Need Stay at Home Mommy Advice or Input

Have you thought of a home business like Creative Memories? I'm a CM consultant and it's great...I get all my stuff for cost and make extra money. If you're interested, let me know, I'm happy to answer any questions!

-M.

Moms group like ones on meetup.com. also you will probably be able to go back to work it just means uyou take a break for a few monthes and then you get back in the work force.

Hey M.,
Why can't your dad hire another part time person so that you could stay? Hope it works out,
V.

Just a thought... PERHAPS, talk with your Dad...see if there is anything you can do from home, to assist him/the business. And perhaps you can do these things, at night time or whenever your kids are napping etc. Or, you can try "job sharing" which is... you and another person "share" the job you do... alternating days/hours etc. Lots of Moms do this, and in companies that are family friendly and accepting of this arrangement.
The thing is, you said you used to also work from home too for your job.... so can you still continue that? Working from home, for some aspects of your Dad's company? Telecommuting is used by many companies nowadays.

Yes, working from home with a child... and soon 2 children is not easy. So, you'll need to arrange your time as such, to accommodate both. My friend works from home part-time, and so she has a Nanny that comes to her home, in the mornings to help/manage the kids while she "works." And then in the afternoons, when her work-shift is over, then the Nanny goes home and it's just her and the kids.
For me, I also work from home... but I do it late at night when everyone is sleeping, or when my kids nap. I have no "boss" so I can adjust myself as I wish.
Just try talking with your Dad and see what you/he can come up with. Being he is your Dad... I imagine you have an advantage.

No, you are not selfish for wanting/needing/having had your own little slice of "independence" and adult time. NOTHING wrong with that. And thus, you are sad about losing that. It's normal. So... just think about how you can still have some of that 'normalcy' and in light of 2 kids. TALK about it with your Hubby. So that he understands... with 2 kids, BOTH Parents have to pitch in more.... and if you plan ahead now and plan the "roles" and the "chores" for each other...then it will be that much easier when the 2nd baby comes. But the thing is.... a Mom NEEDS AND DESERVES a "respite" too and a time for herself at least once a week... make sure your Hubby understands this... being a SAHM, with 2 kids, is not a walk in a park. So.... just plan ahead, delineate tasks, and both be a team.
For me, after having 2 kids... yes, my "own" time was not as frequent...but at least once a week, I carve out just time for myself... and my Hubby KNOWS that. This is only fair and perfectly normal and manageable. So, just block out your calendar... mark down "your" activities... and then make a "schedule" for yourself... and then Hubby can jot it down on his calendar too. That is what me and my Hubby do.

Learning how to manage it all is an ongoing thing... some days being good, some days being blah. So, well each day is a new day... and we SAHM's just do the best we can! :) Do not have to feel you need to be "perfect." This just adds too much stress to the pot.

All the best,
Susan

More than 7 years ago, shortly after my first child was born I made a very difficult decision to be a sahm. I was a work-a-holic career woman with an amazing managerial job with an awesome company. The decision cut our household income in half and imposed certain things on us we weren't excited about (I had to get rid of my housekeeper and cook more...eating out less). But, we knew it was the right thing to do as I knew I would have trouble balancing work and raising children. All of my friends and even my therapist were surprised by my decision. My therapist challenged me by asking those tough questions you're asking yourself...how are you going to find time for yourself?...what are you going to do with your time?...etc. etc. etc. Well, I and everyone else is amazed at how I've embraced the sahm role. I have formed playgroups and found my adult connections with other moms. I swap babysitting with friends so I can have some "ME" time. I volunteer to keep my brain challenged. I have found creative ways to save money. Overall, I have found my niche and I don't see myself ever going back to the corporate world. I love my role and feel very fulfilled. I have other friends who have a nanny come once a week to watch their kids so they can go to the movies, go shopping, or do something else for them. Yet there are others who work from home or have become a direct marketing consultant to earn extra income and keep them challenged. There are many options. You just have to take the initiative and see what works for you. I absolutely love my role and time with my children. There is no question about it! I wish you luck in your new role!

For some money saving try the Golden Share Food program. That is the CA name for it and you can find outlets online. If you have trouble send me a message with your area and I can find it for you. You prepay for food and pick it up once a month. It is great quality and a fantastic price. I have been using it for 20 years.

As for making money, I run a business from home with my computer. I am sure you have a circle of friends and contacts that you can serve with a great product line and this is a money saving venue for the home also. You turn your home into a business and get the tax purposes and keep your money in the home.

Hi M.,
I completely understand your conflicted feelings regarding becoming a stay at home mom. I worked for the same company for 12 yrs when I finally decided to become a stay at home mom. I will be honest with you and share that I too felt as though I was losing my independence and a little of my self but I absolutely love having all of these memories with my children that friends and my sisters don't get to have because they have to work. I do sometimes feel as though my mind is going to mush because my interactions are with a 5 yr old and a 2 yr all day but this is why I still try to have some get together with my ex-co workers and friends. Whatever you choose to do your kids will appreciate it because in both cases you are trying to provide a beter life for them. Good luck

M.,

I read in one of the responses that someone mentioned The Grocery Game. I have been using this website for the past several months, and WOW - the savings are amazing, and I am so much more confident with my shopping, since I know I'm getting the very best deals. Let me know if you'd like more info about it!

R.

I hear you, but I have to say, all that stuff: work, independence, extra income, feeling connected to the world - all of it will absolutely be there for you before you know it. You can change your mind any time, but just know that the most important place in the world for you is making your little one and esp. this new little person in the world, feel safe, secure and loved because those feelins they have now will literally shape their personalities forever, and even the way THEY will parent in the distant future. It sounds dramatic, but really, it is. When a child has that mom there for them, they develop security for life. My kids are all in school so now I'm back out in the working world and it's great. Definitely keep or start a playgroup so you can keep a social network for yourself, and also, have a datenight with your hubby, and a GNO (girls' night out!) with your friends once in a while for your sanity. Enjoy this special time and know you'll be back at it (work) in time.
M.

Hi M.,
Just a suggestion that I wish I had taken as soon as I got pregnant and knew I would be quitting my $50k a year job when my son was born. Put your paycheck away, pretend it doesn't exist and live off of what your husband brings home so that you will be ready in June. Four years later (and going broke) my husband keeps saying how he wishes we had lived off of his income only to make sure we could budget accordingly. You only have a few months but give it a try! And then you will have a little money to fall back on when you are not receiving a paycheck. Even though we are going broke, the paycheck of love and hugs and kisses and seeing my kids grow are worth it!!

Good luck to you and your family! Congratulations!

J.

Another group is Mothers & More (www.mothersandmore.org)

Hi M.!
I so totally understand where you are coming from! I have 3 kids, and after my first was born, began working part time, 2 nights a week and every other saturday. It wasn't much, but helped us buy the "extra" stuff. I felt good contributing to the family income, and enjoyed feeling like "myself" again.

I adore my kids, but having those few hours away was so theraputic for everyone. It helped the kids understand that someone other than mommy could care for them, and helped them build a bond with their caretakers. ( for me i was lucky, had my sis, Mom in law & hubby). It worked really well!

With the birth of our 3rd child last april, it became apparent that 3 was a lot to have any one person watch, and we decided that it was time for me to temporarily stay at home, full time. Like you, as exciting and fun as it is to be at home- I struggled with my identity loss and was actually quite torn between what to do.

I was with my company for 16 years, and really like the job. I had this job even before I was married and had kids- so letting go was difficult. But when I finally did quit, just this last January, I was happy. I have been satisfied with my decision and don't miss it one bit. I am comfortable with my full time stay at home role and know that the work world will always be there and I can go back anytime.

For us, we plan on my going back next January, part time. I would have to say- the one thing that has helped me stay grounded ever since I had baby #1 was joining my local MOMS Club. With activities during the daytime- it helped bridge the gap for me & helped me not to feel so alone. The MOMS Club is a support group for stay at home and p/time working moms. It is so great because these moms get you- without explanation and have the same day to day struggles as you do.

My kids have made life long friends, as have I and my husband has even reconized how beneficial it is. There are chapters internationally- so I would encourage you to check it out. www.momsclub.org or write me back and I can help you get started.

Being a stay at home mom is the hardest job in the world, but the best one, by far!

Enjoy your children while they are young, and save the outside working world for later. You will truely be glad you were present during these developmental years. They go too quick! My kids are almost 9 yrs, 5 yrs. and 9 & 1/2 months- and I can't believe it! But I have a ton of memories with them along the way.

Also, you might join a home based business that interests you. I started my Creative Memories business 3 yrs. ago and that has helped bring in a bit of money for the family with minimal effort. Find something you love, so you can stick with it. It might also help satisfy your need for "outside work".

Good luck! :)

Embrace your time to be home with your babies. It will be over before you know it. I stay home full time and have a few things that are still my own. I go to a weekly bible study and I paint in my garage studio and have a few oullets for selling art. You can find things that are still your own and be home full time. Sure, it can be isolating, but again, its one of lifes phases, enjoy the parts about it that are great. And know it won't last.

Hi M.,

Have you ever thought of working from home and choosing the hours and days that you want to work? Having a chance to replace your income so you can spend more time with your children and husband?

This is not a "spam or scam". Please e-mail me if you are interested in checking this out. I will give you more information about the company and my website.

D.

I know how you feel. I was a Teacher for 12 years before having my first baby, and I loved my job! Being a teacher is a part of your identity and who you are...not just a job, though. When I stopped to stay home with my baby girl, it was hard to give up that part of my life. I just look at it as someday I will go back to teaching and right now I am teaching my most important student ever! It is only a couple of years while she is a baby and they fly by! These years are so crucial to her development, too. I do a lot of other things like take a tennis class and joined a MOMS club. That really helps bc a lot of the other moms have gone thru similar things. Just try to find things you like to do, make some new contacts and truly enjoy the time you have to get to be the one to spend quality time with your precious little ones. you are lucky!

can your dad hire another part time person to co-work with you? This would solve all the problems, your dad needing someone full time, you needing to work a few days a week, the money, etc. Your kids will be fine with you out of the house for one or two days a week, they will be happier if their mommy is happier. Staying home 24/7 with two under two yrs is very hard...........

Hi M.,

There's already some great ideas here from other moms. There's so many things you can do to keep yourself busy throughout the day with your child, but I understand you're also thinking about the income loss.

Have you ever thought about starting a home business? It could bring in just enough for you to be able to stay home and not worry about your income loss, you'd have more time flexibilty and you'd still have the independence that you want to hold on too.

If you'd like to know more about what I do from home, I'd be happy to share. You can also visit my website below to learn more about our team. Whatever you do, I wish you much happiness and success : )

T.
www.workathomeunited.com/T.

I can totally relate! With my first child i was a single mom, often working 2 jobs, longing for a day when i could have more time with my daughter. 9 years later, i am married and had another baby. This time, i was laid off during pregnancy. That alone was a big change. But then when baby came, and we decided to see how long we can go with me staying home, well you go through all kinds of stages! Staying home is the greatest gift ever, and has been the happiest time of my entire life-truly. BUT, i will tell you sometimes i think of wishing i had a job just to get away! Hahaha. But now that times are tuff-and i need to return to work i scream NO, i want t be with my girls! We just need to be thankful at all times for where we are. There are seasons for different things. Enjoy where you are. Time flies so fast as you know, savor every moment. Join meetup groups for playdates, so you get out and don't end up cleaning all day. Brush your hair and put on lipstick everyday and get dressed as if you are going somewhere, even just to go around the block. Those little thngs helped with my sanity when she was an infant. Congrats!!

I went through the exact same thing just before Christmas. Since having my son Jan 2008 I worked 20-25 hrs a week and enjoyed very much. I had worked from the age of 16 and while I dreamed of being a stay at home mom, being forced into it by getting laid off the week before Christmas was not the way I wanted to go about doing it.
Even still when I thnk about it I get a little sad. I have adjusted pretty well though and really appreciate the time I get with my very active 1 yr old. I have become more active with my mom's group, going to activities at least 1-2 times a week and I sometimes like to split up my errands so I have something to do everyday. I'm still getting used to doing the housework every day ... that has always been my weak area!
As far as saving money, I am a coupon clipping maniac! Between coupons and my club card I usually save around $50 on my big grocery trips. My sis in law recently told me about thegrocerygame.com that I have yet to try but have heard great things about. I also like to plan weekly menus utilizing leftovers from the previous night to make something else. My husband and I also re-evaluated our monthly bills and cut out all of the unnecessary things and cut back on some others. By the time we were done, we had cut almost $400 out of the monthly expenses. And of course, I don't get to go shopping like I used to!
And my fave thing about staying at home - days like today when we stay in our jammies and cuddle on the couch!!!

This really struck a chord with me! And I'm sure you will get lots of responses on this one! It definitely took me longer than I thought it would to adjust to being home all day with (now) 2 kids. When my first was a baby I was all blissfully happy to be home, nursing, etc but when that "fog" sort of wore off it was a bit of a shock. Like "OH, I guess this is the rest of my life now." I did feel depressed and lonely and a bit resentful of hubby going off to work and having lunches and friends etc. All I can say is eventually I did come around and am now happy and so involved in the kids classes, sports, homework etc I don't know how any mom is able to work and balance it all! Gotta hand it to them.(But a couple days a week would be o.k. I think, after the newborn period? Perhaps your dad can hire a temp worker for now and you can go back later??)It is NOT selfish and you have every right to want to have your own life. I would definitely try to keep open communication about this issue with your husband. You will need his support and also for him to make sure to give you some time to get away by yourself now and then after the baby comes. You will need it. Oh and like the other mom said, join a mom's club or Mommy n Me class, so you can meet other moms and get some playdates for the kids. Gotta get a good friend base in this mom world so you have someone to talk to about this stuff! :-)

M., :)

First, Congratulations to you for making the best choice to stay home with your little ones! They are the most important thing in your life now, and need you more than your dad's business.

Having said that, there are things you can do from home, with your children that will bring you some extra income, and connect you with others like the job with your dad did.

I work at home, and am making a small income, with the opportunity of earning more. It is NOT a job! I own my own small business, representing a wellness company which has been in business for over 23 years, and has earned many awards from national sources, one of which is the Better Business Bureau. Since the Better Business Bureau does Not recognize MLM's, this shows that we are not a MLM. Additionally, I can help you to have a safer home at a third of the cost you currently spend at your local stores.

Other home businesses are available. One of these may help to solve your concerns about money and interaction with others. I don't know about others, but ours has regular interaction with other business women--as much or as little as you want. If you want to know more about mine, go to http://www.ACWomensSuccess.com. I'll give you a call within 48 hours, most likely much less.

A.
http://www.ACWomensSuccess.com
http://www.ACLiveLifeWell.com

Hi M.:

I went full circle from working full time for 19 years in a very fulfilling career path to deciding to stay at home with the birth of my second child. Yes, it is an adjustment, but once you get into a routine, you'll be very happy and not worry about what you had before. It takes about six months to adjust, just like it does when you start a new job.

Just be sure to get out of the house or have a planned activity at home once a day. There are so many free things to do, such as story times, activities at the mall, local recreation center tot times. Join a local mom's group--they'll match you with a playgroup for your older and younger child so that you can get tips from other moms.

As far as income loss, it is amazing what you can save if you have the time to focus on it and the savings from not working often gets overlooked as well.

Enjoy your time with your kids--the second baby feels like it grows up much faster than the first! Soak up every minute.

Hi M.! I am a brand new mommy of a 3 week old little girl. It is our first little one and I was very nervous about how my role would change when I became a stay at home mom. I to worked for my dad's business for 4 years and finished up with him completely about a month before the princess came. I felt really guilty and depressed about being home and sometimes still do. I am getting a little cabin fever now and am looking forward to venturing out in a couple weeks. I started my own business as a freelance makeup artist a year ago. My thoughts were that I would be stir crazy for something of my own. I always felt like I wanted to bring something to the table finacially even if it was my own spending money. It's worked out great! I am able to pick and choose my work as I wish and still get a great little side income as needed. Maybe do some soul searching and see if there is something that you do as a hobby that you can turn into a little business to help cushion some of the financial guilt you might be feeling. I am so new to motherhood and have so much to learn but this arena I feel like I made a great decision on and it is working out beautifully. As far as some money saving tips... we are a younger couple and were very nervous about the loss of my income but planned for it and just keep to a tight budget. We eliminated all luxury spending like subscriptions and excess shopping :( I am now coloring my own hair instead of going to the salon and doing my own nails. Things like that have made a huge difference. When we sat back and really looked at our spending it became apparent what we could live without. I also have started clipping coupons and doing more bargain shopping. I find it's sort of a fun game. I hope some of that helped.

While it is worth it, there is no doubt that it is a bg transition. I would set up a lunch date with people from the company once a week so you can keep in touch. then find some mommies around to hang out with. My girlfriends and I have spent most days together, let the kids play. It gives you adult independent time but with the added blessing of being there with your babies.

Hi M., I went through the same thing and I don't think it is selfish at all, I think it is perfectly normal to be sad about your job. Being a stay at home mom was much harder work for me than any outside job I ever had. But the thing that I think was the hardest was letting go of that little bit of independance that my little part time job gave me, and not having that social time with other adults, I felt like I was put in a cave. After time it got better, but the thing that really helped me was I started my oun little business with Scentsy Wickless Candles. It got me out and around other adults, but on my schedule. I felt like I had something that was mine again, and It has given me a little extra money each month. I am not trying to sell you on this, I just wanted to let you know your not alone, and don't fell guilty about it. It sounds like very soon you will have your hands full. Congratulations & good luck.

Dana Carey
www.scentsy.com/danacarey

Hi M.-
I went from full time teaching elementary school to stay at home mommy, and I still sub extreme part time in the district. So, you can imagine the money loss each month is huge. However, you just have to cut back on everything, and buy just the essentials, as well as watch when things are on sale so you can stock up. Also, cutting coupons helps a little too. Do have a small budget though to buy things for yourself as well. Just think of the benefits for your kids that staying home in the long run will have. Best of luck to you!

Yay! For loving hubby,that always helps! You will need some 'you' time staying at home. I was in management and worked up to 90 hours sometimes, needless to say...I LOVE STAYING AT HOME! Yes it's tough, but everything with balance and a plan, it will pay off!
Some tips for getting financially sound, here they are.
1-Make sure you go into your new stay at home position without credit card debt and try to have 6 months of backup savings, just in case something happens to hubby's job.
2-girls clothes, just don't get tempted with all the cute styles and buy basics. Baby number 2 can probably use the hand me downs too!
3-promotions. Get on Shutterfly's website, they send you a new member free book! I made my son's first year photo album with this book, it turned out awesome! Other places I like is Walgreen's. My mom lives out of state and I order the pictures at her Walgreen's, she picks them up. Payment can be done on-line or at store.
4-sitters. Don't pay for a sitter, switch off with a friend. You take her kid(s)on Monday, she takes yours on Tuesday.
5-free entertainment. San Diego is full of them! Check out the paper or go on-line. I like story time on ____@____.com:30 at the library by Ikea. Every library has different ages and times.
6-Costco membership-just for the diapers alone. I also have the credit card, it's the best one I found that gives $ back for purchases.
I can't wait to see what other suggestions you get! Hope that helps!
A.

I will be honest, I recently became a stay-at-home mom after the birth of my third child and it was a very difficult transition. It took about a month before I got over my depression over what I felt was my loss of independence and my ablility to contribute to the household budget. Once I got over that I began to really enjoy being home with my kids. However, just as I was starting to enjoy it, a job opportunity was offered to me. The job itself sucked as did the pay and hours. However, the long term possiblites were incredible. So it was a very difficult decision and I finally accepted the job. I'm due to start in a couple of weeks and I find I'm faced with the same anxiety I felt when I first faced being a stay-at-home mom.

The best advice I can give is that your stress/depression your dealing with now is natural and you don't need the added guilt of feeling bad about those feelings. I'm sure you will not only adjust to the lifestyle change but will learn to love it and wonder how you ever felt any different.

Congrats on your baby-to-be and good luck on the transition!!!!

Our youngest just had their 3rd daughter and she belongs to a M.O.T. (Mother of Toddlers) group. They meet together and let the kids play. I don't know anythings more about it, however, I do know that she has made some good friends and that they brought in dinner for several night after the baby was born. It was really nice. Grown up Mommy time doesn't have to cost anything.

I went through the same thing! Before I had our daughter I had always worked. It was a big transition to stay home. We now have two kids and I stay home. BUT, I have found a wonderful way to make extra money right from home. Also it gives me the chance to interact with other Moms who are doing the same thing! We have a great support TEAM for the work side of things as well as the everyday Mom issues we all face! This is a wonderful way for you to stay home and bring in extra money for you and your family! I would love to share this with you! My website is below. Click on Get Info. Keep your chin up, it will all work out!

Sincerely,
S.
http://www.ContentMommy.com