Name Change - Hudson,WI

When you love someone, you do what's best for them - even if it's hard for you.
Sometimes that means giving them to people who can better care for them than you can.

I don't know how old you are, but you need to contact the attorney or an attorney and get this straightened out.

If the birth certificate has been signed. Then it's official. Doesn't matter if you haven't signed over your parental rights...what about the biological father? He needs to sign over as well.

If you do not have the means to support this child, you should follow through with the adoption..I am NOT saying that to be mean...this has got to be a VERY HARD decision to make...no one can make it for you...

Love isn't going to feed, clothe and house her. Do you have the means in which to take care of this child? If the answer is no, not right now..then you need to think long and hard on how you plan on providing for her.

I wish you much luck in this decision...please don't keep the adoptive family waiting...it's not fair to them either... I can't tell you the heartache my friends went through during their adoption process....

Placing a child for adoption has got to be one of the most difficult things a mother could do. I believe it is also one of the most selfless and loving things a mother can do for her child. If you are not with the father, if you are not financially secure, if you young, please strongly reconsider placing your daughter with an adoptive family. Before I had kids I would hear someone say, "Babies are a lot of work," and think, "Sure, you have to feed then and change diapers." Wow is that an understatement! They tend to want to be held all the time, they need so much attention, they cost a lot of money ... it's just not something to take lightly. If this was an unplanned pregnancy and you were all set to place her, please seriously consider following through. Right now your hormones are all over the place. Really think about this and talk to your counselor some more. You won't regret it.

First determine if the hospital has filed the birth certificate paperwork. Have you signed your rights away already? Cause that makes it more complicated.

If you haven't signed your rights away and the hospital hasn't filed the paperwork, then they can just change it for you. However, it's likely that they have filed something already cause they do it within a week of the birth. If you haven't signed your rights away then you simply need to call the Health/Vital Records office in your state and ask them what to do. I just helped one of my clients do this and it was rather simple process. We did it without a lawyer, but in her situation, she did have to file a petition with the court. It cost about 120 dollars plus 35 dollars for publication of the judgement. If you already signed your rights away, your gonna need an attorney. If you haven't, but you stay with the adoption and they get rights to the child, then they can change the name back upon adoption.

If the paperwork for the birth certificate has been filed, it is official whether you signed your parental rights away or not. How old is the baby? I would check with the hospital to see if the paperwork has been sent off or if it is still being held at the hospital. Some hospitals send off daily, others weekly. It all depends. If the hospital has sent it off, you'll have to do an official name change through the state. I'd contact the social security office or even a lawyer to see your state's specific requirements.

I agree with Amanda & Katie B. Ask the hospital if they filed the birth certificate information first and if they haven't, then change it with the hospital. If they have, then follow whatever the normal name change process is in your state. In my state, it's about $150 and a couple of forms but if you are indigent (have no money) then you can file another form to have the fees waived. Because the adoption hasn't gone through, then I would imagine that you are legally listed as her mother on the birth certificate. Typically after the adoption is processed in court, the court orders the filing of a new birth certificate with the adoptive parents on it so given that that hasn't happened, you most likely have full legal rights and one of those rights is naming your child. If the father is on the certificate you will need to get notarized consent from him. If he's not, then you should be able to file it yourself.

I wish you, your baby, and the intended adoptive parents the best outcome possible, whatever that is. This must be an incredibly difficult situation for all of you.

I got sad just reading your post. You are confused due to the hormones after giving birth. Think long and hard...your initial gut feeling to give this baby up was probably the right one. Children are a lifelong commitment and you have so many places still to go and see...so many adventures still to have that can't be done with a baby. You may be your own best counselor. Think back to why you wanted the adoption in the first place and maybe think about having some visitation rights written in. I would probably fall in love with your baby if I saw her and I certainly am not in a place where I could have another baby right now. Hugs!

S.,

Amanda H and Katie B had the correct answers on the name change.

As for placing or parenting your child, that decision is yours alone to make.

I am an adoptive mama. We went thru a failed placement where birthmom chose to parent. Nine months later we were placed with a beautiful baby girl and we have an amazing open relationship with her biological parents.

If you do not feel right, do not feel a peace about placing your daughter, please do not. As much as the adoptive parents may want a child, and as another poster put it, they may be in agony, but this is your child. Please do not let anyone (the adoptive parents, the social workers, etc) guilt you into placing your child. You do not OWE anyone anything. Even if you are not financially set, there are organizations and people who can help you if you choose to parent.

Sending you hugs!

S.,

My heart goes out to you, your baby and the prospective adoptive parents. This must be a heart wrenching time for you and that couple. In light of the life changing and difficult decision you are making, the name of the baby does sounds like a decision that can wait. However, I assume the counselors, social workers and presumably attorneys who have been assisting you with the prospective adoption can answer your questions about the birth certificate and the infant's name. Please seek them out. The laws vary in every state.

You sound very young and confused and I hope you have had more than the one talk yesterday with your parents and counselor about this decision. Please be absolutely sure that you are ready to provide everything this baby/child will need time-wise, emotionally and financially. Babies are innocent, cute and irresistable, but they grow quickly into active and demanding toddlers, children, adolescents. I am married and had my first son at age 33 and he was off the charts colicky. He cried for 14 hours a day. Neither one of us got any sleep and he started sleeping through the night sporadically at about 5-6 months of age. Be sure you are ready for that if your baby should be colicky or have some health issues. That baby of mine is now 16 and I said back then and still tell people now that had I been a single mom or a teen mom I would have needed to call a hotline or reach out for some help and support. I could not have done it on my own.

Never having been in your position I can only imagine how emotional and difficult it is. I do really feel for you. However, I do know how the prospective adoptive parents are feeling and they are in agony right now too. No matter what the outcome here, please try to be understanding of their feelings and respectful in your dealings with them. I'm not saying that you aren't because I don't know the situation; I just want to remind you that this is just as difficult for them as it is for you. My brother and his wife, after 9 years of infertility and trying to start a family, are anticipating the arrival of a baby any day that they hope to adopt and bring home. At least that is the current plan, although they know, just as you do, that the birth mother has the right to change her mind. What is different about their situation is that the birth mother already has two children from a different relationship and knows from experience what a time and financial committment babies and children are.

I am going to pray for you, the baby, the prospective adoptive parents and all families facing this situation and will keep you in my thoughts. If you are at all having second thoughts or confusion about keeping the baby please seek additional counseling. Best wishes to all of you and your parents too. I hope for all of you the best outcome possible, whatever that may be.