Need Help W/constant Bickering and Clashes Between My Child and One I Care For

Oh mi..the stress can put us all over the edge.
I agree that I would treat this as sibling riveraly and treat the visiting girl the same way I would treat my other four children. Also, it is important to remember what the little girl is missing by not being at home with her mom and her toys.
I would take the play time out of your son's bedroom if that is where it is. You might want to invest a little money into Little People or a few Barbies. Give the girl you are babysitting her own toy box and keep it in the living or family room. Your little one might be more willing to share (if he is like my 5 yo) if he is getting something in return (being able to play with her toys). Your son might feel like he is loosing everything and not gaining anything, where the little girl might be feeling like she doesn't have anything of her own to play with and has to play with all the boy toys. You might also want to talk to her mom and see if her mom has toys at home that she doesn't play with very often that the mom would like to bring to your house for her to play with.
Also, throwing in the towel and not babysitting any more will most likely cause the same amt of stress, just in a diff way. Such as not as much income, not as much fun money, lonliness for your son. I also LOVED the idea of giving them BOTH chores. With my children, and their friends who spend the night, when they are fighting, I put them to work. Idle hands are the Devil's playground is what I tell them. And I also tell them once they figure out how to get along and get (for example) the kitchen cleaned they can go play Barbies some more. Best of Luck!

Try to stop feeling bad for your son. This situation is helping your family by bringing in extra money. He has someone to play with (although he may not always appreciate it) when he would otherwise be alone. It's a good thing.

These are two kids who are spending time together, not of their own choice. You really have to treat it like sibling rivalry. Stop trying to figure out who is right, and who is wrong. As long as it's not bullying or violent, let them work it out.

When my boys argued as little kids, I would give them a warning, then a few minutes to work out their dispute. If they kept arguing, they were both punished (time out) for not getting along.

Build some structure into the day if you haven't already. Block time, reading time, chores, TV time, lunch time, outside time, nap time, game time..... If they know each activity is a limited time, they might be less likely to waste time arguing.

Hi P.,

I feel your pain b/c I deal w/ that constantly having 3 1/2 yr-old boy/girl twins!

You mentioned that your son is "squished" into this, having to share everything even you, but remember that this girl is being "squished" too w/out her mom in these moments. Make sure she brings items from home that can be off limits to your children, and let your son have items in your home be off limits to her as well. Is there a place in your home that he can go to be away from her? At this age, kids may not get along w/ the opposite gender.

As far as their bickering, I have no solutions...but I will read later for any advice b/c I need some! I often yell, too :( "I don't need to hear that!" But I do demand that they apologize and hug. Maybe go to the other mom, let her know you want to work as a team, and say before each day that each mom have some kind of pep talk w/ each child about proper behavior.

GOOD luck,
K.

Maybe you can try a sticker board, they get happy stickers for when they don't fight and sad stickers when they do. Give them one warning gently (something simple like, "Ok, enough now, this is your one warning.") and remind them about the stickers if you feel you need to. One sticker for both. If they continue to fight after your warning, they get a sad sticker. At the end of the day count the stickers and they get a special treat if they have more happy stickers then sad.

If this works you can use it with your two boys. When they are nice to each other they get happy stickers, when they aren't they get sad stickers. At the end of the day count and reward if need be.

I would consider not watching her anymore. This obviously creates stress on you and your son and maybe even your other kids too. I'm sure the girl's mom can find another babysitter where the little girl will get along great and you can find another child to watch (if you are dependent on the income). I think it's admirable that you have really tried to referree the situation this long. Sometimes people clash (even "little" people) and that's all there is to it. Reality is that none of us is best friends with everybody that crosses our way...