Need Some Womanly Advice (Similar to "Lack Of...." Post by Stephanie B)

I just wanted to say that I am SO glad you posted this b/c I'm having the EXACT same problem so reading this post was just helpful and a relief. I honestly could care less if I EVER have sex again (like to the point of almost hoping he will go on and divorce me so I'll never have to do it again) - thats how totally uninterested I am. I cringe everytime he touches me now and we used to do it like rabits! But since the baby came last year it all went in the toilet. I think its the paranoia of getting pregnant unexpectedly (we don't want anymore), the pill, stress, my husband's insensitivity at times, all kinds of stuff, etc. Good luck and thanks for being brave enough to just put it out there!

Well first of all, dont stress about it. This is one of the most common female things, ever. Despite being young, healthy and happy, it happens to all of us. Its one of those built in things, dating back to caveman days when woman's sex drive was based around finding a man to take care of her and giving her babies. Now you've got that, its not such a demanding sport anymore. So its normal, theres nothing wrong with you personally.
In my experiance, the best way to deal with this situation is to get out of a routine as much as possible. Im talking in your normal day-to-day life. Do new, sporratic things to spark your imagination and get your brain working, get out of the rut of thinking the same way every day. Try to do something on a regular basis that makes you proud of yourself, so you feel like a strong capable woman (for example your hobbies or perhaps do a little work towards starting your own cake decorating business as your 'about me' says youre interested in)
Also, if you're taking pills that can effect you because it regulates your hormones. Ask your ob if there's another solution, they've come out with alot of pills recently that, while regulating your hormones, also keeps you from being moody or sobby or any of those other classic female thigns associated with our cycles. This will help take stress off, and allow you more focus on what you really want..
good luck
<3

OK, Mama's, I hope I don't get banned here but some of you are asking for ideas so here goes........

Sometimes a "toy store" and regular date nights work wonders! I understand if you are stressed and sometimes a little play will help you de-stress.

There is a store in Frisco called Sara's Secret located on north Preston just past Warren or Gaylord (I think) in a little shopping center on the right. They have sexy toys, games, etc. that also stimulate the mind and get things geared up. The last time I looked (last week) they were located at this place in Frisco but according to the website, the Frisco location is not listed, however there are several in the area. www.sarassecret.com

There is also a store in Plano called Zon'd Erotica at Park and the Tollway (in the shops facing the tollway in front of Target)and off 75 in Richardson.

These stores are nice stores, not like what you imagine to be for a shop of that nature. I have no issue going in alone whereas I would NEVER go into a store around Harry Hines, etc like this.

I did not have a sex drive for a while when I was on bc pills for fear of pregnancy (medical complications if I did), even though dh had the "snip-snip". When I had a hysterectomy in 2002, it was like I was a free woman. I am on a low dose hormone patch, my boobs went from C to DD, my body stayed petite size 2 (I exercise) and I am in the mood all the time. I told my ob/gyn that he made my life more wonderful after that surgery!!

Happy shopping!
S
We will be celebrating 20 yrs this new years Eve!!!! I am an advocate for weekly date night and having fun with my DH.

J.,

I am sure your gynocologist will tell you that it is stress, and normal for people in your situation. Blah, blah, blah. We hear it all the time, right?
I also have gone through this problem. Actually, I still am, but it is getting better. I used to not have a sexual drive AT ALL... My husband said he understood, but I don't know really how he could have. We went through SO much KY jelly if you see where I am going.
Although, lately, something has changed. I read the Secret. I know, it sounds really strange. The fact is, I have always WANTED to WANT my husband (sex), but just DIDN'T! After watching the Secret, my overall attitude changed towards my life, and even though I still am not feeling the URGE to get down and funky all the time with my husband, I AM no longer needing the KY jelly...
Odd, yes. I welcome it with opened arms though! And, I am not dreading when my husband becomes amorous (sp?)! I can actually get into it.
Stress - yeah, sure. I do believe that; but they only tell you to reduce stress in your life. Well, okay. Like we all enjoy running around in our daily lives stressed out. We already know what to do to reduce stress. Sometimes it is possible, sometimes we just need to feel like there is some kind of hope out there. Buy The Secret. It's a lot cheaper than antidepressants month after month!
Sorry, I know this message is kinda all over the place - I hope you get where I am coming from! :)
E.

Try to talk to him. He is your husband, the father of your babies, and you say he is the greatest man on Earth. So let him know what is going on...and then get in touch with your very natural sexual needs. Maybe you need more romance and touch before hand. Maybe you are hurting somewhere and could use a massage. Some women experience a lack of libido when they change weight...look at the diet...maybe cut back on the dairy foods...just a thought. Foods can also work as aphrodisiacs...chocolate? Strawberries? Whipped cream?

Good luck and remember he loves you.
Marianne

It amazes me to no end, why is it that you tell your doctor, my periods are CRAZY and their response is, Here lets put you on b/c pills, it will regulate your periods, but it will put you at risk for a great number of things as well as take your sex drive away. You know if they were to tell that to a guy he would never go for it. Oops sorry that one has come to be a soap box as I am very irregular myself. Unless you are using the b/c to prevent more kids I would say ditch it and find a doctor that cares enough to get to the bottom of the issue causing the irregular periods. If it truly is b/c for you than I would check into a different one because you shouldn't have to feel that way. Even still things change what got you there once may not do the trick anymore, and then wait a few more years and you will have the same problem again. Yes, a "toy store" may help you out there. Stress will also factor in, what do you get to do for just the 2 of you? If you can try to at least have 10 minutes a day without the kids and the TV and any other distraction where it is just the 2 of you that may help too.
Good Luck

I have had some issues in this area lately myself. I've done a lot of research, and here's what I've come up with. I have an appt in a few weeks with my gyno to have them run a hormone test on me. I have had an issue with this before (very young, around 19-20 where my hormone count was REALLY low and had to have therapy to get them back up). It might not be the same for you, but it's something to look into. Just go out and google it to find some symptoms to check yourself against.

If nothing works, send the kids away, and go to a 'booby' bar together.. ;)

I quite the pill over two years ago and it has really made a tremendous difference in the sex drive department. I feel "normal" now. When I was on the bc pill I just would have much rather taken a bath or read a book or even slept than have sex. It just didn't interest me AT ALL. Now things are much better. We use condoms for now and it's worked fine (for me at least). Good Luck!

Could definitely be the pill. Lots to try, may need to switch. Stress? Could be? Only you can tell, but I'd start w/ changing pills.

D.

I could DEF be your bc pills. I had some that not only made me not interested a lot of the time but literally dried me out so bad that it was painful if I was in the mood. They even dried me out so bad that my tounge would stick to the roof of my mouth to the point of bleeding. BC pilss can really effect your body in many crazy ways so I would def ask your gyn abt alternate forms of BC or even condoms like the other lady suggested.