My Son Said: "I Hate School"

We are a happy and healthy homeschooling family of three with a huge homeschooling network, and tons of support for the different needs of individual kiddos. I know that it's not for everyone - but it is an option!

Good Luck!

Each kid has a time like this. For my son and nephew it was the 2nd day!

For my kids, I tell them its their job. Dad goes to his job, I go off to my job, and they have to go to their job at school. If its just that he doesn't like recess, he could just take a book and sit down and draw a picture. He doesn't have to play.

So it sounds like he's getting in trouble in class, but is actually upset about recess? You should probably keep communicating with the teacher to find out what's really going on. Maybe visit the school and observe, or have the teacher write a quick note to you about his behavior every day. Recess and lunchtime can be difficult because they're less structured and supervised. Also, it can take a few weeks for the kids to get used to all the expectations at school.
When I went to observe my son(who has Aspergers/ADHD) in kinder, I found out that he hid under the slide digging in the gravel, not interacting with other kids. One teacher praised him for drawing on the sidewalk with a chalky rock, the next teacher took the rock away and said he was in trouble. It ended up that he needed more supervision from the teachers during recess, to encourage him to get up and walk around or figure out how to ask a friend to play.

I'm guessing he is having a hard time because of a lack of friends to play with at recess? Does he have a buddy in his class/grade?
LOTS of kids say this, but wise teachers know how to deal with it--they do it all the time. Talk to his teacher about why he might not like recess and school in general. See if she/he has any ideas that might make it more comfortable/fun/non-threatening for him.

As his mother, you need to take a closer look into what might actually be going on at the school. Don't have reservations about showing up at school to just observe the interaction between your son and other students. Stay for recess. (observing only.) There might be some bullying going on at the playground. Because this is his first year in school, there may actually be some separation anxiety as well. Be sure you're spending plenty of quality time with him at home.
We decided to home-school our 3 children several years ago, and have never regretted this decision. (Although it has been a learning-process)
This may not be for everyone, but one option you may want to consider, should the situation worsen. Our children have plenty of interaction their friends in our community and in our church. It has worked beautifully for us!

Can you volunteer in his class? Can you volunteer on the playground? My mom works for an elementary class and has said MOST problems that occur at school occur on the playground? Why? Well, usually there are 2 or 3 workers on a huge playground with 100's of kids. They would probably appreciate the extra set of eyes.
Can he follow directions at home? If not, then you need to work with him at home before he will behave himself at school. If he can, then talk to him and let him know that it doesn't matter how much he doesn't like school that he MUST follow the directions, just like at home. He is plenty old enough to have consequences if he can't follow that rule.
But, I would really try (unless you are working) to get to his school a couple of times a week and work in the classroom. It will give you time to see how he behaves and how his teacher teaches his class.
L.

Talk to the teacher and find out more about what is going on - especially at recess time. Let her know what is going on at home - what your son says about school. As a teacher, many times we do not hear that a child doesn't like school until a parent is totally frustrated and we may not see the same behavior at school. That isn't to say the feelings aren't real or your child is "playing" you, but that they want to please the teacher and don't want to say anything that the teacher might find unpleasant.

Recess is what most children (especially boys) like best. Does he have friends in the classroom that he plays with at recess or are they in another class? Did he want to do something / play something, but wasn't able to? Ask your son, at a later time, maybe while you are playing outside or at the park, what games he plays at school or if he likes the school's playground equipment better than playing games. This might lead to a discussion and let you know what is really going on.

It also maybe that recess is the time he receives his "punishment" for not behaving in class - by walking a set area or something along those lines, and he may not have made the connection between not following directions in class and not getting to play at recess. For young children, if the discipline is not immediate, they do not see the correlation. He sees other kids playing, but he isn't allowed to, so recess isn't fun.

Did your son go to pre-k? It could be that recess is structured very different and he hasn't adjusted to the change in schools or even the change from home to school (if he has not been in a full day program).

There could be a larger issue, such as bullying and the teacher needs to know if there is. Bullying should not be and is not tolerated in schools. That said, bullying continues because of silence - if the teachers are not aware of it, they cannot stop it. Bullies are good at keeping it quiet and they know which kids are less likely to tell. Let the teacher know your son doesn't like recess and she will keep a more attentive eye on your child - I do recess duty A LOT and we are watching out for students' safety but not listening to all of their conversations (not possible with the teacher to student ratio). If I know that a certain student might be picked on, I kind of station myself near that student to keep an eye and an ear out for that kind of behavior or even to see which kids a child is playing with and what activities. But I can't do that for all the students with 40+ kids per teacher out at recess.

As for dropping in unannounced to sit in on your child's class, check the school's policy before you do this. Some have a policy that allows for this, other do not, it must be a planned visit. While you may be there to watch for your child's behavior and other's behavior to your child, having a parent in the room for any reason can disrupt the learning environment for many students (you become a "star" and everyone wants to see you and talk to you).

Communicating with the teacher is important. None of us like to hear that a child doesn't like school and we want to help make it a happy place that kids like to go to. There are many possibilities that could be causing these negative feelings towards school, involve your child's teacher in helping to your child feel school is positive place to be.

I wish you good luck.

Something obviously happened at recess and it is upsetting to him causing him not to be able to follow directions. Did he want to lead in something and he didn't get a chance to? Did he not follow the game instructions and the teacher said something? Is he embarrassed that he didn't succeed at something; Is there a kid there who doesn't like him or vice versa? I would want to investigate what goes on at recess that could potentially cause him to "hate school". Poke questions at him in a non drilling way and listen out for key words in his talk about what might be happening.

WHY does he not like recess???? Usually kids LOVE recess.
Ask him... talk to him about 'why' he does not like recess AND why he does not like school.
Just ask him.
Let him talk freely... don't interrupt... just let him free flow talk.... and 'hear' him.... ask him questions... try to find out why.

Next, HOW does the Teacher respond to him and handle him, when she feels he is not following directions in class. ASK her.... maybe something about her is wrong.

Your son would not be the only kid in class, not following every single direction. This is Kindergarten. That happens. They are young.

Show support/understanding for your son... don't immediately act like 'he' is at fault... he is reaching out to you... telling you his feelings. Give him a shoulder to vent to you and ask him to tell you why.... he does not like school and recess.

Hello, It sounds like there is an issue with recess. Perhaps he isn't making friends like he would like to. Maybe there is a "bully" on the playground. When I pick up any of my grandsons from school. I ask them (first) "What is the best thing that happened at school today?" If they don't seem to have a best thing, I ask them, "What was the worst thing that happened?" I found that asking them what they did never got a good answer. Usually, it ends the conversation with "I don't know." Maybe you could tell him some of the fun things you did on the playground when you were young.
Good luck with your precious little boy.
K. K.

So, what happens at recess time? I would sit down with the teacher on this one. Is he being bullied? Have the other kids been friends for a while and he is the "new kid on the block" so he's having a hard time breaking in? Since it has only been a few weeks since school started, you still have time to nip this one in the bud before it becomes a categorical "I hate school" attitude. Does he have ANY friends that he wants to invite over for a playdate, so you can cultivate some friendships in the class? Does he seem like the kind of energetic kid who might be disruptive in a classroom situation, or is he acting out due to some other issue. Sit down with the teacher. Let her know what he is saying and listen to her remarks about his behavior and see if you can figure out what is really going on and make a plan to improve the situation for your son.

These are very normal feelings when children start school. They are reined in from there normally free play that they had a home and having to start following rules and class expectations. You just need to reaffirm to him that the teacher at school is in charge and that you have to follow the class and school rules. It keeps him safe and helps him and the other children learn better. He might feel as if he is being picked on. I would also volunteer in the classroom and see how the teacher addresses the students and see if there is something that you pick up on that is hard for you son to understand. During Kindergarten, you will have lots and lots of talks about how different rules and whatnot are, but he will make it through and he will enjoy school.

I think it may simply stem from change of routine. but have a conference with teacher and ur child and sit in on class one day unannounced to ur son ann or teacher it could be the kids the teacher, him missing u . if u cant find out after doing these things as well as asking ur child what they hate abt school there may be an underlying issue maybe with the recess coach or a kid fom another class he or she sees at recess. good luck and always b knwn as the mom who shows up at any time any day of the week. I actually hav my sons teachers personal cell. this person is molding ur childs future u shld know them well and if ur opinions clash then look into another teacher

This sound like a classic case of bullying. Especially because your son does not like recess time. He is probably being bullied at recess. This is VERY serious. Ask him if anyone picks on him at recess. If he says no, he might be afraid to tell you the truth. Discuss this with his teacher and have him/her keep a close eye on him at recess. Also, if I were you, I would spy on him at recess to see what's going on with your own eyes. His teacher might not always be there for recess (teachers tend to take turns supervising recess), so check it out on your own. Bullying has been all over the news lately. I could be wrong about this, but I don't think I am. Why else would your son hate school/recess? Nothing else makes sense. Get all over this one, and if you discover your son is being bullied, ask that he switch to a different class (or that the bully moves to a different class). Schedule a meeting with the principal to take action! Best of luck!

It might be more than just a recess issue. I have a son in 2nd grade, who is very bright, but also very sensitive. He is extremely athletic so loves recess, is popular, and doesn't get bullied, but is bored to tears during classroom time. Last year he had a teacher who was willing to work with me, and let my son work ahead or independently so he wouldn't be so bored. But this year, his teacher is super strict and wants everyone doing the same thing at the same time. My son has been begging since day 1 to be homeschooled. His first week of school he was actually disciplined for trying to move ahead on his math classwork. I am really unhappy about that, and so was he. He was in tears, and the teacher said he completely "shut down."
I homeschooled him for pre-K and his older brother was homeschooled for 3 years until I had some major medical issues and then a surprise 3rd child, which compounded medical issues further.
I am doing better now, and am seriously considering homeschooling him again, but have to get a part-time job, so that's why I haven't pulled him out yet, because I'm not sure if my schedule will permit me to homeschool him.

But my whole point is that your son is probably very smart and/or bored with the classroom set-up. I would talk to the teacher about it, and/or observe him in the classroom and at recess and see what's going on. If you don't like what you see, try to make whatever changes can be made, whether you have to just talk to the teacher, the principal, whatever it takes. The squeaky wheel gets the grease. If you still don't find resolution, I would seriously consider homeschooling. It's not as hard as people think, and the kids do amazing at home. I LOVED homeschooling.
I can speak from personal experience that our local public school is "okay", but a much poorer option for us than homeschooling was. Homeschooling is ideal for many, many reasons. I won't go off about it anymore, but if you have any questions, feel free to email me.