past experience and ask to get a consultant to kind of help you through this one. If this happens again (because remember, every pregnancy is different and this may or may not happen again) then request to be put on Zoloft and find a close friend or family member to talk to about things. It will help. If you want to breastfeed... I'd say GO FOR IT! ... There is nothing more worth fighting for than a strong bond between a woman and her children. Good luck Hun!!

I just wanted to add that you should keep La Leche Leauge (LLL) in mind. They have a wealth of information and experience to help you!
http://www.lllusa.org/IL/WebRockfordAMIL.html
That site will give you information about the group and when it meets. I went to a LLL meeting while I was still pregnant to see what they had to offer and to get help/support in place beforehand. It was really helpful.

I would suggest perhaps going to a therapist as well. I can't say I had the same symptoms coinciding with nursing, but I did have PPD pretty bad and did realize it with the first child. But for this second child I am on Zoloft and have been for quite a while (which is safe for nursing) and it has made a WORLD of difference with me being able to cope.

I breastfed both my boys until they were about a year the second a little longer, who are 3 and 18mo. I just have to say it is so personal. I was determined to do it and would not give up. It takes a lot of emotional strain on you at the begining, but I found it very worth it in the end. Less dishes, less money, and a beautiful bond with them. So my advice is push through it and keep trying. At first for about 6 weeks you feel like they never leave your boobs but then they slow down and it is so easy to regulate into a schedule. Good luck! And I said to someone else in their blog, do not feel like any less of a mom if you do not end up being successful in breastfeeding it is super difficult and trying on your body and emotions.