My Kids Sleep Fine, but I Don't

You just described my life for the past 2+ years. I had two babies in 16 months. My daughter is 3 1/2 months and sleep completely through the night. I still wake several times at night although I can get back to sleep now. I couldn't when I was pregnant. And my husband sleeps like a rock. I've got no advice for you.

Hi,I'm not a doctor and don't want to give you a diagnosis or smth. but I would suggest to consult with your doctor about this thing, as you're saying you can't fall back to sleep because you worry and can't relax, so it can be the sign of postpartum depression. You and your body are just getting through too much lately, so you both are just too stressed, but there is all kind of different help out there , but in your case, I believe, you should talk to your doctor about it first. I don't want you to get mad or panicked about what I said. Neither I nor any other reader here doesn't know your temperament or all the details, so I suggest to talk to the doctor.

Not sure if you can take this while breastfeeding, but you may want to look into MidNite sleep aid - has melatonin and a few other herbs. You can take it in the middle of the night and not wake up groggy. I just started using it (taken it a few times now) and it is GREAT! Here is a link with reviews from drugstore.com. I found it in a CVS too.

http://www.drugstore.com/qxp181652_332828_sespider/midnit...

A.

Well, M.... I thought of you last night. My kids are older (my twins are 3 and my daughter is 5). They sleep through the night. BUT, last night around 2:45, I thought I heard the twins open their door. I got up to look and the door was shut. A minute later, my husband came into the room, so I guess I had heard him. But then he started snoring and his snores kept making me think I heard the kids crying. Suddenly I was wide awake and then I thought of your post and was trying to think of things that would get me to fall back asleep so I could tell you!

I totally hear you on that adrenaline feeling where you think "what's the point in sleeping b/c my kid is going to be up any minute" and every sound makes you jump b/c you think the baby is awake. I could literally feel my heart racing at 2:45 a.m., while thinking of you!!!!

So... what ultimately got me to drift off to sleep was to think of a friend of mine at work. Just anything to keep my mind off the kids... Ultimately after what seemed like 15 minutes, I dozed off.

The other suggestion I have for you is to stop the night time feedings. I never breast fed, but my kids stopped taking a bottle in the middle of the night between 10 and 12 weeks old....

One other thing, although this helps more to fall asleep in the first place (as opposed to the middle of the night) is to keep a diary. I found that to be lifesaving for me starting back in my law school days b/c I'd get so anxious thinking of all the things I had to do and to remember. If I wrote down all the stuff in my diary, I no longer had to worry about remembering it all and I was free to just fall asleep!

If you could find a way where your husband can actually hear the baby and wake up, you may be able to go back to sleep after nursing. When my daughter was a newborn, my husband would get her when she woke up, change her if she needed it, and bring her to me to nurse. I barely had to open my eyes! When she was done nursing, either one of us would put her back in her crib. Maybe on some level you can't fall back asleep because you get aggravated that your husband isn't waking up when the baby does. It's great that he's doing all other night duty! He just needs to find a way to tune in to the baby sounds. Maybe, if you have a spare bedroom farther away from the baby's room, you could sleep in there (with earplugs in if necessary), your husband could sleep with the baby and/or monitor, eventually she will wake him (even if she cries a little longer than with you waking at her first peep) and he could bring her to you to nurse. It's a pretty big experiment - don't know if your husband would participate, but just the idea of it might help him to realize how sleep deprived you really are. I do sympathize, on nights where I had to get up, change a diaper (turn lights on, etc.), that would wake my brain up enough to keep me from going back to sleep.
Good luck!

Hi M., I feel your pain and tiredness. I too had my first two thirteen months apart. It can be like the twilight zone. I am happy to say I lived through it and went on to have 3 more children. My suggestion would be to have your 7 month old in your room. When she wakes up you only have to pick her up and bring her into bed with you. You can go back to sleep together. Mine were 40 plus years ago and I know there are new rules but you and baby can be so cozy and none of mine are still in my bed. In fact they are very well adjusted people. Best wishes, Grandma Mary

I don't want anyone to jump on me here, but I would consider having your husband give your daughter a bottle of formula at night. I'm with you on the pumping- it's so hard! But you're doing an incredible job, pumping for her all day long. Give your body and mind a break during the night, and let your husband pick up the slack a little for that one feeding.

It's also almost time for her to stop even needing that feeding. So consider what you'll do to encourage that!

Finally, ask your husband to be in charge of the first wake up of the day. Tell him exactly how you are feeling, and let him know that you NEED his help for the next few weeks. If you can just get out of this rut, you'll be back in action soon. But it won't happen without his help, honestly!

You're a really good mom. :) Now be good to you.

You need to apply a bedtime routene to yourself. One thing I do to settle down my head when it is swimming with things I have to do and did...and if it sounds silly just trust me and try it.

Imagine a whiteboard, and imagine a big black marker. Now dont open your eyes at all during this, but take that marker and write down everything on the board that is swimming in your head, as big as it is on your mind make the letters that big. Once all the junk in your mind is on that whiteboard, imagine an eraser. Now you aknowledged the thought, and "see" the tought you can erase it. if it starts to creep back in your mind imagine erasing it again. You won't forget about it when you wake up, and almost every time I use this technique (and now my husband swears by it) I barely get through erasing the first few before I nod off. Let me know how it works.

First of all, congratulations on all of it! It sounds like you have a great life, albeit, a busy one. Just dont be so hard on yourself, this is a crazy time. 2 small kids, full time work, etc etc, takes its toll. You will get back to a routine. In the meantime, here is what I recommend (from personal experience, might I add!)

Maybe you are going to bed TOO early. In an effort to get plenty of rest, your body might be rested by the time you wake up at 3am.

I always try to meditate if I cannot sleep. Meditation can be daunting, so simply concentrating on relaxing each part of your body and emptying your mind counts too. Whenever a nasty worrysome thought comes, literally tell it to go away.

If you absolutely cannot sleep, get up. Read, drink some warm milk, take a bath. Do something other than lie there. I also find that mindless tv helps too. I get sleepy.

If nothing else works, a trick I also use is to daydream. Plan your perfect day. Only positive things. Think about what you would do from the moment you get up, to the moment you go to sleep. Not chores or what you HAVE to do, but what you would do if you could do exactly what you wanted. Win the lottery! Go shopping! Buy a new house! Take your kids somewhere. I find that "dream" puts me in a happy state of mind, I relax and fall asleep before lunchtime in the dream!
Best of luck!

Hi Marion,

I know that your daughter drinks pumped milk all day, but you need to get your rest, I found out that when having children, we have to do some things that we really don't want to do, however we do it to have some peace of mind or in your case a good night's sleep. If you give your daughter a bottle of pumped milk at night, I think you will be able to get yourself some rest. I use to go to bed at 9 or 10 and I would always wake up around 3:00 and not be able to go back to sleep also. I started going to bed a little later. Just a suggestion.

In view of the fact that your husband sleeps like a log, the same way my husband does. He can give your daughter the pumped milk at night, you can stay in the bed and you both can get some rest.

Contiune to enjoy your children.

I don't have an answer, but if it helps it happens to me too. I go through periods of sleeping fine, then phases where I have anxiety if I wake up at night. I worry about my kids, think of what I need to get done. I think it just has to do with the stresses of being a mom. Good luck, at least you know you're not alone.

Hi M.,

I have the same problem. I have a 1yr old and a 6yr old. I work full-time and take care of my kids on my second shift as I like to call it. I am up at 5:00 am or even earlier and not in bed before 11:00 and wake 4 time a night. My husband works in NY so I need to make him breadfast and lunch he is on a special diet. (Diabetic) So I have to watch what he eats and how his numbers are. (35 yrs old) :(

With that and taking care of the kids and work my minds does not stop and always wonder did I forget something, people always ask me how I do it I don't even know.

I started listen on a walkman to a relaxation CD and its been working really well I am about 1 minute into the CD and am fast asleep. I wake up and I still have the headphones on I still wake up because thats just how my body works and check the kids, but I can go back to sleep now. Its been two weeks now, I feel a little better. Try it. Good Luck! :)

Ohh, I sympathize with you - I don't know how you do it!
Try to relax - instead of fighting it, go with the flow! :)
Turn lemons into lemonade!
Take a nice bath, listen to classical or even lullaby music. Sniff lavender essential oil - do what YOU want to do.
Your body's been through a lot in a short amount of time and I believe over time, it will regulate itself.
Warm milk or your favorite comfort food, create a small nook in your house that is your mommy-space for you to hang out in.

I work full time too and have two girls - almost 1 and 3 1/2 years old - i am still nursing and usually nursing releases hormones that relax and make you feel sleepy...so who knows...
Think good thoughts! Do a video of yoga, which is nice. Do breathing exercises...

Hang in there, it will pass...

I hear you on the kids are sleeping but you're not....I feel like it's now just habit, I have been pregnant or nursing since 98...that's 10 years of not sleeping well and now my youngest just turned 2, I am not nursing(for the past 6 months) and everyone is sleeping....EXCEPT me! My husband snores and truly, I love him deeply...but I have thought of strangeling him while I lie there awake and he is enjoying his R.E.M. :) My mother told me if you can convince yourself that it doesn't matter wether or not you fall asleep again, you will relax enough to actually fall asleep...hasn't worked for me yet...I did get a sleeptime aide(that you can't do) for those awful nights...there are natural ones out there but I would check before using anything while nursing....so I am no help to you, only a comfort that as you lie there awake tonight, you are not alone....I am awake too! Best of luck! This too shall pass!

There are two tricks that can get me back to sleep. I lie in my go to sleep position and count backwards from 100. You have to concentrate to do this and it keeps you of thinking of other things and you naturally drift off. If I start thinking I remind myself that sleep is important and I start from 100 again. If that doesn't work I turn on the tv in my room very low. That's always boring enough to put me right to sleep, especially the guy who sells knives! What could you do with so many knives??? If all else fails, give these a try.

You are doing a lot. This is one of the propblems of NOT being a stay at home Mom. Yeah you can do it all but the bottom line is you always have to give up something to get something else. I worked full time when my kids were little.So I know. You ARE blessed that your husband shares inthe housework. Knowing you have to get up in two or three hours is probably the clincher. The 7 month old should start sleeping through soon. That is when things will even out I am sure. Perhaps you anticipate waking up and staying up. If you change the mindset.
In the mean time. Make the most of your days off. My husband never would wake up. My twins took turns waking up. The thing to remember is that they dont stay babies forever. Keep looking up.

Hey wake your husband up. If you can't fall back to sleep maybe there is something he can do to help you. And you'll both enjoy it. That's what my husband tells me when I can't fall back to sleep. I have been up since 2:30 in the morning some days because once awake sometimes I can't go back to sleep either. Husband always says to please wake him up those nights and he will help. It works too, I usually am able to go to sleep right afterward. Good luck. Plus your kids are babies and in other rooms, I usually have two girls camping out on my floor.

Stop the night-time feeding. At 7 months, she does not need it. She'll cry for a few nights, but she should be able to sleep through the night after that. I breastfeed my daughter until she was 15 months old, but I definitely stopped the nighttime feedings by 7 months.

FYI, the reason you can't go back to sleep if you wake up after 3am is because 3am happens to be when your body starts producing some chemical (don't remember the name of it)that prepares your body to wake up. So if you wake up after then, the body thinks it's time to wake up, and it's really hard for it to get out of that mode.

You may want to try a product called Vallerian. It is all natural, you can get it at the health food store. I use it on occasion and it doesn't make me sleepy but it relaxes me enough to not think so much at night. I am an obsessive worrier. You definately want to ask you doctor (not the sales person) if you could use it while breastfeeding but I don't see why not as it is made from a plant, no chemicals or anything.
By the way, my youngest two are 12 months apart. It is crazy! Wait until your two both start walking!!!
Sweet dreams.