My Three Year Old Son Said His Teacher Pinches His Back

Oh boy! I would immediately report your son's story to the director and ask to sit together to review the video. My sister runs a daycare and they also have video surveillance. I can imagine that the teacher may have found a way to be physical without looking like it--a pinch on the very back is very subtle, but totally inappropriate for a teacher to do.

ETA: After your So What Happened I really think you need to find a new center, nanny, or home daycare immediately. Very scary.

A., if the teacher were being ugly to me after I talked to the director about this issue, I would call social services. To me, it means that she is guilty of this and will continue to be mean to your son.

Please don't let this go. Just because there are tapes doesn't mean that she has been doing this in front of the camera. I promise you that she knows how to hide her actions.

Find another place for your child to go. Let social services do their job. Your child is NOT the only one being hurt, A.. This woman shouldn't have a job in the childcare industry.

I think you need to see the surveillance tapes for the times he was bruised.

And I think you need to quit playing nicey-nice with this person who might be abusing small children.

Take photos of the bruises. If you can review any of the video then do so. Request an investigation and file a report. Take your son to the doctor for an examination so that you have proof of the bruises and documentation of the complaint.

If I was in the childcare business and someone accused me of hurting a child and I was innocent, I would do my best to assure the parent they have no reason to doubt me, either by acknowledgement (a smile, saying hello or good morning) or a parent/teacher meeting.

Being rude, ignoring the parent and continuing tension is a sign of a teacher who pinches her students and who got her hand caught in the cookie jar.

Get on your broom and wear your witches hat. There is no being nice on this one. Polite maybe, but this has to be investigated.

You did the right thing by going up there. Red Flags that the teacher did not talk to you. If I were that teacher I would call you and let you know that I understand you had to check it out, and then assure you nothing is going on. Red Flags again that the school director is poopoo-ing you. The truth may be that she sees nothing, but she should assure you she will keep her eyes open for you.

Stay on it. This may pass. Your son may have a big imagination or the teacher could be a big liar, but if you cannot feel comfortable at least be sure your son never has this teacher again.

Hi A.,

I read this post and it brought back some memories of an incident with my children in daycare over 20 years ago. I was teaching nursing school and one day my students asked me what I did with my 3 children while we were in school and I told them they were in daycare close to where we were . One of my students told me she had worked at the daycare where my kids were and to be careful as this practice took place there.
That afternoon I asked my dtr. (age 3) if she ever got in trouble at school and she said sometimes. I asked her what happened then and she said "My teacher pinch me on da back". That was all I needed to hear.
When I got home, I called the owner of the daycare and informed her my children would not be coming back, that their manner of discipline was unacceptable and to be expecting a visit from CPS.
After that, I had in home babysitters. There are no easy answers for the dilemma of safety with those who watch our children. All I know is when I suspected even the slightest problem, I moved mine.
I wanted my children to understand that I would have their back and that their safety and comfort were paramount. 3 year olds are too young to make stuff up. Listen and act in a way that protects your child. If you don't, who is going to?

KP

Why can't you ask to see the videos for your family's peace of mind. Who care's if they feel offended if something inappropriate is going on you need to know. You have to take this on and get the matter cleared up. Ask for the videos and ask for the report it is your right. Sorry but if my son had a minor black eye from school due to a "fall" then I would want to know what happened and I wouldn't let up. Talk to your son and get information from him and find out who else is being hurt by that teacher. Write a written request for answers (as proof of your request) and demand for information. If not, call CPS or whoever monitors childcare services in your state/city. Something doesn't sound right.

Call and consult your local child protective agency. After they consult with you, they can investigate for you. A social worker should be trained on how to interview a child (considering age) without asking leading questions. They can also talk to anyone else, such as other parents and teachers. Trust your instincts and keep your son safe.

Find somewhere else immediately and call social services for the other kids benefit. If it does escalate and your son gets really hurt, you will have no grounds for complaint. They will say... if she was really concerned, she would have taken him out. Obviously, since she left him in our care, she wasn't too worried.

If they were innocent they would be doing everything to ease your concerns - bending over backwards to prove their case, so their school keeps a good reputation. They would be offering to view tapes together, asking about dates etc.

See if your son can remember the name of the other boy he said is getting hurt. After you leave, you can call his parents and let them know generally what has happened, and why you are leaving.

What Jessica Wessica said. Take pictures now. Call your pedi and tell them what you think is going on, ask them what you should do re a visit. Don't go in screaming, but put your "mama bear's not going to put up with BS and excuses" hat on and request the videos immediately. If your son knows what day it happened, then ask for that day and the days around it. Put this in writing as well and date it. Maybe contact whatever oversight agency and ask them what proper procedure is if you suspect a teacher is being inappropriate.

Good luck, mama!

Since your son is 3 the "school" I assume is a childcare center or preschool, so enrollment is optional and you can pull your son any time.
From where I am sitting you have two options:
If you want to stay that the school move towards an acceptable resolution.
Ask for another meeting with the director, tell her that you are not happy with the way your complaint was handled and the reaction you are getting from the teacher. A good way to resolve an issue like this is a follow-up meeting with the director and both teachers. Do not expect any admission of guilt here, be prepared to give some grace (after all 3 year olds do sometimes mix up stories without any bad intention) and have a formal review of what your childcare deems appropriate discipline and teacher-student contact.

I would be somewhat concerned that your school seems to downplay your concerns and your other option certainly is to find another school, give notice and remove your child. In addition if you feel that this is just swept under the rug file a complaint with your licensing agency. In my state a formal investigation is launched for every parent complaint.

Good luck!

if you're looking at a 3 week gap, then this is truly a case of "too little, too late". Of course your son is not responding....it no longer fits into his 3yo timeframe!

that said, you've addressed it to the best of your abilities. Quite often, events such as this are the result of innocent occurences & not what the child "thinks" has happened. That would explain the teacher's rudeness, not excuse it....but explain it.

a perfect example would be today: one of the 3yo boys was in another boy's face ALL morning. By 10am, the "victim" was beyond endurance. I was stepping in & preventing 90% of it, but still it was over-the-top. The "victim" grabbed the offender's arm, put it against his mouth. Now, he did not bite down...but he threatened if the 1st little boy didn't stop his in-his-face actions....then he would bite him.

at this point, I'd made it across the room. There was no bite, no mark... just lots of hurt feelings. Timeout for both boys, explanations from me as to how Life could have been different all morning long....both boys hugged & apologized for their actions.

BUT all the 1st boy remembers is The Bite...which really did not occur. It was a threat, a last resort...as a direct result of his "bullying". Soooo tonight, I will be conferencing with both families so they hear the story from me....not their sons.

perhaps some innocent event truly did create this mark. What did the cameras show? That's the part I haven't read yet.....

If you don't feel right about the school or the teacher, then it's time to move on.

I can't say whether your child is remembering the situation correctly or not. 3 year olds aren't very reliable when it comes to getting the story straight. If he is not remembering it right, then that could explain why the teacher is cold or frightened. It's easy for a teacher to be blamed for something they didn't do, and then for them to be cold or frightened.

For example, I would never PUSH a gymnast down into the splits, but one of the gymnasts went home and accused me of doing it. She had a sore leg the next day and the mom took her daughter to the doctor and the child told the doctor I pushed her into the splits. Immediately I was brought in, where it was my story against hers. We ended up looking at the video surveillance, which did prove my innocence, but without it I could have been in big trouble. The child STILL insists I pushed her down "when the camera wasn't looking" (the camera was on her the whole time). Without the video surveillance, a sore leg and the child's story did back her up. (The sore leg was from something different).

After that I was reluctant to work with that child. I did, of course, with a smile, but inside I was VERY reluctant.

If your mama instincts tell you that something is amiss, then you should pull your child out immediately. I'm not saying that your child is wrong, I'm just merely pointing out that it's circumstantial evidence, and you need to look at the video surveillance to know for sure.

3-year-olds are not reliable. When my daughter was around that age she told me her babysitter left her at home alone to go to wal-mart. What had actually happened was, the babysitter had gotten her a gift from wal-mart the day before, and gave it to her the next day. After Cheyenne got her gift, she assumed that her babysitter had JUST gone to wal-mart, leaving her by herself. She told me that evening. I asked the sitter knowing it was ridiculous and of course she denied it. Anyway, moral of the story is, from a kid's perspective, any amount of his story could or could not be true.

That said... a mother's instincts are usually right. Trust them. Even if there's nothing going on, the accusation (which was justified) has caused a rift in the relationship between you, your son & the caretakers. I think it's time to move on to another care provider. I wouldn't bother with the video, or CPS, or investigation. I'd just move on.

*Okay, does your son have RIGHT now, any circular bruise on his back? If so then PHOTO it. Take several photos.
You will then have "proof" of it.
They are just ignoring your questions and making you look like the 'bad' guy in this, because they do not want to get in trouble.
KEEP on this, until it is resolved.
DOCUMENT everything they said to you, in response. And that they are not doing anything about it.

TAKE PHOTOS of his back/circular bruise.

Ditto Patty W. below.

And document, what your son told you and what you told us here.

The school should be offering the videos even encouraging you to watch them to prove their innocence, not down playing your concerns.

My son attended a daycare at our neighbors home. We know her really well. I asked my then three yr old son how she got him to eat his veggies (because she would for him but wouldnt for us) she said she bopped his mouth and told him to eat them. We totally knew this was not true or anything she would do. Fast forward a year later and we asked him again why he was so great about finishing his plate and he said she was a better cook than me (which is true). We later realized he would finish them all first because he has this "deal" about being the best. He did not want the other kids to finsish before him. Point is at three they can say things that arent true and make up things. My daughter also attended the same place and they both LOVED going. We knew there were real issues with other daycares or chruch nurserys when our children werent wanting to go see new friends, toys , environment. Point is follow your gut. Our son now admits that never happened. Our daughter loves her like a grandparent or family memeber. Ask him "how does she pinch him" get him to pretend to be the teacher. It might be his chair (my hair often got caught or my back piece of skin would get caught in the metal screw and pinch that way. if teacher is saying sit down or if he is getting his back pinched on something else associating when teacher says stand with your back to the wall line up and he is getting pinched. it might not actually be her. or it might be someone else. but then again it might be her.

What did the surveillance video show? I'd think that would be the easiest way to find out the truth.

I am not a fan of daycare centers, personally. I have had too many bad things happen to my DD to tell you to keep your child where he is. You need to go with your mommy gut. Move him out of there if you need to.

It is time to move on. Of course, this is his work against hers, but you saw the bruises to prove it.

Based on the problems I have seen with daycares, they have staff that is there because they need a job and not so much because they love to teach children. With that said, there will be a few bad apples.

I do kind of find it strange that she would pinch a child with a camera on her back, but people can be dumb and can make some poor decisions.

He feels the tension and doesn't want to be there. Find him a new school.