My daughter is VERY attached to me. She is 6 and an only child, we adopted her at birth, has always been an independent child has slept at her grandmothers houses since 5 months old, went to day care 3 days a week, would love the supervised play area at the grocery store while I shopped, kids camps on vacation, etc. She did well in kindergarten and had a best friend there that she was very attached to, so much so that they would distract each other and are not in the same class this year. She does not seem as excited about school this year and there have been days when she cries before going because she is going to miss us so much, she says she doesn’t like school, she just has to go. She is very smart but definitely a daydreamer and her teacher has a problem getting her to stay focused. I had lunch with her at school and she cried for 45 minutes after I left. I ask her who are her friends in her class and she says she doesn’t have any, when I know she does. She also tells my husband that she loves us…A LOT. This is not a complaint because we adore being near her however, she must draw or write I love my family pictures 5-10 times a day, if you ask her to tell you something about herself she will say I love my family,if I ask her the best part of her day she says seeing her family, if I am gone for an evening she will not leave my sight the next day, she went to a birthday party Saturday and near the end asked for me over and over. She does play with friends at playdates and with the kids in our neighborhood and does well with the exception of being somewhat bossy and tends to get overstimulated and crazy with a lot of kids. She is a very sweet but strong willed and moody little girl. Very quirky, she doesn’t want or like things being given to her, example, do you want a sticker, no, do you want an ice cream, no, only if you want one Mom, if we are at a a store and see a book or toy or food and I say do you want this she says NO! Do not buy that. I worry because she is just a little different and I love her so much but this just hurts my heart because I just want her to be a happy, regular kid and she just seems so negative about everything except her family. I talked to our pediatrician who recommended 1-2-3 Magic but I wanted to know if anyone else has a quirky 6 year old…I’m hoping all this is just a phase…Any advice? ***She does know she is adopted and that my tummuy was broken but a nice lady grew her in her tummy and let Daddy & I adopt her, we have a whole story we tell and she knows she is very special, she has never asked if she weas not wanted or was abandoned and we talk aboit the situation open and freely...I appreciate all of your advice and am hoping this is just a phase. I will continue to assure her how loved she is and praise her.
Just wondering if she knows that she is adopted and that this plays into some kind of fear of abandonment. It could also be why she doesn't want to accept anything-she doesn't want to be any kind of bother or expense so that you won't give her away. May be worth looking into.
Don't read too much into this behavior especially with respect to the fact she was adopted. her behavior sounds pretty typical in my experience. This is a tough transitional age for them. They are losing "play time" or "free time" and facing long school days and home work. My daughter basically resented school because she saw it has a change from freedom to structure. She is a mature independent kid, who had been to preschool and kindergarten and some day care when I work part time - reduced to tears and panic when the bus came or I left her at school. This evolved into seperation anxiety at bedtime too. It was just a stressful time for her, and she had to take a couple months to work it out. Then she was fine - we talked and cuddled and discussed strategies for dealing with her feelings of missing me or feeling better about school.
Now all that aside, she and all of her friends suddenly went from being sweet little girls to moody pre-pre-pre-adolecents around that age too. They are feeling big and kind of full of themselves, resulting in some backtalk and moodiness.She learned pretty quickly how much of that I will tolerate...and she toned it down.
So, i think your daughter is trying to figure out how to be 6 - not a baby anymore but not really a big kid either. But with lots of new expectations on her.
my daughter is doing all of the same things (expect saying no to buying her stuff=) ) she says she has friends but plays alone all day because no friends are as good as her bff she was in K with. She also is clingier on M. now and says she enjoys school at times but also will say she hates it becase they make them do lots of work.
she's also dramatic
M.: emmy how was your day
emmy: ok i guess (if you speak emmy this means horrible)
M.: so what made it less than awesome
emmy: well doing work i had to throw out 2 pieces of paper because i messed up
M.: that doesnt seem bad im sure all kids do that at times....why did it bother you did the teacher get upset?
emmy: no it was in aftercare when gave myself homework
what i thought:(????? seriously that dramatic because you messed up on the extra homeowkr you gave yourself, are you f'in crazy)
M.:oh sweetie maybe you should relax and play more and make friends in aftercare instead of giving yourself homework....or maybe when you're playing the roles of teacher and student at the same time you can lighten up on yourself=)
I can relate in many ways. I just don't have any advice! My 6 year old is similar and having a hard time adjusting to 1st grade. She also loved loved loved K but doesn't like going to school anymore which is a bummer. I have heard that many kids take a couple of months to adjust as K to 1st is a big change. So I"m hoping it's a phase. Otherwise, all I figure we can do is guide her as much as we can to be social and not too clingy but also respect who she is and not try and make her into a social butterfly. She also is effusively affectionate with me and would be with me all day every day but I figure that she will outgrow sometime. Though I also stayed close to my parents and was a homebody so it can take longer for some kids to outgrow. As for the negativity, my daugher is exhibiting a lot of that so I'm trying to teach her that she has some control over how she thinks. I just started too at the end of everyday, we all say one bad thing that happened during the day and 3 good things. That way I figure she can voice her complaint but then if I keep making her follow it up and finish with more good things no matter how small, maybe she'll learn to focus on the good. I do believe people's brains can be trained.
Your daughter sounds like a darling little girl . Not everyone is outgoing and comfortable in social situations . I think being in a new class without her go to best friend has been hard on her. It should get easier as she gets more comfortable . Maybe you can invite a child from school over for a playdate. I have boy /girl twins in first grade (new school) and our daughter is a social butterfly . Our son is shy until he gets to know you . I think he is spending some of recess alone which breaks my heart so I can relate . Hang in there and try to get her involved with her classmates or get her in a dance class or something she is into. In regards to the 1 2 3 magic I dont get it . She is not doing anything wrong . Hang in there :0)
Get the book The Kissing Hand. I was referred to that book here on this site and it's wonderful. It's about a little raccoon who was afraid to leave his mom and go to school. Long story short, mother kissed his hand, told him it was a magic kiss that would not wash off and when he was afraid or missing her, he could rub his kissed hand on his cheek and he would feel mom and her love. He went to school, rubbed his hand on his cheek, felt better. All was well.
I read the book to one of my GD's when she had to be hospitalized in a Behavioral Health Center. Then I kissed her hand and left. The next day the nurses told me that she kept rubbing her hand on her cheek and smiling. They couldn't figure out what that was about until I told them the story.
It works!
What does she know about her adoption? Does she not understand that you are there forever and aren't going away? You might talk to other parents with adopted older children and see how the adoption played into different stages. Some kids are just not bothered by it at all and some think very hard about it and feel a sense of loss.
OR it could just be her dealing with first grade, which is different than K, and being a little more moody about changes.
Whatever the root cause, she seems to need a lot of reassurance about you in her life.
I'd also try talking to her. I was shocked to find out that my 4 yr old thought I stopped loving her while she was in time out. I don't know where she got that idea. I told her I love her all the time, even if I don't like her behavior all the time. Maybe it's something simple that she's gotten into her head that needs to be corrected and you don't know til she tells you.
I know a girl who is going through a bit of the same thing. In kindergarten she was with her best friend, and now they are in different classes for first grade. She's having some trouble adjusting and socializing with the new kids (some of whom she already knows, including my daughter). She's suddenly shy and withdrawn (her mother shared all this with me, because she is concerned). I don't have any fabulous advice ... just wanted you to know that you are not alone! This may be a common reaction for some girls at this age?
Your daughter sounds like a great kid, and she has a great mom! Just keep on loving her. :-)
I don't have a child like that but I think you shouldn't worry. This is probably just a phase, and you just need to reassure her that you love her and miss her too, when she does these things. She's only 6, and if these are the things that make her comfortable and feel safe (drawing pictures, etc.), then that's okay.
You sound like a wonderful, loving parent, I think she'll get what she needs from you and grow out of it.
