I have two gorgeous boys who are the joy of my life but my two year old who is turning three in September has completely changed since the new arrival of his baby brother. He is still a really good boy but every single time for nap or bedtime he changes. I HATE IT! I have researched every book and blog and every one just kind of seems to either just let them get away with out naps or sleep in their beds. I can't do either. My poor husband works extremely hard for me to stay home with our boys, so when he comes home from swing shift he sees our oldest boy in bed with me and sleeps on the couch which breaks his back. he is completely as sleep deprived as I am. And I can't let him go without naps because he is completely exhausted and breaks down without notice. Another thing I tried was quiet time in bed, I go upstairs while listening in on him and that didn't work either. He will go outside, which completely freaks me out! Everyone seems to have control of it except me, I am completely exhausted of yelling at him. I don't like it. I have even tried again to change my attitude and reinforce my patience but its almost like he knows ecxactly what battles to pick. We are all a pretty happy go lucky family but lately I am about to pull my hair....Does it get better?
I would really like to thank everyone for their advice. I definitely feel more normal and confident. For some reason that has kind of made it all a lot easier. He still came up to bed once because he had a bad dream. I was okay with that and just snuggled him up for the night. I am definitely looking at different locks also for the garage, we already have a Safery First lock but he figured out how to push and twist it open. I don't think people understand how fast they are when are that little unless they have one, so thank you all for all of the understanding. You all ROCK!
You may want to try a child gate at his bedroom door. At nap/quite time he can then play quietly and you know he can not get outside.
If you removed most of the toys and left a few books, he may lay down to read and fall asleep.
Good luck.
S.
mother to Kai
www.HomeWithKai.com
I can totally feel your pain. I have a 3 yr old that goes through periods of time where he fights his nap. He's the same way - it's miserable when he doesn't sleep - he really needs it. I am a huge proponent of getting kids to sleep well independently. I have never had my kids in my bed past 6 months of age - and even under 6 months it was the exception - not the rule. I also think that most people don't put up the boundaries & find it easier to just let their kids stop napping. That could be the best decision for their family, but it definitely is not for mine. My kids need the sleep & we are all happier when they get it regularly.
The only thing that has worked with my son is to understand his currency. By that I mean consequences and rewards that will motivate him. I've tried both positive & negative reinforcement and have found that they both work pretty well, but it is something I have to revisit constantly. He's just a kid that tests his boundaries, so he goes in cycles - he'll go to sleep well for a couple of weeks and then fight again for a couple of days & then go back to just going to sleep without a fight for a while. When he's in a bad cycle, I tell him that if he stays in bed and stays quiet, I will give him gum when he wakes up - he looooves gum. I don't tell him he has to sleep...just that he has to lie down, stay in bed & keep quiet. When he does that, he's usually asleep within 10 minutes or so. When that stops working, I tell him that he is keeping his siblings from getting a good nap, so he'll have to go sleep downstairs in the guest room so they can get some sleep. He hates that. Between the two, it keeps him motivated to stay quiet & therefore napping pretty consistantly.
The best thing that ever happened to me was my sister getting me a book called "Healthy sleep habits, happy child" by Marc Weissbluth, M.D.
I have a 2 and 3 year old of my own and we've gone through what you're going through. I'm also a care giver to 2 more kids. In the past worked at many daycare centers and it's worked with every child I've tried it on. It gives you as the parent to make your own choices on how you want to go about training your child to sleep. It deals with many many issues and how to solve those problems. It even has an "action plan for exhausted parents" so you can read the first 3 chapters then find your son's age grouping and start working on the problem right away. You don't have to read the whole book before you start helping him. It starts out with newborns and goes all the way into their teenage years. I refer back to it almost weekly. You don't have to start the training when they're newborns. You can start whatever age they are. You probably don't want to read another book but I'm telling you this works and worth your time. Everyone in your house can sleep again. No more of him sleeping in your bed... no more tired angry little boys. It's saved me lots and lots of sleep and anger. :) Good luck!
Hi K.,
My solution is definitely not found in a book or researched based but it worked for my daughter (in fact I am sure there are many that would frown upon it...but sometimes it is just survival). We got a lock for her bedroom door (on the outside). Sounds very cruel however we have not had to use it. Just the idea and reality of the fact that we could lock her in, made her stop coming out at sleep time. We had to modify other things but this alone made her realize that we were serious about her staying in her room, it wasn't a fun game, like she thought. Also, we allow her to have "reading time" every night. This way she feels like she has time before she actually has to go to sleep. She lays in her bed with books and eventually falls asleep. If she does come out of her room, we tell her reading time will be taken away. There were a few crying fits in the beginning when she tested this limit. The door lock is always the last resort and she truly does not test that one. Good Luck!!
You are DEFINITELY not the only one who goes through this! When my son was born, I could not get my daughter to sleep for naps either. I previously nursed her down and never taught her go to to sleep on her own. I started driving her to get her to sleep.
My hubby thought I was ludicrous to drive her around for naps but it was what I found worked for us. Now I can get her to sleep, and it is easier since my son is older.
2 is way too young not to nap, unless he goes to bed at 5pm and gets up at 6am. He is probably overtired, which makes him fight harder.
Good luck and remember - this too will pass!
i kept forcing my oldest to take naps because he got so awful in the evenings if he hadn't had a nap. getting him to sleep was miserable. finally i just moved his bedtime up an hour and gave up on the naps. it made things so much better! sometimes i was so sleep deprived that i would let him sleep with me too. i wanted him to learn to sleep on his own, and my husband hated it, but when my husband worked nights and the baby woke me throughout the night, sometimes i had to think of me and what i could handle rather than perfect sleep habits for my toddler. i explained this to my husband and asked him to please carry our son back to bed when he came home from work. it didn't last forever.
i also suggest you look into different locks for your outside doors or even your son's bedroom door. it will take away some of your stress.
I have to agree with the other S. - I put up a safety gate at my daughter's door when we put her in her big girl bed (2 years old). I have safety proofed her room, so if she decides to get out of bed and play in her room, there is nothing there that will bring her harm. Often, and after quite a bit of crying, my daughter would sometimes fall asleep on the floor in front of the gate. I'd wait until she was really asleep, and carry her to her bed. She learned in a few days that I was not going to give in, and she started staying in her bed. I would give her a stuffed animal or baby doll and one or two board books to have in bed with her.
We had already done the sitting in her room (which went from just a few minutes at first to over an hour after a few weeks of it!), and my husband even would lay on her bedroom floor until she fell asleep. Unfortunately, that meant he also fell asleep, which really ended up cutting into our time together in the evenings, so we had to come up with something else that would help everyone in the family.
My daughter is 3 now, but for the past 6-9 months, she has tried to "fight" napping, though she really needs it! She's very active and is so crabby by 5pm if she doesn't sleep. Also, when my DD doesn't get the rest she needs, she sleep less - it's a terrible cycle, and lasts for a few days until she just about drops. She'll also get night terrors if she is over tired, so getting our DD to nap and getting her to bed at night is VERY important.
I still put the gate up at night and at naps - it gives me peace of mind that she won't decide to wander around someday.
Hope this helps.
My son wouldn't sleep alone either. What I ended up doing was putting him in a twin bed and then for a few night I would lay down in HIS bed and then since it was not comfortable for me, if I did fall asleep, I would wake up and slowly and cautiously leave the room. After he got used to sleeping in his own bed, I could sit by the side of it while he fell asleep and then moved further and further away until I was laying him in bed and then leaving the room. I wont kid you, it took like a year to do, but at least my son was in his bed, husband was in his and I eventually was in mine.
My son went through the same kind of phase when he was two -- I chalked it up to the fact that we had just moved (his sister came along later). I know how hard it is to balance the needs of your son, your husband, and yourself -- especially when you are all sleep deprived. I'm sure it can't be easy with a little one in the mix too. What worked for me was to lay him down in his bed and tell him that we were resting (I would sit in the rocking chair in his room). Resting included closing your eyes so that your eyes could rest too. I clearly told him that he did not have to go to sleep but that it was ok if he did. I also told him that we had to lay there for 20 minutes. That did the trick, because he was always so tired that he'd be asleep within 10 minutes. I also talked (not at naptime) about how much better I felt when I had a good sleep, and when he got up from his nap I asked if he had a good nap.
I know it's hard to see through the fog of sleep deprivation right now, but sleep has become a battle for you. Stop trying to win, don't make it about sleep. As for getting up at night or getting him to bed at night, make a bed for yourself next to his bed, or a bed next to yours for him so your hubby can get the rest he needs.
(Just wanted to add a little light at the end of the tunnel -- by the time he was 3 my son was sleeping through the night in his own bed, and only waking when he had bad dreams. There IS an end to the sleep deprivation. Unfortuantely he lost the need for naps when he was about 3 1/2, but he goes to bed early now which gives me some quality time with the hubby in the evening!)
