I had my first love in High School. I found him over a month ago. He tells me he's a paranoid phizophenic, and had an aneurysm removed 6 years ago. He likes to talk alot, and he talks about his health issues. He has told me when he gets upset he wants to hurt himself.
He told me bizarre things that make me worry about him more. He told me he wants to jump off a bridge. He is also adhd, and takes alot of meds to stay alive. He told me he hit himself in the head with a rock over worrying about finances. We are two states apart, we talk on the phone quite often.
Since I found him, I can feel everything he does. I don't like say it, but Im an empath. He wanted a soulmate and Im the one that called him. I had a dream about him the same time he was talking about me. I tell him not to use his condition as an excuse. The aneurysm can cause mood swings, I don't know how to talk him out of the nonsense. I can get through to him sometimes, when he's not so distracted. Most people would tell me to drop him, but I really care about him. I don't want him to hurt himself anymore.
I have read all your responses, and it was a bit harsh. As I said before, he only hurts himself when he gets upset. We are just friends. We don't live in the same state. I do get along with his family, as I did years ago. Im not ready to jump into the fire with anyone for that matter. He may have issues, but he's very helpful when it comes to advice to me. I do want to say, he gives me the strength to be a better person. Im breaking some of my bad habits because of him. No matter what happens to him, I feel everything. I do agree people change over the years, we all do.
He sounds normal most of the time, just when he gets worked up. He does go to church. He is deaf in one ear, I knew that when I met him. His vision has changed since the surgery. Without him as a friend, I wouldn't of lost weight, and found myself. I don't plan on getting back with him, his doctor has told him no committments. His attitude has changed since I found him.
I would never put my boys in danger, they are my priority. My oldest son is adhd, and my other son has learning disabilities. He had a kidney removed a few years ago. I have my hands full of my own problems.
I know its difficult to handle people with these conditions, I have met a few people.
I appreciate your honesty. Yes I did see the movie Beautiful Mind, he's nothing like that guy. He has good friends watching out for him. He doesn't see people aren't there. He does exaggerate stories, but he's inspired me to change things in my life. I was the love of his life, and he continues to hold on those memories. I have no idea why he holds onto it.
He motivates me to be a better person. He does take alot of pills to keep him alive. I had conversations with family members of his, and they all tell me about his condition. I will worry about him, but doesn't mean I am going to jump out of the frying pan. Im already suffering from depression, if I lose the friendship, I will lose the positive things I started.
Since I lost him 18 years ago, my life has been nothing but a roller coaster of disappointments. I don't expect anything from him. Thanks for all your comments. Neither of us found happiness in our life, but doesn't mean we are getting back together.
I'm going to be one of the ones to tell you to drop him. You have three boys. You can't save him. I know you won't listen but you will live to regret it if you take him on (and so may your sons.)
I agree.. it's hard, but even if he has a medical condition, he's not good for your kiddo's to be around.
I'm sorry to have to tell you, but I agree with Page--this is not good for your family. A paranoid schizophrenic needs *professional* help. Although you can try to be a friend, you yourself cannot save him from himself. You will end up feeling responsible for him and his actions (which is not healthy), and it's going to distract you from your first responsibility which is to your boys.
Think about who is more important for you to take care of--this man or your own sons? Your own children of course, right? Put your energies there.
If you really care about him and don't want him to hurt himself (or you and your children!), please help him to get to a professional. This is a medical condition and you cannot "talk him out of his nonsense."
Best wishes, and please be careful and wise about this.
My first degree is in psychology and I can tell you that the only way for a schizophrenic to "get better" is on medication. Did you see the movie A Beautiful Mind with Russell Crowe? If you did... do you remember the scence in which he almost inadvertently drowned his baby boy because he was busy having a conversation with one of this imaginary associates? This kind of thing DOES happen and they can't be talked out of a vision or a dream. Some will learn to live with the condition unmedicated and always see the visions, hear the voices, or God forbid become catatonic for hours or days on end. Most take the medication because it is truly a chemical imbalance. With someone who is paranoid you also face the issue that at ANY point in time he may see you or your boys as a threat and seek to protect himself against you all BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY... even if it means killing one or all of you. Sounds harsh, but it's true and possible.
I get being an empath. I am one as well. The one skill that you must learn to develop is the skill that allows you to turn it OFF when your energy levels are being depleted. For years I never knew how to do this and I would often have panic attacks in crowded situations (which I also later developed social anxiety because I was SO afraid of going out because of the attacks) because I was feeling everyone's emotions ALL AT ONCE!
Sometimes it is possible to remain friends with people at a distance, but NOT this time. IF you are calling yourself his soulmate then I would worry about you being sucked in. I'd say stay away from him.
It sounds like taking care of 3 boys by yourself is a bit overwhelming (no surprise there!) To compensate for this, you are romanticising your "first love" from high school. You are thinking back to the days of 'no responsibility' and young love, and that just isn't realistic.
You have changed a lot since high school. So has he. Unfortunately, it sounds like he has changed so much that he would not be healthy or safe to have around your children. I know it sounds unfair, but sometimes you have to put your own wants and desires (wanting to "rescue" your friend) aside and just focus on your first priority - your children.
For your boys, I would strongly recommend the Big Brothers / Big Sisters program. This can give them positive role models, as well as individual attention from someone who is just focusing on them (that they don't have to share with their other brothers.)
If he was dangerous to your or your family, you would know about it already.
I think it's very kind of you to reach out to someone with mental health issues. I think that's one of the things we as a society still find to be taboo and scary, so we avoid it. There are MANY high functioning yet mentally ill people in our lives, we just don't know it because we don't recognize it. When someone really needs help, and has a friend to talk to, it's very generous to be able to put kindness and empathy out to them and be a friend.
The only advice I can truly give you is that if he did something to himself, you cannot stop him and you cannot get involved beyond calling 911 if necessary. I realize he is two states away, but if he calls during the process, get his information and call 911 to report it. The best thing for him if that happens is to be under close observation. And if he does injure himself, it is not your fault. We have a very bad system of care in California and the USA. While there are people working diligently to fix the system, folks still fall through cracks, and he may become one of them. It's good that you are also on good terms with his family, if they know his condition then you are a good team.
Also, schizophrenics to not respond well to medications. That's why the whole experience is so dang sad and energy depleting to the people who love them.
Good luck!!
I'm sorry, but STOP IT! You need to take care of and protect your boys. You have three children that need you and you are allowing yourself to be distracted by a guy you knew in high school who is now completely crazy and definitely not good for you or your children.
This is not love. You are not his soulmate. For the good of your boys, knock it off. Say goodbye to this guy and focus on your kids. They deserve better. If you really care about him, pray for him and leave him alone.
