I know it seems absolutely silly that I am afraid of my parent's reaction to my being pregnant. I have 3 children already, I'm 30 years old, you'd think I'd either have the courage to stand up to them or be of the opinion that "I'm a grown woman and don't care what my parents think."
The thing is, I JUST got out of college last month, and I'm interviewing for secretary positions at a few law firms right now, and the fact that I'm pregnant, (although I'm not going around announcing that to potential future employers), may lessen my chance of finding a good job out there right now. My family will definately be disappointed in me.
My family is finally making enough money to get off of all the welfare and government programs that are out there. I'm absolutely sick of it all and want to do things on my own, but it looks like I may be on them for about another year because of this pregnancy. I can't help but think that my siblings (who have one child each), look on me as one of those mothers who keeps popping out babies just to stay on welfare, but nothing could be further from the truth!
I'm literally afraid to tell my family about it. My husband is thrilled, and so are all of my in-laws, but I know that my side of the family won't be as thrilled, at least not at first.
How can I break it to them?
(Later)
It has occurred to me that I have left something out. Part of the reason that I think that my parents will be upset is because my husband and I are struggling financially. We are JUST at the point where we are making too much money to qualify for all the government help, but not enough to pay both our bills, and keep food in the house.
My parents told us that if we would use the money that we have and pay our bills, they would help us with groceries if we need it. With my having another child on the way, it puts more of a strain on everything. That's basically one more mouth for them to feed I guess. Of course, with another child, we might qualify for some of the government programs that are out there now. I can only try. But this is one of the main reasons that I am afraid to tell them about it.
If my husband and I want to go out on a date, guess who watches our children? Grandma and Grandpa! That's 4 of them to deal with. My mom might as well be running a day care!
Oh, and did I mention that they live just right accross the street from us?
Well, I told my mom two days ago that I was pregnant. I told her how I was afraid that everyone would be disappointed in me and that I had been agonizing over telling her about it because I didn't know what she would think. Her response was actually very touching. She said "I know that starting a new career and being pregnant is not going to be easy for you, but I know that you can do it! And as long as YOU are happy with your husband and your family, who cares what anyone else thinks!"
She told my father who also took the news 100% better than I thought he would! They both seem pretty happy about it actually. But I still haven't told my brothers. And my parents said that whenever I am ready to tell them, that they want to be there for me just in case either one should get upset about it. My dad said that he would personally tell them to butt out because it's none of their busniess. LOL!
Thank you everyone for all your help and support. It was a great comfort to know that some people have been through the same situation that I have. You all are great!
Just keep thinking "they'll get over it" And they will...it might be a slight shock at first but if it helps, right before telling them you can say, "Ok, before I tell you this, I dont' want any negative comments coming at me" or whatever you think would prepare them.
When I ready the subject line I was expecting to see an unwed teenager needing advice... not a 30 year old married woman with 3 kids already! I am very close to my family (always have been) but quite honestly my immediate family life (me, my husband, and our children) is my business not theirs. If I want to have 10 kids or none that is my perogative. It is obvious you are delaying in telling them the news because of their possible negative reaction... so save yourself some grief and do not tell them right now. You mentioned your husband being thrilled so just share the joy and excitement with him and then eventually you can share with others. It is really sad that you dont feel comfortable sharing this with them right away... sounds like their are some issues there that need to be dealt with.
I can understand a families woes to a situation where a woman continues to have children..I had a girlfriend in high school that had 5 children by the time she was 25 and lost custody to all of them....but, you are trying to make a better life, attending school, and wanting to be self sufficient, so the best advice I can give is to bite the bullet and tell them. They can only be mad/disappointed for a short while. Who can turn away a sweet little baby? No one that I know of! They will get over it in time. It's best to just get it over with.
The first thing my mom said when I was pregnant with my first was "Oh my god, now you're going to have to go through labor." She was thrilled very soon, and took care of my son when I worked until he was 5 months old and too big for her sore arms to lift. He was always her favorite.
You may be most worried about the child care arrangement. If you are, you are borrowing trouble. Taking care of 4 is several months away, and much could happen. As a grandma myself, I know how easy it is to fall in love with a grandchild and be willing to do anything in the world for them.
And if you are worried about them helping with food, what will they say when you get a good job and no longer need the money for groceries? That should happen soon.
You aren't afraid they would pressure you to get an abortion, are you? It's not their business, and you and your husband obviously want this baby.
My advice is to tell them God has blessed you with another wonderful child for you, and grandchild for them, and you are hoping they will be as thrilled as you are. If you want to wait, just make sure they don't find out from someone else and make it necessary to explain why you waited to tell them.
I remember feeling more scared at 30 to tell them than I did at 17. So, I can feel your pain! I agree with everyone else here, they can either be supportive or stay away, its thier choice. I remember telling my Dad, who was so disappointed when I was pregnant with my 3rd, I told him he could either get over it or get under it, it was his problem not mine. I have always taken care of my children and this was not any of his business. It got pretty ugly. But to this day they love my kids! I guess I can see where they were coming from on being upset, I am now a single mom of 4! I don't complain, my life is full and successful! My kids are great and we have a wonderful life together. They just need to understand that this is your life and you will live it on your own. They watched you grow up and taught you how to be a grown up, now they need to let you!
Congratulations on the baby and good luck! I know you can do it all!
Diana
you are so right!!!! silly to tell your family that you are pregnant again..... NOT that it's anyone's business,but you could assure them that even tho you weren't planning another baby,you have been blessed. And who argues with God when he choses for a woman to be in that condition??? It isn't exactly a part of your plans for the immediate future,but you are and that's just the way it is. I remember when I was expecting # 3 and I am sure my mom wasn't overly excited.......(but she was less understanding and accusing when in fact I suffered a miscarriage and had to deliver.) You don't mention that your hubby is working or not,but if he is,then he too is paying into the system and you are not exactly living free off the gov't. I would certainly think long and hard before I shared the info with them if they are gonna be hateful towards you. That kind of attitude is not healthful for you either. I would wait as long as I could before I told them and then I would tell them why I waited so long. More important than anything is the need for you to remain upbeat and positive. Getting through your pregnancy without complaications is more important than anything except to give birth to a healthy baby.Don't worry baout the ignorance of people and what they say even if they are family. Hang in there........ have a safe and wonderful pregnancy. ENJOY every minute that you are pregnant. Congratulations!!!! Babies are a blessing from God. J. mom to 4 and Mawmaw to one
D.,
I am sorry that you are in a happy situation where you know your family is going to bring you down. Once I got ready to tell them I would just tell them you & your husband are happy & this baby is a gift from God. If they can't be happy for you then they should just steer clear of you until they can be positive. You are pregnant now & nothing useful can come out of them being negative so what's the point. Good Luck & Congrats!
First, I think you should take a deep breath, say out loud all the things that are good in your life. If you want this baby, and your husband does, you'll make it work. Maybe before you say anything at all, apply for whatever help you need, and see what happens. WIC and Medicaid alone can be a great financial relief, without making you feel totally dependant on the state. Talk with your husband and make a list of some goals you have for yourselves and children. Take it to your family and tell them you need their help, without feeling judged by them. I will be 30 this year, too, and have 4 daughters (7,4,2-1/2, and 16mo), so I understand.
You might check if there's a local chapter of MOPS in your area. They are a great help to me.
