Well let me start by thanking anyone who reads or responds to my request. I am a 30 year old single mother of three beautiful kids. My ex-husband is a looser, he dosent help me at all, so I have been struggling by myself for a long time. Well we haven't been together for over 2 1/2 years, and I haven't really dated or have seeing anyone. I don't really have time to meet anyone yet start a relationship. I work fulltime, pick up my kids from daycare, go home cook, clean up, home work, try to do a little quality before lights out. Well I have my work life and home life like everyone else. But there is a friend of mine that I talk to about a little more personal issues going on with me, and he does the same. He is living with someone and they have a 5 month old baby (his first). He has been having problems with her before she had gotten pregnant. He said he is ready to leave her but hasent because of the baby. Well he asked me out. I actually liked him before he got with this woman but I didn't say anything. I'm not sure if I should out with him. We are friends, I know he is living with this woman. At the same time I have been feeling a little lonley and vonerable because I haven't been close with anyone in a while. Am I being selfish that I really do want to go? Any advice? Thanks..
L. ~
Don't do it! He may say he is ready to leave her; but he never will, especially with a new baby! Run the other way! How would you feel it you were in her shoes?
Lucy B
What kind of woman are you that you would want to bring a man like that into your and your children's life? Is it really respectable to date a man who is living with a woman and his 5 month old baby!?!?! Please seek counseling or another form of support instead of treading into such despicable waters. . . I realize perhaps your self esteem is down, but that is no excuse for poor behavior and ruining someone else's life - pick yourself up and do the right thing (for your children, for that woman, for that man, for that baby, and -- for yourself). You will have an even harder time respecting yourself if you sink that low. . .
Deep down I think you already know the answer to this. It's a really bad idea to date or get involved with someone who's already in a relationship, even if he is unhappy. Dating him while he's living with someone else makes you the "other" woman. How would you feel if the tables were turned and your husband or significant other did that to you? Also, he's recently become a Dad AND is still in a relationship with another woman (you said he's living with her). He needs to be out of that relationship and on his own for awhile before he'll be ready to even think about cultivating a new relationship.
If you're lonely and looking for companionship, why not look into a local social club or volunteer work in a field of interest. Explore new hobbies, join a church single parent group like parents without partners, join a book club. Create a little "me" time each week. There are lots of ways to fill the void of loneliness without dating someone else's partner, which could lead to guilt and more loneliness down the road.
Just my two cents....been down that road myself 30+ years ago. It was a bad idea then and is now too.
I feel for you...and it's not a matter of being selfish, it's more about being foolish.
Your timing is WAY OFF.
Next time you have feelings for someone single, DO something about it---don't wait until he is a semi-committed, co-habitating, cheating, baby-daddy and then go out with him!
Your ex was a "loser" who "doesn't help at all"---well, this guy seems just about as mature as your ex.
Ask your friends to set you up or introduce you to people.
Or try Match.com (with caution---I know many married couples who met that way, but there are plenty of jerks looking for lonely women).
You DESERVE happiness and fun, but you aren't going to find it with this guy.
I understand loneliness...but, there must be someone ELSE you can confide in...friends, a sister...parents of your kids' friends?
My advice is to distance yourself from this man.
Sorry for the late response but the website was down when I saw the post. Please do not go out with this man at this time. If he straightens out his life, then fine. But with him living with someone else and claiming he's not happy but can't leave because of the baby appears to be an excuse to use you emotionally. Because you are lonely and vulnerable, this is the worst time for you to try and start a relationship. Please protect yourself and don't get further involved with this man. Try Parents without Partners if you feel a need to start connecting with a man without hurting yourself or your kids. Best of luck to you.
Why would you want to get involved with someone who's so ready and willing to cheat on his partner? Even if you two did hook up down the road, in the back of your mind you'll always wonder if he'll do it to you. You don't know her side of things. For all you know she may think all is fine. Why would you want to be a part of inflicting that kind of pain and devastation on someone else? What if it were you? If he really and truly wants to pursue something with you and if things are really and truly over for him with his partner then he needs to man up and leave her for him...not for you! Only after he's been out and on his own for a while would I take the chance of seeing if there is anything there for the two of you. It is NEVER a good idea to be the other woman. In the end it will not be worth it. Take it from someone who's seen first hand the devastation you're about to bring on to the lives of all involved...children included. DON'T DO IT!
I agreee with the other posts. Even though you liked him before, he has a child with this woman. At least wait until he leaves her and has his own place.
Just wanted to say I feel for you. Stay strong and keep your head up.
(((HUGS)))
DO NOT DO IT!!! Why would you bring someone like this into your life and your kids life? I know it is very easy for me to be honest since we don't know eachother... Personally, I would feel a little insulted if a "friend" of mine assumed that I would go out with him knowing he is involved with someone else. I can only imagine what you are going through raising 3 kids by yourself, I'm sure he has brought you well deserved comfort. A man with integrity can also bring comfort. Just remember your kids are watching you, they will imitate who you choose to make part of your life.
Best of luck and God Bless!
S.
This is an easy one. Your life sounds complicated as it is, do you really think it is wise to flirt with disappointment and dishonesty? What kind of example would you be setting for your children if you have a “date or whatever” with a man who is living with another woman? If he has a problem with his relationship with the other woman that is his issue, your issue is your need for companionship. You sound like a bright young woman so, you should know this isn't a good fit and there are allot of people in this equation that could get hurt, think about your children and his before you make a mistake.
