My Son Throws a Fit When I Pick His Clothes for Him

This definitely sounds like an independence issue.
Have you tried giving him choices? Picking out more than one thing and then letting him pick what he wants to wear from that?
This give him the empowerment of being able to choose,which is really important to kids especially his age, but still ultimately makes you in charge of what he's wearing.

If you haven't already tried, perhaps you could pick out two outfits and he could choose from those.

I have a 3 year old and he picks one shirt off of a stack of shirts in his closet and a pair of neutral shorts from another pile on a closet shelf (they are low shelves so he can reach them) and that is his outfit for the day. I used to give him a choice, but I have a 6 month old. So, anything my 3 year old can do independently really helps me out.

Hi M.,

I have 2 girls, ages 3 and 7. When there is nothing special going on, I allow both my girls to pick out their own clothes for the day. I feel that not only does this allow for them to feel more independent, it also shows their creativity in a way. (At least I KNOW it does with my 7 year old). Of course there are times when I want to say "Are you kidding me?" but I force those words out of my mind. As long as they are in nice clean clothes
(Rather they look well together or not) I dont say much. I feel there is so much more important things to be firm and stand your ground on, why not let them feel they've won at least one battle? After all, Mommies always win the war! ;)

When activities are going on where they really shouldnt show up with purple and white striped shorts with a bright orange and green shirt, I pull out a few outfits for them to choose from.

Hi,

My son is now 12 and at your child's age my son did the same thing. Does it really matter what they wear is what I used to ask myself. I decided not to fret to much about what he wore as long as it wasn't church clothes he was trying to wear for play. I would let him wear what he wants if he is hot because he chose pants instead of shorts then maybe he will realize shorts would be better. Its just a way of letting them feel BIG. That they can do something themselves. Even now I let my son express himself with this clothes as long as his pants aren't hanging off of him. Give in a little and maybe your mornings will go more smoothly. Maybe even have a certain drawer with clothes he can pick from on his own to wear for the day..that way its clothes you want him to wear but he still gets to choose. But I would put both shorts and pants and just let him have at it. Hope somehow this helps...good luck!

I agree with the other moms' comments about allowing him the independence to pick his own clothes, hide the ones you absolutely do not want him to wear, he will figure out the rest when he is too hot/cold. You can also discuss with him the weather for the day, if its going to rain and talk to him at the end of the day how he felt with the clothes that he picked. Don't force the issue, let him think about it and tell you. Maybe he is ok with long pants or cold at school.

Also, to avoid the headache in the morning, you can pick clothes out the night before as part of your bedtime routine, so you don't have to deal with it during the rush in the morning.

Pick your battles and if he is not going to hurt himself or others, let him experiment with it. He will learn to respect your "no" more when you say it only when it is absolutely necessary.

A.

I KNOW what you mean! This is what me and my friends do. We put aside a box/drawer/closet space that contains coordinated outfits that are weather appropriate. We let our little ones pick out their own clothes from that box/drawer/closet etc. Everyone is happy and kidlet looks fine. Children this age are trying to assert their independence and they need/want to feel in control of something in their lives. No harm if they want to wear something that is not quite weather appropriate ;-) Most of the time they figure out the clothes they pick are too hot/not warm enough etc on their own and are willing to make the change as long as THEY make the decision to do so. ;-) This has really worked out for us. The advice came from school teachers and a pediatrician. Hope this helps!

Hi M.,

My son also has his "independent fits" and what I do, that I feel has helped greatly, is give him choices in most everyday items, not just clothes. I'm not meaning allow him to pick out the clothing, but pick a couple of shirts out and let him decide which one to wear, as well as with the bottoms if he still wants to choose those (but my son is normally tickled knowing he made one deciding factor). I do this with most everything,from what book to read at night even down to his drink (and I don't mean soda, just I say water or chocolate milk or orange juice). It seems to take away his feelings of his wants being "overlooked". With the situation of always wanting to wear pants, maybe just let him for a little while if he still chooses them over a different option....eventually (hopefully) he will figure out that they make him hot & uncomfortable. Best of Luck!

Something to try, organize all his clothes as outfits in his closet. Ask him the night before to think about what he wants to wear to school. This will give his a sense of independence becuase you are asking his opinion. Tell him what the weather is supposed to be like; hot, cold, raining, etc... Let him wear what he picks out, even if it doesn't make sense to you. If there are particular things you don't want him to wear, put them away where he doesn't have access.
As you knwo kids can be cruel, if he receives negative responses from his friends from his school he'll start to put more thought in what he's wearing.
i ahve to tell you, my son is 12 now. He knows that I have his best interest at heart so he does allow me to pick out his clothes. Every once in awhile he disagrees with me, but because I've taught him what goes together (because I organized his clothes when he was little)he never leaves the house without looking put together.

Have you tried picking out 2 or 3 outfits for him to wear and let him pick the one he wants to wear out of those? That way he still feels like he has a say in what he is wearing - just make sure you stand firm in those 3 choices. I know this has saved me many a morning with my daughter. I've also used distraction - having a tickle fest in the midst of the standoff, and then when it is over, i just get her dressed and she usually forgets about what she was being stubborn over.

My son wants to wear pants too sometimes. I let him around the house, who cares.
I also ask him the night before what he wants to wear so everything is laid out and ready to go in the morning without a bunch of hassles. Pick out three things he can choose from and then let him choose. When buying clothes for him pick things that will make more than one outfit. So if he likes to wear this particular shirt make sure you have 3 different bottoms he can choose from to wear with it.
I only buy denim, camo, khaki (in different shades) bottoms. They'll pretty much go with anything.
Makes life easier all the way around.

Hi Mandy,

What I do with my 4 year old son is give him 3 outfits to choose from. I tell him that these are the choices that he has to wear for that day. I really haven't had a problem with picking out clothes for him so far. Sometimes I ask him what would he like to wear and sometimes he just wants me to pick them out for him. But start out with 3 choices that way he feels likes he has some say in what he wears. Good Luck.

C.

You just need to pick out two outfits that you are okay with and then let him choose one of them. This lessens the power struggle, he feels like he has options and you still get to make sure he's wearing what you feel is appropriate. Hope this helps!

I suggest you dont choose for him. He wants his independance and wants SOME responsibility in the house. My brother had his kid change the toilet paper when it was low, he loved it. i am not at that point yet where my daughter is pikcy with clothes, but i plan to give her 2 or 3 choices (this happens on occasion) and i stick to my guns on it. If they dont match, so what. Sometimes it is 90 out and she wants to wear a jacket, that is ok with me. it is like dress up, she never wears jackets, so it is different.I pick my battles, there are other important things that what i say goes, but clothes, that is the small stuff.

Hi!

My son is 10, and refuses to wear shorts out of the house. I think he has an image problem with his legs or something. I don't force the issue, though, because I want him to be his own person. He never complains about the heat. I think if he did, I would remind him that it was his choice to wear pants. As for the shirts, I give him that freedom, too. I used to dress him all preppy and stuff. He's turned out to be a skater. Go figure. Individualism is important, I think. Have you tried to let him pick his clothes at the store?

Good luck!

C.

When my daughter was that age, I put 2 crates at the bottom of her closet- one with bottoms and one with tops. Each morning, she could pick one from each crate and get dressed herself. I've never understood why a parent would pick clothes as a battle to fight with their child, especially at that age. Long pants is really not that big an issue- isn't he inside in the a/c most of the day? I wear jeans almost every day. And even during outside time, if he is uncomfortable, he'll learn not to pick long pants. It's not harmful for him to wear long pants. If you still insist that he not wear them, hide them and only have shorts accessable to him. If he goes to preschool, believe me, his teachers not only don't care if his clothes match, but they recommend that you give your child as much independance as you can on small issues so the important ones aren't as much of a battle. If you battle him on insignifigant things like this, you will soon discover that everything is a battle with him

M.,

You may want to give him a choice. Lay out three shirts and three shorts and tell him he can pick. If that doesn't work, you may want to take all of the clothes (pants) out of his dresser/closet and put them away. Then let him choose what he wants to wear out of what's left. I know about hectic mornings. Just remember to pick the battles that really matter. If he goes to school/daycare looking kind of mis-matched, it really is OK. I hope this helps.

A.

We ran into the same problem with our now 6 year old. We finally allowed him to wear what he wanted unless it was church or a special occasion (party, picture day). THis has worked extremely well. He gets up and gets dressed without help and no yelling from us. Hope this is helpful.