My Son's Friend Is Acting Strange

It sounds like the boy is afraid of something. There must be something going on, he's afraid of someone to be hiding like that. He either did something wrong, or someone is doing something to him to make him hide. If you get a chance sit down with him and ask what's going on. That doesn't sound like normal behavior.

I'm just wondering if there's a chance the other boys are teasing him or making him uncomfortable? Kids can sometimes be like that and it would explain his mother being upset if he confided to her that he was teased.

Open the lines of communication! You need to ask the parents what has happened. Tell them that you are concerned and want to help the situation, did something happen that you are unaware of? None of us like to think that our kids have done something that is deemed inappropriate or has hurt another child, but always a possibility. Most importantly, do NOT be defensive if she says it's in reaction to something that your son has done. Remain calm, and tell her that you are thankful for the feedback, that you had no idea, and will address the problem accordingly. Then go talk to you son calmly, not pointing fingers, but give him a chance to tell his side of the story. Then calmly tell him what the other boy told his parents, and check his reaction, because somewhere in the middle lies the truth. If the hiding is due to your son's behavior, then tell him that it was inappropriate & unacceptable & handle/reprimand appropriately. If it's not due to his behavior, then tell him to handle his friend with care & to come get you if it ever happens again, so you can help out.

The other thought is that perhaps the boy is going thru something & the parents don't know how to discuss it, are embarrassed, or are in denial, and the uncle is someone who can help. Often when people are embarrassed, they come off as angry, because they are angry, angry that someone has noticed what they perceive as a failing.

Good luck, remember to be kind & don't be on the defensive. Remember, there may be some behaviors, jokes, etc. that your family finds funny/appropriate, and others do not, for whatever reason.

I know all of this from personal experience. We just had an incident with our son, where his behavior was dreadful, but at the same time, he came home having learned a song that we were not thrilled with, but the other family thinks is fun....

Regarding the embarrassment/anger thing, both my son & husband lash out in anger when they are embarrassed. If someone gets hurt, my husband's family tends to admonish the injured person for not being careful, etc. It's someting I am constantly battling, always telling my husband & child to not be angry with me or anyone else for worrying about them & wanting them to be ok.

A little about me: 42 yr old mother of 6 year old boy, expecting a little girl in early October, and married to a wonderful man for almost 14 years.

Hi D.,

AFTER YOUR SO WHAT HAPPENED COMMENTS:

It sounds like your husband does not want you to get evolved. I don't care if you had 10 kids...someone that boys age crawling and hiding under the bed, IS NOT NORMAL!.

So let me say a call to CPS can be anonymous. If something should happen to this child because you said nothing, you would never forgive yourself. If you are concerned for your own family’s safety, then you should let the local authorities know.
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How long has your son been friends with this boy? Do you know the mother well? A 12/13 year old hiding under the bed (repeatedly)is not normal behavior.

Now he's being sent away so he won't "have to hide"? Something is wrong. If you feel there is any safety or health issues that are not being properly addressed, contact CPS and tell them what happened. They will take it from there.

This is SO NOT normal behavior. Sounds like his mom isn't handling it too well either! I am sorry for you because you probably feel you didnt handle it well. I would call the other mother back and tell her how much you all like her son, & apologize if (&for) you upset her, just tell her you were not trying to get him in trouble or punished, you were just worried. Ask her if her son has specific fears, so you can make his visits at yr home more comfortable.
Unless you dont want him there anymore, but I didnt sense this in yr post at all.
What does YOUR SON say about his friend? I would start there. Kids know more than they want us to know!
Did you ask the kid why he was under the bed? what he was afraid of? was he hurt(physically or emotionally)? (boys are scared to show that sometimes)At this age, it might be better to talk to the kid than his mom (who knows? she may be the problem)
Frankly, it sounds like something may be goin on with this kid at his house. You say he is a good kid, prob yr son may be worried and also miss him. He may be safer at yr house, who knows?

Hello D.,

This is not normal behavior. Maybe there is abuse in his mom's house. That is probably why he has to go to his uncle's house. You didn't see any sign of abuse. If you did, I don't know if you can report it because I don't know when this happened. This may be the cause of him to hide underneath your son's bed. He probably didn't want to go home yet. Why would his mom say that her son doesn't have to hide anymore? That's sounds like there are abuse in that house. Maybe you can find out more and maybe your son can talk to one of the counselor at school if his friend does go to same school as your son does. The school is responsible to call the CPS and to investigate whether there are abuse in that house. What if the mom is lying about him going to his uncles house which he may not be there. If I were you, I would report it and find out if he is ok. It is better than be sorry before it is too late.

If you are truly concerned for the boy and wondering if the mom is mad, call her. Talk to her. Tell her your husband said she called and you wanted to follow up with her. Talk to her. Maybe she's filled with anxiety and could use a friend who likes her son. Yes, I'd start off with how you and your son are going to miss having the boy around. Talk about the positive interactions and friendship the boys have. Ask if there is anything you can do too.

Good luck,
Stephanie

That is definately not normal behavior and his mom has nothing to be mad at you for. He is not a very mature young boy for his age or perhaps there is something that he hides from when he is at home or that is what he dioes to get attention.

It sounds to me like there's something fishy somewhere. I'd bet that it's not at your house that the trouble began. If the mother or her family feel it's best not to have him over, thank your lucky stars that you do not need to be in a position to wonder about the behavior of an 8th grader. I've been through 8th grade three times already with older kids, and I must say that the behavior you describe is not natural.

No, this is NOT normal behaviour. I'd investigate with my child on why the boy may be behaving this way. As for his mother, she may be in denial on why her son is doing it OR she may know about it and consider it embarrassing that others now know. Either way this kid needs help to combat whatever is scaring him this much.

this was around the age my brother started showing symptoms of schizophrenia. i'm not saying it sounds like this in this case... but if there are other symptoms, it is the age when males usually have this illness come on. just keep your eyes/ears open. good luck!!

Hi D.,

It sounds like a huge RED FLAG that something is going terribly wrong at the boys house. It is not normal to hide under the bed at that age and if he is regressing in his behavior, that indicates possible abuse. Don't take offense to the mom's outburst. It sounds like she is hiding something to me- I would contact CPS immediately and have the situation investigated. Its much better to be safe than sorry.

Let us know what happens or what you decide to do.

Molly

Sounds to me that either the mother is ashamed of something (maybe she doesn't know why her son does unusual things like this and is embarrassed) or is afraid you're going to find out something she does not want you to discover. Of course, I don't have much info to go off of. Did your son have any idea why his friend was hiding under the bed?

This could be a sign of undiagnosed anxiety disorder. My youngest son has it and although he's now medicated to help him control it, he still sometimes goes and hides in his closet (he shares a bunk bed with his brother so he can't go under the bed, it has drawers underneath) when he's feeling upset or stressed. I honestly don't see that changing with him. It's part of the disorder, and it's chemical so it's a good bet that it'll be something he does for quite a while yet.

I would NOT call CPS unless you REALLY REALLY think he's in danger. If he's moving in with his uncle, there is probably a lot more going on than you are aware of. He may be a good kid at your house and an absolute terror at home. Or there could be sexuality issues coming into play that you're unaware of. Or a host of other things that don't necessarily mean he's being abused or neglected. And calling in CPS could just lead to more stress and heartache for that kid.

I don't think it's normal at all for a 13 year old to feel the need to hide under someone's bed. Can't imagine why his mother would be mad about you bringing it to her attention. I wonder if her son gave her a reason WHY he felt the need to hide? Did he say something happened with the other kids that frightened him? I think I would call her back and just ask if there is some reason she is angry at you and see if she will tell you what it is her son told her. You could say that you'd like to know so that if your children did something to frighten him, you'd like to address it with the children or something along those lines. Good luck! I hope the child gets the help (security) he needs!

Sounds a little odd, why don't you just ask the kid why he's hiding under the bed?

hi D. -
hiding under the bed as a tween or teen is not normal unless there is a game going on where it would be 'normal.' if your gut said, be concerned, you should be. and reporting 'strange' behavior to a parent is always risky. many parents want to know what is going on but respond defensively when their child is being 'strange' or demonstrating unacceptable behaviors. your childs friends mother may be emotional and blaming you for pointing out a problem, but this is not your burdon. it is too bad for the kids since it sounds like all was good now they are not going to be playing, but it also sounds like something really not ok was happening with your sons friend. if your son has more information, or voices more concerns you may want to put in a call to cps. again, if you suspect that the child needs more help than is being given.