Need Advice on Family Issues.

No advice, would have done the same, and it is you sister who should be reasonable and appologize to you. Boys should not hit girs, and girls should not hit boys, it is the same thing, especcially at that age, but really always
Good luck

Dear J.:
Generally I would try to stop any fight at any point rather than let it run its course. Other than that I share your view that your son has a right to defend himself. Plus, they are two. The difference between male and female is not that big compared to two sixteeen-year-olds fighting, so the boy/girl comment does not really apply. What is he supposed to do? Sit there and let her hit him? And if she feels like it, hit him again? And again? And again? Ask your sister that. The girl only stopped BECAUSE she got a taste of her own medicine.

The whole thing was over before your sister even got involved, and you just chose to wait and see, no harm done. We are not talking about hammering each other's skull with heavy metal parts, right?

But here is what baffles me: Did she (a grown-up) then hit your son with that toy? In terms of scores, it was 1:1 at that time - the kids were even. Your son did not choose to start hitting, the girl did. Now he gets an extra whack? From an adult? What message does that send? "Shame on you for defending yourself?" or "You need an extra hit because you are a boy?" It is very unfair already, and it certainly does not convey that hitting is not OK. Did you whack your sister on her head, too? I guess she would feel like defending herself then, even though the 'family score' would be 2:2.

I guess your position depends on whether she apologized, but I don't think she feels she did any wrong. She is your sister, but if she acts like that more often, you can maintain your position. If it was a one-time thing and you can discuss it calmly, perhaps you can make up.

Regards,
W.

J.,
I must say you are alot better than me cause trust me I would have hit my sister so hard my mother would have felt it. I don't play that game when it comes to my child. What right does she have to go hitting him behind something she has no idea what happened? Our rule is who ever is playing with the toy first can have the toy then when that person puts it down for whatever reason someone else can get it. Besides that we don't get in the middle of it. Sometimes we let the kids have their own shoving matches and stuff but, no major hitting and stuff like that. Boy or girl they should know how to defend themselves. Just in case they go around another bully child and get hit I want them to know how to respond. I don't know that its the right message all the time but, my kids have done find so far.
Good luck with your (childish) sister.

Hello. I am not sure of the exact details, but I also have a 2 yr old son who gets into these scuffles. He doesn't hit unless provoked, but I usually step in and remedy the situation before that can occur. However, there is NO situation where it would be acceptable that an adult hit a 2yr old. That is a very immature, and ignorant way to handle the situation, and was very rude of your sister. I would probably explain to my sister exactly why I was angry, and what I thought about the situation, and if an agreement cannot come as to how to handle the next situation, I would not bring my son into her presence unsupervised. But, you are sisters afterall, and will be dealing with eachother for the rest of time..
Good luck.

Well for one, your sister certainly had no right to reprimand your child without your permission. For two, that is no way to reprimand a child anyway! Hitting a child on the head with a toy? Please, my sister and I are in the exact same situation. We have alredy established that she disciplines her daughter as she sees fit and I discipline my son the way I see fit. And you are right, at that age they will always want the toy that the other kid is playing with. That's exactly how my son and my niece are when they play together. And they will grab from each other, but that's how kids are at that age. I think you had every right to be upset with your sister and you certainly didn't overreact. If anyone overreacted, it was your sister. Just my 2 cents.

I think you have every right to be upset. Your sister should have handled things differently maybe talked to the kids about sharing, not hitting your son! The two of you should talk things out about handling future sitiuations with the kids. Let her know as well that you will not tolerate her hitting your child.I'm sure she would be very upset if the situation had been reversed!! Well I hope you guys work things out!! :)

I also have 4 children, 2 boys and 2 girls. Our boys are taught not to hit thier sisters. In your case though 2 year olds are not looking at gender. Your son was just acting like any normal toddler. 2 year old are very selfish (this is the age that they start learning what sharing is). My sisters and my sisters-in-laws are all raising our children a little differently, So you and your sister are not going to see eye to eye on everything. I would be furious if any of them hit my children though! Especially on the head! If an adult hits a child it should be on the bottom. When I get angry I say things that I shouldn't too. Especially to my sisters. Call her and talk to her when you both have cooled down. But I would let her know that under no circumstances would she be able to hit any of my children like that again. Set that straight now before it comes up again.

Well, I would have intervened with the kids when your niece got grabby and hit your son. I would have given the toy back to your son and worked out some way to share. But, if my sister ever hit my 2 year old with a toy it would get ugly. An adult who is not a parent should not strike a child, ever. Especially if the parent is there and capable of correcting the child in the way they think is appropriate. From your story your sister understood how you felt about it, did not like your answer, and took her anger out on your 2 year old. I would not only be angry I would not allow this person to be around my child.

Hope you can find a way to resolve this without tearing up your family.

No matter if she is your sister or not she should not have hit your two year old son on the head with the toy. She might be your sister but your son is YOUR son and it is not up to her to discipline him, much less strike him on the head with a toy. I believe that what she did was very childish. Im sure she wouldn't have liked it very much if you would have done that to her daughter. Even though your son is a boy and they should be taught not to hit girls, right now he is only two years old. A two year old can't be expected to make that distinction of what is correct to do and not to do to somebody based on their gender. All he understood was that he was being hit and eventually it blew over and they were playing again. In my opinion it was your SISTER that overreaccted.

Okay I know you have more than enough responses but here goes. You have it down to the t when you let the kids solve their issues but you parents were there so it should have been resolved when they were hitting. At that age girl and boy isn't the issue but hitting is. Noone has to get ugly about it but nicely state that hitting is a no no. You could help them find a way to resolve the problem like he or she had it first or even okay you play with it then him. However you want to teach your child to share and get along without fighting. You seem to want to find the right solution your sister however seems to already have some hostility though. She may not be mature enough to see that. When you wrote us back on what happened she seemed to not even want to deal with it she pretty much just wanted to escape the issue and blow you off. You didn't over react she should have never touched your child and her boy/girl thing is way off course. Speaking of the what happened part where you wrote us back you just added fuel to the fire saying you don't want anything to do with her.She is just blowing you off because she doesnt know the right thing to do and she knows she is wrong about hitting your child. If she knew how to handle things or knew the right thing to do then she would have been able to talk about it with you instead of wanting to escape the conversation. I think when you called back she may have felt speechless because you asked her point blank about hitting your child She's your sister and I know you want to resolve this so maybe when yall talk again try bring it up without seeming like your attacking her instead talk about how you can resolve it bette next time. The thing you do have control of though is what you can do to teach your child on handling disagreements. They are only two but kids learn what they pick up from us and how we redirect their ways. I hope you and your sister talk it over soon and hopefully you can agree on how to handle issues successfully. Its true that it takes a village to raise a child. Kids are so much more secure when everyone cares about each other and they feel loved by other family members and friends. You guys need to be a team. My daughter and nephew or 4 months apart and they are in someways closer than there siblings because there the same age but my sister and I work as a team. I just left Cyfairs football game to support my neice. It makes her feel loved and secure for us to be their for each other. My daughter and nephew graduated 06 from the same school. Let me tell you a good example my two grandmothers didn't see each other much they lived in different towns but when they would see each other they'd hug and be so happy to see one another that I remember how loved and secure I felt just for those two caring about each other. I don't know how tho explain how that builds security but it does. I guess because love conquers all. Goodluck and may my prayers and others be there for you guys.

I've argued with my sister and sometimes I haven't wanted to talk to her, like she probably didn't want to talk to me. But the point here is, she's your sister. You said about your son and niece, " kids always forgive each other for the things that they do to each other." You should follow their example. I understand your anger and you should address it. Her behavior was actually worse because she's the adult and she shouldn't of hit your son with a toy, much less with you there. You want your children to get along, then the mother's should teach them by example.

Well, I do agree with letting little ones work things out on their own (unless it becomes to escalated) I only do it with Moms who agree with me. That being said if ANYONE (even my husband) hit one of my children on the head with a toy, I would be ticked. First of all, who is the adult here? And secondly, all your sister did was teach your son it is ok to hit people with toys (kids that little can't reason with a physical punishment, and will simply imitate what the adult does)

And, didn't her kids hit your son first? Why wasn't she hitting her own child? This is just a weird reaction to me. Because he is a boy? Give me a break, they are 2, there is no gender distinction at that age.

I understand young children fight over toys, but does that mean you should let a 2 year old hit to resolve the issue. Yes defending one self is a great tool to learn, but there are other ways to defend. I think that if the hitting is not stopped early then what happens when they are both 5 or 6? Do you continue to let them hit each other? I have seen a 2 year old hit his sister many times (just playing - is what I am told) and be allowed to, now at 3 he is in day care and hitting his classmates and teacher. What is hitting teaching him or her?

Do not let this one incident stop a family relationship, life is to short! I would speak with your sister, tell her how you feel and that you didn't appreciate her hitting your son, to you this was wrong. For a 'adult' to hit a 2 year old on the head, (especially for this reason) makes me wonder is she an 'adult'? Speak openly with her, if she doesn't see your point, than let her think about it, maybe she will change her mind. If she does not believe she was wrong for hitting "your" child, than she is not an adult. Don't mean to sound harsh, but sounds like 3 children in the fight, which was already resolved by the two 2 year olds. I believe you have the right to be angry, but resolve the matter quickly or relationship hurt from it. Best wishes

No, your sister had no right to hit your son. However, if the parents can't deal with the kids fighting then everyone should abide by the rule, "if you can't share, you can't play." This is a rule in our house because our daughter (2.5) is extremely aggressive and while our son (4.5) isnt aggresive at all, he is much bigger than she is and will eventually defend himself.

Good Luck,

K.

No, I don't think you're wrong for being angry with your sister. Hitting your son with the toy was unnecesary and very immature. I would have been upset myself. Yes, it is true that boy's shouldn't hit girls . . . but girls shouldn't hit boys, either.

Little ones shouldn't be hitting period. I don't think that was a good thing just to let them fight and just watch. I teach my kids not to hit. You should have stepped in and scolded both of them for hitting. That is not acceptable behavior. Now when your son is OLDER, then you can tell him its all right to defend himself. But only if there are no adults around. Kids can be cruel to each other. Letting them start at 2 years old, you'll be raising a bully.
As for your sister hitting your son. Thats a big no no too. There are right ways and wrong ways to discipline. She was wrong to hit your son with the toy.

We all sometimes over react when someone hits our children talking to yuor sister and letting her know why you said what you said, let her know that by hitting your son hurts you, andby the way your children learn from you so even if your sister does not forgive you, you need to forgive her. I am not saying she was right but you are not children and she is your family. As far as the children fighting. I dont think you should have been watching them (your son and niece) fight, you should have went and got on to both of them and told them it is wrong to fight or even if you just had to tell your son, if you thought your sister wouldn't like you telling her daughter anything. Its true boys nore girls should hit each other but they need to learn that from us(parents). For me my family is important and I think you should talk to your sister and clear things up and work together on showing your children to get along but it looks like they need to show you and your sister how to forgive. Well I hope everything works out for you and just remember your children are watching what you do.
B.

You had every right to be angry with your sister. SHe is an adult and does not have a right to take the toy and hit your son with it who is just a child that is learning. Boys should not hit girls but they have to be taught that and as i was taught if you a big enough to hit a boy then be prepared to get it back. Kids do fight my son and daughter fight all the time over toys and anything that they both want. I let them fight it out but I do help them relized what they are suppose to do. You are a mom just trying to do the best you can for your child.

Let's just say she better be glad she didn't hit my child on the head with a toy. Now you know where her child learned the behavior!! You have every right to be upset. She was acting like a child, not an adult. While I don't mind if someone corrects my child, I feel when I'm in the room, I'm the boss. If there is a punishment needed, I usually see to it. I also believe that fighting shouldn't be allowed. They can play nicely or not play at all but making them settle the disputes by themselves is a great way to teach them some social skills. I only have one child though and we don't see other kids much. I am guessing that making four children get along all the time would be pretty much impossible. Anyway, about the hitting ......its a given that hitting shouldn't be allowed at all but I agree with your sister on the boys hitting girls. Girls shouldn't be allowed to hit anyone but boys should be taught from a very early age that hitting girls is very wrong. I feel that if more parents taught their little boys this then there would be a lot less violence towards women. Please don't get me wrong. I don't think your child will grow up and beat his wife or anything, but the earlier he is taught to respect women, the better he will understand. My advice: Call your sister and tell her that you want to make up because it will be a good example for your children and hers, but also tell her that if she ever hits your child on the head with a toy again, you will do some hitting of your own (without the kids watching, of course!! :) )

On the one hand you had every right to yell at your sister for hitting your child - that's not ok. But at the same time, neither one of those children should have been hitting each other - what's going to happen in a social situation when they've been taught that's ok behavior to hit each other to get what they want? They need to be taught to share or find something else to play with, and that it's never ok for anyone to hit anyone for any reason.

Your sister assaulted your son! Of course you have the right to be angry at her.

I don't think it is nice for anyone to hit anyone, I don't care if it is a boy or a girl. She hit him first and deserved his response. If we keep teaching little girls that they can hit boys without any chance of repercussion, we are training a generation of bullies!

J. - we are all more sensitive when it comes to our children. Whenever there is a situation with someone, I always want to be absolutely truthful to myself about my emotions behind my reactions. Not saying that this is the case with you, but I ask myself why was I sensitive or why did I get so angry? Am I harboring anger, resentment, etc. towards this person? If so, anything they do will make me mad. The truth alwyas set me free, and so does forgiveness.

I have a 2 year old boy and when playing with others, I feel that parents are way too involved with every move the kids make - watching the entire time. When we were growing up, if someone hit us then we went to our moms told them the story and ususally BOTH parents said to each of us, "if you all cannot be fair and be nice to one another, you will have to sit out and quit playing." Today, it is SO overblown about fighting, etc.

I have older boys and if they ever got into an altercations at their school the police were called, they would be arrested. It's ridiculous.

I do believe in teaching my son not to hit. And when I do see him pushing, hitting, biting someone (girl or boy) I take him aside and show him another way to respond to his frustration.

You and your sister may never agree on this issue. Who cares. Don't try and prove your point or make yourself right - your relationship with her and her kids is more important than your pride. Bake her kids some cookies and laugh it off!

All the best.
B.

Maybe you need to hit your sister on the head...LOL

Sounds like she was getting defensive....of a two yeear old? Come on. I'd be angry too at my sister (if I had a sister) for hitting my two year old child. Here is my two cents.............I think your sister was immature for hitting your son.

I'm 45 yrs of age and I have three children. At age two, the best thing is to "redirect" the kiddos. They forget about it the second you take their sweet minds away from the issue. Problem solved. But in this case, it sounds like the grown-ups needed redirecting.

Happy Day!

Hi, J. r. I'm very sorry you've encountered a situation where the child is doing just what mommy is teaching them. Yes, children will fight and then compremise within minutes later. No, you didn't overreact. But, i'm sorry to say your sister is teaching your niece very bad undesciplinary ways of bad behavior. Her mom doesn't realize if she doesn't change her ways before it's too late; not only will her child suffer; but also, mommy will also. My sister was always unfair like that with my child; but now as adults she gets mad because her children don't respect her. Good luck, and your sister will come around just put her in god's hands. And continue taking care of your children. God bless you and your loved ones today and always. L.

Did your sister see her DD take the toy and hit your DS? If she saw it, then IMO, your sister should have stepped in right there, taken the toy away from her DD and given it back to your DS and explained to her DD that it's not ok to just take away a toy. Or, if she wasn't watching, you should have stepped in and done the same thing. I think it's ok to allow kids to fight and work things out themselves, but I don't think it's ok to allow them to hit, ever.

Regarding your sister, she totally crossed the line. It is NEVER ok for somebody else to hit your child. I would be livid and would let her know that crossed the line and that she needs to apologize to you and your DS. I would also make it clear that she is NEVER to hit your child again. Especially considering that your children are the same age, I would expect this issue to come up again in the future.

Hey J.,

I think you have every right to say whatever you said to your sister, as long as it was the truth and on subject. I don't think she had any rights hitting your son, her nephew, that was just WRONG!!! She don't want anyone hitting her daughter, you didn't hit your niece after she hit you son, So why does she think that she was right by doing so? Anyways, I hope she understands what she did and will ask for forgiveness. So ya'll can out it to rest, and be one big happy family again. :D GOOD LUCK

Yes you had the right to be mad at your sister for her actions. Children should not be allowed to hit each other no matter what their sex is they have to be tought how to deal with each other with words not fist. All children will fight at this age and you as an adult will deal with in the manner you see fit. Although an adult should not hit a child in the manner your sister did. She is very much in the wrong she showed her daughter that it is perfectly alright to use violance to get your way. As I understand it the fight was already over with and they had resolved it for their selves. He proble had no idea why his aunt was hitting him in the head. You proble need to talk to your sister in a calm conversation and tell her why you disagree whith her actions. SHe needs to know that just because her daughter is a girl it is unaceptable for her to be able to hit your son and not expect some type of reaction from him. They are two and are learning how to share things and how to get along. Fighting always takes place between two year olds but if you try to teach them to use their words it helps to get them to stop hitting each other. I learned this from working in a preschool with one and two year olds. If you stick with the use your words when they get in a fight it does start to work over time.

Yes, you had every right to be angry with her. I do not think that you overreacted. Your sister needs to be the one to apologize. I would have picked my son up right then, and left. I am one of 12 and we all discipline each others kids. The only thing that could have been different is you both should have talked to your children and tell them not to hit each other and made them give each other a hug. As for you not talking to your sister. In a large family like mine, there are some i don't talk to, and it doesn't bother me. If it bothers you not to talk to her, then i guess you could say, look i didn't approve what you did to my son, and i am not going to put my sons well being in jeopardy, but i would like for us to start talking again. I hope this helps. Good Luck.

Sometimes little ones need guidance in how to treat eachother. They are very smart and pick up on everything. If they are not told, no you don't grab, then they may think that is how you get what you want. The whole boys don't hit girls thing is crazy. If a little girl is going to dish it out then she needs to learn how to take it. I have girls:o) Under no circumstance do I think your sister should have hit your son. I don't think you overreacted. Kids do need to stand up for themselves but at two they still need a little direction from adults.

I truly think that you had every right to be upset. No one should ever hit a child except that child's parents. (even if it is another family member) I would probably try to sit down with her and come up with some boundries regarding your kids and put it on paper (together) and both of you keep a copy. That way you both know where you stand and maybe it won't happen again.

I totally agree with you. Boys shouldn't hit girls, however, at two years old I don't think it's really an issue. When they're older, yes, but not now. Like you said, he was just defending himself. Although, I do not believe your sister should have hit him in the head with the toy. She is an adult! Wait until things cool down a little bit and try to talk to her about it. She is your sister and life is short. You need to mend fences. My cousins were my favorite people to play with. I'm sure your kids will feel the same way. Good Luck!

Let the kids work it out. Your sister is ridiculous and when she comes to her senses that kids will be kids, then she will talk to you first.

I think your sister is ignorant more than the kids like you said they are only kids they will be happy yes you teach your kids not to hit girls but you also have to teach girls not to hit boys if he was only hiting her for nothing i would be upset but he was defending himself that is just natural and i will be so mad at my sister if that was my son and she hit him like that you are not overreacting your sister need to apoligize with you she was wrong and u was right