Need Help - Buckhannon,WV

Hi C.,
I have to admit--this is an extremely difficult post for me to respond to. Take the little man to the pediatrician. They can test him to tell if it is ringworm, or if in fact, a cigaratte burn like he says. Please remember, sometimes things do happen that you may not want to even think about. Perhaps he was burnt and it was a total accident? Nonetheless, never just brush your child off when they say something has happened--especially if there is extremely questionable evidence. Please, get a professional opinion. If it does turn out to be ringworm, then privately ask him why he has been telling everyone daddy's hurt him. Afterall, where would he get such an idea to begin with?

Best of luck to everyone involved!

Ringworm is a fungal infection and is very contagious. Easily treatable with an RX antifungal cream. Take him to the doctor! It is something that is spread through contact, and common in certain settings like a day care. If it is definitely ringworm, make sure the daycare knows because they will have to disinfect all the toys and mats and things or it will continue to spread.
I used to work with kids and I got it on my upper arm on the outside. It can look like a burn I guess, but without the blister or broken skin. It usually ends up as an almost perfect circle.
If you are CERTAIN that it is not a burn (after dr. checks it of course), take the paperwork to the daycare and show them. It's really pretty easy to tell the difference, so if there any doubt at all and you think it's a burn you need to act on that however you feel is appropriate. If it is not a burn, ask your son why he said that and be sure to tell him that it is not OK to say someone hurt him if that's not true, and make sure your hubby is there too. Then be sure to tell him that if anyone ever does hurt him, he needs to tell you right away so you can make sure it never happens again. Stress that you are his mommy (and his daddy is there too!), and it's your jobs to keep him safe.
After that, don't mention it again. Sometimes kids fib for attention, and if you harp on it with him he may think that lying is a good way to get attention. If he fibs again, simply tell him that whatever it is he said is not true and it's not nice to lie. Leave it at that. If the lying about someone hurting him continues, talk to his doctor and see what is recommended to deal with it. Good luck! :)

C.,
While upsetting, I doubt that the daycare workers would ever mistake ringworm for a cigarette burn! Is he being treated for the ringworm? (Sorry--I don't know much about it or the treatment of it.) You probably should let the daycare know he has it?
As for the lying issue--there was JUST (this week) a recent post about "Not telling the Truth" with some good advice and info about kids & lying. You might want to look at that as well.....
Good luck!

I am responding out of genuine concern for the children - and for you...so please dont think I am criticizing you....

I worked full time while in school full time and I had nearly had a breakdown.

I now stay home with two young children and its very very challenging!!!!!!!!!

It must be so stressful for all of you...and this is no way to start a childs life - life is hard enough and filled with so many challenges as it is.

You are not doing anyone any good by trying to do it all....why dont you take your time with school... your babies are only going to babies/little kids once, and this is when they really really need you to be there.

You are going to be disappointed that you missed it...its understandable if you NEED to work full time....but school can wait.... your babies NEED their mommmy!!! They desperately need you - and that is what this is about!!!!!!

School will always be there.....but your babies need you NOW!

Also...i'm going to be a mom here for a moment - so bear with me....

Please please please be dilligent about your birth control, and please stop smoking - you are setting a terrible example - and the harsh chemicals are still getting to the children through clothing, etc.

Good Luck to you - and I only have the best of intentions for you - please update us and let us know what happened.

I don't know C....this sounds a little difficult.
Ring worm is usually a large circle (larger than the butt of a cigarette anyway). You should take him to the pediatrician as some of the other moms suggested. That way the record can be set straight.
But, before you take him, I would talk to your son "privately" in a very calm and relaxed manner, without daddy around and find out why he is saying what he is saying. Ask him gently when and where it supposedly happened. Don't be upset or get upset with him when he tells you something you might not want to hear.
My father and his family were smokers. I remember being at a family gathering and my own grandmother took a drag of her cig and then dropped her hand down to her side and burnt my hand as I was reaching up. She didn't even know she did it and when my mom confronted her about it, she denied it, but I had the burn mark! Sometimes things like that just happen...not saying this is true in your sons case, but I'm sure it's something you can get to the bottom of!
I hope all goes well for you and your family! Good for you going back to school and working full time, I just don't know how some women do it, but I admire their strength!
Oh yeah one more thing...stop smoking!!!! I have a lot of health problems now as an adult that don't run in the family and I think it is a result of the second hand smoke! If you don't quit for yourself, do it for your kids!

A doctor will document that it is not a burn, and then you're off the hook when you show the daycare-and they need to know if it's ringworm.
Lying can only be stopped with lots of attention and love so he's not seeking attention and very firm discipline WHENEVER it occurs. This takes time with the child. He is right at the age to invent tall tales, thinking getting a burn from his dad is "tough" having no idea how serious the accusation is. Sounds like he needs some more time spent with him, and time doesn't grow on trees.

See if you and/or dad can manipulate your schedule to include him more. Especially dad, he's a boy, and needs a strong male role model for this. There is a fine balance between planning for the future with school, and living in the moment, but I'm sure you've weighed all the pros and cons of school and how many hours everyone needs to work to survive. Kids need attention way more than things-but they also need electricity and rent and educations, so I'm not at all judging you. Take each month as it comes and see if there are ways in certain days to give him more one on one time.

Even if no one can spend more time with him, you have to make a point to address the lying firmly and consistently. It sometimes stops easily, it sometimes spirals way out of control-be prepared to handle it firmly to prevent that. Good luck on your very full plate!

Take him to your pediatrician, have him document that it's ringworm, and give the paperwork to the daycare.
Then, stop smoking. It's no good for ANYONE!

I don't have experience with the lying, but I'd take him to the pediatrician to get the ringworm treated. That way you can get rid of the ringworm problem AND have it documented that the mark is NOT a burn. Good luck - that's a tough situation.

If you have a Dr's record that it is Ring worm (not wring worm),then that should answer those questions.
As far as why you son is lying, it must be some sort of attention-seeking thing. Did you ask him why he told a story about the mark? Does he feel he's not getting enough time with you and your husband now that the baby is there?

Take him to the Dr and get it treated asap if it is ringworm the treatment is simple and much easier the sooner it is treated. If it is a burn, it could have been accidental by his father or even him doing it to himself out of curiosity looking at a not quite put out cig. With kids anything is possible.

I too would recommend quitting smoking. I grew up with a smoker and have severe asthma, always said I would never smoke myself because what it did to me, but we tend to follow in our parents footsteps and I did start smoking and smoked for many, many years. I did manage to quit before I had kids thankfully. It is not easy, but I would highly recommend just doing it. I am sure I did even more damage to myself by smoking but I also know growing up with it made it so much easier for me to start in the first place.

Go to the doctor to verify what the ring is on his arm.May be the doctor can give him an rx for the ringworm. If it is identified as ring worm have them put it in writing for you. Let the doctor know what happened and if need be say it in front of your child so he knows that it is not nice to not tell the truth. Take the written documentation to the daycare and give it to them(of course make yourself a copy first).It seems that your child is wanting extra attention and may be this is a way of getting it. Make some time to do something with just the two of you. It is an adjustment dealing with a new brother. It sounds like you are busy also with work and school therefore he may not be getting as much attention as he likes.

Out of concern for you and your family, I suggest asking a doctor about the mark on your son's arm. If it is a ring worm, the daycare would ask you to keep him home until it is treated. If it is a burn, there is nothing worse than "hiding" it from yourself or others. The doctor can tell you if it is a burn or a ringworm.

Sometimes little people don't know the difference between telling the truth and a big imagination. Sometimes they realize though that their behaviors might get them in trouble, so they say something that will keep that from happening. Other times, they might feed off statements that others make (children or adults) "Oh, is that a burn?" As your son grows, he will be able to understand the difference better. In the meantime, you just have to say what you know to be true. You might want to research things before making statements, like "Does Tommy know you have his car?" before you say "We don't bring things home that belong to other children" or something like that. You can learn to watch for signs of lying--twisting hands, shaking heads, blinking eyes, or something that your child does when not telling the truth. That will help you counteract it by making statements about appropriate behavior.

Hi C.,

I just wanted to write to let you know that I think it is totally normal for kids your son's age to make up stories like that for whatever reason. My nephew and my daughter both did that at that age. I think my daughter did it more than once, but I can remember one specific occasion where she had a scratch that occurred in the middle of the day when my husband wasn't home. She said that her dad did it and she stuck to her story. I probably would've been worried if I didn't see my nephew do the same thing when he was her age. Both my daughter and my nephew get tons of attention and have stay at home moms so please don't feel like it's something that you did or didn't do. Hope that helps! H.

I agree with the previous advice. It's simple to take him to the doctor and find out if it is ring worm. Ring worm is contagious and the school needs to know so they can let the other parents know. If it is a cigarette burn, then find out who did it. It may have been accidental as someone suggested. Could it have been done by someone watching him? Maybe this person threatened him not to tell, so the kids said daddy did it when questioned? Or maybe the unthinkable happened. You need to find out.

I like the post where it says to treat the ringworm and therefore the rash is gone. In case its not gone and is still there, then there is something to worry about isnt it?
Also if you take him to the pediatrician then there are special teams that deal with this and maybe they can figure it out. All in all---- where would a 3 yr old get the idea that a cigarette can burn?