Need Help in Dealing with a Bully

What a horrible thing that your daughter is experiencing for what should be a happy social time for her. This could damage her enjoying school for later on if you do not nip this in the bud. Go above the teacher if you are not getting results. Ask to talk with the preschool director and have documentation of when you have experienced the bullying and your actions to get help from the teacher. In this day and age, all schools are expected to take bullying more seriously and not just expect parents to deal with it on their own. If you do not get satisfaction at any level, pull her from the school. Its better to have her early school experiences to be positive.

I teach my kids that hitting is not the way to handle their frustrations. However, if someone hits them first, I tell them that it's their right to hit them back. I know this is controversial, but I want my kids to have the confidence to stick up for themselves if they're put in a position where they're being hit. Now, my son is shy, and there is a kid in his class who's a total brat. I ask him why he lets him treat him the way he does and he just says "because". I have told him to stand up for himself, but he's just not one for confrontation. He would rather ignore it and let it go and just have fun. So, I put him in Judo so that if someone were to give him trouble, he will be able to defend himself. I guess it just depends on how you feel. Once you come up with a solution, it helps to role play. My daughter and I do this a lot because of all of the finicky things that go on with girls. She's doing a phenomenal job with dealing with any bad attitudes from girls at school. I don't think that it's the right thing to expect your child to be able to say "It hurts my feelings when you hit me" Well, DUH. What's that going to solve? It basically just tells the bully that they succeeded at exactly what they were aiming to in the first place. I tell my kids to say "KNOCK IT OFF" and if they don't quit, then they can tell the teacher or walk away and tell the child they do not want to play with them anymore.

That's a tough one. But since one of your concers is what are the other little girls parents doing about it, then I would try and find out the answer to your question. Inform the school that you are very worried about how this is effecting your daughter, and see if they will give you their phone number. If not, find out the little girls last name, and look them up in the phone book. You may find her parents are very willing to work with you, and maybe you both can work out something together that will benefit both kids.
Just a thought.

The only thing I can say from a parent stand point (as from the other girls stand point) is that sometimes it is hard to punish school activities at home. For example, my son had a small issue at school when he was about 18 months old but it ONLY happened when he was at school. It was actually dumping toys out and walking away and refusing to pick them up. At home he was VERY clean. None of his toys out of place, and his room had to be clean before he could go to bed. Other than trying to explain to him that he had to do that at school, and reminding the teachers to stay on him about it, I couldn't do anyting else. At least at 18 months, I didn't feel it was fair to punish him hours after his actions, he would never corrilate it.
At 4 though, there is a longer memory and could be a different situation. It could be she is an only child and doesn't know proper ways to interact. Or maybe she is the youngest of many children and the only way to get attention is to kick, hit and be mean. Maybe there is an abusive relationship at home she sees and that's how she correlates relationships. So many things could cause this action, and prevent it from being fixed at home.
The big thing they taught my son in preschool is to say "I don't like that...Please don't do that" and "I was still playing with that"...Teaching the children to work it out with each other. It helped, but it did take all year for him to even START to stand up for himself...but his "friends" listened. Just and idea. Best of luck!

I would talk to the school teachers again. If this little girl is kicking and hitting at school then it is their job to talk to the parents to work the situation out. If they are unable to get the girl under control then she shouldn't be allowed to go to school there. (Unless it is a preschool through the public school system and she is on an IEP). I would consider pulling your daughter out of school here and finding a new school. If you can't do that then perhaps you could have her moved to a new class?