Need Advice on How to Stop My 5 and 7 Year Old Boys from Pooping in Their Pants!

Sorry for responding late but I just signed up and I'm reading through all inquiries.

When my brother was in elementary (don't remember exact age) he would poop on himself at school. My mom took him to the dr. The dr. asked they speak alone together. After he met with my brother he told my mom that he needs more attention from my dad (who was working too much). My dad starting taking him fishing and do more with him and the pooping stopped.

So, in most cases kids do this for more attention. Especially if they feel their dad is leaving.

My nephew also pooped on himself while at school. He was an only child and his parents were going through a divorce. The dr. told the parents since their son feels he has no control over their divore, the only thing he can control is his pooping.

I hope it has all worked out.

This may seem a bit severe but has worked for me and my children when they were having accidents. My husband, as punishment for wetting or pooping their pants was to give them a cold shower. Like I said it seems severe but oddly enough it does work. It took only one time with my son and three with my daughter.

One of my boys had a problem with an ingredient in food called "Sorbitol". He could not hold it his poop. I started watching what he was putting in his mouth. He was swallowing his toothpaste. It is also in some sugar-free products and cold medicines. To this day he has to avoid it. My other son does not have a problem with this additive. I read about it in a children's allergy book.

I would make them clean up their own mess, after a few times of having to clean the poop off their underwear, clean the bathroom and wash and fold their underwear, maybe they will realize that it is more work to poop in their pants than to run to the toilet..

Dr. Laura addressed a similar issue recently and what she suggested is that the kiddos are waiting too long and so should be put on an hourly schedule. After 1 hour switch to 2 and so on, basically if their has been no trauma, they just need to be retrained NOT to wait too long.

Good luck!

I know you are not as concerned with the "why's" as with stopping this behavior, but this is reason for great concern. Children ages 5 and 7 do not start pooping in their pants just because they're lazy--this is almost certainly a behavior related to some kind of deeper psychological issues. As a former childcare professional, I would encourage you to seek help getting to the bottom of this situation.

Have you tried making THEM clean their pants afterwards?
Using their allowance to replace the ruined underware
It's not a punishment its a concequence to thier actions and a chance to teach responsibility.
~M.~

Why don't you try letting them clean up after themselves? If they were to soak, wash, dry, and fold their underwear and see how gross it is, maybe they will think twice about continue doing it. They may not be able to wash them perfectly as you would, yet the underwear will basically be clean - do not let them see you rewashing..... Yes it will probably be a hassle and they make take forever to do it - consider it a learning experience.

The why is important. Maybe told them too soon about their Dad leaving???

I don't like to bring this up but have they been molested? My daughter (5) suddenly starting having accidents like that and we found out 5 months later that she was being molested by an 11 year old friend from church. Just a thought.
T.

Okay, I have never heard of this affecting two kids at the sametime. But my oldest child at age 6 was having a problem with constipation. He was having accidents. At first I assume he was waiting too long. I took him to the doctor and she told me that kids with constipation have big problems. Their bowel gets stretched and it does not go back to normal size with out medical intervention.

Constipation needs to be treated by an MD in little kids.

She says that straining hurts so they do not do it. Then the bowel gets stretched. There is incomplete emptying with leads to uncontrolled bowel movements.

She referred us to a Pedi GI doctor who went over my son's diet. He recommended 3-5 fruits and veggies a day, lots of water, lots of exercise and medicine. My son took the medication for 6 months. Then was reevaluated. He took it for 1 and 1/2 years total. He now takes Benefiber every morning in his OJ. He is 9 now.

Now my younger son has something called sensory integration disorder. He does not sense the feeling of needing to use the bathroom. So he just waits too long. We he was 5 he still was having accidents. We still have to locate the bathrooms when we get to a new location. He is 6 and 1/2. We teaching him to look for the bathrooms now too. He is forever needing to go to the bathroom at very incovinent times.

I suspect that there is an underlying problem such as one of the ones my sons have, with at least one of your kids.

Unfortuately potty humor is big with this age group. But pooping in your pants does not usually come with it.

L.

I don't want to panic you and since both boys started this at the same time it probably IS a behavioral issue, but one of my sons started having accidents when he was 9. We punished him for about six months for it and then found out that he has crohn's disease and couldn't help it. Talk about guilt! You might just want to have them checked out by your doctor to make sure it's nothing physical, then you can deal with the behavioral stuff. When we thought it was a behavioral issue, we took away his favorite things until he could go "streak free" for a week.

Hi: When I was trying to train my son at three to use the potty, i knew that he knew how but was just stubborn to do so. I told him that on his 3rd birthday he would have no more diapers. after that he wet himself and I told him he would have to stay in those pants or go change them. He soon got tired of wet pants and went and took them off. He never wet himself again. In your case, how about telling them if they poop their pants they have to clean it up. Consequences work the best of all. Trust me, they won't enjoy cleaning it up. Do you?

I am a mother of 3 boys and have had the same problem with all three. It was never a "full load" with our boys just small amounts. Our current pediatrician told me that it is a condition called pebbles and yes it's true, they actually can't really feel when it is happening then can't make it to the toilet. For all 3 of our boys it has been as simple as adding a glass of V8 Splash a day to the diet for extra fiber. It's worked like a charm.

I was having the same problem with my son. Surprisingly, they may not be able to feel themselves going because they may be constipated. Not to be gross, but that happens is that the poop becomes a big hard ball, and other stuff seeps around it and out. There is so much pressure on the colon that it stops giving sensory signals to the brain, so they don't know that they have to go. Please don't yell and scream at them until you take them to the doctor and have it checked out. Until them it might be wise to bump up the fiber and veggies in their diets a bit.

Go back to disposable undies, and tell them they must wear them, if they are not going to go to the bathroom the way their Daddy does. Be gentle and kind about it not abusive and loud. This is a sensative issue.

I am sure the impact of their Father leaving them again, is probably your problem. Whether you believe it or not, the absence of a parent does affect the children, whether through death, divorce, or war. Mine regressed when their Dad and I divorced.

Explain to them, it is not healthy, they can get sick from it, the poop can cause their skin to turn read and burn, there are alot of reasons. It might be helpful, if your husband takes them in the restroom with him, and teaches them correct hygiene.

I have a 15 and an 18 yr old who have chosen all of a sudden not to use toilet paper, so it is just as unpleasant sometimes when they get older. I no longer wash them....I make them... that might also have an impact on them to why they should not be doing this

Good luck!

My son had the same problem. I took him to the pediatrician. Constipation was the culprit. He really couldn't help it. He would get so stopped up, and then it would begin to leak out. Plenty of water, fruits and veggies did the trick. He did eventually outgrow it. I feel for you. Good luck!

C., I have a 3 1/2 yr old son, although not the same age as your sons, I found that if I didn't make a big deal out of it when it happened, he listened better. So I told him it would make Mommy and Daddy "happy" if he pooped in the toilet and it would make his tummy feel "better" also. If not, Mommy and Daddy would be "sad". Although that worked, I still would catch him trying to hold it from time to time, but no accident. At that point I would tell him, that if he holds it, it will come out his nose! Now he goes by all by himself! Everybody's different, good luck!

AHHHHHHHHHHHH....I am so relieved to see that someone else has the same problem. I have a 7 year old boy who does the same thing...and when he does go to the toilet ..it is really too late...just awful poop everywhere! Let me know what kind of answers you get on this one ....please! I am happy you posted this.....it is so nice to hear that we all have the same kind of problems.
Thanks

goodness, talk about double trouble. Don't worry your not alone. I had this problem with my step son. He doesn't live with us full time. But his mother had sent him for the school year because she just couldn't get him to use the potty at 6 1/2. Her doctors insisted on loading him with laxatives which for obvious reasons made things worse. Talking to them separately and being open about why they might be doing it will help eventually. try having them spend up to 15 minutes an hour on the potty till they poop or can tell you they have to go on their own. give them books to read or color. try not to make it feel like torture all of the time. Turned out in our case he was using it as a control issue. we spent so much time asking him why and just talking about why he needs to grow out of it. He finally just told us he didn't want to grow up. he wanted diapers and thought growing up was bad. We finally had an answer so from there we began positively reinforcing the good things about growing up and it helped a lot.

Dear C.,

My what a mess!! My heart goes out to you girlie!! Here's my advice..........your sons are simply acting out. If I had to guess...they are scared mom. It's emotional. They are not out to get you and cause you grief, but they are hurting deep down. Talk to your sons one at a time. Give them unconditional love and ask them how can we solve this problem together?

My neighbors sons started doing this after years of being potty trained. The older neighborhood kids were abusing them. Problem was solved when mom talked with them. My daughter regressed to not being potty trained when her father died...very traumatic for her. I have been a USAF military dependent wife and I know numerous friends whose kids started wetting or soiling their pants when dad's going to be going away or went away. So...I do have experience and I have given you the best advice that I can under these difficult times for you.

One parent even made her child wash out her messy panties, she got better real quick. Mom also spent extra time with her daughter to heal her broken heart and help her to understand why daddy's gone away to fight.

P.

one thing that may help is to have the little darlings clean up after themselves. Let them put the nasties in the soaking water AND then transfer to the clothes washer, add (premeasured)soap and wait wait wait (get really bored)until time to toss in dryer. My autie son has to clean up his own sheets and whatever and it has helped tremendously for him to see that if you make the yuck, you clean the yuck.

And you might want to check with doctor about endopresis.

I think the stress of knowing their daddy is going back to a war zone is enough to do it. But whether it is emotional stress or laziness, I think the solution is the same. No shame, no anger, just a little bit of sadness on your part and natural consequences on their parts. This is what I did when my 6-yr-old daughter started wetting the bed again and I didn't know if it was physical or attention-getting or what. One night I was changing her sheets as she sat watching me and she said, "Well, that's what moms are for." I stopped dead in my tracks, thought "Oh really?" and went back to changing the bed. The next morning we sat down together and I told her that what moms are really for is to teach their children how to take care of themselves, because one day they will need to live on their own, and mommy won't be there to do stuff for them. So we were going to make some changes, and it wasn't punishment, it was just to teach her how to take care of herself and her own things. She wasn't to wake me up anymore to take care of her bed, but she was to change her clothes herself, make a little bed on the floor (with bedding we kept available), and in the morning I would help her change the bedding and learn how to use the washing machine to wash the sheets and blankets. (I remember with a smile and a lump in my throat how big her eyes got as I told her this!) Within a couple of weeks, she wasn't wetting the bed anymore. You could do something like this with your boys. They must scrub out the stains by hand with a bar of soap, let them soak if necessary, and wash, dry, and fold the loads of laundry that the underwear are in. Their responsibility is to take care of their own needs and messes, and your job is to make sure that they do this as well as looking to calm any emotional stuff going on at the same time. This way, pressure is off of all of you to "solve" the problem, and you can put your emotional and mental energy into the stuff that really counts, which just may help the problem get solved.

Hi, C.

My nephew had the same problem, although, because my sister didn't take care of the problem right away it last for several years. He was 12 and still doing it! Anyway, when he came to visit I would check on his underwear a few times a day just as a reminder that he needed to take care of the problem as well. He was too lazy and busy playing games that he didn't care about going to the bathroom. He didn't go on his pants all at once but little by little and then it accumulated. Imagine that!!! So, I would suggest you to keep on top of them until the problem is resolved. Make them wash their own underwear and have them take a shower right away if they do it. Seems to me that they've just started doing it so it might be easier to stop them now before it becomes a bad habit. Patience! Good luck.

PS. Any medical issues were ruled out, therefore, we thought his problem was laziness.

Hi C.! It sounds to me they are just "too busy" to go, especially seeing as how it involves both boys & not just one. Many children at this age feel as though playtime is more important and they don't want to miss anything that is going on, leading into the point of going to the bathroom isn't important to them. I agree with every one that has stated to make them clean up their own messes. Make sure they wear gloves while doing it. Our daughter was one that did this constantly, and when we finally started making her clean up her mess, she finally stopped doing it. You may also try telling them that you are going to start making them wear Pull-Ups since they are not acting like the big boys you know they can be.

How about a semi-cool shower after the "accident" to clean up? My kids are not fond of showers, but its the best thing to help clean them up.

I think you should talk with their pediatrician about this.
No, I don't feel they are lazy at all. I think they have a physical problem, and I do feel they are very concerned about their daddy having to go back to Iraq.
Do a google search for something called "encorporesis" You should discuss it with their pediatrician. Also you'll need to put them on a high-fiber diet to help them out. Having constipation/diarrhea for all of their lives is not normal and needs treatment by a dr.
My nephew had this same problem. When his mother quit feeding him his favorite processed food/chicken nugget/french fries diet it went away.

I had the same problem with my son when he was about 7. He kept having "accidents". His pediatrician referred us to a pediatric gastroenerologist. He was diagnosed with Encopresis. It is very common among young children. Basically what happens is when they are constipated it becomes too much for them to have a normal bowel movement. The muscle then relaxes to where they cannot feel and therefore do not know that the poop is starting to leak out. A diet high in fiber and Miralax daily helped our son. Please seek the advice of your pediatrician. I just know what has worked with my son and some other parents that had the same problem. Good Luck!

A little about me:
I am a SHM with a son age 9, a daughter age 6, a wonderful supportive husband and a small business, (Mary Kay), that keeps me busy.

They are testing you. Make them clean their own underwear.

it is absolutely true that when a child is constipated, with a hard stool blockage, "leaks" often sneak out around the blockage. if this happens for too long, it affects their abililty to feel when they need to go. very significant and long-lasting issues can result from these types of behaviors. so before you punish the behavior, find out if it's their fault. someone suggested a google search, and i agree. the word is "ENCOPRESIS", and it often comes on later in life if a child has had traumatic experiences with constipation, etc. in the early years. it could be other life trauma, but that seems to manifest itself more by wetting, than BMs. goodluck, and post what works for all these other moms!

It may be a way of getting attention, even though you feel they get enough. Put them back in pull-ups and tell them when they can be big boys they will treated as big boys. Also, take away some of their most prized big boy toys as they are not old enough. If this doesn't help you may need to consult a therapist. My daughter had this problem with her stepson, it was his way to get "extra" attention. He didn't like the "extra" attention (pull-ups) and the problem was reversed within about 1 1/2 wks.

Good luck,

V. S

Dear C.:
If both were OK before and both started this more or less at the same time, I would suspect something that bothers them. Has anything changed in the family lately? Any death, divorce, move or other traumatic event? Or have they been on their own more recently, perhaps from your work in the business? Can you rule out molestation by friends, family or strangers?

Unless the doctor finds evidence of anything physical (e.g., diarrhea from bacteria), I would suspect that they are coping with something that literally backfires. If you don't know what it is, you may want to consider a psychologist.

You did not mention (pardon my graphic language) whether it was fluid, a 'log' or just heavy skidmarks...

If it is emotional, the less of a fuzz you make the more likely it will get better. You can support them with lots to drink and natural stool softeners or prune extract.

Regards,
W.