My Son Hits Himself. Help!

I know its disturbing to see your son hit himself. My 5 year old used to do it when he was about that age, as well. I have never seen him continue when it hurts (for example, one time he bent down and banged his head on a hard floor... It didn't last long) After expressing my concerns to the pediatrician, he said not to show any of my concerns and not to give in to what he wants (this shows that if he does this, he'll get what he wants, and its not good for him to learn that) and if I'm too worried about it, to discreetly slide a pillow under his head when he's banging his head on something...
Nowadays, he still hits himself from time to time, but its mostly like the king kong style hitting his chest or stomach. Its still for the same reason (to draw attention from what he's doing wrong and try to get sympathy cuz he's hurting himself) but it doesn't last as long as it used to, cuz I don't back down.

You may also talk to your pediatrician about it, and keep a close eye on it because I don't know if the hitting is part of my sons condition, but I do know that he was found to have a high functioning form of Autism, called Asperger's and the hitting coupled with his high activity level was what prompted me to get him checked for a learning or behavioral disorder.

My son does the same thing. We had a meeting with his speech therapist today and she suggested we visit a psychiatrist because she thinks he suffers from a milder case of autism. Hope it is nothing serious but maybe you need to talk to his pediatrician and see what he/she has to say..
good luck

It's not exactly the same thing, but I was having a problem with my 2 year old hitting her baby brother. For the longest time, I tried to discourage this behavior: time outs, telling her it hurts him, everything I could think of. Someone told me to try ignoring the behavior and she would stop. I hadn't thought about ignoring it, because her baby brother was getting hurt -- how could I ignore that?? I decided to try it, and boy it worked like a charm!!! It worked within like a day! She hasn't had a time out in a couple of months now, because that was the only reason she was getting them. She's even playing with him now. :)

I haven't had to deal with this personally, but my opinion is that he is doing it to get your attention. I would ignore him when he does this. Walk into another room if you have to (that is still within ear shot), but just do your best not to react to the behavior. If he realizes that he isn't getting any attention from you (positive or negative), he will most likely stop. That isn't to say he won't find some other way to get your attention, but at least he may quit hitting himself. If you really feel like he is going to injure himself (if the tantrum is particularly bad), then sit down and hold him on your lap with him facing away from you and hold his hands so that he can't hit himself. Don't speak to him, just hold him until he stops. This way, you are still not making eye contact or talking to him, but you are able to keep him from hurting himself.

I hope this is helpful. It can't be easy when you're in the middle of this, but I really feel like ignoring him is the best way to get him to stop. When he has calmed himself down, you should talk to him about using his words to express himself and praise him when he does. This will help him to learn how to go about asking for things in the right way (not that you should always give it to him, but you can praise how he asks and still say no). Also, offering choices or alternatives at this age is helpful. If you don't give him exactly what he wants (i.e. ice cream), you could offer something else (fruit instead??) Giving them a sense of some control can go a long way in avoiding tantrums like this. Best of luck! If it really begins to get out of control, then you may just want to mention it to his pediatrician and see what they have to say.

My daughter does the same thing. She's 16 months old and has been doing this for about 2 months. She's actually starting to grow out of it now, but I was really worried! I talked to her doctor about it and he said that it is VERY common and just to make sure that she couldn't hurt herself during these fits and to TOTALLY ignore her...not even try to talk to her...until she was finished. I'm not sure if that's why she's not doing it so much now or if it was just a phase, but either way it's getting a lot better.
I hope this helps and I wish you all the luck in the world! At least we know our children won't be afraid to stand their ground!! :)
Have a blessed day,
B.
www.themomteam.com/bleboeuf

Two is a hard age but him hitting himself is not a good thing. You cannot give him everything he wants because if you do it now it will only get worse later on. Maybe give him choices like he can beat himself up or he can go to the park with you.

My 17 month old son is doing the same thing. He has been for a few months now. He was hitting himself in the head with his fists alot, not as much now. Now he has moved on to throwing himself on the floor and hitting his head on the floor while doing it. My pediatrician has also assured me that this is a phase. I think that they are right, he seems to be coming out of it little by little. He has a really quick temper.. gets mad quick and gets over it quickly as well. It is hard to deal with, but it will get better. Good luck.

I agree with Valerie. It sounds like this may be attention seeking behavior, especially when you say that if you give him what he wants while throwing a fit he continues to hit himself. At this point, he has your full attention which is what he wants and this is called function of behavior. To start with, I would put him in time out and set the timer for 2 minutes. I would have a certain chair that is only used for that purpose. Don't let him play in it otherwise. THE SECRET TO THIS WORKING IS THAT YOU MUST REMAIN CONSISTENT IN PUTTING HIM IN TIMEOUT WHEN HE IS INAPPROPRIATE every stinking single time he gets up until you think you are going to scream if it happens again. You have to reset the timer each time he starts over. Second, once you can get him to stay in time out then WALK AWAY until the bell rings. Make sure dad is in on the plan as well as anyone else that is caring for him. I know it is unsettling for him to be hitting himself but when you try to stop him you are reinforcing the function of his behavior. After he has successfully completed his time out, I would reward him with a little hug and I would say something like "there is my good boy. Mommy does not like it when you act like that." Third, I would focus on his good behavior and only reward those. This is hard because it is so easy to fall back into those habits we already have deep within us.

If you choose to use the walk away method, then the most I would say is "that is not appropriate behavior, when you are done let me know so we can have fun" when he acts up. The first few times you do walk away it will be the hardest walk of your life. Be prepared, when you do this, it usually gets worse before it gets better so you will have to make sure that though you walk away, you keep an eye on him to keep him out of dangerous situations like pulling over shelves or running outside without supervision. It is a very effective technique for some children but if you do not see any success in consistent application after several weeks, try the time out method.

I found the time out method more effective with my son. Once he figured out that I was serious about time out he got it and now he is 10 and knows that his timeout does not start until he gets to a designated spot and is quiet. From that point, he has also learned that each time I have to remind him that his time out hasn't started I add one minute to his time. I then give him 5 minute updates and praise him for how well he is doing. I might say "you are doing a good job standing in time out. you have completed 5 minutes of your time" I know your son is younger but if you get him in the habit of this now, when your new baby comes along, he might regress but it will be easier to get in place because he is already used to this technique. I like this one also because you can do this anywhere. You can use a bench at the mall, a chair in the shoe store while you browse, a blanket on the floor at someone else's house. Once he gets the concept of time out down, he will learn the time portion of it quickly. I didn't start adding verbal minutes though until my son was 8 or 9 for not complying with a time out request though the minutes might have been added if he was really noncompliant or not if he went straight to timeout and started.

The important thing is consistency. If you do this today and not tomorrow or you do this for 4 days and miss the 5th, then he knows your holdout point is 4 days and that if he keeps the pressure up for long enough he will again gain control of the situation. And yes, believe me these little bitty, innocent children know how to break you down girl...quite young infact.

Figure out what you think will work for you and be consistent with it for at least 3 or 4 weeks before modifying or changing what you do. It will also be helpful for other adults to have a written copy of the plan you are working with so he will see consistency there as well.

It takes at least 21 consistent days to break a habit and 3 days to make one, even in children.

Good luck
C.