My Son Can't Tie His Shoes

Velcro, Baby! Don't sweat it. He'll get there, and there are lots of other, more important things. If he doesn't get it by spring (on his own) then ask his teacher to teach him. Sometimes a different instructor is all the kiddos need.

Does he have a friend or classmate that can help him? My sister is a teacher and one of her tricks is to have the kids teach each other to tie their shoes. Granted, that's so she doesn't have to tie them all the time, but by the end of the school year, all the kids in the class have always known how to tie their shoes.

I just looked through the responses very quickly to try not to repeat but didn't see this...

My brother is a LEFTY. My mom tried for years to get him to tie his own shoes but never could get it. One day, my lefty dad showed him ONCE, and he's been tying every since!

My husband's mother is also a lefty, and it took my hubby (a righty) forever to learn to tie his shoes, which to this day, he still ties his shoes left handed. Our girls never were able to learn from him how to tie shoes either.

Just a thought!

K.

My girls can not tie their shoes yet either and we have been working on it.. My friend told me that once a month at nordstrom bellevue square nordstrom's holds a free shoe tie class.. and that 95 pecent of the kids walk away with that half hour class with knowing how to tie their shoes!! I heard the class is alot of fun too.. If intrested call nordstom bellevue square for the date and times of up coming classes.. For sure we will be going soon :)
Lenc

Ok going way back.....lol when I was in fourth grade I could not braid. I had a friend who couldn't tie his shoes. I taught him to tie and he taught me to braid (yes I had really long hair and was taught by a boy to braid!!) All I have to say is there is a reason velco was invented, I would not put pressure on him about it. My son is 6 and I have him help tie the garbage bag together, helping him learn to tie.

I have no suggestions, but wanted to let you know my 6 1/2 year-old can't tie either. However the only shoes he has that tie are his dress shoes. So every Sunday I think "I have got to teach him to tie his shoes." Good luck.

It could be that he has problems with fine motor skills in general. How's his penmanship? Try with just tying a bow around a package. Large scale in comparison to shoes, but you want him to learn the mechanics first. Let him get some confidence. He could help tie your apron or the ribbon on a package. Then work down to the shoelaces. He may not master this skill to where they stay tied until later. So, buy velcro. Give him the independence and you the extra time you'll be needing with this new arrival.
Enjoy!!

I bought my daughter the book Learn to Tie Your Shoes, Written by Joelle Murphy, Lacing & bow instructions by Kris Hirschmann, Illustrated by John Mitchell. I never wanted to deal with my daughter having to tie her shoes because I remember being lazy as a kid, she has slip ons or velcro. I thought she should learn for someday I am pretty sure she will have shoes with laces. It worked like a charm there are three different ways taught in the book. She learned them all but, does have her favorite way. She helps other kids now & ties their shoes for them. She had just turned 6 years old when she learned now at 7 is a wiz at it.

When I was young, a loooong time ago, there were activity books that helped children master common skills: tying a bow, braiding, lacing, buttoning, snapping snaps, etc. The books had no words, only pages with manipulative objects. When my children were young, a friend gave me a similar book, made out of fabric. Something like this can help children with small motor control, and its fun for them at the same time.

I have studied the Montessori Method of teaching, and one of Dr. Montessori's ideas was to use two different colors of strings to help the child to see where each string goes. She also had them practice on a board with strings first. I have seen the boards before I studied montessori, but had never thought to use two different-colored strings! Blessings to you and yours! :)

I taught my brother who is 14 months younger than me and my sister 7 1/2 years younger to tie their shoes. I don't have a lot of memories about it, but I taught them both when they were about 5 or 6, both times we were at a hotel and my parents had left us in the room alone while they went to dinner. According to them I deprived them of food or something equally barbaric. I don't recommend this method--they still bring it up frequently as an example of what a bossy older sister I am.

"He's not terribly coordinated" ... I think it is so great that you see that the shoes might be part of a bigger pattern. Does he get a lot of good cross-brain physical exercise (skipping, tossing beanbags from one hand to the other, etc.?). A lot of school get kids started on academic achievement pretty early and leave some necessary brain-wiring behind ... and tying shoes is a pretty big mental achievement, if one goes into it without a good foundation. I think most kids use their analytical brain nowadays, but the old shoe-tying songs really taught them more intuitively/physically/imaginatively ...

Anyhow, my son is nearly six and a half and I'm lucky I found him a school that doesn't push the kids to do complicated cross-brain work before it helps them get their brain wired well ... he is exploring shoetying, checking it out, but he doesn't have the natural interest in it that will develop as soon as he feels like he is capable of taking on the challenge. My 8 year old I think learned to tie shoes when she was six, but frankly I'm not sure ... it was just not a big deal, it just happened. (Plus most of her shoes are buckles ;). ) I think she learned not because of shoes, actually, but because she wanted to tie pretty bows!

In any case, count me on the "don't pressure him" side ;). It will all be fine. Kids want to be competent, and will work to get there if we leave them to it.

What I have done is take an empty shoe box and cut holes in it to add a shoe lace. I usually put some funny shoe lace in there. Than I had my kids practice every night at least once on the shoe box. When they started to understand how to tie I put turned it into a game on who can tie the fasted. they loved it. I hope this helps.

Both of my boys learned in their own time. My younger one is 7 1/2 and is just "mastering" it. Both my kids could tie other things, just not their shoes which at first I thought was weird. When you think about it, you've got to be in an awkward position, your knee is in your way etc. Slip on shoes and Velcro are wonderful and let them be independent.

Hi S.,
I've scanned the other responses, and I concur that velcro is a good temporary solution.
However, my best friend's 6 yr old son couldn't (maybe just Wouldn't) tie his shoes either. My friend tried EVERYTHING and was extremely frustrated.
One day, we were all getting dressed to go out and when he asked her to tie his shoes for him, I jumped in.
I started by encouraging him and praising him for all of his other accomplishments, just like "big boys" can do. Okay, I admit it, I set him up. :) Once we had the ground set, I mentioned that I was surprised that he couldn't tie his shoes yet, since he could do so many other big boy things.
He wanted so much to impress me with "yes I'm a big boy" that he wanted to try. I showed him the way I make the bows and he took it from there.
The two ideas at work here are:
1. getting outside help from someone that matters to him
2. encouraging his self-pride

Now, I'm afraid that the way I wrote this out sounds manipulative, but I promise that it was a very positive experience for both that little boy and his mother.

But if worse comes to worst, give in to the velcro for a little while.

Keep encouraging his other fine motor skills and enjoy watching him blossom. Remind him that you love him, no matter what holds his shoes to his feet. :)

Good luck!
~H. G

S.,

Not to sound facetious, but there's this wonderful invention called velcro. My son is 5 and we haven't even begun to teach him how to tie his shoes. I'm just not that worried about it.

When I was a kid I had a cousin one year older than me teach me how to tie my shoes before even she knew how. It'll come when he's ready. Til then there are some great velcro shoes out on the market that kids love and are fairly inexpensive.

Good luck,
Melissa

I don't think my boys used lace up shoes until they were in the 5th grade. Velcro is great! Check other areas of fine motor skills to make sure.

It is perfectly normal. My son took forever to tie his shoes. He has fine motor issues as well, but he did learn eventually. What I think is interesting is that he couldn't learn to tie his shoes, but he easily has mastered the piano! Anyhow, velcro should solve your problem.

Hey there. My 4yo daughter really wanted to be able to tie her shoes like mommy and daddy but she didnt get it until my mom had her for a day and had her tie a pretty ribbon on her arm. My daughter did it over and over thinking it was so much fun and guess what, now she can tie her shoes :) Try having your son tie a string or ribbon on something easier first like your arm so that it doesnt move a bunch and make sure the string is long so he has room to pull. Then when he gets good practice and gets the hang of it then try the shoes again. (with the shoes off at first) Until he gets it thought I would put him in velcro shoes so he doesnt get frustrated that he cant do it and then he wont want to do it.
Good luck!

Hi S.,

I don't think I saw what I did to teach my children to tie there shoes. This was something that was told to me. It was to sit behind them so that they could see how it was happening at the same angle they would be doing it. It did take some work, I mean it is not easy, I didn't pressure them. The thing was they were both left handed & I was right, even though by doing it that way it didn't seem to matter, we were all moving the same way. Yes, I also do like slip ons & velcro. This way also worked with the Granddaughters. Just thought I might give you this idea, since I don't know the 3 ways you tried. I hope this helps, and don't worry it will happen. :):)