We moved a year ago from Minneapolis to Madison, WI for my job. My husband is self employed in the construcion field and his job was coming to end, so it was a good time for him to move. After we get here, he couldn't find work -he looked for months. He worked here and there, but there's not a lot here. So he had connections in North Dakota, so since last November, he drives 13 to work. He's there 2 weeks, home a week and so forth. He does very well financially, so it's worth it. And its nice when he's home, he's home.
My job ended in May and I took a serence plan through this December. So, for the time being, I'm enjoying being home with my 3 girls and we are having a fabulous summer.
Our lease is up August 1 -so we have to be somewhere soon. I've started packing but we don't know where to move!!! And the more I think about the more I don't know. Here's our options.
1. Stay here. My husband continues driving 13 hours for work. I should hear yah or nay on a job here by Friday of this week. If the job pays enough, it would make sense for us to stay here.
2. Move back to the cities. This feels like home to us. My husband's drive is 7 hours. Puts my daughter back in high school with kids she knows. He could find work there eventually (he really likes what's he's doing for now). I'm sure I could find something there by December. I'm in the process of networking and connecting with people I used to work with. It's expensive to live there, especially if i'm not working.
3. Move to Fargo. He doesn't want to live in the small town he's working in, so Fargo would still be 4 hours from where he works. I sort of have a job in Fargo, but I'm leary and nervous about it. It's a HUGE paycut and a lot of expectations - which frustrates me. We are still working out the details. We've visited Fargo a few times and we like it (girls included), it's different but it wouldn't be the end of the world. For me, it's 8 hours from my parents.
4. Pack up, put stuff in storage and stay with my parents 2 hours from here. I just want to be where we will be so the girls can start school.
As a family, our first option is the cities with Fargo being second. But we are worried to move there without me having a job. I struggle because I'm not guaranteed to find a job by December and I know people who are out of work for years righ now. Staying home isn't really an option for me due to his job not be stable as far as winter and such, So it feels better for me to be working - I would love to find something 3 days a week but that's another post :-)
We have been praying and neither of us feels a call or pull to be anywhere. It's so frustrating - I fully expected God to open door or "lead" the way. And really it feels like nothing is happening. I know we have a lot to be thankful for, so this is piddly, I get that.
As you read this (I apologize for the lack of details and length), do you think of anything I'm missing? I'm really stuggling to pack because it reminds me I need to be somewhere and this I start to stress and panick. Toughts? Suggestions? Encouragement?
Thanks so much for all you insight - you've given me a different perspective and something else to think about. We are leaning towards Fargo.
I have a number a licenses that I don't want to lose . . . but then again, I don't want to be the "career woman" I once was. I was the bread winner, then a single mom so I didn't have a choice. Now that I don't have that pressure, I'm not sure I want that again, I love being home with my girls. This opportunity doens't pay well, but I get to keep my licenses, and get a flexible schedule for my girls. I have plenty of time if I want to be that career woman again.
You guys are the best.
I've never lived in any of those areas but I'd choose #2 or #3. I don't know what order I'd choose them in. I actually posted a ques a long time ago about having my husband go out to ND for work. If we only didnt live on the west coast, we probably would've done it. I hear you about construction, my hubby's in construction also and theres not a ton of work out here either.
You know, as a native Minnesotan, it really pains me to say this, but in your situation, I'd choose Fargo. To me, nothing compares to the ability for the family to stay close, especially when you have daughters who really need a lot of attention from their dad.
One of my best friends from high school moved to Jamestown, ND for college and has stayed there and built a wonderful life. From what she tells me, ND is really booming, and it is not too late to get in on the boom.
Yes, you'll be further away from your parents, but perhaps to visit you can meet part way (in the Twin Cities). We've done this a few times (we meet in Wisconsin Dells, which is roughly halfway between Mpls & Chicago.)
I say move where ever your husbands job is, and be a family for a change!! My husband works many hours, and I know how frustrating it is to be without him for hours on end. I can't imagine him being gone for days on end. If your kids need to be in school, what better way for them to start new than with both their parents with them. You all would have a chance as a family to meet new friends and to make new memories together - to have an adventure!! IMO, I'd try to keep my family intact. It is hard on everyone when you are apart. And I will also say to you Luckymama, that last year, my husband and I were trying to make a decision as well, and we prayed and prayed, and never got a clear answer either. Which made it worse!! But in the long run, what helped us was just making the best decision for our FAMILY, and it has all worked out beautifully. So i guess that is my suggestion to you. God Bless.
I think I would move to Fargo. It's near his job and you have work potential. The cost of living is not as high. The kids like it as well as you and hubby. Make this a new start for everybody.
Moving in with family is fine for a very short term like three months at the most. Then it becomes a pain in the butt and no privacy. Mom and Dad start treating you like you are 14 again.
Look for more possibilities in Fargo besides the one that might be there.
As you say you have put the decision in God's hands. Remember he gives you what you need and not what you want. So it may be best to take a cut in pay since the cost of living is less. But only you will be able to weigh out the differences.
Good luck and keep us posted.
The other S.
PS Sometimes it's best to be a family and go through the move together as you will be bonding and a closer knit unit.
http://www.saratogaedc.com/index.php
Ooh, ooh, come be my neighbor.
Lots of growth, lots of construction, reasonable housing rates, great schools!
Weather sucks in the winter, but you're used to that anyway!
(And anyway, God WILL open the door and lead the way when you just LET him already)
Strength and clarity to you!
:)
Be with your husband and be a family is my vote.
I don't have a good answer but I would say professionally you always need to be darn careful about taking a pay cut. It's hard to make up the difference after the fact. You should ask yourself how many raises are you going to need to get back to your current level and how long will that series of raises take. Now realize all that time is really lost time in regaining the point you are at now. Any increase in earnings will be in front of that make up period. With these uncertain times you have to realize these raises and their timeframe are guesses at best. Some industries are under raise/promotion freezes. Could that happen in your industry? It can build resentment over time too - I took this job at a cut and it's more responsibility, blah blah blah. Finally it is never a good sign to be leery about a job before being made the offer let alone starting it. I would steer clear of option 3 for these three reasons.
As far as option 2 I would be concerned about the cost of living as it affects your lifestyle and your family. It can be frustrating to feel like all your hard work earns is eking out an existence with a narrow margin for breathing. Also if it is difficult for you to find employment in this expensive area, I would hesitate to move back just yet. These are uncertain times and job stability is low. Finally you don’t have a job there so that would be a leap of faith type move which would concern me greatly. You are betting you will find a job. I am not sure I would be comfortable with that bet. What would happen if you couldn’t get a job? Is there a chance you might land a job but it would be less than what you should be earning (see above about the pay cut)? How much less (see above about the pay cut)? Is the job within your career scope or would you be forced to go to another industry for a job? How robust is your industry in that area – rocky, stable, declining, nonexistent, overburdened with other candidates? How is the economy in general – are there other job options you could tap into if you had to? If these other industries are open to you, would they result in a dramatic automatic pay cut (see above about the pay cut) and would you be able to get back to your industry later on? You have to think hard about those types of questions in my opinion.
If you go with option 4, how realistic is it you’ll find a job there? Would you need a job there? Can your family really live with your parents? House sharing is difficult at the best of times and with the best behaved bunch. Can you share the reins of running a house with two couples – you/your husband and your parents? What are the expectations of this arrangement – you’ll share the house bills, the house chores, cooking, cleaning, driving, how long will this last, how much room will everyone have, will you be expected to shuttle your parents around…? What is the long term plan – move out of their house to your own rental, buy, move again next summer….?
At this point I would wait for the current job offer to materialize and then decide on option 1. It is the only option you listed which has some possibility of providing you with employment (which seems to be of some importance to you). Good luck in your decision making process.
The way you phrase it, it sounds like #2 is best for you and most of your family.
What type of work are you looking for? I am an insurance agent for Aflac, which allows me to help people protect their families on a daily basis, make a good living, and have the flexibility to go to school, work my own business in addition, and be there for my daughter without needing to request time off. If you are interested at all, pm me your info and I can pass along your info to the hiring manager in whatever location you decide on. Good luck!
