Hey ladies!
Ok so I'm not even sure how I feel about this, but I thought I would get some other women's opinions so I could form a decent argument should I chose to make one!
I am 34 weeks pregnant with my third child. I have two little boys - almost 2 and 3.5. I tend to carry my pregnancies full term, but this one feels different and I've been a lot more uncomfy, and carrying her really low.
Anyway, my hubby informed me two weeks ago that he would be going on a boy's weekend to a lake cabin the first weekend of February. I will be 38 weeks pregnant. It's only 1.5 hours away, so probably he would be able to get back in time if I went into labor, but being that this is my third, she might come fast. Also, he will no doubt have some drinks while he is there - I'm not delusional to think that boys weekend will be alcohol free. And I do NOT want him driving home if he's had drinks, period. He says he will not drink, but I just highly doubt that the peer pressure of 6 other guys cutting loose away from their wives and kids for a weekend won't influence him to have some fun. Who knows.
I have my mom here and she is super helpful, so I won't be caring for the boys alone. Also, I have at least one girl's night a week, and my husband NEVER takes time for himself. He never ever goes out with friends. VERY occasionally he golf's with my dad or a friend, but really, he's more into spending time with the family. So he definitely deserves a guy's weekend. I just think the timing is really bad.
What do you all think? Should I ask him to stay home? Should I ask him to wait until my midwife appointment that week to see if I'm dilating, etc? See how I'm feeling? I was 4 cm dilated at 37 weeks with my 2nd son, and my husband decided to stay home from a work trip, and he didn't come for another 3 weeks, so I think my husband won't be that worried about it if I am dilating already.
Anyway, what do you think? Would you encourage your husband to stay home? Or should I just accept that he goes and really stress that he shouldn't drink in case? Or just have him go and give him my blessing to cut loose and hope and pray she doesn't come early?
Thanks :)
K
WOW! So many responses so quickly - THANKS! I really appreciate the feedback. My gut was to give him my blessing to go, and I think I'll follow through with that. I have a girlfriend who is very very needy and she keeps telling me OMG you should tell him NO and what is he thinking!?! And even though I tend to think she is waaay too bossy in her relationship, I still couldn't help but think, "am I being a pushover here"? So it's nice to know that most women in good relationships share my thoughts on this :)
I like the idea of enlisting a friend to possibly stay sober one night so my husband can cute loose a bit. The problem is that this group of guys all have lots of kids under 4 years old, so they are ALL going to be ready to cut loose lol. But I'm sure we can get something worked out. And hopefully my DH will be responsible too! Concentrate on fishing and bonding :)
My husband is a wonderful father, and he deserves this time off. We hang out with our group of friends as couples all the time, so he is social, but the kids are always around too. It'll be nice for him to get away with just the boys.
I'd let mine go as long as he was mindful that he might be making a quick trip back and to be prepared for that. Chances are nothing is going to happen tho :) It's his last outing before being a father of 3.
If I were in your shoes I would tell my husband to go but not to overindulge in the alcohol in case he needs to head home for any reason.
Be excited for him. Count down the days with him and let him go and have fun. You have your mom if anything goes wrong. He knows that there is a chance that something could happen and if that is the chance he is willing to take than that is his choice to make. Right? When we are prgnt we are full of feeling and emotions. relax, give this time when he is away to spend time with your baby girl. Listen to music, read books with her and spend enjoyable time with kids.
It sounds like you really are ok with the idea of him going, except that you are worried he might drink and not be safe to drive home, should you go into labor before 40 weeks. If I am reading it right, then what I would do is talk to one (or two?) of the other guys, and see if they will make a sort of pact deal, that ONE of the guys will be stone cold sober each night. That way, if you should happen to go into labor early, someone would be able to drive your husband to the hospital (if your husband has had anything to drink on that particular occasion). It doesn't really have to be your husband that has nothing to drink the entire trip, so long as ONE person is sober that could drive him if needed. Maybe let hubby drink the first night or two... and then stay sober the remaining nights of the trip (the later in the trip the higher odds that he might need to leave early, right?).
That is what I would think about. If these guys are all good friends with hubby (and you as well, I presume?) then surely somebody will offer to forego drinks for one night so hubby can kick back at least ONE night... ?
Hubby sounds pretty responsible and reliable.. so if the other guys are aware of your pending pregnancy, and are also generally pretty reliable dependable family guys, then I think they'll use a modicum of restraint and reason.
How many nights is it? If it is only 2 nights, then hubby might limit himself to 1 drink each night.
Also, how were your first two labors? Did you notice the contractions for a while before you felt compelled to check in with your doctor? With my first, I knew half the day before my water broke and we had to go in. With my second, I felt some stuff for a few hours before I realized it was actually contractions starting up. And both of my labors were relatively quick and easy ones. My daughter (2nd labor/delivery) was born less than 8 hours after the first symptom of labor (and she was a week early). So if you had some "funky" feelings for a few hours before you actually knew you were in labor, you could let that be your guide. Have hubby check in with you before he partakes, to see if you are having any "funky" feelings. If you are, he can just not drink anything.
My pastor's wife was pregnant with their 5th when he had to go out of town for a pastor's conference. She was due the day he was due back home. She had to wait another 9 days before the baby came.
Congrats on #3!
he sounds wonderful. i'd certainly be sweet about him going. if he says he won't drink, why assume he's lying? he's doubtless perfectly capable of enjoying himself with the other guys whether he drinks or not. if he knows you could go into labor and need him i'm sure that's plenty of incentive to abstain.
enjoy your weekend with your mom and congrats on your impending baby!
:) khairete
S.
If I were in your shoes, I would let him go but let him know that if you are already dilated 4cm or something like that at your 37 week appointment you may ask him to back out.
He's not that far away and you have your mom for help. You said he never does stuff like this (and you do once a week).
You are right to think/know they will be drinking but if you go into labor, who knows what time of day/night and there is a chance he won't be drinking at all at that time.
Just be sure to relax and not stress about her coming early while he's gone!
I would let my husband go as long as he agreed to keep the drinking to a minimum and his cell on AT ALL TIMES- and make sure you have the number at the lodge and one of his friends' cells just in case.
If he doesn't have to commit right now, see what your midwife says.
I say cut him loose now since you have other family that can help you out. The last thing you are going to want is for him to sit home while you don't go into labor and not have the chance to go out again because you don't want him to be gone after the baby comes. (That made sense right?) Unless of course if there are some major signs that you will go into labor that weekend. If he is the family man that you say he is then he probably won't want to go if you are dilated. I say let him make the plans but to let his buddies know he might have to cancel if the baby comes.
Let him go! he doesn't get time for himself that often! Let him take it. Make sure that he realizes you will be VERY close to delivery and if he wants to be there for that - he needs to be able to be in contact (cell phone/text).
How great that you have your mom there!!
Every pregnancy and baby is different! My first one was 4.5 hours from the time my water broke to the time he shot out. My second one? 6 hours. Both premies!!
Go with your gut. I would let him go. But I'm not walking in your shoes. If he did this every month, then i'd say dude -no way. but since you said he doesn't take much time for himself - have a blast honey! I love you!!!
For me I would let him go.
Yes all pregnancies are different, but like you said how will you feel if he stays home again and the weekend comes and goes with no labor?
I had my second labor scheduled. That morning I sent hubby to work (4am - 2p) because I didn't feel like I was in labor. He worked 30m from the hospital. At 9a the dr. said that I was dialating well and would deliver that day. So I called hubby at work. Told him to just come by the hospital after work. Boss sent him at 10a and had him take unpaid leave. I was a bit mad cuz he didn't like just sitting there. Well he could've been working and earning money but his boss had convinced him that I needed him and 2nds come faster, etc. Baby came at 330p, so he literally could've worked his full shift and still made it in time.
Just my two cents.
M.
My husband returned from a two-week trip to Egypt 10 days before our daughter was born. It was my first, didn't know what I was getting into, so I'm not sure I would have agreed to that again!! An hour and 1/2 away, though, I'd let him go.
Normally I would say let him go no prob, but I would never want to gio into labor with out my husband close by.. That is just me.. He is my best friend and my confidant and labor is so intimate..
Here is the other thing.. If you go into labor, your mom would stay with your boys? Who would take/go with you to the hospital? What if your husband is delayed with communication/weather?
I agree the drinking promise would be hard to keep with all of the bonding going on out there, but you know him best.. If you trust him to not drink and drive, I would let him go.
My husband is like yours.. he hardly ever has these opportunities, so I encourage him anytime he has these chances..
Let him go and have fun! Soon there will be such a hectic pace around your house and this will give him a moment to be free before the event! Trust him to make the right decisions and don't harp on the drinking thing. More than likely, you will not go into labor while he is gone and, if you do, your mom is there.
Believe me, you will win big points if you just say go and be a guy!!!
:)
I'd say let him go.
My hubby was out of state golfing (and drinking) when my water broke 2 weeks early (long story). He was certainly a lot farther away than yours will be (700 miles) and had to find a flight, get a ride to the airport an hour and a half away, etc and still made it in time for the birth.
I would ask that "someone" be a designated driver every night in CASE he needs to get home.
Good luck!
Good for you for following your gut and letting him have fun. If they are going to be gone more then one night, maybe he can drink one night and be sober one night and a close friend could do the same?? That way at least one of them would be sober each night.
If you are okay with him not being there, or are on the fence about it, sit down and talk to him about it--tell him you're really happy he's taking time to go be with the boys, but that you just want to make sure everyone is on the same page about it (ie, is he going to be okay with it if he misses the birth of his 3rd child, something that will never happen again--when he could simply reschedule the weekend). Don't play the guilt card or anything, just be honest with how you're feeling (does he know you're feeling that this pregnancy is different and your instincts are saying she might come early and/or fast?).
If it were me, I would probably not be okay with my DH going, but then, he has a regular boys night out and so it's not as big a thing for him to miss. But I would be a bit scared not to have him there, even though I've been through it before.
I say he should go NOW....& then be on 24/7 call for his child & wife & family! Anything can happen during pregnancy & does he really want to risk missing the birth of his child?
