Need Some Advice on How to Juggle 2 Kids

Im not gonna lie...it is tough...but you'll find a new 'normal' and fall into a groove before you know it. Just take help when it's offered and don't try to do it all...nobody expects you to.

You can do it...I found the expectation harder than the actuality (even tho I suffered SEVERE PPD). The time will FLY by so enjoy what you can!

~L.

Deep breath...

Ok.

I just had my second son one month ago. I had the very same anxiety you did.

It is so much better and easier than I ever expected. My older son is 3 and he's not jealous at all. He's very loving to the baby and only wants to help.

Yeah, the sleep is scarce, but it's totally worth it.

I feel much, much more confident with the second baby than I did with the first. I think the confidence makes everything much easier.

You'll do great. Don't worry. Plus you are going to have an easier baby by compairson this time.

Hang in there. Just get through the birth and then take things day by day from there.

My biggest suggestion is to invest in a baby sling, like a Maya Wrap. One of the biggest needs that a baby has is to be held and close to it's Mama. You will be able to go about your daily life and spend more time with your older child. I didn't use my sling much for my first but I used it all the time with #2 and 3.
The other thing that I tell moms is that sometimes you have to let the baby cry for a few min while you take care of the needs of the other child...sometimes their needs are more demanding than the babies.
You may be surprised at how easy the transition might be.
I also made my kids the special helpers. Even a 2yro they were very helpful!
Blessings, K.

Nancy,

I have 5 boys and only one of them was colicky (son #2). Chances are since you are expecting the worst (because thats the experience you are drawing on) the next one will be a breeze!

Something I always did when I had a new baby was make a big deal out of all the help the older kids would give me, but at the same time I always reassured them that even though they were big boys they would always still be my babies too! It seems like at first they would be comforted by this, then after awhile you get the standard "I'm not a baby!" lol I still say it to my 13 year old and he just smiles and doesn't say anything anymore, but I think secretly he kind of likes the thought.

I think there is an added benefit to having the older sibling help with a new baby, they seem to take on a sense of responsibility, and protectiveness over them. Just make sure you make a big deal out of what a great job they do and what a great brother they are.

Best of luck to you and God Bless.

You take one day at a time and the babies needs will come first in most situations so you explain to your older child that you will be right with him. My first was also a very fussy baby and never slept. He drained us and then our 2nd one came along and he was much easier................your motherly instints will kick in :)

My kids are 18 months apart to the day. I thought it was going to be no problem..I was wrong. My first born was an angel, never had a problem with her. My second born, not as easy. I found that my first born was very helpful and well behaved if she was doing something for the #2. I would have #1 get diapers, wipes, burp rage, empty bottle, throw out diapers, get clothes, wash clothes...you name it anything! Just to keep #1 busy and seeming like she was helped worked out pretty good. I think as long as you keep the first born in the loop you will be fine. OH and also, I didn't leave the house with both kids for quite a while, and when you do, don't forget to tack on another 10 -15 minutes to get two kids in the car :)

Now that my kids are 3 and 1 1/2 I'm thinking about adding a third, so all in all, it wasn't that bad :)

Your son is old enough to be a great big helper!!!
I promise you that none of your fears will turn out as bad as you think they will be. :-)
I have 3 kids and do daycare...
You find a way.
The first few weeks after you have baby DON"T PLAN ANYTHING!!! Just stay home and try to settle into a routine.

Start now and talk about how great of a big brother brother will be. Think of a couple of "jobs" brother can help you with. (getting diapers, wipes, spit clothes, blankets, etc) and talk all about how great of a job he will do.
When he comes to the hospital to see baby make sure that YOU are NOT holding baby. Let him come in and climb up on your lap and someone else can introduce him to baby. That way he knows from the git go that baby isn't taking over HIS mom.
No 2 kids are the same... This one may be the easiest baby you've ever seen.
I usually keep a pack and play in the living room so that if there is a situation that I need both hands I can put baby in it and go... Also are you planning on nursing? Nursing is a great time to institute the story time. Have a seat, hook up baby and let big brother either read himself a book or you can read him a book. That means brother is being calm and not climbing the cabinets in the other room at a time you physically can not jump up quick.

I come from a large family and have to say that the hardest for me was going from 1 to 2. 2-3 was about as easy as going from 0-1 for me... Helps to have big siblings to help out.

I just had my twin girls 3 months ago and I thought the same thing with my now 3 yrs old son. It is normal to have these thoughts. I even felt guilty for being pregnat, and wondererd if I would resent my girls for having less time with my son. The resentment never came.

Somehow it will just all start to fall into place.

Are you able to have someone come and help you for a little bit in the first week or so? It was so helpful for me to have my mom here, she basicly took care of my son, so I could consintrate on the babies. I was still the mom, but he jot him dressed and feed, plus changed a few diapers.

Just take care of the one who needs the care first. If the baby needs something, then your older son will learn that he now has to wait. If your older son needs something then the baby will not kow that you are spening time with your older son than him/her.

Just try to relax, and enjoy your last few weeks.
And Congrates on the new baby!

I found it soooooooo much easier second time around because I was much more confident. I also had the feelings you're having now and I think they are totally normal (with my first I also worried would I be a good enough Mom etc), but I was pleasantly surprised with how well it went. It definately went much easier than I had thought it would.
My husband brought my son to the hospital the day the baby was born (after a few hours) to meet his new brother and we had bought a gift to my son from his new baby brother. My kids are only 2 1/2 years apart but my eldest really wanted to help so would fetch diapers etc for me and even "help" bathe, dress and feed his little brother. Obviously, encourage this but don't force it upon him.
Also, because of how often the baby sleeps at first you'll still have plenty of special time with your oldest and have special cuddles with baby when the older child is asleep. It really is a fairly easy transition because of a babies schedule, your son will be eased into having to share more and more time with his brother as he gets older and more active. At first newborns spend so much time asleep but you have to use that time a little more wisley with the second.
I guess the sleep deprivation is a little harder with the second because you can't just nap when they nap but you'll get through that.
Also remember that all babies are different and your second son will not necessarily have colic because your first one did. You'll cross that bridge if you come to it and be able to deal with it better because you have already experienced it.
Stop worrying and just enjoy the one on one time you have with your son now. You'll do great, I'm sure.
Good luck and congratulations.

Hi Nancy! We have a lot in common. We have been married for 7 years and have a little girl who just turned 4 and a new baby who is only 2 months. It has been an interesting 2 months full of transition.

My little girl is not very high maintenance, but I think all kids get a little MORE high maintenance if they are not already, once a new baby is thrown into the picture. She is sweet to the baby but acts out in other ways. Sharing my time with her little brother is not what she asked for for Christmas, you know? :) As much as you prepare a child for their sibling, there is all of this emotion they experience that they don't know how to express. It is a bit heartbreaking.

Make sure you take very special time each day with your oldest child. I mean where the baby is either sleeping or with your husband and you and your son are in another room or even out of the house. They really need that! Don't get too mad at him for the things he is about to start doing once the baby is here...he will act out in weird ways and you will want to shake him...LOL...but of course you won't...I have to bite my tongue and calm down and then go talk to my oldest about her latest display for attention. I make sure I don't yell and that she knows the consequences for her actions if she does it again (or if it is a second offense...or third...LOL). It can be exhausting and mentally taxing on you...but thus is motherhood, right??

As for other parts of your new life to come...I found that the sleep deprivation is a huge issue for me. Just having enough patience and mental clarity to deal with things is a challenge. Thankfully my son is not colicky...I know you went through hell with your son as an infant, but chances are, your 2nd child will be just fine. My little boy eats every 3 hours...a real chow hound! So nights are interrupted and I am up and down a lot. Of course then my daughter still has her moments of bad dreams, potty accidents, etc. to take care of in the night (oh, and expect your oldest to have some potty issues suddenly-- it will pass, I promise). See if your husband will take the baby for a while and a feeding around 10 pm so you can go to bed early and at least get some good sleep...of course, if you are breast feeding, you will have to pump for these feedings!

I'm not sure how "by the books" you might be...so take the next bit of advice as you will...but I just started giving my son some rice cereal with lots of formula in it before bed time. You will read that you shouldn't do this for one reason or another, but I figured I will try it, and if he doesn't do well with it, well, I will stop! Last night...God bless him...he slept from 9:30 pm to 6:00 am, and SO DID I.

My sister did this with all 3 of her girls, and they grew up just fine...same with EVERYONE I talked to who has done this...no allergies, no intestinal issues...I think somewhere a handful of kids had problems and they blamed rice cereal for it. Anyway, it is a MIRACLE to me because being well-rested helps me be a better, more patient mom during the day for my oldest, and that is very important to me.

I guess I'd also say try to nap during baby's nap time, but I have found that to be almost impossible since my oldest does not nap anymore and I am not a napper historically.

Sorry this is so long...but I just wanted to tell you what I have been through the last couple months, and I hope it helps a little! Don't be afraid to be a little unconventional. Your oldest will need you during the day to be somewhat coherent and able to smile and even play with him.

I wish you the very best with your upcoming labor, birth, and new little bundle of joy...and he/she will be! I was nervous, too, but think about how women have raised many children at once since time began and know you can do it, too!

You can email me on here or at ____@____.com if you ever need anything!

C. Nowlin

I have two children ages 33 months and 15 months. We planned it but didn't really think about the reprucusions of two children until I was like 9 months pregnant and realized oh my god our first one is crazy. He is so energetic and was very very needy. When the second one came he totally was not jealous and just learned the baby was now the one who was needy and he had to start being less needy and you know what everything just fell into place. I think if you raise your children right from day one it will just work out. If you have been trying to do the right things then have faith in yourself and it will work out. Also just because the first one is one way the second one could be a whole nother way. My second one is totally laid back. But of course that could be because she has to be. There just isn't room for two Davids in one family. It will be its own little beautiful self.

Good luck, K.

Hi Nancy,
For me it was easier to go from 1 to 2 kids than when I had my first. It was such a big adjustment when I first had my son. I went from working full time to SAHM. I am the type of person that likes to get out and do things. Well when my son came I had to adjust to not being able to just go.
When my second son came it wasn't that hard. Like you, I worried about how to balance my time between the 2 but it just happens. I would suggest buying a sling or some type of baby carrier. It came in handy when I had to make dinner or play a game with my oldest. It mad it hands free. Also make sure to include your oldest in whatever you're doing. I would always ask my oldest if he wanted to help by getting me diapers, bottles, little toys. That way he felt like he was involved. Although my son was a bit younger than yours. I don't know if that makes a differance or not. Good luck.
Chris

Hi Nancy,
I have the exact profile as you - part time working mom with a 4 1/2 year old son. We returned in September with our baby daughter from Ethiopia (so slightly different birth). Our son was great with our daughter (excited, gentle, proud, etc.) but pretty angry at us for messing with his little kingdom. He was defiant alot and actually wet his cot at preschool multiple times. So I would prepare for a some reaction at the beginning - a good couple of months. Now he has become a great helper (lets me know if she is getting into anything, wants to hold the bottle, etc.) So there are some nice advantages to having an older child when you have your second. Yes, the work load is harder (and my husband works nights so I am solo with the two of them at night). I too was worried as to how I was going to do it. You will figure out a routine that works and you will have to work with your older one on playing alone/quietly while you put the baby down, feed, etc. And that will take time and you may get some resistance. Wouldn't change it for the world though - two kids really makes us feel like a complete family. Just remember, one day at a time....

Wish you the best!

Your fears are normal. Figure out if they're due to hormonal changes or not, tho. That could account for much.

But realize every child is different. How one is may not determine how the next is. My oldest and middle are as different as west is to east. And my youngest is a combination of the two! Kinda like having two pedigree pooches and the third is the best of the two! (coming from a dog lover)

Don't worry, girlfriend. Worrying about it isn't doing you or the baby any good. You'll do fine. You'll grow with each of them, become tuned in to their similarities and differences and individualities. You'll grow as well and become a little tougher where you need to and where THEY need you to be. And don't rule out hubby's part. He'll have his involvement too with each of them. If you're both on the same page, this will be a typical family picture.

Good luck and congratulations in advance!

Nancy,

For some reason nature has a way of blessing you with opposites. My first son was colicky, whining, clingy and a handfull. Son number two came two years and 10 days later and was completely different. He didn't cry much, slept well and wasn't clingy. I hear that from everyone, so just because the first one gave you fits it doesn't mean the second will. It will probably be much better than you are thinking. Still, taking two little ones out of the house does present a challenge. Since your oldest is 4 and a half he is plenty old enough to start helping you. Ask him to help you with simple chores like carrying the diaper bag or something small so that will give him a feeling of importance. Start making him feel like the big brother and he can be more help than hindrance. It is harder with two but you will find ways to make it all work out.

Good luck to you,
S.

Two kids are a lot more than 1 kid...

Newborn infants are very hard...but once you get past that it gets easier..

My kids are 18 months apart and it was probably harder than I expected. But now that they are 1 and 3 it is a breeze..

My nubmer one suggestion - is hire help.. get granma or auntie or someone to come and help you for the first couple weeks.. Pay someone..

But newborns are all about being held.. and then when you aholding the newborn you cant do much with the older child.

Once the baby gets even 4 or6 weeks old they start to look arond and be entertained with their world.. and then they are on the floor or the swing and happy with that...

It starts out hard but it gets easier ..

You've had lots of good responses here, but I just wanted to add that once the baby is a few weeks old it will love to sit in a baby seat and watch what your son is up to.

Best wishes - it will all work out.

I would agree with the other posters, accept help whenever it is offered!
One thing that really helped me multitask with the baby is a Maya style sling. My son lived in that sling for the first 3 months of his life lol handsfree operation, the baby is cozy and comfy, it's great for breast or bottlefeeding. PLUS it cuts down on people just snatching and touching your baby with their germy hands because they have to totally enter your personal space to grab him.
I got mine on eBay from a mom who makes them. I picked the fabric and she made it for my shirt size, prolly 15bux!

Yep, stuff is not going to get done, but you know your Davids and your new one are more important than the dishes or laundry:) those things will wait for you lol

So hi I'm a mother of 4 now but at one time just 1 and a half. Like a lot of other advice make sure tospend time with your oldest when ever you can, when the baby is napping which they will do all the time in the beggining. And before you know it you'll have one in school and just one with you. When your son comes to the hospital to see you make sure you are not holding the other baby, someone told me that and that was a big deal. My daughter ran to me and then saw her sister laying in the bed. You can do this it is very normal to get anxiety with another baby be it your second, third, or fourth. You will be fine don't be hard on yourself just being a mom is full time time crazy job. If you ever need to talk let me know.

M.

really, its not you that should be worried, but your husband. The first baby is usually just a lot of mommy time. When the second one comes a long, the new one gets the mommy time, and Daddy has to kick it up a little with the older one. I found the best help was when other people would do fairly easy things for me (or older kid) while breastfeeding: reading a story, putting pajamas on, getting a snack, etc. The trouble was many people or dads don't have an instinct for how to help, so just having a quick idea of ways to keep him busy helps.
Also, don't be offended when people make comments about you having your hands full. We all get it. ALL THE TIME.

Nancy, first of all, relax. Getting stressed is not going to help you right now. My husband and I are just going through this now.
Make sure when you come home you have someone there to help you (if you can). We made our extra bedroom into a 'quite' room. I use this to feed, change diapers, rock; both children; and something that produces soothing sounds.
As for around the house. Cheap and easy way of being hands free. If you are of average size this will only take no more than 6yards of strong fabric (cotton, nothing to stretchy)and wrap. We paid $50 for a nice sling and the baby hates it. He loves the wrap. Now don't panic. Try looking on mobywrap.com or search 'wrap+baby'. There are tons of sites that will teach you how to wrap. Remember to wrap tight. Keeps baby close and if you are breastfeeding and you are better at it than I am you should be able to nurse in this as well.
I have done everything from going to the bathroom to making lunch, to doing dishes. It is also a great way to keep people from wanting to always touch:) Good for flu season...
Another thing, your son is old enough to 'help'. Grabbing a diaper or whatever small. He will feel more involved and like a big boy. And plainly explain to him that you can't do everything and sometimes he will need to wait, but mommy still loves just as much as before the baby.
I hope this helps some.
Michelle

Dear Nancy,

Stop worrying! Relax and enjoy your sweet kids. Sure, two is more than one, but all families with multiple kids do this. Your positive attitude will make all the difference. Be flexible. This will be the best thing in the world for David! You're going to be very surprised at all the blessings in store for you. The second one knows from the beginning that they have to fit in, and they nearly always do! ENJOY!!

I completely understand. We have a high maintenance 2 year old who I still have gates everywhere and have to carry him from place to place to get him there. And I now have a five week old. But, I must say as soon as that baby came home I have a wonderful big brother whose behaivior I hardly recognize, he has grown up so fast and they seem to compliment each other. As for formula and sleeping sorry, that part will suck no matter what, unless the baby comes out perfect. I hear of these moms that have babies that sleep through the night from birth. I don't beleive them I think their just deaf.lol... I have worked myself from 45 mins to 1.5 hours so far. but you would be amazed how much mom energy will compensate. hope this helps.

My son was almost 4 when my daughter (now 14 mos) was born. My son was a great baby...so I was not prepared for my daughter...who was not. The first 6 weeks was really really hard. My parents came for the first 2 weeks and did a lot with my son and around the house so I could focus on the baby. They also were able to take the baby for periods of time to let me focus on my son.

They are happy to help. Let him be as involved as possible. Running to get diapers, wipes, blankets, pacies, etc.

The hardest part for me really was lack of sleep. Once the baby goes down, your son will be ready for some mommy time.

I still think having two kids is more than twice the work of one...but love them to death and it does get easier.