I have a daughter 4,5 years old that will not sleep in her bed all night. She falls asleep while i'm still in her room. And then she wakes up every night at 1:30-2 am and crowls in her daddy's and mommy's bed. We are ready for her to stop coming over, she also shares the room with her almost 2 year old brother(who sleeps all night!!!). I have a night light by her bed, also tried puuting her back, but that last until morning.It's like she knows as soon as mommy out the room she wakes up and runs in our room.Please help me how to teach to sleep in her bed(which by the way her daddy built into princess bed). SHe will be going to school next year so I want to train her before that. Thank you!
Thank you all so much for your responses!!! It was hard for me in the beginning, but like many of you said, you have to be consistent! We did the routine of bath, reading books, praying and lots of hugs and kisses. It took only 3 days for her to understand that Mommy is not giving in, and now she falls asleep by herself, in minutes i should add! and it's so nice to have that extra hour i never had before i go to bed. so thank you again!!!!
there is no easy answer. repetition, firmness and consistency. keep putting her back in her room, calmly, inexorably, and with no discussion.
do not relent.
khairete
S.
I have 3 suggestions for you. One- set up a bed time routine that involves you leaving the room BEFORE she falls asleep. You must teach her how to fall asleep on her own, without you being there. Two- keep putting her back in her own bed EVERY time she gets up to come in your room. This will be hard (especially if she is strong-willed), but I think that if you are consistent with it, she will stop getting out of bed. Kids are smart and they learn very quickly how much it will take to wear mom and dad out, before you break down and let them have their own way. Three- maybe set up some type of reward system (a chart?) where she gets a star for every night she stays in her room all night. After she accumulates a certain amount of stars, she can get a reward. Let her decide with you what type of reward would be appropriate. Hope this helps!
My son who is about 3 1/2 goes through phases where he does this too. I tried all the stuff in the books about putting him back in the bed, etc. and none of it worked. Ultimately what has worked for us is to talk about it and then provide a reward for sleeping all night in his "big boy" bed. He is just getting over a cold and when he is sick he always wakes up to come to our bed. Now that he is better, he gets a tatoo if he sleeps all night in his big boy bed and it has worked for 5 nights in a row. You just have to figure out what reward will work best.
You have gotten lots of good advise. A great book for this is the No Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Pre schoolers. It is written specifically for this age. It is not a one size fits all solution, but a collection of ideas, tips and tricks to work with your child to get them to go to sleep alone and stay in bed at night. It helped us tremenously. I was suprised to find that in about 50% of families with kids your age, the child gets up one or more times a night and needs help from their parents to get back to sleep. So you are not alone and it is not uncommon at all!
The only advise I would give is on using charts for prizes. Just make sure you do very short term goals (a few days). Kids that age can not understand getting stars for a week or two for a prize, it is just to far off.
Best of luck!
K.
S.,
I have this same problem with my 3.5 year old, he will go to bed in his own room while listening to a story on CD and he naps great in his own room, but many nights he climbs into bed with me, most of the time unnoticed until I try rolling over and cant move due to lack of room. We started rewarding him with M&Ms forthe nights he sleeps all night in his own bed. He gets 5 in the morning if he stayed out of my bed. I know some would be against chocolate first thing in the morning but I think that it part of what makes him want to stay in his own bed because he knows mommy does not give chocolate for breakfast! Good luck! Have a very Happy New Year.
The key words are quick and consistent!
You need to get here asap before she gets into bed, march her back to her bed and lie her back down every time. How about making it so she can't get out of the room without a little effort that makes noise-- doorknob with a jingle bell, a safety gate with a latch.. and then as soon as you hear activity, hop up, march her back, lie her down, don't turn on the lights, avoid eye contact, don't respond to any delay tactics. If you do this every single time she gets up, she will start to get the message.
You can also tell her that if the night light is keeping her awake you're going to turn it off.
ps. the "No Cry Sleep Solution" doesn't work. We all wish there was a no cry sleep solution, but the fact is, you've gotta be consistent and firm, and sometimes the child is not going to like it!
Every child is different so I would not worry that her younger brother is sleeping better than she is. I would look at her day and see what is going on. Look for changes or stress or insecurities that can be addressed. That will sometimes effect sleep. I would also not make a big deal about it to her. You might talk to her and let her know that you love her and that you would like her to stay in her own bed at night but that if she needs something that you are still there for her. If you want to make the adjustment as gentle as possible then you may need to move her during the night and sleep with her in her bed for a little bit before going back to your bed and then doing it again if she comes in again. My 4 1/2 yr. still comes in about midway through the night and I just let her because I know she won't do it forever and she has always been a high need child. Her 5 older sibs have slept on their own from an earlier age but I know she will when she is ready. So the other option is to to encourage her to use her bed and not worry when she comes into your bed.
Try getting her back to bed awake. Talk to her. This is the age of reasoning. Tell her you and dad can't get very good sleep while she is in there, and that she is a big girl now, and needs to stay in her bed. Have her help you formulate a plan, see if she has any needs that can be addressed. Have her help you make a sign that she puts on your door "Sharon, go back to your own bed, big girl" or whatever her name is, and have her decorate it and hang it. This gives her some ownership.
Be patient with her. Sometimes I let them stay for 5 minutes, and get them to agree only 5 minutes then it's time to go back, and that I'll help them tuck in. It also helps my boys to know that I will be back every 5 (or 10) minutes to check on them.
Good luck!
AND PS... The No Cry Sleep Solution DOES work if used properly. However, I don't think it is meant for this situation. There is even one written for toddlers, and I'm not sure if that is for this age.
I agree with the first response - she does not fall asleep without you there, so of course she will want you there when she wakes up....try teaching her to go to bed without you there and then she will be more apt to handle you not being there when she wakes up. Also, if she keeps waking up, try changing her bedtime...
A promise of chocolate milk and cartoons while I get ready in the morning works for me. This is something she normally gets at her father's house but I use it as a reward if the bedtime routine starts to backslide. I also agree with the prior suggestion that consistency is key.
S.,
I had a problem with my son not sleeping through the night and spoke with my doctor about it at the time. He asked if I used a night light in the room and he explained to me that when the kids wake in the middle of the night, the shadows cast through the light can be scary. You may want to try turning off the night light after she falls asleep. I would also try the other suggestion of setting a bed time routine and making her fall asleep without you in her room. She may try getting out of bed a lot when you first put her down but just keep taking her back and only tell her once or twice she has to go to bed. The other times I would just walk her to bed. Don't give her the attention she wants when it is bed time. Hope this helps, Good Luck.
L.
