Need Party Planning Advice

I agree with the other posters who say sit down with her and tell her the truth. Tell her you want to give her the party of her dreams, but then give her a budget you can reasonably afford. Tell her this is all you have to spend, you wish it were more b/c she is such a good friend, but you just can't, especially with the other hostesses backing out. Then ask her what, within that budget (money and time) means the most to her and run with it that way. Good luck, you ARE being a good friend!!

Not sure if I am reading this right but is your "friend" the one dictating all this for her OWN party?????????? If that is the case she is WAY out of line and you are being WAY too nice. Seriously...who does that? Plans her own going away party and then expects another person to foot the bill? And then plans it in a way that is inconvenient for her chosen host? Honestly, you need to step back from this situation and think about it. Reread your post. She is not being a friend at all in this situation and I can assure you that is why the other girls are not buying in anymore.

So tell her that you would love to do a party for her but can only do it under your own terms because you really need to financially control it. If this is not acceptable to her highness then just take her out to dinner.

Your friend is out of line. She should have accepted your location (your mom's house) so it would be easier and cheaper for you. At your mom's house, you could heat up homemade enchiladas or nachos or spanish rice or set up a taco bar. You really can't do that at the gallery. So you can ask her nicely if she wants the Mexican food at your mom's house, in which case you'd be happy to make it from scratch (which is cheaper and easy to do ahead of time and freeze) and have it all hot, or if she would rather have her party in the gallery with chips and salsa and guacamole.

And I love the idea of sangria. Everyone likes it, and it fits the Mexican food theme.

Blessyour heart for trying to do a nice thing. Leave it to chics to screw over other chics! Sheesh!! Maybe u can ask the other 2 girls that originally agreed to help, since they are flaking out and can't do the "planning" part of it, maybe they could at least still split the cost since you are unemployed at the moment, and you would be happy to do the rest. I would definately go with the sangria, taquitos, chips and salsa and maybe a crock pot of Rotel(with or without the beef in it). You don't go to a gallery and eat Tacos or beans/rice in my opinion..lol! Just h'dourves! Good luck. Would love to know how it turned out!

80 guests with food and wine is going to be a very expensive party! I would think even just wine would be fine, if she wants a more elaborate party she can pitch in. Yes it is for her but if she wants it to be more lavish she can offer to help pay. Maybe she is in the position to do so and wouldnt mind. If she gets upset then she is the bad friend not you and flake just like the other two 'besties'. IMHO it seems like she is being kind of catty going behind your back to the others ordering the details.

If I were in her shoes I would just be flattered that my friends were honoring me with a party.

I would tell your friend that you simply can't afford to do a party for 80 people without the help of the other 2 friends. I'm sorry to say but it seems like your friend is being really selfish by not having already offered. If she's as good a friend as you say she is she should already know that you are unemployed and I don't even understand how she hasn't offered on her own without you asking - that seems very odd to me. And I agree that she should have respected your original location so it would have been easier and cheaper. I would simply tell her that without the other two (and even with I think it's crazy to have that type of party for someone else even if you had a lot of money but that's just me) you can't do it. I would tell her you would love to and if she is willing to foot the bill you would be more than happy to help set up/clean up/decorate/etc. but that you just can't help financially. If you do offer to help some financially I would CAP it at the most you can spend because she sounds like she will go over the limit for sure. I would NOT say "I'll pay for half/third" I would say "I have $50/100 max that I can put towards the party" Then she can decide if she wants to pay the rest or make some decisions to cut down on price. Good luck and I'm sorry your friend is not being very empathetic to you :(

Do what YOU can afford. It seems to me as though she is being very high maintenance. If SHE wants Mexican food & wine, then SHE can pay for it. I think you have been more than gracious in offering yourmother's residence etc. Look, the other two gals dropped out for a reason. That doesn't mean you allow others to take advantage of you.

Wow tough spot and not so gracious friend. Since when does the honored guest dictate the menu and venue - you're the hostess. And eighty people is a huge party. I would probably tell her, hey I'm throwing this party, you stay out of it, you will love whatever I do and you should just relax and enjoy yourself. But if that won't work with her personality than you need to seriously tell her that you undertook this project with 2 helpers that have since backed out so if it's at the gallery, it's a cold appetizer party...cheese and crackers, fruit and veggie tray, throw in some nachos and salsa. If she's a friend, she'll accept that. This should be about saying goodbye to her friends - it doesn't matter where it is or what the food is and that's not what anyone will remember.

Sorry, I agree with all the other posts. You need to talk with her about the situation. True friends wouldn't expect what she is expecting. Now, I do think you could still do something fun for your friend. I would make it a two hour event... sounds more exclusive. A gallery is usually an elegant or artsy environments, so go with the enivironement. For the more elegant setting, I would do several cheese and cracker plates (buy nice cheese in several varieties, enlist your friends to slice and cube and prepare the trays yourself) buy a case of wine at Sams or Costco along with nice plastic/napkin ware. For the funky/artsy setting, you could do gourmet or flavored popcorn in ice cream shaped paper cones (google gourmet popcorn). Prepare and deliever a nice speech for your friend. Then reserve space at a Mexican place near by for those who want to go. You might even be able to arrange a special menu with reduced prices. BUT everyone is expected to pay for there own meal and drinks.

OTher ideas: make it BYOB (beer or wine). Check with Half Price Books for a "Texas" themed coffee table book or get one of those matted frames in the wedding section of Michaels, Hobby Lobby and put a picture of your friend (or of you and your friend) in it and let people write farewell messages on the mat. Use Evite.com for the invitations (free)
Skip the ballons. Borrow a camcorder/flip video, interview people at the party about why "friend" is special and post it on YouTube (did that for a friends 40th bd party in New Orleans and shared it those who couldn't attend- it was a hit).
Hope that helps, IM me for more idea's or if you want to chat by phone.

If no one else will pitch in with money, then do cake and some drinks -- either wine and soda or punch and something else. If you're the only one paying, then it is up to you to decide. Your friend who is moving should be pleased about the party, not concerned with what is served.

Another option is to do a pot-luck kind of thing. Those that are coming bring something, even plates, napkins, etc. You can assign people what to bring, give a range (say those with last names A-K bring desserts, those with L-Z bring drinks) or let people choose. Letting people choose usually leaves lots of holes in the menu for the hostess to fill, so I would suggest using one of the other options.

I would ask a friend with a camera to take pictures. You can bring your own music on CDs or an ipod.

Good luck.

Since you are not getting cooperation and you want it to be special, I would
take her out for a day. Do special thiings, spend time together. Make
lots of memories. Take lots of pictures. Laugh a lot. Then you can
scrapbook the day or you can make a DVD of the pictures you take of your
day together. I make some great DVDs at Ritz photo.

As far as the other friend who will help but cannot attend. I am assuming
she will not be around to set up etc., so it will all be left to you. If she wants
to do everything then fine and you can attend as a guest (but still have your
day out).

Hope it all works out.

If this is your true best friend, I think you need to be honest with her. Tell her that you really wanted this to be a great party and you had in mind how you would manage it all on your budget - 1, 2 helper friends chipping in on time, planning, and money. 2 - location at your moms house so you can cook the food yourself, set up the night before, and have some since of how things would run. Exciting, fun, one last hoorah, but now you are scared. You are happy the location is free and a really neat place, but it leaves you with worries of how to handle the food. Next, you are down to 1 helper who doesn't seem interested in helping, so you are a bit concerned this will really all fall on you. And 3, remind her of your situation, remind her that as her friend, you want this to be great, but you also have to remember that money is really tight right now and you have a very limited budget to work with. All that being said, offer her some suggestions...Suggestion #1, have it at the gallery, Wine and cheese and cake only. Suggestion #2, have it at your moms, punch, with a taco bar (make up the ground meat ahead of time and put it in a crock pot to stay warm, the rest of the items for tacos are cold, so just put them out on the counter. Use no name brand tacos and tortillas, and have pently of chips and salsa.) Tell her you just don't see how to work it any other way, but you are open to suggestions. Tell her your budget if you are comfortable with that. Something like "I've saved up $200 for this party and I really want it to be nice, but something's got to give." She may offer to pay for the food, she may realize that you throwing her party should not put you in the poor house and as the guest of honor, she needs to be happy anyone is willing to do this at all!!!

As a suggestion for the gift for her, someone told me about this and I did it for a friend that was moving. Ask each guest to bring a picture of their family and/or a picture of them with the guest of honor. Then, when they arrive at the venue, have a table set up where they can put their picture on a piece of scrapbook paper and write a note on the page saying how they'll miss the guest of honor and/or recalling a special event with this person. Then, put all the pages in a scrapbook and send it with the guest of honor! Since each person does their own page, you aren't spending a ton of money.

You can do tamales, chips and salsa for REALLY cheap. I think you can rent the chaffing dishes for the tamales pretty inexpensively. Ditch the decorations and either skip the present or give an inexpensive present. You could ask all of the guests to send you a favorite photo of Texas, Dallas, themselves, or your friend. You can put that into an animoto show for free - or make a picture book for $20 through snapfish or shutterfly.

Double check with her on the wine - wine and mexican food seems like an odd combo - a margarita machine seems like more fun. Whatever you get for alcohol, just get a little bit and specify on the invites that there will be some wine, but people are encouraged to BYOB. Its completely out of line to expect one (or even two or three) to foot the alcohol bill for 80 people. I think its even acceptable to provide no alcohol - just soft drinks and water and do BYOB.

Good luck! And remember... No good deed goes unpunished!

You are a very lovely friend to want to do this for your buddy!!! It will be ALRIGHT!! I do not know why people do this when you are just trying to do something nice for someone. But it does seem to happen that they tend to go the other way instead of doing all they can to help and work together with you! That being said-if you can afford to do it, go on and do the mexican food. What you could do is a taco buffet-and use those foil pans with the burners from Party city to keep the meat warm. You could shop around for the best deal on ground beef, and let me tell you, you can buy mostly the inexpensive chop and mix it with the leaner, more expensive chop, and it will work great, and go a long way. If you have chili powder, onion powder, garlic powder, salt, pepper, some chopped onions, bell pepper, salsa, you just brown the meat, drain it, and season it with those items to taste, and you are good to go. With all of the components for this you could have quite the impressive display: chopped avocados, tomatoes, lettuce, cheeses ( cheddar and maybe even mozzarella), cilantro, sour cream, taco shells.Some of the cheaper salsas are good enough, and again you could mix some Kroger store brand with some Pace in a large pretty glass dish, and it will taste delicious. Use pretty serving dishes from home, and lay it all out using a mexican throw as your table cover. Place books or boxes under the throw and display the foods at different levels. Add some matching votive candles and silk flowers throughout the food maybe, in some stemmed goblets. If your girls go on and help I think you can pull this off in such a way that will impress your friend and not put a huge crunch on your pocket book! I would serve a little wine if it would please the guest of honor, but if not, then I would stick to my guns on the cheaper punch, unless the friend who is insisting wants to buy the wine. Cake and wine would be ok, but if you are able to include the food, that would be even better. Tacos are not too expensive, and they go a long way. You could even add some soft tacos ( prepare them at home, then keep them warm in your foil warming pans,too). This will give your guests more variety. If it were me, I would make up a huge batch of spanish rice at home (or have someone do it if you do not know how to make it) then keep that warm in a foil pan,too. My strategy here is spanish rice is really cheap, adds something really good, and will help stretch your meal in a good way! Use balloons, ditch the present since you are doing such a lovely meal, add some great music-and the party is on! Your friend will love it!!!! Write me back if I can offer any more! Wish I was able to come help you-I love doing events!!! God bless you!!!

We have a lot of smart moms on here.
I do agree that you can't do if you don't have. Be direct with this "friend". She should know you are not working right, she is your "friend". She should know this is not cheap. ANd just because she was good for your wedding doesn't mean you "owe" her.
Also if anyone of those 80 people are her friends make it a potluck! Or a collection.
If all else fails I'm with some of the responses, take her out to a nice restaurant or a fun night out. Just you and your "friend".

I think you have to tell her the truth. She know you are not working and the money is little. It doesn't matter if she was good to you at your wedding, if she's a truly friend, she's supost to understand. Tell her you will help to make all the stuff and food and will organise things, but you need more money. If she do not like what you said, then she is not your best friend.

Sorry, but why can't this friend pitch in... it's her party and she is demanding food and wine that are out of your budget... for a large amount of people.. that's even bigger than my wedding reception. Do you have mutual friends who can at least pitch in a little.. even if they don't plan the party, perhaps they can at least split on something. It shouldn't be all your pocket for decor/food/cake/wine/invitations/set up/decorate/clean up afterwards for 80 guests.

If no one can pitch in, then I would do a pretty cake, drinks and maybe a really pretty fruit tray with dipping chocolate or something, but that's it.

If you can't make that work (will anyone be there to help you set up, or play music so every one can mingle to?) then why don't instead you just take her out to dinner as a friend saying goodbye. If she has a problem with that, then perhaps your friendship has drifted apart.

If she is that good of a friend you should be able to go to her and explain that you can not afford the type of party she wants by yourself. At what point in time did the guest of honor become in charge of the party? I think it is rude to dictate what happens at a party you are not hosting. The important part of this party is getting friends together before she leaves and being able to say goodbye and send her off with good wishes. She should be pleased you are willing to go to so much trouble for her. Stop stressing, tell her what you are capable of doing physically and financially and you will feel much better. Do not go into debt just for a party.

What a nice and loyal friend you are! I could totally see myself in your shoes being broke myself! If the party means a lot to your friend, I would go with it, but don't do more than you can afford or have people chip in for. I would perhaps get some of the closer friends together and say, look she really wants this party, and its not going to happen unless I have some help paying for it - how much are each of you chipping in?

That being said, since she wants Mexican, since its in a Gallery (upscale feel), and since you are on a budget, I would highly recommend going for Mexican appetizers that are good either cold or at room temp and can be passed on a cocktail trays. Just get a few friends that aren't friends with her to volunteer to be tray passers for you. Have them were all black to be elegant. This solves the problem of keeping the food hot, you can do it at an off time like from 2-4 when people are just expecting a nibble, not a whole meal, and you can get away with buying less food because people really have no idea how much is being passed. Passed trays also give a sense of elegance that goes with the gallery setting. Now for what to put on the trays - you want it to be Mexican, you want it to be something they can eat in one - two bites, and you want it to look classy. A good example is to get those Tostido chips that look like little cups and put a bit of Ceviche or Guacamole on them, garnished with cilantro, or a small empenada, or a bite sized flan - you get the idea. I would look at http://foodnetwork.com for more great ideas. For drinks you can go wine if that's what she likes - I would go someplace where they know their wines well, maybe Central Market or a Wine Specialty store where they can really advise you on what wines are going to be the best for the smallest budget. Not all good wines are expensive! Some places will give you a discount for buying a case too. That being said, I would say maybe do some Margarita on the Rocks, Sangria on the Rocks, and some Mexican beer to suit the Mexican theme. You really could go either way on this one. I would price both and see how you come out. I would skip the Margarita machine though - I think it would be out of place in a gallery.
They do have some fun feista decorations at Party City - I was just there the other day - not expensive. I would also check out Oriental Trading at http://www.orientaltrading.com - their stuff is really cheap.
For a nice picture book of Texas, you should make your own! You can make your own photo books at Shutterfly at http://www.shutterfly.com.

Personally, if she wants a proper goodbye to Texas - just take her to Billy Bob's or something! That'll do it!

Good luck to you!!!!!

I agree with the other posters that you need to be honest with this friend and the others that originally agreed to help. They should be aware of your financial situation and not expect you to fit the bill for a party for 80 people! If you are unable or unwilling to ask for them to chip in, then I say you do what you can afford. I like the idea of chips and salsa, cheese tray, etc. just snacks that you can do yourself. For the wine, you could make Sangria, which would stretch the wine, without really being a punch. Either way, I think this is a bit much to expect a friend to do when you are in a financial crisis.

You are a great friend for even suggesting such a party! Take the guilt/stress off yourself and your budget! Put it back on the friends. Make it a potluck and wine tasting. Have each guest bring a wine or beverage they love and a dish they love to serve. You provide ice, cups, napkins, plates, table cloths and tables. Skip other decorations. No need for decorations in a gallery or at adult parties anyway.

I think, like the another poster, that she is a bit demanding. If she WANTS all these things, then she should have planned the d@$% thing herself on HER budget. :-P

I also like the scrapbook pages idea. Or again, you could send a recipe card in with the invitation, have the friends write down the recipe for the dish they are bringing, and ask that they put a picture of themselves on the back of the recipe card. Good luck!

Galleries generally have strict rules on what you can and can't serve for events so I would check with the gallery first off and go from there. Some only allow you to serve "clear" beverages (i.e. no red wine, etc.).

Honestly, since it seems as if you will be footing the bill for everything since the other ladies are not responding very well, I would do this...

Galleries already have artwork in them so I wouldn't worry too much about bringing in a bunch of decor that may only clash with what they have in there.

Mexican themed food - get chips, hot sauce and guacamole (could go by Sam's or Costco for least expensive or could buy at grocery store or you could run through Uncle Julio's or your fave Mexican restaurant and get it from there), you could also order a party platter of Mexican food of some sort (taquitos or something) something that can sit out and withstand the party. I think with these munchies and then the other lady bringing the cake, you will be good to go. Remember, you aren't obligated to feed them dinner BUT since you will be serving alcohol, I would recommend having something else for people to munch on along with cake and going the Mexican munchies route will save on costs.

Beverages - you can serve margaritas on the rocks or rent a margarita machine and white wine (again Costco or Sam's for best pricing), could even serve white sangria drinks. Your biggest cost will be food & beverage, plain and simple. Just think it through and make a spreadsheet to keep track of and estimate costs so you know where you're at on budget and where the $ is going. I would also keep all receipts and once the party is over, I would contact the other ladies, let them know what all you purchased outright and tactfully ask if they would be able to pitch in a bit to assist. People don't realize how much it costs to put on a party, they really don't; and the costs can add up pretty quick. If you're the normal every day person this can be quite a hit on your pocketbook.

Don't forget you'll need beverage napkins (can get bright colors or a fiesta pattern - go to Party City), maybe hors d'oeuvre plates (match beverage napkins), glasses (buy plastic at Party City, even specialty glasses) or you can rent them (an all-purpose wine glass rents around $0.70/glass; english ho-balls around $0.70, margarita glasses around $0.90 plus delivery is around $75) note renting can get pricey. I'm a personal assistant so I handle all of my boss' entertaining and parties which is quite frequent throughout the year.

Good luck! I hope this helped!! :-)

If your friend is going to be so rude as to insist on using the venue you don't prefer then she needs to be footing the bill and handling the details.

Perhaps her trip to China is a Godsend for you because from this vantage point she doesn't seem like a loyal or caring friend regarding your current financial situation.

Now may be a perfect time for you to think about this friendship and if this is the quality of friendships you want in your life. You sound like a great friend surrounded by a bunch of users. You need to be around more like minded women.

My circle of close friends would never treat me like this.

She is being the bad friend not you. Who insists that a financially strapped friend hosts a party for 80 guests, supply the food because two other friends flaked out, and expect there to be alcohol at this event? What kind of friend does that? Am I missing something here? Not meaning to make you feel bad I'm just sayin' What the Heck!!!

doe she have a husband, boyfriend, mother, father, sibling to also involve?