My Son This Being Sexual at Daycare

Hi - in my opinion, it's not about the boys being "sexual".
At 4 years old it is more about "inappropriate" social actions and behavior, or possible modeling after something they're seeing.

Why not show the boys - or have someone at the daycare show them - appropriate types of behavior (make a game of it), and reinforce that?
For example - stand side by side & arm around shoulders hug, hand shakes, high-fives, etc. Reward the positive actions.

just some thoughts -
J.

Don't make a big fuss about the kissing. Let's think about this for a minute...you love your son, and the way you show affection is to give him a kiss and a hug, right? Clearly it isn't sexual when you do it. He probably derives feelings of being loved, accepted, and appreciated from your kisses, so it only seems natural that he would want to express his 'friendly affection' towards one of his classmates he likes. If you, the daycare, or the other parents are completely bothered by this, then teach your friend to 'high five'.

About the pants - now would be a good time to either reinforce or introduce the concepts of privacy, good/bad touch. Remind him that there are behaviors that are appropriate only when parents or doctors do it, or in the privacy of one's own bedroom or bathroom.

I don't think it's sexual at this age. I think it's just part of expression and exploration. At our daycare, my 3 year old is learning to go potty and the bathroom is shared and open so that the teachers can see what's going on in there. Boys and girls go together and they do notice other people's bodies.

My son has recently started to point out his little brother's "wee-wee" in the tub. I just respond, "Yes, that's Ryan's wee-wee and you have a wee-wee, too." He will sometimes want to touch Ryan's and will say, "Touch Ryan's wee-wee." I just tell him, "No. You have your own wee-wee that you can touch. We don't touch other people's private parts." He's 3, so I try to be as basic and simple as I can.

Your son is 4, so probably has a better grasp and understanding. I would just CASUALLY, mention that it's not acceptable to pull down your pants unless you are going potty. Making a huge deal about it will probably just make it worse. But, I often find myself being rather "matter-of-fact" in my parenting style, so others may not agree.

As for the kissing, I agree with MR's post. That's probably how you show affection (Gosh, I kiss my boys 100 times a day and I ask for kisses ALL the time from both of them.) It's just how we show affection and your son doesn't mean anything by it.

One thing that we have stressed with our son(s) is that he doesn't have to give hugs or kisses to people if he doesn't want to (relatives for example). I like to give him the freedom to say "No thank you." Besides the obvious reason of giving him this right, I also can turn it around and tell him how he shouldn't give hugs or kisses to people that don't want them.

So, my long-winded piece of advice is to just calmly talk with your son and explain the importance of privacy and touching.

Good luck.

Have you tried talking to him about how it's normal/natural to be curious about the human body... But how that's not something that we do in polite society.... i.e. not at daycare or anywhere outside our own homes? You could also try letting him look at himself in a mirror at home or show him a toddler book about the human body. He's obviously curious. I doubt that it's sexual in nature though. You could also get advice from your child's doctor about how to approach this topic. Dad might be a better choice for talking to son about the male body, too. I know my husband is always talking to our 3 year old about boy parts and when my son runs around telling us he has a "boner" my husband says that "yes, that happens a lot in the morning..." and tries to help him feel comfortable about his body....

Ahh, you speaka da gut engleesh but I no comprendo.. No beeg deal as thread is auld.

The best thing you could do is have a long talk with him about it being inappropriate. He is old enough to understand right from wrong. I also would tell the day care they need to keep a close eye on him and to let you know if this happens again. They may not be doing anything else now but one thing leads to another.
My son never did anything like this so this is just my opinion. We always said from day one, "we never touch our friends, allow our friends to touch us or expose ourselves in anyway."

S.

In a daycare situations it's not appropriate. My son is two and was trying to kiss everyone at daycare. So before daycare we would have a serious talk about not kissing the girls and the boys and the teachers and the walls and the chairs, right before we walked in. It took a few times but it worked.
Good Luck !

Scarey stuff if you ask me. Even though they are only 4 they need to understand that they have private areas that no one should see but them. Especially with all the wierdos out there and kids being sexually active at such young ages these days. Perhaps tell him instead of kissing his friends that perhaps he should give them a high five or something like that. Don't you wish there was a book on how to raise children??? ha ha

it is not sexual at all. curiosity has killed the cat. my son just turned 5. he and his sister are only 15 months apart but last summer i wa slooking thru the camera and my daughter was taking pictures of him with ihis pants down. i watch another little boy and they were showing each other. just sit him talk and talk to him, be as honest with him as he can understand. it is okay and if the dycare is having an issue than maybe you want to change because they aren't in great understanding with how kids are at certain ages. it is going to happen whether they are home or not. they are kids