My Son, Trevor "Doesn't Know How to Go in the Potty"

Sounds like he could have some constipation or pushing issues. Try some stool softeners and timed potty-ing. There is nothing wrong with having sit for 5-15 minutes or more on the potty.

Try not to make it a good boy/bad boy issue. He is not trying to make messy pants, he just hasn't learned how to control it yet. :)

Potty training is something that I stress over.. But I can share what my doctor shared with me during my last appointment. Potty training is sort of like a light going on. He says he sees children who had no interest one day just deciding it is time and that they are ready. Everything else that I have read has said not to force it. My daughter is younger than your son, so I really don't have much practical advice, but I can just tell you what I read.

What helped my son alot was having my husband bring him in when he went to the bathroom. It sounds gross but it helped my son to see "how" to go. It was hard for me to show him as I don't have the "parts" that he has. Then he wanted to be like daddy. My son was also almost 4 when he was finally potty trained, so you are not alone. I agree that you should work on it for a few days without going anywhere so that he is in his comfort zone while you are trying.

It is harder to push out poop sitting down, they are used to squatting and using all those muscles rather than just the abdomen as when sitting....maybe have Daddy show him how to pee standing up - they even make a kids urinal for training boys - that might make it "fun" - also I have heard of throwingin a few Cheerios into the pot to use as targets to encourage paying attention to where the pee is going - less mess!

Then for poop(always harder to teach, I have heard) - maybe try graduating...get a really small/low to the ground potty (baby bjorn little potty comes to mind), and have him squat OVER it - if he is more compfortable, the first few days let thim still wear the diaper, but be over the potty inthe bathroom - then remove the diaper and squat over the little potty bare-butt, then go to sittin gon the little potty - that way his feet are still on the floor to hlep push, and then either stick with that, or graduate again to the big toilet.

Good Luck!

Jess

I brought my son to target and let him look at all the neat underwear they had for kids...he wanted some and I told him nope, we have to wait until you decide your a big boy and can go potty in the toilet, it took him about two weeks to come to me and tell me he wanted to go buy underwear so he could go potty on the toilet...

your son has to be shown with patience how to go potty on the toilet, he really has only known one way...have daddy show him either way, standing or sitting...my son prefers to stand as that means he is a bigger boy...

he wore pullups at night for some time after we switched to underwear in the day time...

I can't tell from your post if this problem is with just pooping or with pooping AND peeing.....

If it's both, throw the diapers in the trash, and put him in underwear now. He will go in a disposable or a pull-up for as long as you buy them and put them on him. At almost 4, potty training has to become important to HIM, and I don't believe all the sticker charts and talking in the world can make that happen.

I'm certainly not into shaming a child, but it may take the embarassment of him wetting/soiling himself at Costco to make him want to use the toilet. You may go through a lot of laundry initially, but if he has an accident, have him rinse out his underwear and change himself. He will get sick of this quickly.

If he's peeing in the toilet, and this is just a pooping issue, I would make sure he is not constipated, that his BMs are soft and not too large. Also, he may have a hard time relaxing enough to go poop. Try a warm washcloth on his stomach, or leaving him alone with a book while he's on the toilet. As others have stated, maybe he needs to squat more than just sit when going # 2. Potty chairs come in all shapes and sizes these days. I even seen some that are basically mini chamber pots, that are bowl shaped. Maybe your son would use one of those?

Good luck.

I suggest your husband help out and show him how "big boys" go potty. Squatting is more natural way to go so make sure he can push against something.

Good luck!

In all honesty, the way that most westerners use the toilet is not the most comfortable, natural or effective way to "push". I have no doubt that it is much easier for your son to squat than to sit when he needs to poop. Just as it is easier to push out a baby squatting than it is to do so while laying on your back.

I would suggest you gently ask him to just try on the toilet first, and then if he can't go, let him squat in his underwear. He really isn't trying to be difficult, but no doubt being pressured to use the toilet when he can't is very upsetting to him. Also, if he goes at a certain time each day, try giving him a warm bath before you have him try. Many kids will poop in the bathtub because it helps to relax those muscles. Eventually, he will get it.

Hi L.,
I can only tell you what worked with my son (and as we've all heard before, every child is different)...
My son didn't "know" how to go either -- certainly he could go, just didn't understand what was really happening, etc. So, we just potty trained and he figured it out right quick! I scheduled out 3 days at home -- NO trips anywhere for 3 days, not even the store and put him in underwear, explaining that underpants need to stay dry and that from now on he was to pee and poop in the potty. We also made sure to stay in a part of the house with hard floors (no carpet!) Well, it took him a good day just to even realize that he was peeing, but he eventually got it. He also had a couple of poopy accidents over the next week, but then got that one down, too. At age 2 1/2, I had LOTS of people on this forum tell me that he was "too young" and "not ready" because he never requested to go to the potty, etc. -- well, they were wrong and I sort of wish I'd done it sooner. By the end of 3 days, I felt confident to take him out and now just turned 3, I consider him fully trained and he rarely has an accident unless we are somewhere that he can't use the potty and he really has to go, etc. (and then it is only a few drops in his underwear). Oh, and my son ALSO had fits about sitting on the potty prior to trying. I got tired of being careful not to "push him" and just became his mother -- just not accepting his tantrum, staying CALM and not making an issue of it myself, yet not letting him call the shots. Being very matter of fact about the whole thing helps a lot and always telling (over and over) that "wet underpants are no good".

Anyway, my recommendation would be to go ahead and put him in underwear, stay home a couple of days, and see how it goes. Give it a couple of days and try not to get too frustrated on day one. Keep an open mind -- if he doesn't show ANY signs of "getting it" by the end of day two, I would continue to put it on hold and try again in a couple of months. :-)

Good Luck!!

I would also add that he needs to know that he can't do fun things like go to preschool unless he has big boy underwear. This worked for a friend of mine -- and for me, too. Take him to visit preschool (for us it was a preschool and a dance class for a girl). He will see how much fun it is. Then you tell him that kids who are his age can go to the preschool but only if they are using the potty. For our daughter it was like a light going off. She just quit with the diapers and started on the potty full time a few weeks later. My friend had a boy who had gone to 3-year old preschool where they did allow the kids to be not-quite trained for 3-year olds, but for 4-year olds they did not. So she told him that he couldn't go back to preschool the following year unless he started going poo in the potty. That was it -- he just decided to do it. Best wishes to you!