Need Help fast--My 2 Year Old Is Driving Me CRAZY

First of all I agree with the moms who say alone time with you would be a good thing for him so that is one idea. I know this sounds a little crazy but try rewarding him for the good things he does. As a sort of positive reinforcment. Get something and mark it with stickers and tell him for every few stickers he will get something special. Even if it is something little like a sucker or some kind of small toy. Maybe negative enforcment just doenst work for him. Not saying what you are doing is wrong. I have worked in daycares with lots of diffrent kids and had to come up with diffrent ways to make kids lisitin. I have also taken a developmental class where we talked about diffrent ways to enforce good behavior. Just an idea though. Feel free if you have any questions to get back with me.

My son is 2 1/2 and I have a system in place that if he hasn't done what I ask him to do by the time I count to 3 (you can count at different speeds if he is listening or not) if not then he gets whatever punishment I said prior to counting to 3. I tell him what to expect from me and I let him know what I expect from him. And MOST importantly, I follow through on what I say I will do if he doesn't listen. It is utterly worthless and more harmfull to say you will exact a punishment (be it time-out, standing in a corner, or a spanking) if you do not follow thru! I have no problems as long as I do that. I notice when he is at my parents house for a few days I have to reinforce my rules and have a day or so until he is back on his good behavior. I also NEVER tell him that he is bad. That has a high risk of making a child shame based. It is very harmful to them. I do tell him that I do not like his behavior and then I tell him that he is in control of his actions and I expect him to make good decisions. I use less intense language, he is 2 1/2 after all. It works for children who do not have emotional problems, that would require a therapist. With some behavior modification or some other kind of therapy that the therapist recommends. It doesn't help that you also have a 3 month old, I only have my 2 yr old so I can focus on him. I can see how that would makes things more difficult. Your 2 yr old is use to having you to himself, 3 months is not that long to change his perception from birth. Be consistant and spend "special" time with him when the baby is napping, that might help as well. I like the daycare idea, socialization is a great idea. I also have my son "help" out around the house to tire him out!
Good Luck

The best way to stop misbehavior in a toddler is to prevent it :-) I know easier said than done.

Go to Toys R US and get the appliance locks, that way he can't open the dishwasher, fridge or freezer.

put everything that you don't want him to touch out of sight/reach

Give him some heavy work to do to help with his energy level, We have 1/2 gallon jugs 1/2 filled with water, sand, and marbles that we move all over the house. Also if you have a weighted belt, any belt really that is a bit heavy put it on him. Let him run outside and play first thing in the morning :-) That should help curtail the unwanted behavior.

I can definitely relate to you. I actually do not work, I am in school full time. I have a almost 4 year old that does exactly what your 2 year old is doing (and he started the same time as your child). I can't keep mine alone for a second or else he is into everything!!! The best advice that I can give to you is this: first, it's good you have him into daycare, but don't be surprised if you get any phone calls:) Second you just really have to learn to be very patient. They are boys and they will get into everything and anything that they can. I have 2 other boys and a girl. My girl was nothing compared to my boys!! If there is any good days outside, take him to the park and have him play on the playground. That is one way to help get rid of his excess energy! Also get him some movies that he may like to watch (like Garfield or something age appropriate that he will enjoy). That will help him settle down as well. If you need more help let me know:)

OMG, when I was reading this I was thinking oh my, this is my daughter up and down. She just turned 2 a few weeks ago and we are having a terrible time with her. She does the exact same things that your son is doing. No, means nothing to her and when we try and disipline her, she just rebels more and becomes more aggresive. When we are mad at her for doing something wrong, she will look at us and start laughing and dancing around to try and make us laugh so we wont get mad at her. She knows already how to play us, I feel sometimes she has us in the palm of her hand. I feel like she is wining the battles alot due to the fact that I just had a baby two weeks ago and I just dont have the energy to fight with her. Time out does not work nor does anything us we have tryed. I just told my husband that I thought the best thing for her was to put her into a play group or program a few days a week so she could get out and play with other kids. Maybe this will be a good thing for the best..I felt better reading your post so I know that my child is not the only one out there doing these things and that you are feeling the sameway we are..Good luck to you and I hope it works out for the best!

B.,

I think the interaction with children his own age at daycare will be wonderful for him. Most daycare are like a full time preschool-- they do so much with them. At my son's they are so busy that they don't get bored and act up.

Is your son perhaps getting bored at home? I notice that mine who is 2 1/2 only starts acting up when he gets bored. Keeping him occupied all the time isn't always easy. Time out works for us, but I try to limit them to when he knows he is misbehaving, not to when he is acting up a little because he is bored.

FYI-- most children will not act up at daycare or school-- but you may still have the same problems when he gets home. He could be jealous of the new baby. Maybe if you try special one on one time with you or Dad a few times a week-- where the baby can't come-- it will help him feel special?

Good luck...(and congrats on the new baby).

It's possible that he is trying to get attention because of the baby. Make sure you spend some time with him alone, perhaps while the baby is napping. Plus it sounds like he is reacting to your frustration. Locks on freezer and cupboards is a good idea. I think daycare will help a lot. Some kids are just hard to wear out. Make sure Dad gets involved with discipline as well. Good Luck!

I'm wondering if some of these problems didn't stem from you not being home with him in the first place. If you have only been home with him since June you might not be familiar with his daily behavior. Maybe whoever was watching him before June allowed such behavior.

Use time outs... over and over.. until it works. Pick and choose your battles. You can't battle the kid on everything. Ignore some things that aren't big of a deal.

Could some of the extreme behavior be to get your attention? I work a 9-5 computer job at home, and do not have child care for my 2yr old. I know that if I have busy days where he doesn't get the one on one time he needs, he acts up more. When that happens I have to make a concious effort to take regular breaks of 10-15 minutes and spend time just with him, flipping through a book playing with a toy or even just sitting near him while he does something. Through all of it consistancy with nipping any inappropriate behavior before it gets out of control is key. My husband and I do time out. His room is pretty bare and at the first signs of tantrum we take him to his room, put a baby gate in the door and tell him that he is going to time out for X reason and when he is finished he can come back out. Good luck.

Hello B..

First off I wanted to tell you that I can totally relate. I have a boy who's almost 5 and had a hard time since around 3&1/2. I luckly never had any terrible twos but went thru something horrible at 4. It might be a little worse then since they can talk back now and are much harder to "control". I actually started counseling to help me get a way to find other ways to do things in my house. One thing I can say has been working for me is a book called "Love and Logic parenting for the younger years". I got it at Barnes and Noble for about $20. It teaches to be consistant and how to give choices to your children so they "feel" like they are in control, but make sure the choices you give them are things you want for them. It also teaches a way to lovingly disiplin without yelling or "losing it". Check it out. It has really helped me. There are even classes you can take too.

Another thing that has help me to understand my boys a little better is a book called "Raising Boys". It helps me to understand the ways boys think and why they do things. They truelly are different the girls. If you understand them more then it might help with the way you relate to them.

I know it is hard and starting a daycare or preschool will probably help too. My son does much better when he's in school. Good luck.

I think that it's a great idea to have enrolled him in daycare so that he can have the structure and social interaction. It definitely is a good time for you to also get some quality bonding time with your youngest son. However, I don't agree with Monica's statement about them being boys and boys will get into everything...the truth is, they will get into as much as you allow them to. You are in charge and they need to know that right away. 2 is not too young to have that fact established. It can take a while for that to really sink in with some children! Just remember that consistence and persistence are vital!!! I have a 5 year old son and a 17 month old daughter and they both have TRIED that type of behavior and learned right away that it won't be tolerated. Of course they are kids and they are not always little angels, but they learn what behavior is acceptable through you. Every parent has their personal choice on how to treat misbehavior and mine is time outs. They don't work for everyone (or so I've read), but they really have done the job for us. We stay consistent and in the few times that system has failed, we will take away something special to them as a form of punishment (we didn't do that until my son was about 3 though). Both of those methods really have worked well and my son has always been very well behaved. In addition, we have a very close bond because the time we spend is quality time, instead of in anger or frustration. Good luck and just do your best to continue to be patient. You are obviously a good parent as you recognize that there is a problem and you are trying to get help! :)