Need Help with 3 & 1/2 Year old...won't Poop on the Potty....

My daughter was the same way. She'll be three on 2/12/ But she was so good at holding her pee that she would wake up every morning with a dry diaper. I didn't want to switch her to only undies at night because I was afraid she WOULD start peeing the bed and I'd have to get up in the middle of the night to change sheets, clothes, etc. But after about 2 months of completely dry diapers at night and nap time, I decided to get rid of the diapers. I told her that they stopped making diapers because she was a big girl and didn't need them anymore. She believed me, and it still took 2 days of not pooping, and one accident in her undies before she started pooping on the potty. Its been about 2 weeks now, and we haven't had another accident and she goes poop on the potty. So my suggestion is, if he is not waking up wet every morning, try explaining a week ahead of time that they are going to stop making diapers. And see what happens. Good luck! (It seems everyone I know who's gone thru potty training has issues with the pooping!)

I understand... my daughter did the same thing. she would just go in her room, put on a pull-up and do her business then want to be out of/clean and back in undies. I finally had to tell her that when the pull-ups were gone, I wasn't going to buy any more and she would have to go in the potty. Now that I type that, it seems harsh, but it really wasn't --- she made a perfect transition. By that point she was also dry all night so wasn't wearing a pull-up at night, so she didn't have that as a back-up. Wish you luck!

I am having the exact same problem with my 3.5 year old. I even have toys for him on top of the mantle. Things that I KNOW he wants. And tell him if he poops on the potty he can pick one to take down. And nope, he still won't go. He pees all the time are rarely has a pee accident. He will too ask me to put a diaper on to poop or he will just do it in his undies. I am interested to see what other people say. One thing that someone told me to do was to not clean him right away if he does it in his undies.....I really don't' want to resort to that as that will get really gross. It will just fall out of his pants and get everywhere!!! Please let me know what you get for responses as I need help with this too! My son will be 4 in May!

oh gosh. you sound like me. i have a 3 year old who will NOT poop on the potty. she has been peeing for 6 months straight without accidents, so I know she can do it. lately i have been letting her use the little potty with a diaper lining the inside of it so she can feel the diaper on her bum, but she is sitting naked to do it. then we flush the poop away in the "big" potty to see it go down. right now she's agreeable with this plan, but her mind is constantly changing. I agree, with the other writer, in her own time she will figure it out and just do it.I think that I am more anxious to get her out of diapers then she is. patience and consistency is key. good luck.

Hi A.,
I don't think that I will be to much help to you because my son does almost the same thing. He will not poop on the toilet at all. he will sit on the toilet but won't go. He waits until I am doing something then hides and poops in his pants. So the upside to your situation, he is asking for a pull up. I would give it to him. That is very common and his comfort zone. Eventually he will decide he is ready emotionally. The director at my sons daycare accually recommended to me I start trying to get him to ask for a diaper or pull up. Then from there you can put him on the tiolet with the diaper on and he can go after a few weeks of that make it no big deal and say, hey why don't we just skip the diaper? Then we can have ice cream! in excitement or something along the lines of that. If he doesn't go for it then I think he just needs more time. He maybe ready physically but not emotionally. I hav been reading up on this a lot lately, (since I have a similar problem) and it is very common especially in boys. They are scared that it will hurt, or that more than the poop is comming out, or embarrassed. I would stay pateint and positive with him as much as you can. (easier said than done) and as far as asking people, at that age, he is very curious and I would not worry about him offending people. Let him ask, he wants to know. Hope this might help but if not at least you know you are not the only one going through this!
C.

Hi A.. I understand what you are going through. My son would go poop on the potty for a while and then start pooping his pants again. It was so frustrating. We tried EVERYTHING, rewards, sticker charts, etc. Things would work for a while and then it was back to pooping in his pants, sometimes 5 times a day. Finally in frustration I told him that everytime he pooped on the potty he would get a reward (Hershey kiss) and that every time he pooped in his pants Mommy and Ally (his sister) would get a reward. Knowing that he would do just about anything to keep his sister from getting a treat. It only took a few days and that was it, no more pooping in his pants. Also when he did go, in addition to his treat I would praise, praise, praise. Good luck.

My son is 5 1/2 now and still refuses to poop on the potty. I have tried everything. Talked to three different doctors and still no luck. We had a brief period of success when he was 3, but then he had an accident at preschool and someone made fun of him and that was the end of it. We have tried rewards, punishment, books, games, letting him do my make-up while we sit there to pass time, even the portable DVD player! It is to the point now that he holds it all day and once asleep he poops in his overnight diaper (we are still dealing with that, too) never even waking because of it. I hope that you have better luck, but know that you are not alone!

Have you tried having him dump the poop from the diaper into the potty with you? Maybe if he understands that the poop will end up there anyway, he might just cut out the middle man so to speak. Also, find something that he really wants to do and that doesn't take kids who aren't potty trained. A little extra incentive...

One thing that really helped when my daughter refused to poop on the potty was to let her wear a diaper for pooping, but only if she was sitting on the potty while doing it (with the diaper on.) I think it can be difficult for kids to transition between pooping in other positions (standing up) to pooping sitting down, and having the diaper can just help to ease the transition. My daughter only used this technique a couple of times and then she was done.
BTW- she's 12 now and diapers are sooooo far in the past. But I did wonder if she would walk down the aisle wearing diapers. :) When they're ready, they're ready, and the more we make it a power struggle, the more we lose. Bowel movements are one of the very few things that kids have complete control of in their lives.
Good luck!! :)

This sounds EXACTLY the same as the little boy I used to babysit. He was 3 1/2. Refused to poop on the potty. He had been peeing on the potty for months perfectly fine. He, too, was kind of obsessed about it and asked silly questions like if Thomas the Tank Engine pooped on the potty. We would sit him on the potty around the time we knew he'd usually go. For the longest time he just held it until he had a diaper or a pull up. He even held it to the point of constipation, so I don't really recommend withholding a diaper if he refuses to go. That can just create a whole new set of problems. I honestly think that for some reason it is an attachment issue, like they don't want to let their poop go into the potty where it will disappear? At any rate, this little guy I watched started going poop on the potty just before his 4th birthday. His mom eventually stopped trying all together for a few weeks to give them both a break and that seemed to help. I'm sure he will do it when he is ready.

I had this issue with my younger son --- he will be graduating from college in the spring and, contrary to my fears, is not still pooing in his pants! :o)

My son was well over three when we had our "breakthrough." When he was that age, there were no pull ups. Believe me, I would have used them if they were available! And it would have made me very happy if he had asked me for a diaper and waited until he was wearing one to poo -- what a mess!

I believe, with some children, it IS a control issue, but I don't believe that's the case with all children, at least not in sense that they want to control this situation. I tried EVERYTHING with my son -- rewards, punishments, pleading, etc. Nothing worked, in fact, it often made things worse. He wanted to go to preschool and I told him he couldn't go unless he poo'd in the potty (which was actually true). Didn't work. Finally, in frustration, I gave up. Decided that he could figure it out in college. :o\ He knew it didn't make me happy when he went in his pants (from previous attempts) and would go days sometimes between bowel movements. Other times he would hide behind doors, etc. (Even after I stopped reacting to it.) Then a few nights in a row, he went in the bathtub during his bath --- ACK! But after a couple times a lightbulb went off in my head. He just can't RELAX to go on the potty! After that, I watched him VERY closely in the bathtub and when I saw the tell-tale signs, I picked him up and put him over the toilet and held on to him. It was a little difficult for him to stop "mid-poo" so.... HAPPY DAYS!!! He went poo in the potty! After this happened a couple times and he realized that he wasn't going to fall in or anything (yes, I was using a child sized seat for the "big potty" and also had a potty chair in the bathroom) he was able to relax and go. It really was that simple.

I believe, with boys, it is a little more difficult because they can pee standing up (which was the only way I could get him to pee in the toilet.) I think girls learn earlier to relax while sitting on the potty, because that's the only way they can use the potty. I don't know if using the diaper on the toilet would have worked in my situation, but I think it's an interesting concept and worth a try. I also think half your battle is solved since he will TELL you when he has to go (mine didn't.) Try working the relaxation angle. Whatever relaxes him - bath?

Mostly, I wanted to write and tell you to hang in there. Try to relax and believe that this is a temporary problem. I promise, he will not be going to his college graduation in diapers! =)

I am the 47 yr old mother of three grown children. Two boys and one girl.

Hi A.,

I dealt with the same exact issue with my daughter. She was going to turn three within a month and was successful with urinating in the big people potty for a good 5 months but would not poop in the potty. I agree with one of the responses, I feel it may be a control issue. I am not sure if my suggestion will be well received. I am a bit old fashion so I took an old fashion approach. I told her it was time to poop in the potty and stripped her of her diaper and pull ups. She wore her underpants. I did this during the summer because I could leave her like that around the house. My daughter is very smart and understood that she could not poop on herself, this is very important. She did hold her poop for three days and it was very frustrating. On the third day I gave her prune juice to help the urges and keep her from getting constipated. It took a lot, she cried and everything because she really had to go, but she finally did it and when she saw that it wasn't so bad I never had a problem again. Once she got over the initial fear and control it became a success. After they do it the first time you just have to keep with the pattern. Every child is different and responds differently to certain techniques. Try different techniques until you find what is right for your son. In the beginning I did the whole reward thing but it did not work. I just finally said that's it your going poopy in the potty and she new I meant business.
Good Luck!

Have you tried having him go on the small potty? Its close to the ground, it helps sometimes if they can use their feet to help push it out. Ask if he want you to leave him to do it alone. Its a power thing, he can control it. Maybe if you let him be in there "alone" ( peek of course) he'll feel like he's in charge. This worked for us. He will go eventually.

I didn't end up doing this, but my pediatrician suggested it when I was having a similar issue with my daughter. Tell him that he can poop in the diaper, but needs to sit on the potty to do it. (If it is a "holding on" thing as someone else suggested, do that too). After a week or two of him sitting on the potty in his diaper, cut a hole in the bottom, let him wear it and sit on the potty. Some kids are just scared of losing a part of them, and wearing the diaper gives some comfort. Good luck. I know pottying issues are so annoying!

This is a really common issue. Don't sweat it, Mom - you're doing great! Keep telling him that Yes, everyone does poop on the potty and maybe he'll finally do it too. My eldest decided one day that she would do it, and that was that - no accidents or anything afterward - just did it.

This may not be the case for your son, but my nephew would not poop on the potty either. finally one day we figured out what was different with him pooping in his diaper and him pooping on the toilet and it was as simple as him not being able to hold onto anything. When in his diaper he would squat down a little and hold onto a basket or a chair. So my sister started to put a basket or something in the bathroom for him to hold on to and that was it. He was fine. So see if there is anything that he is doing that might help him transition.

I am in the EXACT same boat. I thought we turned the corner earlier this week when DD went to potty by herself and actually poo'd. She was so proud. After that she held it for 3 days and this morning demanded her diaper. She was near hysterical when I finally gave in. I can't wait to see the recommendations you get because I am the end of my rope. And yes I am convinced she will start college in a diaper.

Oh yes, this was us a few months back! It took a few more months and I also stopped asking and doing the whole sit til you go thing.
I did no pull up or diaper and after three days the pedi told us to put it back on.
As much as it often does not appear so, it is a control issue.
What we think made our son go was that he need Cephlex antibiotic for a skin boil and it cause loose stool. I think it cought him off guard on the toilet and he went.
We made such a big deal out of it (my parents called and they made a big deal out of)(aunts called and they made a big deal out of it)that he just kept doing it.
We did stickers...one for pee and two for poop. It worked well. My kids get treats from grandma and grandpa so I did not want to add more sugar with pops or M&Ms.
So, it will take a bit longer. I also know he was seeing kids go at school...including his younger cousin!! It all works out.
It is frustrating and costly with pull ups!! But it will work out. Everyone kept telling us that and we thought it would never happen and it did.