Help. Please. My 3 year old son was recently and easily potty trained (3 days and he was good to go) and was regularly using the toilet. He has now decided to relieve himself anywhere that interests him. Toys, boxes, dump trucks, the sandbox at the park and on. I am at a loss. He is clearly doing this for attention. I can tell that his baby sister is cramping his style. Any suggestions would be appreciated.
I'd put a diaper back on him until he's ready to be a big boy again. And I'd withhold "big boy privileges" until he does.
Sounds gross, but I made my son clean up his own messes when he chose to do them on purpose instead of using the toilet. If it was an accident, then I would assist in the cleanup effort. I just used a plain rag and some vinegar in a squirt bottle. You should see how fast they pick up that the toilet is the best way to go. :D
Where feasible, he should be cleaning up the mess. If he does it at the park, I'd take him home instantly and put him in his room for an hour or two. When he does it around the house, I'd have him clean it up, then clean him up with a cold bath, then put him in his room for an hour or two. Give him a paper towel and have him pick up the poop and deposit where it belongs. You spray the contaminated spot, and have him scrub it (he can do it). You definitely want to nip this in the bud. Letting him revert to diapers might imply to him that he has won, and if he's just awful enough he can have his way. He needs to learn in no uncertain terms that he is a big boy now and needs to act like one. I've heard Dr Laura talk about when older siblings become jealous of babies. She said to talk about all the things he can do as a big boy that she can't do as a baby. This is the time for swift, consistent, and powerful parenting. When it becomes no fun to poop all over the world (because of the unpleasant consequences), he'll stop.
I am (slowly) learning that positive parenting has a much greater and longer-lasting effect on my three year old than punishment parenting. So while it's probably a good idea (as others have suggested) to have him help clean up his messes as a natural consequence of his behavior, I would devote as little time, energy, and attention to those episodes as possible.
I would go back to a two-tiered reward system. Take him to the store and let him pick out a toy that he really wants. Then, explain that every time he goes poop in the toilet, he can play with it (and you - undivided mommy attention time) for 10 minutes, and then it goes away again. Then set a point at which he gets to keep the toy (say, after 10 times).
Additionally, you could start coin jar, where each day that he does it right for the whole day, he gets a nickel, dime or whatever. Then once he reaches a dollar, you can take him to the dollar store to spend it.
I continually find that when I'm upbeat and positive about things, rather than dwelling on the behavior I DON'T want, I get better results. Man, it's hard to do though!
Good luck!
I think you're right. He needs some of your time. I would make an effort to plan some one on one time with him that has no connection to this problem. Maybe just a Mommy & Son date. Go out to lunch and have some playtime. Then you can talk about him and the things he's interested in that have nothing to do with baby. Help him celebrate the reasons his role in your family are so important. You are obviously a very attentive parent, because you know this is more than just "naughty" behavior. Good for you and good luck! L
Just remember this to shall pass....
My ped. told me to be able to consider a child potty trained they would have to be accident free for 6 mos. So my suggestion is put him back in a diaper!!!!! Boys are harder to train than girls-so I hear. Good luck!!
Most likely, this is a "scream" for your attention. The new baby is taking up a lot of your time and energy, and your son is feeling negligated (regardless of whether or not it is true).
Three-year olds are extremely aware of everything going on around them, and he has no doubt figured out that poopy pants gets your attention.
Talk to him. Calmly, one-on-one. Ask him what the problem is, and gently describe his behavior to him (be specific), and how it makes you feel. Listen carefully.
You might give him the option of the diaper, but let him know that it's not what you recommend. Gently describe for him the behavior you would like to see from him, and remind him that he used to do it.
Sometimes just talking to him is the attention he needs. Regularly reviewing the discussion with him until his toilet behavior returns to "normal," will keep you talking, and he will be happy just knowing that he and his behavior are important to you.
Sounds like it's time to put him back in the diaper until he realizes it's not as much fun being a baby as he seems to think.
I would explain to him (over and over) that poop has really dirty germs in it and can make us sick and we only poop in the toilet or a diaper. I don't know if putting him back in diapers would help anything, unless he can't get it off. Maybe a diaper and overalls? But then you're moving backwards with potty learning.
Make sure you spend lots of quality time with him so his need for attention is being met in other ways. I would also make sure that when it happens, you very quietly clean it up without making a big deal about it. Tell him "We poop in the toilet. Mommy doesn't like cleaning a poop mess." Hopefully pooping everywhere lose it's fun factor.
You and the babysitter need to get on the same page. You must both follow the same routine and have the same consequences. Put him on a schedule to potty. First thing in the morning, after breakfast - roughly every hour and a half. Sit down with him and talk to him about being a "big boy" and the privileges that go along with that. When he potty's in the toilet, praise him, be a real cheerleader. Give him no attention when he chooses to go in his pants. Remember - negative attention can be just as appealing as positive attention. Clean him up and remind him gently that you would like him to be a big boy. Give him special big boy time when he is successful. If both you and your caregiver do this you should have him back on track in a few days.
Dear F.,
Wow, what a dilema. The only advice I have, that I think could help, is consequences...but given a little differently. Figure out what his favorite activities are, or foods (but I try to avoid foods as a tool...but it is an option!), then let him know that those activities are not an option for him at the moment because he is doing things that are very wrong. Then for every time he uses the toilet to relieve himself, instead of an inappropriate place, he will get 30 minutes to an hour of his favorite activity. Every time he chooses inappropriately, he needs to take a major role in the clean up. He may only be 3, but he does know what he's doing...believe me. I have been parenting for 20 years. I have four children, ranging in age from 5-20. Best to nip this in the bud while he's three, rather than 7+. Also, a baby sister is not a good reason for this behavior. I think it's very important that he is made very aware how disgusting this behavior is. It's our job as parents to prepare our children to function in the world and society. And, although there is much of society and this world that is undesirable...basic hygiene isn't one of those.
Best of luck! I bet he's just a little punkin otherwise!
D. P.
