Need Help with Potty Training My 3 Year Old Boy

Get a book called "Potty Training in a Day". It worked for my two boys in one day! No accidents.

Good luck!

First of all, don't let yourself get angry! The more positive this experience stays for them, the better it will be for everyone and the sooner it will happen. My advice to you, after learning the hard way with a very long time training my son, is to let him control when he goes. We learned that our son did better when we didn't actually take him to the potty to go, but just kept telling him "Tell us when you need to go!" He did start telling us when he needed to go, and we would give him some sort of reward EVERY time he got even the slightest bit in the potty. We always kept it positive, and when he had accidents we never made it a negative experience for him. Just tell him it's yucky (not in an angry tone of voice) and pretty much ignore it. That's what worked best for us. Another piece of advice is to try to get him to drink as much as possible. You said he's not drinking as much as usual, and that happened with our son, too. So we just offered him lots of special drinks, like juices and popsicles and chocolate milk. The more often he goes in the very beginning, the more successes he'll have, and that's what you want!

It sounds like a power struggle and that he's just not ready yet. When he is, it will be easy. I, personally, would NOT recommend pull-ups when you are potty training, here's the reason: They are too much like diapers and, therefore, the child doesn't care if he goes in them. It took MUCH longer with my child in pull-ups than when I didn't use them for the next child.

One trick I used with my son (who did some of the same things yours is), is I let him pick out some big-boy underpants (He chose Spiderman at the time). He felt very grown up and LOVED them. I told him he could wear them as long as he didn't have an accident in them - he did really well for a while, then he pooped in them. I took that pair and threw them out! He was a little shocked that I would throw away Spiderman - and he never had an accident in them again.

NOW, he was ready to be potty trained when I did all that - he was dry all night, he would actually go on the potty - he just got lazy about it sometimes. So, you have to make sure he's ready.

One other bit of opinion -- he is 3. If he doesn't/won't go on the potty, there is no asking, he goes back into diapers. And that's what I would tell him. If you want to give him a choice, he either goes on the potty or he is in diapers. Then, stick to it.

Good luck!
C.

Sounds like a power struggle. And you being upset about it is only fueling the fire. I know it's stressful but the more you care the longer it could last. Your little man seems like he has a lot of will power. Try making it fun. It didn't work for us but have your husband take him into the bathroom with some Cherrios and do some target practice. (MY son was screaming "MY TREATS! MY TREATS! but maybe it will work better for you) What we did with my son was I told him that it was his yellow water and stinkies and he was big enough to take care of them. I told him that it was his job to get them into the potty because that is where they belong and if he didn't get them there then it was his job to clean them up. AND THEN LET IT GO. First couple of days he did a lot of laundry and was happy to do it. ( And hey doing laundry is a good skill too) It helped me to be calm watching him clean his own mess up. I didn't do pull ups long because he told me that they were like diapers and it made him revert. After a couple of days of laundry he was doing the potty dance and we said "Let's go to the potty!" All of the excitement got him up there and did it. We also had the reward of being able to play the Wii if he went and skittles too. I said he could have a Skittle every time he tried but only while they were there after they were gone then he'd have to actually go in order to get more but if he went then he could have all of the Skittles in the cup ( I put probably 8-10 Skittles in the cup) Something one of my friends did was when her daughter had an accident she would give the treat she would have gotten for going on the potty to her brother. That worked the first time. Good luck and remember that there are VERY few 18 year olds still in diapers. You'll make it. Just relax! This is your little ones first taste of power and it's sweet. But ultimately he'll learn that it's better to go on the potty.

I would call your nurse. It could be a urinary tract infection which would make it painful to pee. Observe how he acts when he does go potty. If he seems fine, it could a simple fear of the toilet or of change in general. That is completely normal, but frustrating indeed. Be patient. I just BARELY finished potty training my 3.5 yr old boy. I kept having to tell myself, "everyone potty trains sometime!" So don't make it a headache for you! Try cartoon pull-ups or plastic underwear. They are more "grown up" than diapers! They even make underwear looking/feeling pull-ups now. Just saw them tonight at Walmart!

It sounds like a power struggle. There are only a few things a child his age can really take control of, and potty is one of them (what/how much he eats is another). He seems to understand how to hold it in, but maybe is scared or doesn't quite know how to let it go. Or maybe he just wants to be more in control of it.

Either way, I'd just put him back in diapers and wait until he decides he's ready. The average age for boys to be trained is 3 1/2, so I wouldn't stress yet (that means about half of boys aren't trained until some time after!) My son did the power struggle thing, and because I dug in, he wasn't ready until after he was four. I finally backed off and, when he was ready, he was 100% trained in less than a week.

It might not hurt to call the doc to make sure you don't need to rule out a medical condition (especially since he's holding it so long). But don't make a big issue with him and don't tell him he's going to the doctor for not going potty, that could make it even worse.

I've only seen 1 child enter kindergarten still in diapers, and he had spina bifida (a birth defect that affects the central nervous system - diagnose by ultrasound before birth, or at birth, so I'd say not your son) - and I used to teach kindergarten so I've seen a LOT of kids :) Don't stress out about it.

Try small dollar store toys as 'bribes'. e.g. put a bunch in a box so that he can see what you have to offer, then give him yummy stuff to drink. My ped, and many others, actually recommend sugary snacks and soda and juice to generate a lot of urine/poo. Don't make a big deal about accidents, and just 'show' him the right way over and over each time. Small bribes did not work for my guy. We used the small toys initially for potty, and then eventually rented bigger toys for poo prizes (from an online toy rental company). The poo was our struggle, which from what I've heard is pretty common.

You are on the right track. stay positive and as Talie said, we all are potty trained at one point. Some take longer then others. Now from my experience, pee pee and poo poo is very much a bond issue with children. Its theirs. And not having that control is hard to deal with. Some children have no issues allowing that to go, others hold on to it and take time to understand its ok.

Try going potty with your son. My son got a kick out of it when I did that with him. We did it as a team. My son is 2 but isn't really ready yet, but I try every once in a while just to get him use to letting go. Or use big boy pants too. Encourage your son to be a big boy. Allow him to pick out the big boy undies at the store. Same goes with a reward toy, which u have done already.

Maybe have dad spend one weekend in his underware with his son and literally put plastic down on everything. Then have him do the potty training. Read that in a parents magazine and it worked. Silly out of the box idea. Odd to say but hey, what ever works right? Also don't make it a big issue about his accidents or not wanting to go on the potty. Just tell him, lets try next time, ok? Love you! give him a kiss. Eventually he will get tired of having the pee running down his leg and you cleaning him up afterwards.

PATIENCES is key! And remember too, boys do tend to take longer. Lastly, your not alone. Oh try using m&m's? Good luck. As I am sure i will be posting this same message when my son really starts to potty train :)

I agree that you may want to contact a doctor. It sounds abnormal to hold his urine for such long periods, and be self-conscious about drinking. He shouldn't have to worry at his age! He's only three and shouldn't be stressed out. I'd speak to him about it. Why aren't you going pee? Why don't you want to drink? Did you react to his wet accidents, or pressure him with the training. You just started- don't be hard on him. I'd take a step back for now- A BIG step back given his reaction. He either has a medical problem and/or is traumatized, so cool it for awhile. Just gently encourage him to go to the toilet, and don't mention it overwise- don't use underwear yet- it's too early. Training a boy, especially if he's an only child, always takes longer than girls or second children. I have three with my oldest being a boy and it took him a long time until he was training. Judging from my many friends, and nephews, I can tell you most boys aren't potty trained until 4 and even then, they continue to have accidents, wet and poop! So, slow down right now and find first if there's anything wrong medically but don't overwhelm the poor child.