My Kids Returning Home from Their Dad's.

The most important thing here is to let the kids feel like they can talk to you. That is a big deal in the family your trying to start. If you all cant talk they you have no hope. We have 5 kids all to gether and my 2 girls 11 and 7 live w us all the time. They go w their dad everyother weekend. We get his 4yr old and 2yr old every third weekend and the other 7yr old lives in Va. Things can be tough at times. Example the 7yr old in another state is acting up very badly w her mother and her grandma since she wants to live w her daddy. She sees that my girls get to live w her daddy and she doesnt see it as fair.
The thing we have to keep in mind around here is that even tho the lil ones who come here very little are cute we have to treat them the same as the older ones. It is hard to not make a big fuss over the baby (she is toooooo cute!!) but the other kids get to feeling left out. We try our hardest to do things that envolve everyone. Like if we were say going to the park to feed the ducks then we all do it.
If we are taking pictures you have to make sure you fuss over getting pics of all of them not just 20 of yours or whatever.
It is always hard when you have extra kids in YOUR house when your a kid. Truth of the matter is we cant always afford to move into a new home to start over and sometimes have to make the best of what we have.
If you talk to the kids and find out what they say is the problem you might get answers. You will be suprised at what bothers a kid. Your kids could be mad that his kids are getting to spend time w you on the weekend that they are gone. The other kids could be mad since they had the house to their self but now have to share again. Heck maybe his kids just fight more than what you are used to with you kids...lol
whatever the reason it is already hard enough on the kids going thur the deal w you and their father and now this is just more stress on them I am guessing.
The best thing to do is make sure they know your still there for them and this isnt changing anything as far as you being the same loving mom they have always had but now your all going to try to be happy together. They need to know your boyfriend is their for them just like his kids need to know the same from you. Feelings get hurt so easily with kids.
It can all work out I promise. We have been together a Year on New Years and my kids love him as if he were their own daddy. They love the other girls as if they were their sisters as well.
THERE IS HOPE!!!
Good luck to you and your soon to be big happy family!!

I wish I had some great advice for you. I think the other lady has some great words for you though. But, it does sound like everyone is old enough to express themself (maybe not the 2 yr old) so I think your boy friend needs to talk to his kids and see what's up. They may be feeling left out or jealous because they don't have such a good relationship with both parents or it could be just the turf issue but they are going through a lot right now. Plus, I hate to quote Dr. Phil but he makes a good point in the fact that in step families the kids didn't choose the new mate (house, siblings, whatever) and even though they may love you and your kids and your house, they still are probably feeling really out of control right now with the changes taking place.

Good luck, I hope you can work all this out with them.

I'm from a "Brady Bunch," myself. It can work!

Thinking about it, his kids have two new things to cope with - new home AND new siblings. Your kids have one new thing to cope with - an invasion of three kids into "their" space.

I'm sure the kids are just trying to adjust, maybe trying to figure out and establish their "turf." You don't say how big your home is, or whether kids are sharing bedrooms, etc., but I think one thing you probably need is to develop "space" for each of the kids so that they can escape the others and reduce tension. You could maybe tape off sections of a finished basement and hang curtains or put up standing screens to create some separation, and let each kid put a few favorite toys or items in "their" space, then make a rule that anyone who wants to retreat to their own space to get away from the crowd must not be bothered.

Also, acknowledge that you won't emotionally be one big family for awhile. Your three are tight. His three are tight. Give the kids time to integrate, but also make fun opportunities for it to happen, like a whole-family bowling afternoon or outing to a park or pool or other fun, free-play environment where they can make up games together the way kids will.

You've got a challenge ahead of you but don't worry too much about your kids not wanting to come home. As long as each of them feels listened to and as though their needs are understood, they'll eventually work it through. Plus, you are still their mom, and nobody can replace that!

Howlong have you and your boyfriend been together and how long has it been since you moved in together? What kind of relationship do you and their father have? I understand your fear of not wanting to lose your children to their father. Have you thought about having the kids going to counseling? A big change like moving in together can cause friction. Might be something as simple as going to talk with someone.

Hi L.,
I think you're getting yourself and more importantly, your children, into a huge mess. Financially, emotionally-- you name it.
Financially-- If this man is unemployed then you're going to be supporting him and his children - at least until he finds another job. And how long will that be? You're a single mom of 3 kids-- you need to being taking care of THEM, not this guy and his kids. You have your own expenses and bills to worry about, the last thing you need is to take on all of his bills.
Emotionally-- this is the LAST thing your kids need.
They have enough havoc in their life already-- divorced parents and having to "visit" their father. They don't get to live with him as a family unit. They see him every other weekend. I'm at Walmart more often than they see their own father. Now, some other guy and his kids have invaded their home-- and are taking up their mother's time, attention and affections. And the kids don't get along! Their Dad's home isn't "their" home, and now their OWN home, isn't "their" home.
These are issues all blended families have to deal with, BUT there are complicated 10 fold when you're not married yet. You're not married yet, the kids aren't step-siblings yet, but they're being forced to live like they are. That's not fair to them.
This guy needs to find someplace else to live. His parents, a brother-- something. But until your married, I think you're just going to cause a lot of extra grief for yourself and for your children as long as he's living there.